Au Pair Doesn’t Do Much at All. Help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a Brazilian AP right now and she is fantastic, the house is cleaner as it ever been, she clean after herself, the kids. She is very independent and always ask if I need help with anything. Granted she is a second year AP but she also have some first year AP friends who seems great as well. So yeah please don't stereotype, it is a case by case issue, make sure you vet them properly. Also make sure your expectations are clear. I spent hours writing my handbook and I am glad I did, my expectations from the AP are pretty clear.

I think an AP wrote this (grammar)?

Haha, I am not an AP but english is not my first language and I do speak 3 other languages just fyi, I guess i should have reread it, I didn't realize my english was still at the AP level

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but the stereotypes exist for a reason. And I agree with PPs that our Brazilian au pair was generally the worst we had and I won’t match with another because of her and other families we know of who had similar experiences. She was older (25), had never lived on her own, and was clearly very spoiled by her parents. Didn’t know how to cook. Didn’t understand the concept of household chores that she was expected to help with. She came from a background of personal housekeepers and cooks and never lifted a finger. She had no problem with watching me work and cook and grocery shop and empty the trash, but never occurred to her to do these. So trying to convince her of her duties was an uphill battle for a year. Our kids did like her and she was warm and loving, so we put up with the misgivings, but she clearly had never been independent or on her own.

Interesting. So, based on one spoiled Brazilian AP, you're judging the entire Brazilian population? It doesn't occur to you that maybe a different Brazilian -of a different background, class, culture, personality might be different? Yes, this is exactly how stereotypes exist, and as we know, they are often racist and ethnocentric.

[Anonymous]

I had an AP who didn’t know how to cook, clean, organize, do laundry, and was a poor driver... and she was German.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but the stereotypes exist for a reason. And I agree with PPs that our Brazilian au pair was generally the worst we had and I won’t match with another because of her and other families we know of who had similar experiences. She was older (25), had never lived on her own, and was clearly very spoiled by her parents. Didn’t know how to cook. Didn’t understand the concept of household chores that she was expected to help with. She came from a background of personal housekeepers and cooks and never lifted a finger. She had no problem with watching me work and cook and grocery shop and empty the trash, but never occurred to her to do these. So trying to convince her of her duties was an uphill battle for a year. Our kids did like her and she was warm and loving, so we put up with the misgivings, but she clearly had never been independent or on her own.

Interesting. So, based on one spoiled Brazilian AP, you're judging the entire Brazilian population? It doesn't occur to you that maybe a different Brazilian -of a different background, class, culture, personality might be different? Yes, this is exactly how stereotypes exist, and as we know, they are often racist and ethnocentric.

Feel free to hire any au pair you like. Some of us have to make quick decisions based on fairly limited info. So yes, I'm not hiring a Chinese au pair who might have trouble with our food, driving and language, a Brazilian au pair who is used to servants, and has never seen snow much less drive in it, or an Italian au pair who is used to having her mother do her laundry and cook every night. Of course there are lots of exceptions, but I only need to find one au pair who fits with our family.

[Anonymous]

Brazil is a huge country! Our best Au Pair was from Brazil. Our 7 others were very good too but from Western Europe.

I was a little concerned before taking a Brazilian (extension), based on some of the stereotypes out there, and at the risk of starting another, our Brazilian Au Pair was from the south. We did speak with her first year host mom who was also from from Brazil and said she only considered Brazilians from the south because she thinks they are 'harder workers' than they easy-going beach-bum northerners.

[Anonymous]

If HD is happy, it’s all good.

[Anonymous]

I hate to say it but it sounds like this time around you got an AP who thinks she is getting paid to be an exchange student. Why don’t au pair agencies better train these girls? FWIW our AP from Brazil was just so-so. Not terrible but not great. She needed more hand holding, instruction and micromanaging than others. She also didn’t cook either.

[Anonymous]

I agree, some APs arrive with the assumption they are paid exchange students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Brazil is a huge country! Our best Au Pair was from Brazil. Our 7 others were very good too but from Western Europe.

I was a little concerned before taking a Brazilian (extension), based on some of the stereotypes out there, and at the risk of starting another, our Brazilian Au Pair was from the south. We did speak with her first year host mom who was also from from Brazil and said she only considered Brazilians from the south because she thinks they are 'harder workers' than they easy-going beach-bum northerners.

+1. Stereotypes are such timesavers.

[Anonymous]

I'd go into rematch. Honestly, if she's this unhelpful at the beginning, I don't think it's going to get better unless you do what someone else suggested, which is go over page by page the handbook with her. then a month later go over that which she isn't doing.

That's too much work! Rematch.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know why people think an older au pair is more experienced or mature.

Age is a number and my younger au pairs were often more mature and motivated than my older ones.

Sounds like you need to spell it out and micromanage until she gets it...which might not be ever.

[Anonymous]

OP, how is everything going?

[Anonymous]

I hear that all American host families have spoiled children, work too much and are lousy parents, expect APs to work like slaves, think the world revolves around the US, are fat, and not smart enough to speak any other language except English...but you know, stereotypes...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear that all American host families have spoiled children, work too much and are lousy parents, expect APs to work like slaves, think the world revolves around the US, are fat, and not smart enough to speak any other language except English...but you know, stereotypes...

Geez.

[Anonymous]

NP with an au pair from Brazil. What is up with them not knowing how to cook at all? I think this thread pretty much validates some of the stereotypes. Lol. There are multiple posters who all say their Brazilian APs can’t cook, don’t like to clean, and are used to being catered to. Lol! Ours is not quite as bad as others mentioned here, but she also is older (25) and can’t cook more than rice and frozen pizza. My kids don’t care, so it’s not a big deal for us now, and I hope as she stays longer she will get more comfortable with cooking. I’m happy someone is helping and as long as she can make a bag of frozen steamed veggies in the microwave to go with the pizza, I’m good. But she just started about a month ago, so maybe it will get old soon. She is loving and is trying. Not a housekeeping type either. But again not a deal breaker for us.