Nanny obsessed with phone

[Anonymous]

Our live in nanny to our 10 month old son will be leaving us in January.

She does a decent job of taking care of our son. Our biggest issue is that she is on the phone about 90% of the day. We only recently noticed the extent of her phone use as my husband and I have been working from home from a few days a week. She has not been very receptive with our suggestions of engaging the baby in activities or taking him out to do much besides the morning walk around our neighborhood. She leaves him to play with his toys while she chats to friends and relatives in her home country. I don’t mind a short call or two but this is literally all social media and gossip all day long.

I decided to make up a schedule for her and she follows it all while talking on the phone. I ask her to bring him to the library and she will say we’ll see how the day goes or make a random excuse as to why they didn’t go.
Since she will be leaving soon would it be wise to address these issues and hope that it’s not an uncomfortable situation and hope that she doesn’t quit? We have had a tough time navigating childcare as it is but would also like the best care for our son. He has recently become very active and loves being engaged in activities. We have been extremely generous with her and have gone above and beyond to accommodate her needs and ensure that she is comfortable in our home.

How do we navigate this conversation?

[Anonymous]

If you cannot bring yourself to address the phone issue directly, then there is not much you can do.

It was one thing when your son was too young to interact. Now it's sort of ridiculous that the person paid to pay attention to him won't do that.

At this point, redirection has not worked. If this is not the care you want for your son, I think you have to talk to her bluntly:

"Nanny, we are disturbed by the amount of time you spend on the phone. We hired someone to provided one-on-one interaction with our son. We've tried to subtly suggest activities that you can do with him, but you haven't been willing to pursue them regularly. At this point, we feel like your phone use means that you are not doing the job we hired you for. Here are our options going forward:

1. You can stop talking on the phone while with our son except for emergencies and nap time.
2. You can take a pay cut to minimum wage and continue talking on the phone whenever you like.

We will be installing cameras to monitor phone use as well."

[Anonymous]

I would look for a space for him in a daycare center. Give her a two weeks notice with severance pay and ask her to go. It is crazy when someone should be working but they spend their time on a phone all day. I used to do play date with a nanny and she was like this....puts in a Bluetooth in her ear and chats all day while I engage two toddler boys in play. I ended up leaving the play date because she never made an effort. Your son is at an age where he would thrive and be happy in a daycare. Much cheaper too and this coming from a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you cannot bring yourself to address the phone issue directly, then there is not much you can do.

It was one thing when your son was too young to interact. Now it's sort of ridiculous that the person paid to pay attention to him won't do that.

At this point, redirection has not worked. If this is not the care you want for your son, I think you have to talk to her bluntly:

"Nanny, we are disturbed by the amount of time you spend on the phone. We hired someone to provided one-on-one interaction with our son. We've tried to subtly suggest activities that you can do with him, but you haven't been willing to pursue them regularly. At this point, we feel like your phone use means that you are not doing the job we hired you for. Here are our options going forward:

1. You can stop talking on the phone while with our son except for emergencies and nap time.
2. You can take a pay cut to minimum wage and continue talking on the phone whenever you like.

We will be installing cameras to monitor phone use as well."

Op here- Thank you for this! Yes, we have already installed cameras so I can confirm that this is an all day thing. I wante d to ensure that his safety wasnt an issue.

We have cut her overtime over this as well. We were hoping that she would improve during her remaining time with us but that has not been the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would look for a space for him in a daycare center. Give her a two weeks notice with severance pay and ask her to go. It is crazy when someone should be working but they spend their time on a phone all day. I used to do play date with a nanny and she was like this....puts in a Bluetooth in her ear and chats all day while I engage two toddler boys in play. I ended up leaving the play date because she never made an effort. Your son is at an age where he would thrive and be happy in a daycare. Much cheaper too and this coming from a nanny.

Op here- Thanks for your response. I needed reassurance that I wasnt making it a bigger issue than it already is. Good to hear from a nanny.

We have looked into daycare as we are not ready to do this for another year or so. We have not found one that will accomodate our schedules.

[Anonymous]

She's not taking decent care of your son. I'd line up other care and terminate her. She's taking advantage if you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you cannot bring yourself to address the phone issue directly, then there is not much you can do.

It was one thing when your son was too young to interact. Now it's sort of ridiculous that the person paid to pay attention to him won't do that.

At this point, redirection has not worked. If this is not the care you want for your son, I think you have to talk to her bluntly:

"Nanny, we are disturbed by the amount of time you spend on the phone. We hired someone to provided one-on-one interaction with our son. We've tried to subtly suggest activities that you can do with him, but you haven't been willing to pursue them regularly. At this point, we feel like your phone use means that you are not doing the job we hired you for. Here are our options going forward:

1. You can stop talking on the phone while with our son except for emergencies and nap time.
2. You can take a pay cut to minimum wage and continue talking on the phone whenever you like.

We will be installing cameras to monitor phone use as well."

I should have said that these are the options if you want to keep her until January to be nice. Otherwise, only one option: stop using the phone, or it's time to part ways.

Op here- Thank you for this! Yes, we have already installed cameras so I can confirm that this is an all day thing. I wante d to ensure that his safety wasnt an issue.

We have cut her overtime over this as well. We were hoping that she would improve during her remaining time with us but that has not been the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you cannot bring yourself to address the phone issue directly, then there is not much you can do.

It was one thing when your son was too young to interact. Now it's sort of ridiculous that the person paid to pay attention to him won't do that.

At this point, redirection has not worked. If this is not the care you want for your son, I think you have to talk to her bluntly:

"Nanny, we are disturbed by the amount of time you spend on the phone. We hired someone to provided one-on-one interaction with our son. We've tried to subtly suggest activities that you can do with him, but you haven't been willing to pursue them regularly. At this point, we feel like your phone use means that you are not doing the job we hired you for. Here are our options going forward:

1. You can stop talking on the phone while with our son except for emergencies and nap time.
2. You can take a pay cut to minimum wage and continue talking on the phone whenever you like.

We will be installing cameras to monitor phone use as well."

Op here- Thank you for this! Yes, we have already installed cameras so I can confirm that this is an all day thing. I wante d to ensure that his safety wasnt an issue.

We have cut her overtime over this as well. We were hoping that she would improve during her remaining time with us but that has not been the case.

I should have said that these are the options if you want to keep her until January to be nice. Otherwise, only one option: stop using the phone, or it's time to part ways.

[Anonymous]

You could also say that you clearly have very different ideas of what it means to care for a child. You hired her to do more than keep your child safe; she can talk on the phone all the time when she has her own children, but this is a job with specific requirements for how it's carried out.

[Anonymous]

How much is she actually being paid?

[Anonymous]

This is the nanny who posted previously. Just wanted to add that your son is at an age where he needs careful supervision as he will pick up anything and put anything in his mouth. I would supervise him like a hawk if I was his nanny because accidents can easily happen( my charge ran on a street before in middle of traffic, someone saved him for me. I had turned just to look at something behind us). Also a grown woman would not change her phone impulses overnight so diplomacy is out of question here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much is she actually being paid?

Why would this matter ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is she actually being paid?

Why would this matter ?

Because at times you do get what you pay for. If I were well compensated and happy in my position I wouldn't be on the phone all day.

[Anonymous]

Tell her she can't use her phone during working hours. Tell her how you have noticed she is on it non stop. This is not ok and any decent nanny wouldn't do this.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it, let her go and hire a FT live out nanny. You can get immediate short-term help from an agency while you are looking.

If you have been hiring live-in on a barebones budget then you might be seeing the ramifications of that in the level of care you're seeing.