Au Pair Doesn’t Do Much at All. Help!

[Anonymous]

Poor APs that had to live with some of the families here... I didn't realize how much racism and prejudice one had to pass to come work here as an AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear that all American host families have spoiled children, work too much and are lousy parents, expect APs to work like slaves, think the world revolves around the US, are fat, and not smart enough to speak any other language except English...but you know, stereotypes...

most of it unfortunately is true. Not all American families are like this but many of them are.

Solution: Don't be an AP here. Knowing how it is, why the girls still choose to be one?? However, if they decided to come, deal with the problems that come with it. It is temporary anyway. If they didn't know this ugly truth before they came and had higher expectations, they can rematch to find a better family (many out there) or go home. Everyone should accept the outcomes of your own decision.

I very much underestimated the work to host and overestimated my embracing level but I tried my best for the year. AP for most of the part enjoyed the time with us and wanted to extend (I am sure it was still challenging for her to be an AP) but I was mentally exhausted and counting down days to complete my one year commitment. I was so happy when the year was over and I will never host again. I paid for my wrong decision to host by tolerating and being exhausted for a year and APs should pay for their wrong decisions too. They maybe have to suffer a little (homesick, workload, relationships with HF etc) but at the end of the day, people learn from their experiences and become better persons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor APs that had to live with some of the families here... I didn't realize how much racism and prejudice one had to pass to come work here as an AP.

Yeah I’m pretty grossed out. Though I can understand how it’s more convenient to blame a country (or continent!) of predominantly black and brown people vs consider your own crap job at screening candidates. Honestly I’m not terribly surprised after speaking to host families who were candidates for my last au pair’s second year. 80-90% asked questions and spoke about her like she was a prospective indentured servant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a Brazilian AP right now and she is fantastic, the house is cleaner as it ever been, she clean after herself, the kids. She is very independent and always ask if I need help with anything. Granted she is a second year AP but she also have some first year AP friends who seems great as well. So yeah please don't stereotype, it is a case by case issue, make sure you vet them properly. Also make sure your expectations are clear. I spent hours writing my handbook and I am glad I did, my expectations from the AP are pretty clear.

I think an AP wrote this (grammar)?

You sound like a racist.

[Anonymous]

APs are not house servants. Everyone needs to clean up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a Brazilian AP right now and she is fantastic, the house is cleaner as it ever been, she clean after herself, the kids. She is very independent and always ask if I need help with anything. Granted she is a second year AP but she also have some first year AP friends who seems great as well. So yeah please don't stereotype, it is a case by case issue, make sure you vet them properly. Also make sure your expectations are clear. I spent hours writing my handbook and I am glad I did, my expectations from the AP are pretty clear.

I think an AP wrote this (grammar)?

You sound like a racist.

NP but commenting on someone’s clear grammatical errors is not racist. Sheesh.

It might not be an AP; for example, it might be a host parent whose first language is not English. Either way, pointing out that the subjects and verbs do t match isn’t a racist issue, it’s grammar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a Brazilian AP right now and she is fantastic, the house is cleaner as it ever been, she clean after herself, the kids. She is very independent and always ask if I need help with anything. Granted she is a second year AP but she also have some first year AP friends who seems great as well. So yeah please don't stereotype, it is a case by case issue, make sure you vet them properly. Also make sure your expectations are clear. I spent hours writing my handbook and I am glad I did, my expectations from the AP are pretty clear.

I think an AP wrote this (grammar)?

You sound like a racist.

NP but commenting on someone’s clear grammatical errors is not racist. Sheesh.

It might not be an AP; for example, it might be a host parent whose first language is not English. Either way, pointing out that the subjects and verbs do t match isn’t a racist issue, it’s grammar.

Unless of course the “you sound like a racist” PP is trying to insinuate that certain American minorities use poor grammar - in which case, you, PP, are the racist.

[Anonymous]

We have only had awesome South American APs, who are proactive.

Some people need VERY specific instructions. Have a "reset" conversation. Show them how you want everythign to be done (like laundry, walk through each step) and even have her video it with her phone. Then there is a reference point for when it's not adequate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are an experienced HF and our third au pair joined us a month ago. We have had APs from Germany until now and this is our first AP from South America. I hate to say it, but she just doesn’t know how to do very much at all. Even though she is older and we thought had more life experience than the others (our two German girls were 21 and 22, and this AP is 26!). She cant cook more than pasta and frozen premade reheatable foods, she doesn’t tidy-up after the kids, she doesn’t even help them make their beds, I have to ask her to help with their laundry but then she leaves the piles out and doesn’t hide them away. She doesn’t even vacuum her own living area. All she does is drop the kids off at camp and pick them up and then she disappears for the day. I don’t think she understands that this is a job, and we have since found out that she never lived away from home before, which is not what was communicated during matching. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but our German girls were always more assertive and take charge. Is this a cultural thing? I just find it hard to believe that a 26 year old woman seems so clueless about what being an au pair is about. I assumed they went over this stuff during training bc we never had an issue before. Advice?

For the little money we get, I only watch the kid nothing more nothing less. You want something else then hire a housekeeper and stop being so F cheap!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an experienced HF and our third au pair joined us a month ago. We have had APs from Germany until now and this is our first AP from South America. I hate to say it, but she just doesn’t know how to do very much at all. Even though she is older and we thought had more life experience than the others (our two German girls were 21 and 22, and this AP is 26!). She cant cook more than pasta and frozen premade reheatable foods, she doesn’t tidy-up after the kids, she doesn’t even help them make their beds, I have to ask her to help with their laundry but then she leaves the piles out and doesn’t hide them away. She doesn’t even vacuum her own living area. All she does is drop the kids off at camp and pick them up and then she disappears for the day. I don’t think she understands that this is a job, and we have since found out that she never lived away from home before, which is not what was communicated during matching. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but our German girls were always more assertive and take charge. Is this a cultural thing? I just find it hard to believe that a 26 year old woman seems so clueless about what being an au pair is about. I assumed they went over this stuff during training bc we never had an issue before. Advice?

For the little money we get, I only watch the kid nothing more nothing less. You want something else then hire a housekeeper and stop being so F cheap!

I am sure if your HF knows your true color, you will be kicked out of the door in 2 seconds.

There are tons of great APs who truly want to experience America and understand/appreciate how much it really costs HFs financially and emotionally and are willingly to do a good job in exchange. If you are not one of them, go back home! Who do you think you are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an experienced HF and our third au pair joined us a month ago. We have had APs from Germany until now and this is our first AP from South America. I hate to say it, but she just doesn’t know how to do very much at all. Even though she is older and we thought had more life experience than the others (our two German girls were 21 and 22, and this AP is 26!). She cant cook more than pasta and frozen premade reheatable foods, she doesn’t tidy-up after the kids, she doesn’t even help them make their beds, I have to ask her to help with their laundry but then she leaves the piles out and doesn’t hide them away. She doesn’t even vacuum her own living area. All she does is drop the kids off at camp and pick them up and then she disappears for the day. I don’t think she understands that this is a job, and we have since found out that she never lived away from home before, which is not what was communicated during matching. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but our German girls were always more assertive and take charge. Is this a cultural thing? I just find it hard to believe that a 26 year old woman seems so clueless about what being an au pair is about. I assumed they went over this stuff during training bc we never had an issue before. Advice?

For the little money we get, I only watch the kid nothing more nothing less. You want something else then hire a housekeeper and stop being so F cheap!

I am sure if your HF knows your true color, you will be kicked out of the door in 2 seconds.

There are tons of great APs who truly want to experience America and understand/appreciate how much it really costs HFs financially and emotionally and are willingly to do a good job in exchange. If you are not one of them, go back home! Who do you think you are?

APs are NOT household servants; re-read it: NOT HOUSEHOLD SERVANTS. You’re welcome!
It costs parents b/c they sign up for the program, didn’t you know that? Also, I’m sure you know HFs paid the fee to the agency and not directly to APs. Most APs aren’t here for the experience, not sure who told you otherwise. You certainly are unknown of the true intentions of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an experienced HF and our third au pair joined us a month ago. We have had APs from Germany until now and this is our first AP from South America. I hate to say it, but she just doesn’t know how to do very much at all. Even though she is older and we thought had more life experience than the others (our two German girls were 21 and 22, and this AP is 26!). She cant cook more than pasta and frozen premade reheatable foods, she doesn’t tidy-up after the kids, she doesn’t even help them make their beds, I have to ask her to help with their laundry but then she leaves the piles out and doesn’t hide them away. She doesn’t even vacuum her own living area. All she does is drop the kids off at camp and pick them up and then she disappears for the day. I don’t think she understands that this is a job, and we have since found out that she never lived away from home before, which is not what was communicated during matching. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but our German girls were always more assertive and take charge. Is this a cultural thing? I just find it hard to believe that a 26 year old woman seems so clueless about what being an au pair is about. I assumed they went over this stuff during training bc we never had an issue before. Advice?

For the little money we get, I only watch the kid nothing more nothing less. You want something else then hire a housekeeper and stop being so F cheap!

I am sure if your HF knows your true color, you will be kicked out of the door in 2 seconds.

There are tons of great APs who truly want to experience America and understand/appreciate how much it really costs HFs financially and emotionally and are willingly to do a good job in exchange. If you are not one of them, go back home! Who do you think you are?

Oh, get over yourself and your haughty, indignant attitude. Who do you think you are?

(not PP, not an AP)

[Anonymous]

“APs are NOT household servants; re-read it: NOT HOUSEHOLD SERVANTS. You’re welcome!
It costs parents b/c they sign up for the program, didn’t you know that? Also, I’m sure you know HFs paid the fee to the agency and not directly to APs. Most APs aren’t here for the experience, not sure who told you otherwise. You certainly are unknown of the true intentions of them.”

No au pairs are not house servants, nor are the host family running a hotel for you. Why did you come to the US? So that you can leave you country and try to move to the US??? People in the US have to WORK for what we get, and we are paying you as an au pair to watch our children, which you agreed to do when you signed on. You also need to clean up after yourself.

I have had au pairs and was considering doing so again, until I read this thread. definitely not worth the headache….

[Anonymous]

Lots of disgruntled au pairs posting here. No one forced y’all to move to the US for little pay. If you don’t like the family for some other reason then rematch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“APs are NOT household servants; re-read it: NOT HOUSEHOLD SERVANTS. You’re welcome!
It costs parents b/c they sign up for the program, didn’t you know that? Also, I’m sure you know HFs paid the fee to the agency and not directly to APs. Most APs aren’t here for the experience, not sure who told you otherwise. You certainly are unknown of the true intentions of them.”

No au pairs are not house servants, nor are the host family running a hotel for you. Why did you come to the US? So that you can leave you country and try to move to the US??? People in the US have to WORK for what we get, and we are paying you as an au pair to watch our children, which you agreed to do when you signed on. You also need to clean up after yourself.

I have had au pairs and was considering doing so again, until I read this thread. definitely not worth the headache….

Those fees have nothing to do with the AP. What does, is how much you pay them weekly. You already have an extra room in your house so housing costs you nothing extra, so just food.