Au pairs are terrible, done with this program never again,especially w/J1 ban

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in the program 5 years and I have never heard of this sugar baby nonsense except on this board. Maybe it’s because my au pairs have all been uptight Germans.

And FWIW some of my closest friends have been sex workers. I have nothing against sex work.

The disclaimer. As though having no standards at all is somehow a virtue.

Uh no I’m just saying I don’t have my eyes tightly closed to sex work and wouldn’t know if my au pairs were sex workers. But they haven’t been. It seems like an urban legend amplified by au pair-hating nannies.

Reasonable nannies realize that we don’t want jobs with families who are used to AP rates and flexibility, and the program benefits both APs and families (when the rules are followed). While I’m willing to consider the TOTAL paid for APs (including agency fees, perks like gym and phone, etc), flexibility costs much more. I love the program, and I hope it bounces back soon.

~Live-in nanny homeschool teacher working a consistent 45 hour schedule, $1k per week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in the program 5 years and I have never heard of this sugar baby nonsense except on this board. Maybe it’s because my au pairs have all been uptight Germans.

And FWIW some of my closest friends have been sex workers. I have nothing against sex work.

+1.

A former colleague of mine was a sex worker as an undergrad at Columbia. She is now a professor at Univ. of Maryland.

Wow, then she lied on her bar application. Yikes!

There’s no “were you a sex worker” question on the bar app.

Um, they ask if you have engaged in criminal behavior, so yes there is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in the program 5 years and I have never heard of this sugar baby nonsense except on this board. Maybe it’s because my au pairs have all been uptight Germans.

And FWIW some of my closest friends have been sex workers. I have nothing against sex work.

+1.

A former colleague of mine was a sex worker as an undergrad at Columbia. She is now a professor at Univ. of Maryland.

Wow, then she lied on her bar application. Yikes!

There’s no “were you a sex worker” question on the bar app.

Um, they ask if you have engaged in criminal behavior, so yes there is.

Some sex workers are legal (Nevada), and nothing in the comments and that it was a JD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in the program 5 years and I have never heard of this sugar baby nonsense except on this board. Maybe it’s because my au pairs have all been uptight Germans.

And FWIW some of my closest friends have been sex workers. I have nothing against sex work.

+1.

A former colleague of mine was a sex worker as an undergrad at Columbia. She is now a professor at Univ. of Maryland.

Wow, then she lied on her bar application. Yikes!

bar app?? Not a law professor. Man, too many lawyers around here with a one-track mind.

Try STEM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Program is garbage now, the transition documents are all lies

+1. Let it burn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in the program 5 years and I have never heard of this sugar baby nonsense except on this board. Maybe it’s because my au pairs have all been uptight Germans.

And FWIW some of my closest friends have been sex workers. I have nothing against sex work.

The disclaimer. As though having no standards at all is somehow a virtue.

Uh no I’m just saying I don’t have my eyes tightly closed to sex work and wouldn’t know if my au pairs were sex workers. But they haven’t been. It seems like an urban legend amplified by au pair-hating nannies.

Lol. If you want to think it's a urban legend, go ahead and keep your eyes closed.

And the ones I know of have been South American. Host parents usually find out when the au pair is kicked out because their focus is usually not on childcare and they don't have a chance to wipe the borrowed iPhone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in the program 5 years and I have never heard of this sugar baby nonsense except on this board. Maybe it’s because my au pairs have all been uptight Germans.

And FWIW some of my closest friends have been sex workers. I have nothing against sex work.

+1.

A former colleague of mine was a sex worker as an undergrad at Columbia. She is now a professor at Univ. of Maryland.

Wow, then she lied on her bar application. Yikes!

There’s no “were you a sex worker” question on the bar app.

Um, they ask if you have engaged in criminal behavior, so yes there is.

Which bar app? I'm admitted in 3 states and none asked about crimes engaged in but not arrested, charged nor convicted. (One had mere "charged" two had convicted.)

[Anonymous]

There are some points that I agree with on this post especially with the J1 ban.

-Au pair labor market has become a farce. They are cherry picking wealthy families with older kids, which are not the ones most in need of cheap childcare to begin with. They now advertise for rematches on FB.
-Agencies are incentivized to keep their au pairs making the rematch process a farce. Some au pairs jump many times just to get better jobs.
-Agencies often have no refund policies so your au pair can leave to a richer family, and you are stuck paying the agency fee, waiting for rematch that right now doesn't exist.
-Au pairs work 45 hours a week which to begin with is not a lot for childcare since there is a lot of downtime. Most parents are forced now to reduce these hours because of threat of rematch. (like the poster who only used 20)
If you signed up to work 45 hours, you should work 45 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some points that I agree with on this post especially with the J1 ban.

-Au pair labor market has become a farce. They are cherry picking wealthy families with older kids, which are not the ones most in need of cheap childcare to begin with. They now advertise for rematches on FB.
-Agencies are incentivized to keep their au pairs making the rematch process a farce. Some au pairs jump many times just to get better jobs.
-Agencies often have no refund policies so your au pair can leave to a richer family, and you are stuck paying the agency fee, waiting for rematch that right now doesn't exist.
-Au pairs work 45 hours a week which to begin with is not a lot for childcare since there is a lot of downtime. Most parents are forced now to reduce these hours because of threat of rematch. (like the poster who only used 20)
If you signed up to work 45 hours, you should work 45 hours.

I don’t think I agree with a single thing in this post.

In my 6 years in the program, I’ve never had an au pair leave to trade up (or for any other reason). We have always paid over stipend and not maxed hours all the way to 45 because we don’t suck, not because of threat of rematch. Agencies don’t allow an au pair to rematch and rematch and rematch though. I’ve seen au pairs get sent home and not allowed to keep looking after only a couple. No au pair signs up to work 45 hours—she signs up to be legally protected from working more than 45 hours. Completely different.

I have to assume this poster is a troll since so many claims are not grounded in the reality of the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some points that I agree with on this post especially with the J1 ban.

-Au pair labor market has become a farce. They are cherry picking wealthy families with older kids, which are not the ones most in need of cheap childcare to begin with. They now advertise for rematches on FB.
-Agencies are incentivized to keep their au pairs making the rematch process a farce. Some au pairs jump many times just to get better jobs.
-Agencies often have no refund policies so your au pair can leave to a richer family, and you are stuck paying the agency fee, waiting for rematch that right now doesn't exist.
-Au pairs work 45 hours a week which to begin with is not a lot for childcare since there is a lot of downtime. Most parents are forced now to reduce these hours because of threat of rematch. (like the poster who only used 20)
If you signed up to work 45 hours, you should work 45 hours.

I don’t think I agree with a single thing in this post.

In my 6 years in the program, I’ve never had an au pair leave to trade up (or for any other reason). We have always paid over stipend and not maxed hours all the way to 45 because we don’t suck, not because of threat of rematch. Agencies don’t allow an au pair to rematch and rematch and rematch though. I’ve seen au pairs get sent home and not allowed to keep looking after only a couple. No au pair signs up to work 45 hours—she signs up to be legally protected from working more than 45 hours. Completely different.

I have to assume this poster is a troll since so many claims are not grounded in the reality of the program.

I think you're either another troll or privileged...
1) You must be one of those "wealthy families with older kids" given that you pay over stipend and have been hosting for 6 years. The families needing cheap childcare are often more than one child, but one of those children is an infant and daycare costs are astronomical in comparison. Agencies advertise heavily to this market and guess what? Rematches are highest in the crowd needing infant qualified and first time host families.

2) If you've been successful, then you haven't needed to look in the rematch pool lately. Even with CC, there was an au pair recently whose transition doc blatantly said the au pair is looking for a family paying a minimum of $250/week, no other reason for the rematch.

3) Agencies do have refund policies, but they suck. You get a fraction back of what you originally paid.

4) The problem is the au pairs that whine that working up to 45 hours is abusive when it's clear that the program allows up to 45 hours. A family that schedules 60 hours and pays under the table for the extra time is being abusive because they're taking advantage of their power situation even if the au pair is being paid (but usually not fair market rate). There is nothing wrong with a family that schedules 45 hours--most do not squeeze au pairs for every minute of that time, but have children with nap times still on the clock, which is downtime.

[Anonymous]

We picked up an in country AP in rematch and the going rate per week is north of $300 per week.
Our AP works about 30 hours a week, making sure kids are actually doing DL.

No weekends or evenings.
This AP #7 for us with only 1 rematch.

[Anonymous]

We have one toddler, and have had two au pairs. For each AP, we have provided the same fixed schedule, advertised during matching: M-TH, 7:30-4:30, and F 7:30-2:30. All federal holidays are work days. We allow certain religious holidays off without counting against vacation time. Otherwise, it's a lot of hours, with a rigid schedule. We provide a dedicated car and pay for all gas, and basically buy whatever foods she wants, even pricey imported stuff. But that's it - no ski lodge, no beach house. We travel a lot for work and vacation - and bring AP and toddler with, but she works vacations. It's not an easy gig. And we only have extraordinaires - and pay their minimum which is $250/week. We have never had problem matching, but we seek out older APs. Many families with toddlers max out or get close to it with hours. As long as you are up front during matching, what's the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one toddler, and have had two au pairs. For each AP, we have provided the same fixed schedule, advertised during matching: M-TH, 7:30-4:30, and F 7:30-2:30. All federal holidays are work days. We allow certain religious holidays off without counting against vacation time. Otherwise, it's a lot of hours, with a rigid schedule. We provide a dedicated car and pay for all gas, and basically buy whatever foods she wants, even pricey imported stuff. But that's it - no ski lodge, no beach house. We travel a lot for work and vacation - and bring AP and toddler with, but she works vacations. It's not an easy gig. And we only have extraordinaires - and pay their minimum which is $250/week. We have never had problem matching, but we seek out older APs. Many families with toddlers max out or get close to it with hours. As long as you are up front during matching, what's the problem?

Matched since July 2020? Because with your requirements for your aupair would be tough to find someone to work 45 hours and holidays. Even with the single kid household, it would be tough. We have 3 kids and matched with an in-country this year, but it wasn't easy.
And I will agree that yes, au pairs rematch solely for more money or less hours. We've only had one rematch over the years, but we have also put up with a lot as host parents. We now stay away from certain cultures because they aren't a good fit with the vibe of our household. As an experienced host family too, I do not put up with the games anymore. We would prefer a nanny or babysitter in a second over an aupair working side jobs, telling half truths or recently, breaking quarantine during the height of a pandemic. We don't need childcare that much to put up with games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one toddler, and have had two au pairs. For each AP, we have provided the same fixed schedule, advertised during matching: M-TH, 7:30-4:30, and F 7:30-2:30. All federal holidays are work days. We allow certain religious holidays off without counting against vacation time. Otherwise, it's a lot of hours, with a rigid schedule. We provide a dedicated car and pay for all gas, and basically buy whatever foods she wants, even pricey imported stuff. But that's it - no ski lodge, no beach house. We travel a lot for work and vacation - and bring AP and toddler with, but she works vacations. It's not an easy gig. And we only have extraordinaires - and pay their minimum which is $250/week. We have never had problem matching, but we seek out older APs. Many families with toddlers max out or get close to it with hours. As long as you are up front during matching, what's the problem?

Matched since July 2020? Because with your requirements for your aupair would be tough to find someone to work 45 hours and holidays. Even with the single kid household, it would be tough. We have 3 kids and matched with an in-country this year, but it wasn't easy.
And I will agree that yes, au pairs rematch solely for more money or less hours. We've only had one rematch over the years, but we have also put up with a lot as host parents. We now stay away from certain cultures because they aren't a good fit with the vibe of our household. As an experienced host family too, I do not put up with the games anymore. We would prefer a nanny or babysitter in a second over an aupair working side jobs, telling half truths or recently, breaking quarantine during the height of a pandemic. We don't need childcare that much to put up with games.

We just extended with our second AP in August, without issue. We always have multiple APs wanting to match with us -some APs really like babies and predictable day hours.

[Anonymous]

There are also families that should not host an au pair.