Nanny has a bad reference and doesn't know - WWYD?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I interviewed a nanny and thought that she'd be a good fit for our family, probably at least partly because she reminded us VERY strongly of a previous nanny who was fantastic. She has only had one previous nanny job and it lasted a year before the mom told her they no longer needed her because she wanted to spend more time with the kids herself. I called her reference and the mom let me know that they actually let the nanny go because of a couple of things that had them concerned about the nanny keeping the kids safe (relatively minor, but put together made them uncomfortable) and also mentioned that they had thought she was lazy. The mom told me that she hadn't told the nanny her reasons for letting her go and asked me not to.

So now I feel like I don't want to get in the middle of this (and we've already found another fantastic nanny who we've hired) but the girl that I interviewed has no idea that she's giving out a reference who doesn't recommend her - in fact the reference was actually telling me other places that I could look to find a nanny though she did say that the nanny would probably be fine if I kept on top of her and managed her firmly. I feel like the nanny could learn from this if she knew why she was let go and why we didn't hire her, but at the same time I don't know exactly what to say since the reference specifically asked me not to tell her why they let her go.

Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

You need to let her know that she should speak with her previous employers. Nothing more needs to be said.

[Anonymous]

Wow, that's tough.

I agree w/ 10:05 - try to let the candidate know somehow. It's a tricky line to walk, and a tough reality for the nanny, but she will be incredibly hampered by this.

It's also good that you got a really informative reference, so you don't want to burn that mother either. She should have been more honest w/ the nanny - kind of cowardly to let her go without telling her the truth (and perhaps implying that she'd be fine being used as a reference?)

[Anonymous]

I would tell her the truth if she asks. "Your references were not what we were hoping for." Don't lie. If she doesn't ask, then don't volunteer.

You don't owe that MB anything, and frankly she's being deceitful. She shouldn't be asking you to lie for her.

[Anonymous]

Does she have any other references?

[Anonymous]

Tell the nanny the truth. No dilemma.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me once. My reference clearly hated me. I really don't know why either. Thankfully I had other references that were great and I got the job. The my told complete lies about me, really sad.

[Anonymous]

I had a reference telling boldfaced lies about me. ,y current employer, who hired me in spite of it because it didn't match up with my other references, let me know and I soooo appreciated it. I never said anything to the reference about it, but now I'm not damaging my reputation by using her anymore. This is someone's livelihood at stake and her ability to get employment. That is much more important than a stranger asking you to protect them from an uncomfortable conversation. Please let your candidate know why she isn't getting the job.

[Anonymous]

Lots of parents will suddenly turn wicked once you give notice. That's exactly why smart nannies get regular written reviews/references. It's the only way to protect themselves.

[Anonymous]

OP here -

I am definitely planning to say something to the nanny, I was just trying to figure out what exactly other than "Did you ask your previous employer before listing her as a reference?" or maybe "You need to find other references". She didn't provide any other references and I know that most of her other childcare experience has family. Thank you for the suggestion of "Your references were not what we were hoping for." which is exactly the truth.

I agree that the reference was cowardly to not confront the nanny with the issues at the time, but I also got the impression that she was surprised by my call so I'm guessing that the nanny didn't contact her beforehand to see if she felt comfortable providing a reference. I don't think she was lying to me, just that she preferred to avoid confrontation so she just chose not to ever address concerns as they arose.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it, OP. It's not for you to educate the candidate you didn't even hire on how to be a better nanny. References are not an automatic positive endorsement. Some are good and some are bad and they serve to inform an employer. That's what happened here and is all you should be concerned about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay out of it, OP. It's not for you to educate the candidate you didn't even hire on how to be a better nanny. References are not an automatic positive endorsement. Some are good and some are bad and they serve to inform an employer. That's what happened here and is all you should be concerned about.

I have to disagree under these circumstances. The former employer seems disgruntled, and the nanny should be told the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay out of it, OP. It's not for you to educate the candidate you didn't even hire on how to be a better nanny. References are not an automatic positive endorsement. Some are good and some are bad and they serve to inform an employer. That's what happened here and is all you should be concerned about.

I have to disagree under these circumstances. The former employer seems disgruntled, and the nanny should be told the truth.

Well, I'd advocate for letting the candidate know somehow, but this poster is right - it isn't her job to do so. It is quite poor of the candidate not to have informed a reference that they might get a call, and to not have a sense of what might be said. It sounds like the nanny in question doesn't really know how to handle the professional aspects of changing/finding jobs.

I don't think we can assume the former employer is disgruntled. It sounds like she was unhappy with the performance and didn't do her job as an employer with much professionalism either but she might be completely accurate in her assessment/review of the nanny's performance. We can't tell from the little info we have here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay out of it, OP. It's not for you to educate the candidate you didn't even hire on how to be a better nanny. References are not an automatic positive endorsement. Some are good and some are bad and they serve to inform an employer. That's what happened here and is all you should be concerned about.

I have to disagree under these circumstances. The former employer seems disgruntled, and the nanny should be told the truth.

Well, I'd advocate for letting the candidate know somehow, but this poster is right - it isn't her job to do so. It is quite poor of the candidate not to have informed a reference that they might get a call, and to not have a sense of what might be said. It sounds like the nanny in question doesn't really know how to handle the professional aspects of changing/finding jobs.

I don't think we can assume the former employer is disgruntled. It sounds like she was unhappy with the performance and didn't do her job as an employer with much professionalism either but she might be completely accurate in her assessment/review of the nanny's performance. We can't tell from the little info we have here.

How do you know she didn't?
It isn't a big deal to say "Your previous employers had quite a few not so positive things to say about your job performance. You may want to clear this up with them prior to offering them as a reference."
To not tell her is terrible. She could be a great nanny and this could hinder her ability to find any jobs.
She deserves the opportunity to defend herself.

[Anonymous]

Who would keep a bad nanny for a whole year?