Suspect our nanny driving DD places without permission and lying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of our 5 simple rules is the kid is not to be more than 5 or so miles away, and that is the nearest shopping mall. Preschool, Gymboree, 6 playgrounds, friends are all about 2 miles one-way.

Reiterate this rule of the house for her. It is too risky to be driving a 2 yo all over the place, or back to her house, or to pick up her teenager miles away. That's BS. She should do her errands and social stuff on her own time.

Leave a list of house rules. go through them with her Monday morning. End by saying this is all very important to you and your family.

+1 It's not about what the nanny would like to do. It's a job, and she has to follow the employer's guidelines as to where the charge is allowed to go. If that doesn't sit well with the nanny, it's not a good match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you are overly restrictive IF you are indeed close to all these things. Because t I do like more freedom in my positions (freedom to find fun activities for the kids). But that is beside the point. Personally, I would NOT talk to
Her about this. I would find out! Come home early on Friday and simply text and ask what they are up to, and then go there! If you suspect she’s lying, she likely is. And if she is, she’ll definitely lie when you ask her. I would do my best to catch her, not have a conversation that allows her to lie to me more and possibly change her routine as to not get caught!

Yup...this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Small GPS tracker in her diaper bag?

I would do that but she’s not in diapers anymore and usually the nanny just puts what they need in her own bag

Are you really agreeing that this is a good idea?? BEFORE you have a simple direct conversation with the person that you've entrusted with the care of your child! The nanny is wrong to go against your specific directives but this is not the way to handle that issue.

Op here. That’s the thing-I’ve tried talking to her. I’ve tried to understand her schedule and needs with her own kids and come up with a solution (e.g.-maybe she needs to leave early on Fridays). But when I do this, all of the sudden her answers and timeframes stop making sense and her statements become inconsistent. So I’m left always feeling unsure of what’s really going on. I suspect she is afraid/worried about making me change my schedule to accommodate her, and she doesn’t see the big deal with taking my DD on a 2.5-3 hour drive every week if DD is napping.

What does your husband think or say? Get him involved. Communicate with her more.

Sitting in a car seat for 1 or 2 hours a day while paid nanny does her personal driving and errands is UNPROFESSIONAL and just plain wrong.
Not to mention it's only a matter of time before there is an accident.

[Anonymous]

MB here. Grow up. If your nanny is lying to you that is just not ok. Grow a spine and deal. Yes, maybe you are uptight about the rules but if she is lying about this what’s else might she lie about? Why is it worth lying here when you have offers to be flexible about schedule and there is no need to go on outings further away?

Your nanny believes she doesn’t need your judgement, she can use her own. And you don’t like what she is doing in at least one case. Look for a new nanny, catch her and end her relationship. You must leave your child with someone you trust. Be a parent and make that happen.

[Anonymous]

I let my nanny drive my kids all over - but we live in the burbs and they are in private school and activities are all over nova.

That said, I would be effing furious about this and I would be doing a lot more than wondering - I'd put a GPS tracker on my kid - they sell GPS tracking watches on amazon. Or, I'd text her this Friday at 3:30 PM - I'd say I am heading home where are you and DD? I miss her so much I am going to come meet you - and see what she says. I have always been very particular about my nanny running personal errands on my time - a bank drop off here or there sure - going home to meet the plumber with my kid - no. I have had the same nanny for 7 years (3 kids later) and I trust her with my life and my kids lives and I still check up on occasion - my kids can talk obviously so easier to know what goes on, but still. . .these are my kids!

[Anonymous]

My nanny definetly takes my kids places and fibs. I ask where they go and she says park but they are gone like 3 hours. I think she goes to the park then downtown Bethesda to get lunch and walk around or sometimes grocery store. I haven’t addressed it because it’s minor and she’s not taking them far away. I do remind her often to text me when/if she goes somewhere so that’s the best I can do. In your case though with the Friday thing....I would be suspicious and very upset.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here and I am seriously blown away that people are hiring nannies that they are pretty sure LIE TO THE PARENTS on a regular basis. Seriously, WTF. ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and I am seriously blown away that people are hiring nannies that they are pretty sure LIE TO THE PARENTS on a regular basis. Seriously, WTF. ?

I’m blown away that nannies take these positions and feel like they have to lie. I would never take a position where the rules were so uptight about where and how far away you could go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and I am seriously blown away that people are hiring nannies that they are pretty sure LIE TO THE PARENTS on a regular basis. Seriously, WTF. ?

MB here and I agree! I try to listen to my nanny and come to agreements, and we have no rules of any kind like this, we try to give our nanny maximum opportunity for common sense. We don't over-discuss every little thing and leave a lot of things.

But I never lie to our nanny and if a nanny ever lied to me it would be over immediately. Once you lie about my child's safety (like this poster describes) I'm not sure how I could possibly trust you as a caregiver. This just seems so bizarrely dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is the hard part of being a nanny employer: you are an employer, and you will have to deal with boss/HR-type problems. Try to detach from your daughter's emotions, and pretend a friend told you this story. Do what you would advise that friend to do.

And, consider what you want your child to learn about being a grown up. We do things we have to do even when we would much rather they just corrected themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and I am seriously blown away that people are hiring nannies that they are pretty sure LIE TO THE PARENTS on a regular basis. Seriously, WTF. ?

I’m blown away that nannies take these positions and feel like they have to lie. I would never take a position where the rules were so uptight about where and how far away you could go.

The OP’s rules do not seem all that restrictive as there is a range of kid activities within the zone. But even if it were, there’s no excuse for this kind of deception. You can ask for a rule change or decline the job; you can’t accept the terms of an agreement and then just secretly flout them.

OP, you mention you think the nanny wouldn’t be comfortable asking for these things. For the future, make an effort to show your nanny you are open to hearing her suggestions (and explain why if you need to say no to something, or discuss alternatives that might be amenable, etc). However, you can’t let a bad thing keep going because you are afraid of confirming it. Sorry to use strong words but you would be letting something bad happen to your child out of cowardice. Your first loyalty is to your child, not your nanny.

[Anonymous]

Start coming home early and when she texts to say she's at the park and DD doesn't want to leave, go to the park.

[Anonymous]

This is all so cray. A normal errand you can run at work is stopping by a bank or getting stamps. Normal stuff that takes a couple minutes. Not driving kids way out of the way. Crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all so cray. A normal errand you can run at work is stopping by a bank or getting stamps. Normal stuff that takes a couple minutes. Not driving kids way out of the way. Crazy.

+1. I can understand that if you work 50-60 hours a week, something might come up, but then you ASK your employer if they would prefer you take PTO or take your nanny kid along with. You don't just do it on the regular and lie about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I let my nanny drive my kids all over - but we live in the burbs and they are in private school and activities are all over nova.

That said, I would be effing furious about this and I would be doing a lot more than wondering - I'd put a GPS tracker on my kid - they sell GPS tracking watches on amazon. Or, I'd text her this Friday at 3:30 PM - I'd say I am heading home where are you and DD? I miss her so much I am going to come meet you - and see what she says. I have always been very particular about my nanny running personal errands on my time - a bank drop off here or there sure - going home to meet the plumber with my kid - no. I have had the same nanny for 7 years (3 kids later) and I trust her with my life and my kids lives and I still check up on occasion - my kids can talk obviously so easier to know what goes on, but still. . .these are my kids! Im curious, using your own example, if your Nanny needs to be at her house to wait for a plumber you would rather she took that day off than let her take your kidto her house for a few hours? Because my MB would rather i take her kid with me that her miss a,day of work. This is nothing like what the OPs nanny is doing.