Some Parent Code?

[Anonymous]

I have the great luxury of staying home with DD for her first year but will return to work in April. All this past year I would see a wonderful nanny with a baby a bit older than mine. She was always smiling, always engaging him and always talking to him. She has things scheduled for him every morning (the same things that I do for my baby) and always seems so happy. I have never seen her on her phone and she never takes her eyes off her charge. Basically, she is everything I would ever hope to have in a nanny.

I mentioned approaching her with a job offer and my SIL and other mother friends acted like I asked to sleep with their husbands! I was told that we NEVER try to poach someone's nanny.

I do not understand this. Shouldn't it be up to the nanny to decide on her best job options and know about other opportunities?

[Anonymous]

My son is very attached and bonded to his nanny - so hers is more than just a job to us. I would see you as trying to take away my son's security and happiness. Perhaps irrational but I would hate you if you tried to steal his nanny.

[Anonymous]

OP is a good mother. Tell the nanny how much you love how she does her work. Tell her you are looking for someone like her. Let her know what you can offer, and ask if she can recommend someone special. And hand her your contact info with basic job details.

[Anonymous]

That is nanny poaching. Unless you know the nanny is actively searching, you are basically trying to steal her away from her current position.

You can however, ask her about her work experience and tips for finding a nanny similar to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is a good mother. Tell the nanny how much you love how she does her work. Tell her you are looking for someone like her. Let her know what you can offer, and ask if she can recommend someone special. And hand her your contact info with basic job details.

+1

Look, being a nanny is like any other job. Why shouldn't she at least have the opportunity to pursue a better job? Imagine if recruiters didn't send out emails to employed people because it would be "rude" to the company. The nanny can decide on her own how and for whom she wants to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is very attached and bonded to his nanny - so hers is more than just a job to us. I would see you as trying to take away my son's security and happiness. Perhaps irrational but I would hate you if you tried to steal his nanny.

Which is fine. But it doesn't mean OP shouldn't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a good mother. Tell the nanny how much you love how she does her work. Tell her you are looking for someone like her. Let her know what you can offer, and ask if she can recommend someone special. And hand her your contact info with basic job details.

+1

Look, being a nanny is like any other job. Why shouldn't she at least have the opportunity to pursue a better job? Imagine if recruiters didn't send out emails to employed people because it would be "rude" to the company. The nanny can decide on her own how and for whom she wants to work.

+1 I am a nanny, and it would take a lot for me to leave a family I was happy with, but it is MY choice! I am not owned by the family and I should have the same oportunities as any other career. Keep your employees happy and they are less likely to leave.

[Anonymous]

I am a working mother with two kids (in schooo now) and I do not see anything wrong with this. If the nanny was working for OP's friend then it would be another story, but it does not appear to be the case. the nanny is an employee, and at the end she is entitled to chose what is best for her. also, it is up to the employer to be a great employer so the nanny woud not leave.

OP, my only thought is that if this nanny is so good and happy, she is likely paid and treated well and likes her family. you may not be able to persuade her to leave her family unless you make a very good offer. it may be cheaper to find another great nanny who is looking for a job because the family does not need her anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a good mother. Tell the nanny how much you love how she does her work. Tell her you are looking for someone like her. Let her know what you can offer, and ask if she can recommend someone special. And hand her your contact info with basic job details.

+1

Look, being a nanny is like any other job. Why shouldn't she at least have the opportunity to pursue a better job? Imagine if recruiters didn't send out emails to employed people because it would be "rude" to the company. The nanny can decide on her own how and for whom she wants to work.

+1 I am a nanny, and it would take a lot for me to leave a family I was happy with, but it is MY choice! I am not owned by the family and I should have the same oportunities as any other career. Keep your employees happy and they are less likely to leave.

Agreed. It is a free market, and anybody can offer your nanny a job. People in other industries get contact with better job offers, and they are free to pursue them. Your nanny's job is more than a job to YOU, but it is still just her job. If you the idea of someone offering her another position makes you squirm, you might want to consider whether or not you're paying her what she's worth. Employees who are being compensated at a proper level for what they bring to the table do not get poached.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is a good mother. Tell the nanny how much you love how she does her work. Tell her you are looking for someone like her. Let her know what you can offer, and ask if she can recommend someone special. And hand her your contact info with basic job details.

Agreed. This is a tactful way to do it. Perhaps the nanny you're eyeing has a sister with a similar upbringing and approach to child-rearing. Maybe the nanny would be interested in the job herself. Plant the seed and see how she reacts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a good mother. Tell the nanny how much you love how she does her work. Tell her you are looking for someone like her. Let her know what you can offer, and ask if she can recommend someone special. And hand her your contact info with basic job details.

Agreed. This is a tactful way to do it. Perhaps the nanny you're eyeing has a sister with a similar upbringing and approach to child-rearing. Maybe the nanny would be interested in the job herself. Plant the seed and see how she reacts.

Nanny here. I agree with this. I wanted to add that I have had two positions in the past with families who hired me specifically for the first year of baby's life; after that they entered preschool/daycare, as planned. It is possible this nanny has a similar arrangement with her family, too, and may be looking for a new position soon? Perhaps not, but it's certainly possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is nanny poaching. Unless you know the nanny is actively searching, you are basically trying to steal her away from her current position.

You can however, ask her about her work experience and tips for finding a nanny similar to her.

Every smart nanny employer does what she can to get the best nanny.

If you're paying your nanny appropriately and treating her like gold, you should have nothing to fear.

Top notch nannies are hard to come by.

[Anonymous]

I would react the same way, OP. It is not a normal employee relationship. If you do not know the other mom then I guess you can do it; if you know the other mom or she's a neighbor expect her to justifiably hate you. I would not forgive a neighbor for extending an offer to my nanny unless they knew she was leaving us already.

[Anonymous]

I know that a couple of my past employers didn't take kindly to this.

[Anonymous]

Be weary, as the nanny may also take great offense to this, depending on how she feels about her current employers. My bet is that if she is as involved and loving with the child as you say she is, she won't even be interested in hearing what you have to say. Trying to poach someone else's nanny is pretty crummy.