Turning down gifts

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. My employers gave me a pretty generous gift a few months ago (around the one-year mark). I feel very strange accepting gifts from my bosses. I have felt this way to some extent with every job, but these employers are more generous than past ones. With the end of the year coming, I am struggling with whether to just turn down any gift/bonus they offer rather than deal with the stress of accepting something. Any other nannies feel this way?

[Anonymous]

No. Unless these gifts come with strings attached, be an adult and be gracious and accept them. Do you turn away gifts from your friends or loved ones? Your bosses are saying they appreciate you by giving you a gift; just say thank you.

[Anonymous]

Get over yourself. Smile and say "Thank you so much!" and then move on. To reject someone's gift is to reject them.

[Anonymous]

It's very very rude to reject a gift. How would you feel if someone did that to you. They're adults and they can spend their money any way they please. If some of it is on you for a gift then you smile and say thank you and then go home and write a nice thank you note. That's it. Part of gift giving is being a gracious recipient.

[Anonymous]

Like the old saying goes....

"Never look a gift horse in the mouth...."

[Anonymous]

It is very rude to reject a gift. Learn to be gracious, OP, and grow up.

[Anonymous]

I think the more important part is to consider why these gifts make you uncomfortable. Is it because it emphasizes the fact that you are an employee? Do you prefer a more "equal professional" or "equal family"-type relationship with your bosses?

No one expects you to reciprocate; they aren't friends or family in that sense. They are your employers, trying to spread the wealth a little bit, and to make you feel good about working for them while demonstrating that they appreciate you.

If you can articulate to yourself why the gifts make you uncomfortable, then you can decide whether the answer is to accept them graciously or to explain your discomfort to your bosses.

[Anonymous]

No! I love gifts!! Gifts and holiday bonuses make me feel appreciated and validated for going the extra mile for their child.

[Anonymous]

My nanny gets small very well chosen gifts for my DD for her birthday and Christmas, which I love as an MB because it reminds me that she loves my kid and knows her well. If you don't already, would doing something like that make you feel better about accepting gifts from your Bs? Obviously the monetary value of the gifts won't (and shouldn't) be the same, but the gesture is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the more important part is to consider why these gifts make you uncomfortable. Is it because it emphasizes the fact that you are an employee? Do you prefer a more "equal professional" or "equal family"-type relationship with your bosses?

No one expects you to reciprocate; they aren't friends or family in that sense. They are your employers, trying to spread the wealth a little bit, and to make you feel good about working for them while demonstrating that they appreciate you.

If you can articulate to yourself why the gifts make you uncomfortable, then you can decide whether the answer is to accept them graciously or to explain your discomfort to your bosses.

I was raised with a big emphasis on paying your own way and that hard work is a moral value. It makes me uncomfortable to be given something I haven't earned. I do give them gifts but always "from the kids" something that we make together or assembled from photos or that sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the more important part is to consider why these gifts make you uncomfortable. Is it because it emphasizes the fact that you are an employee? Do you prefer a more "equal professional" or "equal family"-type relationship with your bosses?

No one expects you to reciprocate; they aren't friends or family in that sense. They are your employers, trying to spread the wealth a little bit, and to make you feel good about working for them while demonstrating that they appreciate you.

If you can articulate to yourself why the gifts make you uncomfortable, then you can decide whether the answer is to accept them graciously or to explain your discomfort to your bosses.

I was raised with a big emphasis on paying your own way and that hard work is a moral value. It makes me uncomfortable to be given something I haven't earned. I do give them gifts but always "from the kids" something that we make together or assembled from photos or that sort of thing.

Seriously, get over it, OP. I receive end of the year bonuses at my job and give bonuses and gifts to our wonderful nanny. You are being very self-righteous and self-centered. Hard work is a moral value and so is gratitude. Try to cultivate gratitude and graciousness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the more important part is to consider why these gifts make you uncomfortable. Is it because it emphasizes the fact that you are an employee? Do you prefer a more "equal professional" or "equal family"-type relationship with your bosses?

No one expects you to reciprocate; they aren't friends or family in that sense. They are your employers, trying to spread the wealth a little bit, and to make you feel good about working for them while demonstrating that they appreciate you.

If you can articulate to yourself why the gifts make you uncomfortable, then you can decide whether the answer is to accept them graciously or to explain your discomfort to your bosses.

I was raised with a big emphasis on paying your own way and that hard work is a moral value. It makes me uncomfortable to be given something I haven't earned. I do give them gifts but always "from the kids" something that we make together or assembled from photos or that sort of thing.

You weren't taught by business savvy people. If you had been, you'd have learned about bonuses.

[Anonymous]

A gift, by definition, could only be something you didn't earn.

I think you are a silly girl, OP, confusing self-centeredness with morality. Stop making cheap drama where none exists and learn very basic gratitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the more important part is to consider why these gifts make you uncomfortable. Is it because it emphasizes the fact that you are an employee? Do you prefer a more "equal professional" or "equal family"-type relationship with your bosses?

No one expects you to reciprocate; they aren't friends or family in that sense. They are your employers, trying to spread the wealth a little bit, and to make you feel good about working for them while demonstrating that they appreciate you.

If you can articulate to yourself why the gifts make you uncomfortable, then you can decide whether the answer is to accept them graciously or to explain your discomfort to your bosses.

I was raised with a big emphasis on paying your own way and that hard work is a moral value. It makes me uncomfortable to be given something I haven't earned. I do give them gifts but always "from the kids" something that we make together or assembled from photos or that sort of thing.

You've earned their good will and gratitude, and they want to show it in a way that will actually benefit you tangibly. I understand the idea of "earning your way," but who decided that nannies who work their tails off get $17/hr, and executives make many times that? Or that nannies who don't work their tails off, and cut corners, and are lazy, still get $17/hr? You are working; they are not handing out charity -- it's recognition of a job well done, and/or of personal affection.

[Anonymous]

I see the gifts and bonuses we give our nanny as things she HAS earned by doing her job well.