Turning down gifts

[Anonymous]

OP, I've never turned down a gift or bonus. But I get how you feel. Maybe it's for different reasons than me. I have emotional problems that stem from childhood. My mother was too harsh and never gave me a gift unless there were strings attached to it. I never felt taken care of or appreciated through my teens, 20's and now 30's. I've learned to put on a very tough and strong appearance. I never except help, even when desperately needed.

So when a employer or boyfriend chooses to spoil me with generous gifts...I feel so unworthy of them. It feels uncomfortable that someone is doing something nice for me. That's why I'm a nanny, always willing to nurture and give, give, give everything of my self to my nanny family.

How I've learned to squash these feelings is to know that the gift giver is getting pleasure from giving you this gift. You are making them happy to receive and enjoy the gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see the gifts and bonuses we give our nanny as things she HAS earned by doing her job well.

Exactly. Thank you. Anyone who turns down a bonus is not right in the head. Sorry, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here. My employers gave me a pretty generous gift a few months ago (around the one-year mark). I feel very strange accepting gifts from my bosses. I have felt this way to some extent with every job, but these employers are more generous than past ones. With the end of the year coming, I am struggling with whether to just turn down any gift/bonus they offer rather than deal with the stress of accepting something. Any other nannies feel this way?

No way!!
I love to be appreciated...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've never turned down a gift or bonus. But I get how you feel. Maybe it's for different reasons than me. I have emotional problems that stem from childhood. My mother was too harsh and never gave me a gift unless there were strings attached to it. I never felt taken care of or appreciated through my teens, 20's and now 30's. I've learned to put on a very tough and strong appearance. I never except help, even when desperately needed.

So when a employer or boyfriend chooses to spoil me with generous gifts...I feel so unworthy of them. It feels uncomfortable that someone is doing something nice for me. That's why I'm a nanny, always willing to nurture and give, give, give everything of my self to my nanny family.

How I've learned to squash these feelings is to know that the gift giver is getting pleasure from giving you this gift. You are making them happy to receive and enjoy the gift.

This is quite similar to me. I am ok with receiving chocolates and a nice, well thought out card but anything more and I feel guilty and weird about it. I think my current nanny family will get me something extravegent and yet I know it isn't something they feel I deserve. They just want to keep me as are worried they won't find anyone else to do the weird shift patterns they require.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've never turned down a gift or bonus. But I get how you feel. Maybe it's for different reasons than me. I have emotional problems that stem from childhood. My mother was too harsh and never gave me a gift unless there were strings attached to it. I never felt taken care of or appreciated through my teens, 20's and now 30's. I've learned to put on a very tough and strong appearance. I never except help, even when desperately needed.

So when a employer or boyfriend chooses to spoil me with generous gifts...I feel so unworthy of them. It feels uncomfortable that someone is doing something nice for me. That's why I'm a nanny, always willing to nurture and give, give, give everything of my self to my nanny family.

How I've learned to squash these feelings is to know that the gift giver is getting pleasure from giving you this gift. You are making them happy to receive and enjoy the gift.

This is quite similar to me. I am ok with receiving chocolates and a nice, well thought out card but anything more and I feel guilty and weird about it. I think my current nanny family will get me something extravegent and yet I know it isn't something they feel I deserve. They just want to keep me as are worried they won't find anyone else to do the weird shift patterns they require.

OK, so? That is a reason that you deserve it! It is very hard to find someone who can do the job you do, and they are grateful that you do it and are reliable. Not all employers are warm people who do praise and appreciation well. Sometimes the best they can do is money. It may not warm your heart, too, but it indicates that they know that it's a hard job.

[Anonymous]

I hope you are right but it would be nice if they also admired my personal qualities and efforts which I bring to the job other then just that I am flexible with being able to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you are right but it would be nice if they also admired my personal qualities and efforts which I bring to the job other then just that I am flexible with being able to work.

How do you know they don't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you are right but it would be nice if they also admired my personal qualities and efforts which I bring to the job other then just that I am flexible with being able to work.

How do you know they don't?

I am the OP of the nanny family acting weird thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you are right but it would be nice if they also admired my personal qualities and efforts which I bring to the job other then just that I am flexible with being able to work.

How do you know they don't?

I am the OP of the nanny family acting weird thread.

Then you are WAY overthinking things. Just do your job and try not to constantly fret about what is going on in their heads. It is making you miserable.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say it is overthinking to be honest. Just the impression I get of how they see me because of their treatment of me.

[Anonymous]

Accept gifts it's part of your payment of being a good employee

[Anonymous]

I think it's rude to not accept gifts graciously