Employers marriage is in turmoil

[Anonymous]

My charge tells me that her parents fight and scream at each other all the time. She recently told me that her Dad moved out for a week just to stop the fighting. This week she has been telling me that her favorite doll (her security item) has been hitting and pushing her.

As a nanny, how do I best handle this? I reassure her that her Mom and Dad love her and that people who love each other argue. I tell her that she is safe.

My employers are extremely private people and I would never tell them what their child is saying to me. I am a bit out of my league however in knowing how to handle the emotions of my charge.

I am part time and only pick her up after school now but I have been with her since she was born.

Thank you so any advice.

[Anonymous]

Your charge was s having major problems if her security is “hurting” her. Bite the bullet, be the adult she needs and tell both parents in a sit down meeting. You don’t need to tell them what to do, but you do need to tell them what is happening with their daughter. They can’t make decisions without information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your charge was s having major problems if her security is “hurting” her. Bite the bullet, be the adult she needs and tell both parents in a sit down meeting. You don’t need to tell them what to do, but you do need to tell them what is happening with their daughter. They can’t make decisions without information.

+1. I would send an email to whomever you usually interact with, and say you need to talk about something that happened with their daughter that concerns you. You can start the conversation with, "This is really uncomfortable for me to talk about, and you should know that I would never even mention it if this hadn't happened, but ...".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your charge was s having major problems if her security is “hurting” her. Bite the bullet, be the adult she needs and tell both parents in a sit down meeting. You don’t need to tell them what to do, but you do need to tell them what is happening with their daughter. They can’t make decisions without information.

I tried that once -- my charge told me she got in trouble for telling me and I got frozen out for two weeks. I am not doing it again regardless of your pathetic name calling. I want to know what to say to help my charge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your charge was s having major problems if her security is “hurting” her. Bite the bullet, be the adult she needs and tell both parents in a sit down meeting. You don’t need to tell them what to do, but you do need to tell them what is happening with their daughter. They can’t make decisions without information.

I tried that once -- my charge told me she got in trouble for telling me and I got frozen out for two weeks. I am not doing it again regardless of your pathetic name calling. I want to know what to say to help my charge.

YOU can’t do anything. Her parents are responsible for this situation and they have to handle it, perhaps with a counselor. I’ve been that child, and I’ve worked with several children dealing with parents arguing, separating, and sometimes divorcing. YOU aren’t equipped to handle this, nor is it your role to handle it. My point was that your role IS to notify the parents about issues, especially something as serious as a child telling you that their security item is hurting them!

I’m sorry, but you need to tell the parents. Do you have any contact with the school? If you do, and you trust that the teacher and counselor wouldn’t notify the parent that it came from you, let them know that she needs some time to talk with the counselor, and let them take it to the parents.

[Anonymous]

As a nanny, you are a mandated reporter. If my charge said something to indicate that he or she was witnessing violence in the home, I would absolutely be reporting it to CPS.

[Anonymous]

Parents damaging their children is heart wrenching.
What's wrong with people?

[Anonymous]

People are really overreacting here! Sheesh!

You continue to tell her that her parents are not fighting because of her and that they both love her. Give her as much positive reinforcement as possible.

I have a former charge whose parents are in a bad place in their marriage and may not make it. My former charge calls me every day and I always make time to talk to him for as long as he wants. I tell him that I am always there for him and that he's a great kid. If a former nanny is his security right now - so be it.

[Anonymous]

Find a new job and get out of this mess ASAP! It is not your problem and refuse to be dragged into their morass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a new job and get out of this mess ASAP! It is not your problem and refuse to be dragged into their morass.

OP here. No, I am not going to do that. I really love my charge and I will not leave her especially now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are really overreacting here! Sheesh!

You continue to tell her that her parents are not fighting because of her and that they both love her. Give her as much positive reinforcement as possible.

I have a former charge whose parents are in a bad place in their marriage and may not make it. My former charge calls me every day and I always make time to talk to him for as long as he wants. I tell him that I am always there for him and that he's a great kid. If a former nanny is his security right now - so be it.

OP here and thank you. I agree that people are over-reacting a bit but it is a terrible situation for my charge to be in. I will continue to give her lots of positive reinforcement and time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My charge tells me that her parents fight and scream at each other all the time. She recently told me that her Dad moved out for a week just to stop the fighting. This week she has been telling me that her favorite doll (her security item) has been hitting and pushing her.

As a nanny, how do I best handle this? I reassure her that her Mom and Dad love her and that people who love each other argue. I tell her that she is safe.

My employers are extremely private people and I would never tell them what their child is saying to me. I am a bit out of my league however in knowing how to handle the emotions of my charge.

I am part time and only pick her up after school now but I have been with her since she was born.

Thank you so any advice.

MB here. I am also a very private person but I would never expect my nanny to stay silent when it came to concern for my child. If you truly cannot discuss this with your employer, you should find another job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My charge tells me that her parents fight and scream at each other all the time. She recently told me that her Dad moved out for a week just to stop the fighting. This week she has been telling me that her favorite doll (her security item) has been hitting and pushing her.

As a nanny, how do I best handle this? I reassure her that her Mom and Dad love her and that people who love each other argue. I tell her that she is safe.

My employers are extremely private people and I would never tell them what their child is saying to me. I am a bit out of my league however in knowing how to handle the emotions of my charge.

I am part time and only pick her up after school now but I have been with her since she was born.

Thank you so any advice.

MB here. I am also a very private person but I would never expect my nanny to stay silent when it came to concern for my child. If you truly cannot discuss this with your employer, you should find another job.

Thank you. I tried talking to my employer about this before and she was cold to me for two weeks and my charge told me she "got in trouble" for telling me. I have no intention of quitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My charge tells me that her parents fight and scream at each other all the time. She recently told me that her Dad moved out for a week just to stop the fighting. This week she has been telling me that her favorite doll (her security item) has been hitting and pushing her.

As a nanny, how do I best handle this? I reassure her that her Mom and Dad love her and that people who love each other argue. I tell her that she is safe.

My employers are extremely private people and I would never tell them what their child is saying to me. I am a bit out of my league however in knowing how to handle the emotions of my charge.

I am part time and only pick her up after school now but I have been with her since she was born.

Thank you so any advice.

MB here. I am also a very private person but I would never expect my nanny to stay silent when it came to concern for my child. If you truly cannot discuss this with your employer, you should find another job.

Thank you. I tried talking to my employer about this before and she was cold to me for two weeks and my charge told me she "got in trouble" for telling me. I have no intention of quitting.

The child should never be in trouble for talking to her nanny about something that worries or scares her. How did you approach this last time? That might give us some insight about how to approach it better this time.

But again, most of us are telling you that there's nothing you can do other than tell the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My charge tells me that her parents fight and scream at each other all the time. She recently told me that her Dad moved out for a week just to stop the fighting. This week she has been telling me that her favorite doll (her security item) has been hitting and pushing her.

As a nanny, how do I best handle this? I reassure her that her Mom and Dad love her and that people who love each other argue. I tell her that she is safe.

My employers are extremely private people and I would never tell them what their child is saying to me. I am a bit out of my league however in knowing how to handle the emotions of my charge.

I am part time and only pick her up after school now but I have been with her since she was born.

Thank you so any advice.

MB here. I am also a very private person but I would never expect my nanny to stay silent when it came to concern for my child. If you truly cannot discuss this with your employer, you should find another job.

Thank you. I tried talking to my employer about this before and she was cold to me for two weeks and my charge told me she "got in trouble" for telling me. I have no intention of quitting.

The child should never be in trouble for talking to her nanny about something that worries or scares her. How did you approach this last time? That might give us some insight about how to approach it better this time.

But again, most of us are telling you that there's nothing you can do other than tell the parents.

Well, thank you - but I am not going to tell the parents again.