Brazilian au pair left without notice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last Tuesday, my au pair of 16 months (we had successfully completed the first year and we were 4 months into her 2nd year) up and left without notice. It all started a few days prior when she came home late on a Sunday night and woke up everyone in the house. I was awake and when she woke up my husband (and our 3 years old and 2 years old boys), I had sent her a text letting her know that she was late and that it should not happen again. She proceeded the next morning by confronting my husband about this as he was trying to leave to go to work. I came home that Monday and asked her to speak with me about what happened. She sent me a long text about how she no longer could work weekends because it was inconvenient for her. She wanted to spend more time with her boyfriend even though she had previously told us (on multiple occassions) that she didn't like him and that he was not her type, and she was "trying to change him." Basically, this guy is being tricked by her. She is marrying him for a green card. She is being pressured by her mother to marry him for a green card too. And she is only 20 years old (turned 20 in January). And he is oblivious--this is most likely (99% sure) his first girlfriend. He is buying her all kinds of expensive gifts like diamond necklaces, earrings, purses, concert tickets, etc.

We had, what I thought was a good discussion on Monday. We spoke about how we could improve our relationship. But, she didn't join us for dinner that day. And on Tuesday morning, she told me that she no longer wanted to be an au pair and that she wanted to leave. Then, on Tuesday evening, she left. All of her things were apparently all packed (she must have packed them during the day while she was supposed to be watching my two kids). She is now trying to stay in this country illegally--she is trying to marry this guy who she does not even like so that she could have a green card.

Just needed to vent.

Very odd that you would dictate what time she comes home on her non working days. You also need to get a better house setup if someone coming in will wake everyone up. We have a nanny suite with a separate entrance and our nanny can come and go whenever she wants as long as her work hours aren't affected. YOU ARE WAY OVER the top. I suggest you stop micro managing aspects that are none of your business.

Yeah, OP you should probably consider moving to a new home with a basement suite or hire a contractor to build you an addition on your current home if you want to have an AP. (note: major sarcasm).

Why is that sarcasm. Living in an uncomfortable situation isn't good for anyone. If you want to have a live in nanny or au-pair, you better damn well be setup for one. I didn't realize people would live in such a terrible arrangement. I guess I should advertise that in our home situation? When we built our house we made a nanny suite (20 x 20) with it's own full bath and a separate entrance.

I (not OP) live in an old (but very cool and nice and big) house with old, noisy stairs. Location of the front door happens to be right below DD. AP has her own (very large) bedroom, and shares a (large) bathroom with DD (11). This is a PERFECTLY acceptable set up for an AP (and it's laughable to suggest that anything less than a separate nanny suite is a "terrible arrangement"). To address the noise issue, I have a worknight curfew (midnight) b/c I don't want DD (and DH and I) to be woken up later than by AP when we have work and school the next day. I'm 100 percent clear on that when matching. None of our (very socially active) APs have minded (and I always make exceptions for special occasions like weeknight concerts that may come up).

If an AP who knew my deal and matched with us anyway then began to break that rule, my solution would not be to spend tens of thousands to build a nanny suit or realtor fee, but to rematch.

[Anonymous]

An AP live in situation is different than a live in nanny.
Live-in nanny is an employee who needs her space and privacy.

AP is supposed to be a "family member" hence living with the family. There are Host families where the whole family, including AP shares 1 bathroom, and they make it work. In my town, most of the APs share the bathroom with the kids.

I (and my husband) tiptoe around the house when I come in late from an event, and I expect my AP to do the same. It's like having a college age daughter. They have to follow the house rules or there are consequences (grounding, privileges revoked) or possible rematch in APs case.

I'm looking at Cultural Care now, and there are 50 girls in rematch. A large amount of them won't find a new family and will be sent home. The last 3 rematch girls in my town couldn't find a new family and went home. They were stunned- they think it's easy. But there's simply way more AP candidates than host families

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP She will not be deported and it will be hard to prove she is getting married for wrong reasons. My best friend left her family after 2 months, by the time she was "out of status" she already got married and was in the procces of getting green card. You can be mad at her but there is nothing you can do !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An AP live in situation is different than a live in nanny.

I'm looking at Cultural Care now, and there are 50 girls in rematch. A large amount of them won't find a new family and will be sent home. The last 3 rematch girls in my town couldn't find a new family and went home. They were stunned- they think it's easy. But there's simply way more AP candidates than host families

Really? I just logged in to my CCAP account and zero APs in rematch. Granted, my AP is from CCAP and we are not rematch...maybe they changed who can see currently available APs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An AP live in situation is different than a live in nanny.

I'm looking at Cultural Care now, and there are 50 girls in rematch. A large amount of them won't find a new family and will be sent home. The last 3 rematch girls in my town couldn't find a new family and went home. They were stunned- they think it's easy. But there's simply way more AP candidates than host families

Really? I just logged in to my CCAP account and zero APs in rematch. Granted, my AP is from CCAP and we are not rematch...maybe they changed who can see currently available APs.

I think they CC did change some things. I'm matching for next year now, so I'm in the system, and it shows 58 APs "looking for new family". I think it used to say "Available Now" I can see 700+ APs when I login. Before I renewed and officially began matching, I saw far fewer and don't think I could see the rematch APs.
Also, I've been having some system glitches so I called CC, and they told me yesterday that they did several system updates last week.

[Anonymous]

op you sound very hateful person. Her personal life should not be your business. Be careful what you wish for others. Get a nanny pay for a nanny don't be sheep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigration lawyer and OP she's not getting deported. And she won't be found to have committed marriage fraud most likely. But the visa will be cancelled if you contact your agency. But you sound pretty nasty to be honest- I was with you until you said you hoped she'd be deported. yikes.

oh shut up

The lawyer is right. OP and especially the commiserating PP posting about deporting "little bitches" sound unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We are done with au pairs. She will be deported and banned. She was an average au pair, but a very socially awkward individual. She found another geek who has never talked to a girl who is blind and ignorant and too socially stupid to see that she is trying to scam him for a green card. What he doesn't realize is that the punishment for marriage fraud is $250,000 fine and/or 5 years in prison. Given that he does some government work, that is not going to go over well for his career. I hope she gets deported, and sent back to Brazil and never given access to enter the USA again. She will be deported.

She sure be! Have you really reported here and with whom? You say 3 times she will be deported, will she really? How does that go? Do you have her passport? Have you talked to anyone but the agency? Police? Do they know where she is, are they looking for her? I'm going through a similar situation right now, I'd love to know how I can report this little b*** and walk her a** out of this country!!

Wow, you ladies are a piece of work.

Here's a PSA for you: If your AP meets a geeky guy who adores her more than she loves him and they get married so she can stay in the country - that is not a fraudulent marriage. She will not get deported. She will not even get in trouble, neither will he. She will get a greencard when they marry. If they stay married for 3 years she can apply for citizenship.

I get that you're upset, but you can't deport someone because they're getting married to someone you don't approve of and they quit working for you with no notice.

[Anonymous]

I’m in a similar spot. An Au pair left her host family to try to sneak in and love with my husband (we are divorcing). She’s hiding out in his house, pretending not to in hopes no one will find them. What’s the likelihood of the agency enforcing her return home? (They contacted me for their address, and know she’s there).

[Anonymous]

This was posted on 2016. Almost years ago. At this time, this AP and her husband must be raising her own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a similar spot. An Au pair left her host family to try to sneak in and love with my husband (we are divorcing). She’s hiding out in his house, pretending not to in hopes no one will find them. What’s the likelihood of the agency enforcing her return home? (They contacted me for their address, and know she’s there).

Zero. The au pair agencies do not police aupairs. They tell the government she overstayed. Then they sell another aupair to another unsuspecting family. They don't enforce visa laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last Tuesday, my au pair of 16 months (we had successfully completed the first year and we were 4 months into her 2nd year) up and left without notice. It all started a few days prior when she came home late on a Sunday night and woke up everyone in the house. I was awake and when she woke up my husband (and our 3 years old and 2 years old boys), I had sent her a text letting her know that she was late and that it should not happen again. She proceeded the next morning by confronting my husband about this as he was trying to leave to go to work. I came home that Monday and asked her to speak with me about what happened. She sent me a long text about how she no longer could work weekends because it was inconvenient for her. She wanted to spend more time with her boyfriend even though she had previously told us (on multiple occassions) that she didn't like him and that he was not her type, and she was "trying to change him." Basically, this guy is being tricked by her. She is marrying him for a green card. She is being pressured by her mother to marry him for a green card too. And she is only 20 years old (turned 20 in January). And he is oblivious--this is most likely (99% sure) his first girlfriend. He is buying her all kinds of expensive gifts like diamond necklaces, earrings, purses, concert tickets, etc.

We had, what I thought was a good discussion on Monday. We spoke about how we could improve our relationship. But, she didn't join us for dinner that day. And on Tuesday morning, she told me that she no longer wanted to be an au pair and that she wanted to leave. Then, on Tuesday evening, she left. All of her things were apparently all packed (she must have packed them during the day while she was supposed to be watching my two kids). She is now trying to stay in this country illegally--she is trying to marry this guy who she does not even like so that she could have a green card.

Just needed to vent.

Happened to us too with our Brazilian aupair. Focused on greencard and not on being an aupair. Hire an aupair from Europe who isn't running from a country with zero job prospects and poverty.

[Anonymous]

Be a better person, OP, and let it go. It's not a good thing from you to wish her to be deported (which she won't anyway).

She's only 20. She's making a mistake by getting married to a guy she doesn't love and by leaving your family this way.
She will regret those things one day ...

Everybody makes mistakes, especially at that age ...
We only know your side of the story as well.
You said she extended and that you were happy about it and then you say she was average ... so it's hard to believe your story 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last Tuesday, my au pair of 16 months (we had successfully completed the first year and we were 4 months into her 2nd year) up and left without notice. It all started a few days prior when she came home late on a Sunday night and woke up everyone in the house. I was awake and when she woke up my husband (and our 3 years old and 2 years old boys), I had sent her a text letting her know that she was late and that it should not happen again. She proceeded the next morning by confronting my husband about this as he was trying to leave to go to work. I came home that Monday and asked her to speak with me about what happened. She sent me a long text about how she no longer could work weekends because it was inconvenient for her. She wanted to spend more time with her boyfriend even though she had previously told us (on multiple occassions) that she didn't like him and that he was not her type, and she was "trying to change him." Basically, this guy is being tricked by her. She is marrying him for a green card. She is being pressured by her mother to marry him for a green card too. And she is only 20 years old (turned 20 in January). And he is oblivious--this is most likely (99% sure) his first girlfriend. He is buying her all kinds of expensive gifts like diamond necklaces, earrings, purses, concert tickets, etc.

We had, what I thought was a good discussion on Monday. We spoke about how we could improve our relationship. But, she didn't join us for dinner that day. And on Tuesday morning, she told me that she no longer wanted to be an au pair and that she wanted to leave. Then, on Tuesday evening, she left. All of her things were apparently all packed (she must have packed them during the day while she was supposed to be watching my two kids). She is now trying to stay in this country illegally--she is trying to marry this guy who she does not even like so that she could have a green card.




Good for her! You’re not her mother and none of your business. She left for a reason.
Just needed to vent.

[Anonymous]

What a heartless human you’re. No AP will take you as host. You sound awful to work with.