Nanny with a kid

[Anonymous]

I am thinking of hiring a nanny with an elementary school age daughter for my kids (twin boys) who are preschool age. She told me she might take her daughter on outings with my kids. I'm fine with this sometimes although I wouldn't want it every day. How to discuss this? Any lessons to learn here?

[Anonymous]

What are her expectations during the summer? Winter break? Spring break?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Apparently she has in laws who can take the kid for breaks, and perhaps camps for summer. Guess I should ask about summer.

[Anonymous]

Unexpected days off, like snow days and every once in a while, ok but I'd be careful that every school holiday, school break and summer the child may be there - who is responsible for food, wear and tear on the house and who pays for her daughters outings. She may be a great kid whose very helpful with the boys and if you are ok with it, say that but be very clear on your expectations. Also ask how she would handle if her child gets sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Apparently she has in laws who can take the kid for breaks, and perhaps camps for summer. Guess I should ask about summer.

Yea, a nanny is going to work all summer with your kids, nurturing and enriching them, and take her whole measly paycheck and turn around and stick her kids in a shitty camp and beg her in-laws to babysit 5 days a week. Your nanny will be gone come summer and you will basically be paying her to do stuff with her own kid and half-heartedly watch your 2 on the side. Think carefully.

[Anonymous]

I would just make sure you tell her upfront how you feel about this beforehand.

Even specify exactly how much would be okay with you to eliminate any confusion.

Talking out the logistics sooner rather than later will certainly avoid any misunderstanding after the fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Apparently she has in laws who can take the kid for breaks, and perhaps camps for summer. Guess I should ask about summer.

Yea, a nanny is going to work all summer with your kids, nurturing and enriching them, and take her whole measly paycheck and turn around and stick her kids in a shitty camp and beg her in-laws to babysit 5 days a week. Your nanny will be gone come summer and you will basically be paying her to do stuff with her own kid and half-heartedly watch your 2 on the side. Think carefully.

It depends on the nanny and her back up.

For snow days, she shouldn't be on the road anyway, so staying home with her kid is fine. If her child's school is cancelled due to weather, she may not have enough time after finding out to be able to do anything else with her daughter, so daughter might come along. Thanksgiving, Christmas and spring breaks, and other school closings are set, so she should be able to have someone scheduled for those days. My concern would definitely be for summer. Are you open to a rotating schedule, say 1 week camp, 1 week in-laws, 1 week with her and your twins?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Apparently she has in laws who can take the kid for breaks, and perhaps camps for summer. Guess I should ask about summer.

Yea, a nanny is going to work all summer with your kids, nurturing and enriching them, and take her whole measly paycheck and turn around and stick her kids in a shitty camp and beg her in-laws to babysit 5 days a week. Your nanny will be gone come summer and you will basically be paying her to do stuff with her own kid and half-heartedly watch your 2 on the side. Think carefully.

This would be a valid concern if the nanny's child was an infant or toddler. But a preschooler (with preschool twins for the NK) or an elementary-aged child doesn't need that level of care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Apparently she has in laws who can take the kid for breaks, and perhaps camps for summer. Guess I should ask about summer.

Yea, a nanny is going to work all summer with your kids, nurturing and enriching them, and take her whole measly paycheck and turn around and stick her kids in a shitty camp and beg her in-laws to babysit 5 days a week. Your nanny will be gone come summer and you will basically be paying her to do stuff with her own kid and half-heartedly watch your 2 on the side. Think carefully.

It depends on the nanny and her back up.

For snow days, she shouldn't be on the road anyway, so staying home with her kid is fine. If her child's school is cancelled due to weather, she may not have enough time after finding out to be able to do anything else with her daughter, so daughter might come along. Thanksgiving, Christmas and spring breaks, and other school closings are set, so she should be able to have someone scheduled for those days. My concern would definitely be for summer. Are you open to a rotating schedule, say 1 week camp, 1 week in-laws, 1 week with her and your twins?

Oh, and definitely address costs of activities. Normally, employer pays for their kids and the nanny, because the nanny wouldn't go if she wasn't taking the kids. You should be able to dictate that if she doesn't want to pay for her child, her child doesn't come with her that day. Passive aggressive way of dealing with summer break would be to have something scheduled every day (season passes to a variety of things), and the nanny either gets a season pass for her child, or she finds alternative care for her child.

[Anonymous]

Does the nanny have (or are you providing) a vehicle which comfortably holds both car seats and a booster if the nanny's daughter requires it?

[Anonymous]

I'd worry most about sick days. If her daughter has a fever and can't go to school it will be hard for her to find last minute back up care. Will you give her paid days off every time her daughter has a fever or would you prefer her bringing illness into your home?

[Anonymous]

Oh lord. Nanny with a kid is the same like lawyer/doctor you name it with a kid. Grow up people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh lord. Nanny with a kid is the same like lawyer/doctor you name it with a kid. Grow up people

Except I don't occasionally bring my children to depositions. If told my employer I was going to do that, they too may have some questions about how I plan to handle things on a broader scale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh lord. Nanny with a kid is the same like lawyer/doctor you name it with a kid. Grow up people

Except I don't occasionally bring my children to depositions. If told my employer I was going to do that, they too may have some questions about how I plan to handle things on a broader scale.

Most jobs do not allow children. Both my husband nor I could ever bring kids to our places of employment. Part of having a job and being responsible is having a child care plan for your child. Nanny can hire a nanny, day care/summer camp, or family. If a job allows it, she should expect a lower cost. You need to grow up and realize as a nanny, you are an employee working in someone's home.

What happens in the summer if nanny's kid is not interested in OP's kids activities and choices... who decides what they are doing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh lord. Nanny with a kid is the same like lawyer/doctor you name it with a kid. Grow up people

Except I don't occasionally bring my children to depositions. If told my employer I was going to do that, they too may have some questions about how I plan to handle things on a broader scale.

Most jobs do not allow children. Both my husband nor I could ever bring kids to our places of employment. Part of having a job and being responsible is having a child care plan for your child. Nanny can hire a nanny, day care/summer camp, or family. If a job allows it, she should expect a lower cost. You need to grow up and realize as a nanny, you are an employee working in someone's home.

What happens in the summer if nanny's kid is not interested in OP's kids activities and choices... who decides what they are doing?

I am the PP you quoted - are you responding to me? I am a lawyer not a nanny. Was responding to the PP I quoted's statement that a nanny with a kid is the same as a doctor/lawyer with a kid. I was simply pointing out that what makes this situation different is that the nanny has indicated her child will be coming to work with her at least on occasion. Accordingly, it's reasonable for the OP to consider what the implications of that are, and to get on the same page as the nanny as to what both their expectations are before moving forward. (In retrospect, I didn't make that point particularly clearly ...)