Sharing vehicles

[Anonymous]

I know most of you are in DC where there is public transportation, but wondered about those of you outside the city. We have 3 adults sharing 2 cars. I'm told that this is perfectly fine and not the HF responsibility to supply 24 hour transportation, and actually only have to supply the transportation to and from meetings and for whatever child related transportation she is providing..... but at the same time I don't want the AP to be stuck at home or spending excessive amounts on Uber or taxis to get around. Any others of you out there in this situation? How have you handled it? Our children are school aged so AP will have free time during much of the morning/ day. How many days per week is reasonable for us to figure something out to get ourselves to work so we can leave her the car? Is splitting Uber fare to locations within a certain distance reasonable (we live at the beach so 3 mile uber ride to beach is an option) and if so, how many times per week?

[Anonymous]

We are in suburbs of DC (Reston) and on AP #5.
We had two vehicles for first AP and she asked for rematch in second month because of our location/not enough AP's near us that she could see ofte. Back then Lyft and Uber were not really around. We ended up getting a third car when we decided to give the program another try. We have had one other AP rematch citing our location even AFTER we let her take the car into Arlington/DC at will. She was a great AP and while she appreciated the use of the car she explained that she was spending $100 a month on gas and we offered to split it with her but she had made up her mind.

The other APs made the commute to the city just fine and normally spent the weekends with friends who lived closer to DC. We do provide $50 a month for gas to them to hopefully avoid another rematch. Rematch is the worst experience I have gone through and especially when it was a great AP that the kids loved but she just hated our location.

[Anonymous]

Have you matched? Be very clear about your situation/location and transportation options. Better to weed potential au pairs out than rematch. Is carpooling or a third beater car not an option?

[Anonymous]

We have two cars, but one car is typically always available for the AP. It is not "her car," we still share, but 99% of the time, we will make one car available. I understand that the program only requires transpiration to and from classes/meetings, but we want the AP to have a good experience, and we actually want her to go out and make friends rather than sitting around at home. If you and your spouse need booth cars to commute to work, I would get a third car for the AP.

[Anonymous]

OP here- we have some options in that we work together and own our business, so we have some flexibility. Problem is, we often work different hours- so while we can make it work that certain days we help each other get to and from work, other days it would be more difficult. Some days I can tell her if she drives me in to work she could use the car. Also have a brother with an extra car that we can borrow sometimes- but don't want to overdo it. We want her to have ways to get around, but we can't carpool or borrow the car everyday so I'm wondering what would be reasonable as far as how many days per week can she have uber or friends picking her up as her only option? Also, do most people allow APs free reign of the car and unlimited mileage? Surely there are some others out there in our situation. Most likely on the weekend she would have more access to a car. During the week she will typically have morning and early afternoons free (other than to do laundry and kid related cleaning) and she will not be working the 45 hours except during summer. Most of the year it would be around 30 or less. That is nice for her in that she has free time, but if she can't get around it could be frustrating and boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- we have some options in that we work together and own our business, so we have some flexibility. Problem is, we often work different hours- so while we can make it work that certain days we help each other get to and from work, other days it would be more difficult. Some days I can tell her if she drives me in to work she could use the car. Also have a brother with an extra car that we can borrow sometimes- but don't want to overdo it. We want her to have ways to get around, but we can't carpool or borrow the car everyday so I'm wondering what would be reasonable as far as how many days per week can she have uber or friends picking her up as her only option? Also, do most people allow APs free reign of the car and unlimited mileage? Surely there are some others out there in our situation. Most likely on the weekend she would have more access to a car. During the week she will typically have morning and early afternoons free (other than to do laundry and kid related cleaning) and she will not be working the 45 hours except during summer. Most of the year it would be around 30 or less. That is nice for her in that she has free time, but if she can't get around it could be frustrating and boring.

If I were your AP, I would want access to the car during the week. Just like you said, what good does it do your AP to only work 30 hours, if she is stuck at home and cannot enjoy her free time. Our AP goes to the gym or meets other APs for coffee/shopping, etc. But everyone is different. There was someone on this board complaining that their AP is home all the time. If I were you, I would first figure out (1) what are you comfortable doing and (2) what is the limit of what you can do. Then, sit down and talk to your AP. Hopefully, you can reach a middle ground.

[Anonymous]

We purchased an extra car. Not a great resolution, but I wanted an AP and wanted her to be happy staying.

If you don't live very close to public transportation and you don't have a car you might have a hard time finding someone or keeping them.

Would you stay at your home for a year without unlimited access to a car?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We purchased an extra car. Not a great resolution, but I wanted an AP and wanted her to be happy staying.

If you don't live very close to public transportation and you don't have a car you might have a hard time finding someone or keeping them.

Would you stay at your home for a year without unlimited access to a car?

I would if that was the situation I had been offered and I had accepted- and furthermore I would appreciate that my HM was asking around to other HF to find out how they handle it in a way that works for both them and the AP. I would think "how considerate" - I really lucked out with this HF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We purchased an extra car. Not a great resolution, but I wanted an AP and wanted her to be happy staying.

If you don't live very close to public transportation and you don't have a car you might have a hard time finding someone or keeping them.

Would you stay at your home for a year without unlimited access to a car?

I would if that was the situation I had been offered and I had accepted- and furthermore I would appreciate that my HM was asking around to other HF to find out how they handle it in a way that works for both them and the AP. I would think "how considerate" - I really lucked out with this HF.

In a new country that you didn't know much about? I really wonder how grateful you would be ... Could be someone accepts not really understanding the distances and expense involved in Uber/public transportation.

If you really can't regularly provide a car, and you don't live in a walkable/easy bus or metro area, then you need to be very, very clear about that, or you're going to do all of this work and end up in rematch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We purchased an extra car. Not a great resolution, but I wanted an AP and wanted her to be happy staying.

If you don't live very close to public transportation and you don't have a car you might have a hard time finding someone or keeping them.

Would you stay at your home for a year without unlimited access to a car?

I would if that was the situation I had been offered and I had accepted- and furthermore I would appreciate that my HM was asking around to other HF to find out how they handle it in a way that works for both them and the AP. I would think "how considerate" - I really lucked out with this HF.

In a new country that you didn't know much about? I really wonder how grateful you would be ... Could be someone accepts not really understanding the distances and expense involved in Uber/public transportation.

If you really can't regularly provide a car, and you don't live in a walkable/easy bus or metro area, then you need to be very, very clear about that, or you're going to do all of this work and end up in rematch.

+1 OP, You are asking what is reasonable. This makes me think that you were not clear in the matching process about your AP's access to the car. Otherwise, you would have discussed it with your AP already and would not have to ask this question now. Our AP's friends all have access to a car. They sometimes take turns and carpool for longer trips on the weekend, but most of the time, they just drive. And we live 5min away from a Ride On bus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We purchased an extra car. Not a great resolution, but I wanted an AP and wanted her to be happy staying.

If you don't live very close to public transportation and you don't have a car you might have a hard time finding someone or keeping them.

Would you stay at your home for a year without unlimited access to a car?

I would if that was the situation I had been offered and I had accepted- and furthermore I would appreciate that my HM was asking around to other HF to find out how they handle it in a way that works for both them and the AP. I would think "how considerate" - I really lucked out with this HF.

In a new country that you didn't know much about? I really wonder how grateful you would be ... Could be someone accepts not really understanding the distances and expense involved in Uber/public transportation.

If you really can't regularly provide a car, and you don't live in a walkable/easy bus or metro area, then you need to be very, very clear about that, or you're going to do all of this work and end up in rematch.

+1 OP, You are asking what is reasonable. This makes me think that you were not clear in the matching process about your AP's access to the car. Otherwise, you would have discussed it with your AP already and would not have to ask this question now. Our AP's friends all have access to a car. They sometimes take turns and carpool for longer trips on the weekend, but most of the time, they just drive. And we live 5min away from a Ride On bus.

Actually I was very clear that there were 2 vehicles and 3 adults to share them. I just want to exceed her expectation of possibly never having a car in the morning and early afternoon, and think about what would be a typical number of outings an AP would take and how often they would just spend their morning/early afternoon at home anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We purchased an extra car. Not a great resolution, but I wanted an AP and wanted her to be happy staying.

If you don't live very close to public transportation and you don't have a car you might have a hard time finding someone or keeping them.

Would you stay at your home for a year without unlimited access to a car?

I would if that was the situation I had been offered and I had accepted- and furthermore I would appreciate that my HM was asking around to other HF to find out how they handle it in a way that works for both them and the AP. I would think "how considerate" - I really lucked out with this HF.

In a new country that you didn't know much about? I really wonder how grateful you would be ... Could be someone accepts not really understanding the distances and expense involved in Uber/public transportation.

If you really can't regularly provide a car, and you don't live in a walkable/easy bus or metro area, then you need to be very, very clear about that, or you're going to do all of this work and end up in rematch.

+1 OP, You are asking what is reasonable. This makes me think that you were not clear in the matching process about your AP's access to the car. Otherwise, you would have discussed it with your AP already and would not have to ask this question now. Our AP's friends all have access to a car. They sometimes take turns and carpool for longer trips on the weekend, but most of the time, they just drive. And we live 5min away from a Ride On bus.

Actually I was very clear that there were 2 vehicles and 3 adults to share them. I just want to exceed her expectation of possibly never having a car in the morning and early afternoon, and think about what would be a typical number of outings an AP would take and how often they would just spend their morning/early afternoon at home anyway.

I am sorry, OP. But for me "2 vehicles and 3 adults to share them" does not translates to the expectation of being stuck in your home every weekday until you get home from work. It does not sound like you were clear at all, which is why you are sweating it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We purchased an extra car. Not a great resolution, but I wanted an AP and wanted her to be happy staying.

If you don't live very close to public transportation and you don't have a car you might have a hard time finding someone or keeping them.

Would you stay at your home for a year without unlimited access to a car?

I would if that was the situation I had been offered and I had accepted- and furthermore I would appreciate that my HM was asking around to other HF to find out how they handle it in a way that works for both them and the AP. I would think "how considerate" - I really lucked out with this HF.

In a new country that you didn't know much about? I really wonder how grateful you would be ... Could be someone accepts not really understanding the distances and expense involved in Uber/public transportation.

If you really can't regularly provide a car, and you don't live in a walkable/easy bus or metro area, then you need to be very, very clear about that, or you're going to do all of this work and end up in rematch.

+1 OP, You are asking what is reasonable. This makes me think that you were not clear in the matching process about your AP's access to the car. Otherwise, you would have discussed it with your AP already and would not have to ask this question now. Our AP's friends all have access to a car. They sometimes take turns and carpool for longer trips on the weekend, but most of the time, they just drive. And we live 5min away from a Ride On bus.

Actually I was very clear that there were 2 vehicles and 3 adults to share them. I just want to exceed her expectation of possibly never having a car in the morning and early afternoon, and think about what would be a typical number of outings an AP would take and how often they would just spend their morning/early afternoon at home anyway.

I am sorry, OP. But for me "2 vehicles and 3 adults to share them" does not translates to the expectation of being stuck in your home every weekday until you get home from work. It does not sound like you were clear at all, which is why you are sweating it now.

I'm not sweating anything, but keep trying! Behind your little keyboard you are so all-knowing and so powerful!! You really sniffed that one you crafty little detective! I am very satisfied with my communications and if the AP wants to leave over it, then so be it.
When I see the type of HF we are compared to from the things they post here, I realize every day how our AP really won the lottery. Living with a smarty pants like you, who makes assumptions with essentially no information and sees ill intent when clearly a person is trying to be considerate... now that kind of environment would have me using that car every second of the day. Maybe that is why your APs find the car so important- they don't actually want to be near you or your house.

[Anonymous]

This will end badly. If it is va beach that is AP hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will end badly. If it is va beach that is AP hell.

No, wrong town, wrong state. This board is mostly DC area but there isn't much else out there for the rest of us. We live on an island in a resort community- a living hell really. It took us minutes and minutes to find an AP willing to even come here!