nanny's husband while we are away

[Anonymous]

Our nanny is scheduled to spend a few days with our children while we are at the wedding. She asked if it would be ok if her husband came buy for dinner, or stay one of the nights.
We are conflicted. On the one hand we love our nanny (but do not know her husband well), on the other, it is some kind of job for her, so not sure if this is helping or being a distraction for her to have her hubby around. Anything to worry about?

[Anonymous]

I don't about a distraction... would you be distracted by your husband if your child was having a play date?

We really have no way of knowing your relationship with this nanny. Go with your gut and leave it at that. Presumably you've known her a while, no?

Is she giving you a discount for the overnights?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't about a distraction... would you be distracted by your husband if your child was having a play date?

We really have no way of knowing your relationship with this nanny. Go with your gut and leave it at that. Presumably you've known her a while, no?

Is she giving you a discount for the overnights?

*don't know

[Anonymous]

Go with your gut. That said, we have allowed the same situation because we knew her husband and had been with the nanny for years.

[Anonymous]

If you have time, invite the nanny and husband for dinner, to get to know him, see how he is with the kids. If he's cool, let him come for dinner but ask that he not stay the night. They're not playing house here.

Your nanny needs to view it like she's traveling for work.

[Anonymous]

No , is her job to take care of the kids no to please her man. No , no absolutely not. No strangers around the kids. When I babysit at night, never have gets because I am working . Having her husband there is unprofessional . Is her job not a hotel vacation. So no and not.

[Anonymous]

Are you getting a reduced rate, OP? If nanny is cutting you some slack, you need to do the same... in whatever way is appropriate.

That's one reason why my overnight work is at regular wages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you getting a reduced rate, OP? If nanny is cutting you some slack, you need to do the same... in whatever way is appropriate.

That's one reason why my overnight work is at regular wages.

OP here: thank you all. In regard to the reduced rate, we did not talk about this.
We do not feel it is OK to bring in guests just because the rate is reduced though.
For us it is more of an emotional challenge whether her husband is ok to be around.

[Anonymous]

If you don't want the husband to come over (certainly your right to say no), are you prepared for her to decide she doesn't want to work the overnights? Having her husband there will more than likely give her a sense of normalcy and help prevent burnout. Being around kids all day is hard. They don't carry a conversation. They whine and cry for no reason sometimes. You're tired at the end of the day. And you don't want her to even what's a meal with the person she's married to? Would your boss do that to you on a business trip, or would you just have dinner with the husband and not mention it? You're asking her to give up her days off so you can do something fun and you also want to sequester her from her family. Nice. Went done you and your husband flip a coin and decide which one goes to the wedding and Eric by stays home with the kids since you're so paranoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want the husband to come over (certainly your right to say no), are you prepared for her to decide she doesn't want to work the overnights? Having her husband there will more than likely give her a sense of normalcy and help prevent burnout. Being around kids all day is hard. They don't carry a conversation. They whine and cry for no reason sometimes. You're tired at the end of the day. And you don't want her to even what's a meal with the person she's married to? Would your boss do that to you on a business trip, or would you just have dinner with the husband and not mention it? You're asking her to give up her days off so you can do something fun and you also want to sequester her from her family. Nice. Went done you and your husband flip a coin and decide which one goes to the wedding and Eric by stays home with the kids since you're so paranoid.

Unfortunately, none of your business analogies work here. Yes, when you travel for business and there is a business dinner, your boss usually does not want your husband. And, no, she is not "giving up" her days off while staying over night, as she is paid to do it and is a special business need.

The situation is difficult precisely b/c your analogies with "real jobs" and "burnout" do not work.

One thing you are right, PP -- maybe one should hire ANOTHER nanny for that type of arrangement. (Though that may offend the actual nanny also.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want the husband to come over (certainly your right to say no), are you prepared for her to decide she doesn't want to work the overnights? Having her husband there will more than likely give her a sense of normalcy and help prevent burnout. Being around kids all day is hard. They don't carry a conversation. They whine and cry for no reason sometimes. You're tired at the end of the day. And you don't want her to even what's a meal with the person she's married to? Would your boss do that to you on a business trip, or would you just have dinner with the husband and not mention it? You're asking her to give up her days off so you can do something fun and you also want to sequester her from her family. Nice. Went done you and your husband flip a coin and decide which one goes to the wedding and Eric by stays home with the kids since you're so paranoid.

Presumably her children aren't present on a business trip.

I would want to meet the husband. The nanny has passed background checks. The husband hasn't. They know the nanny, and presumably trust her judgment, so while I don't think they need to run a background check, I would want to meet someone who is going to spend time with my children in my home while I'm away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want the husband to come over (certainly your right to say no), are you prepared for her to decide she doesn't want to work the overnights? Having her husband there will more than likely give her a sense of normalcy and help prevent burnout. Being around kids all day is hard. They don't carry a conversation. They whine and cry for no reason sometimes. You're tired at the end of the day. And you don't want her to even what's a meal with the person she's married to? Would your boss do that to you on a business trip, or would you just have dinner with the husband and not mention it? You're asking her to give up her days off so you can do something fun and you also want to sequester her from her family. Nice. Went done you and your husband flip a coin and decide which one goes to the wedding and Eric by stays home with the kids since you're so paranoid.

Unfortunately, none of your business analogies work here. Yes, when you travel for business and there is a business dinner, your boss usually does not want your husband. And, no, she is not "giving up" her days off while staying over night, as she is paid to do it and is a special business need.

The situation is difficult precisely b/c your analogies with "real jobs" and "burnout" do not work.

One thing you are right, PP -- maybe one should hire ANOTHER nanny for that type of arrangement. (Though that may offend the actual nanny also.)

so OP is giving the nanny two days off after the wedding? I missed that. If not, then the nanny is indeed giving up her days off regardless of whether she's being paid. Money doesn't take away tired or burned out. Plenty of people mistakenly think it does and they lead pretty miserable lives full of anger, anxiety, alcohol abuse, aggressive driving etc whereas people tend to be happier with a better work life balance.

[Anonymous]

OP here: there are no two days off arranged. Why would there be?
She would sleep the nights (kids do not wake up), so there is no night shift.
It is not much different from me being home for 2 days alone with kids, when my husband travels.
Again: the question was simply whether there is anything to worry about if she wants her husband over.
Thank you all who posted.

[Anonymous]

I would do a check on the court website (MD, DC and VA have them online for free) and if he is clean I'd agree. Its her husband, not a friend and she asked first.

[Anonymous]

Do you trust her? If you do, then why is it a big deal if her husband meets them for dinner? Do you really think she'll put them into a dangerous situation?
Also, If you tell her that you aren't comfortable with her husband being around your children, any good will between the two of you will be broken forever. She will see that as you not trusting her. Proceed with caution OP.