Bereavement Time Off - How much is too much...?

[Anonymous]

So, our family returned from a 10-day vacation, which our nanny was time given off with pay. An hour after arriving to work, she received a call that her mother's husband (ie: not her father) had passed away. I was supportive and told her to go home (8 hrs away) to take care of her mom. The timing was terrible but my anxiety about getting back to work after 10 days away was my concern, not hers. The following day, I txted her to see if she made it home alright and to ask how her family was doing. She informed me that her mom was having a difficult time and that she would be there "a while". So the next day, my husband txted her to see how she was doing and if she knew how long she would be out. She txted him back, informing him that she would not be back until the end of the next week. So all told, she would miss 10 days of work. She is an amazing nanny and our 4 small children love her. I am asking for any advice on how to handle things upon her return regarding paid/unpaid days off. I think she is expecting to be paid for that time as we tend to be very generous. Typically, standard practice is 3 days paid leave for immediate family. We're willing to pay her for the first week, but the second week seems excessive, especially since we've had to pay for back-up child-care (@ $800). Apparently, the funeral was postponed at the request of the man's daughter. We love our nanny but we're feeling a little taken advantage of...

[Anonymous]

I would include a stepfather during ages 0-18 as immediate family. If she was out of the house AFTER her mother married him, then I would not consider him immediate family. But really, she could have lied and claimed it was her father rather than her stepfather, so that is a minute detail.

I'd give three days paid leave. That's it. I'd give two days after that unpaid so she could have seven days off total (including weekend).

OP, I think you should ignore the fact that you just gave her paid time off while you were on vacation - that was worked out between you and the nanny well before she got news about her stepfather and has no bearing here.

[Anonymous]

This has all been over text? If you can call, do so, but I think I would text her back and say something like,

"I'm glad you're able to be with your mom at this difficult time. I hate to make this time any more stressful on you, but I do want to let you know that we're only going to be able to cover x #days of the time paid. I'm sorry about that, but we just can't afford more time plus back up coverage."

My guess is she'll text you back thanking you for the PTO and saying she understands.

[Anonymous]

How much paid time do you get? Obviously, she had nothing to do with his death a n d I think you are making it much more stressful for her. If
If you had a death in your family, how would you feel if your boss did this to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much paid time do you get? Obviously, she had nothing to do with his death a n d I think you are making it much more stressful for her. If
If you had a death in your family, how would you feel if your boss did this to you?

As OP said, standard is 3 days. Period.

[Anonymous]

Have DH respond to her last reply by saying that your family will secure backup childcare until she returns on (specified date) and will cover three of the days she is gone as bereavement leave. Then ask her to let him know how she would like to cover the remaining time: PTO or unpaid leave so he can prepare her next paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has all been over text? If you can call, do so, but I think I would text her back and say something like,

"I'm glad you're able to be with your mom at this difficult time. I hate to make this time any more stressful on you, but I do want to let you know that we're only going to be able to cover x #days of the time paid. I'm sorry about that, but we just can't afford more time plus back up coverage."

My guess is she'll text you back thanking you for the PTO and saying she understands.

+1

Honestly, giving her a full week off paid is generous and letting her know now that the 2nd week which she is choosing to take off is unpaid is probably better than waiting until after she gets back if she really may be assuming that it will be paid as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much paid time do you get? Obviously, she had nothing to do with his death a n d I think you are making it much more stressful for her. If
If you had a death in your family, how would you feel if your boss did this to you?

Seriously?! I'm not sure how you can say we are making this "much more stressful for her" when we have allowed her to take all the time she feels needs to support her family. WHEN I had a death in my family (my husband's father) I expected, and was giving 3 days off (in-laws are included in my company's bereavement policy). It was then my responsibility to return to my job and support my husband (and in-laws) in the days ahead from home. If you don't mind clarifying "how would you feel if your boss did this to you?" what exactly am I doing to her, other than trying to be supportive and generous employer? As I stated in my original post - I was asking for any advice on how to handle things - upon her return to work - regarding paid/unpaid days off. Thank you to those of you who actually read the post and are trying to be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has all been over text? If you can call, do so, but I think I would text her back and say something like,

"I'm glad you're able to be with your mom at this difficult time. I hate to make this time any more stressful on you, but I do want to let you know that we're only going to be able to cover x #days of the time paid. I'm sorry about that, but we just can't afford more time plus back up coverage."

My guess is she'll text you back thanking you for the PTO and saying she understands.

+1

Honestly, giving her a full week off paid is generous and letting her know now that the 2nd week which she is choosing to take off is unpaid is probably better than waiting until after she gets back if she really may be assuming that it will be paid as well.

+1. This is what we did and it was at a difficult time for us too- 3 weeks after birth of our third child. DH was back at work, I was recovering, summertime and two toddlers running around, the newborn, and then I had to find and train up backup care.

[Anonymous]

Giving the first week paid is very generous. All the corporate places I've worked have 3 days bereavement leave as standard. Anything above that is your vacation time or unpaid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Giving the first week paid is very generous. All the corporate places I've worked have 3 days bereavement leave as standard. Anything above that is your vacation time or unpaid.

+1 I am a nanny and I agree with this 100%. A full paid week for bereavement is very generous. I seriously doubt that she is expecting two weeks.

[Anonymous]

I've had jobs with the standard 3 days for all family, but I've also had a position with graduated levels (5 days for child, spouse or parent; 3 days for sibling, grandparent, grandchild, step-child, step-parent; 1 day for all other relatives and all in-laws). In all positions, we were allowed up to 2 total weeks off, but the rest was unpaid unless we wanted to use PTO or vacation, and we weren't allowed to use sick days. If you give one week paid and one week unpaid, you're more than generous.

[Anonymous]

"How much paid time do you get?"

You are clearly a nanny. Almost everywhere this is only 3 days and it is VERY common to limit this only to immediate family. Not sure if a mom's husband would qualify. Regardless though, OP already said they are giving her 5 days - 2 beyond the normal time, even for immediate family members.

OP - tell her you will have to do the 2nd week unpaid if she stay out since you have to hire backup care. I'd make it clear too though that it's not at all convenient to have to do that & likely costs you more than normal, but you are doing this as a favor for her because of how important she is to to you. (If you can hire the spare a 2nd week that is.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"How much paid time do you get?"

You are clearly a nanny. Almost everywhere this is only 3 days and it is VERY common to limit this only to immediate family. Not sure if a mom's husband would qualify. Regardless though, OP already said they are giving her 5 days - 2 beyond the normal time, even for immediate family members.

OP - tell her you will have to do the 2nd week unpaid if she stay out since you have to hire backup care. I'd make it clear too though that it's not at all convenient to have to do that & likely costs you more than normal, but you are doing this as a favor for her because of how important she is to to you. (If you can hire the spare a 2nd week that is.)

Please don't tell her how inconvenient this is for you. Most likely, she knows and feels bad about it.
My dad just died and I took two days off to get my mind straight and my boss was really understanding. If they would have told me how inconvenient it was for them, I don't think I could have handled that. A family death is already stressful enough. Even if she wasn't close to her moms husband, seeing her mom in pain can't be much better.

[Anonymous]

I would offer her the add'l three days PAID leave, then the rest unpaid.

Let her know the terms now so there are no misunderstandings.

If your nanny disagrees and thinks she should be paid for the whole ten days off, two whole business weeks (!), let her know you simply cannot afford to since you will have to seek back-up childcare for four kids.

Any decent nanny would totally understand. If she has an issue with the pay, then you could be right. She may be trying to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.