Not invited to birthday party!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now 13, 10, and 8. We've never invited a nanny to a birthday party (and I certainly can't imagine doing so at these ages, nor, by the way, would I ever dream of asking a nanny to shop for my kids' birthday gifts or wrap them). Our nanny works for us, she's not part of the family or within our close circle of friends; no different than any other day care provider.

The Help is the help and they better not forget it!

Are they or are they not an employee?

No, PP, nannies are NOT an "employee" to the children in their care. They are beloved and you insulted your kids in not including their nanny in their birthday celebrations. You basically told your little ones that their relationship and feelings don't matter to you. I am so sad that you cannot see that.

- signed an MB who grew up with a much loved nanny.

Is this a joke? Insulted the kids? What a crock. A nanny is an employee, and nothing more, like it or not, the same way a teacher who may be beloved is still a teacher and not a family member or close friend.

Wow, PP, you haven't got a clue what is going on in your children's heads or hearts. I truly do feel so sorry for your children.

+1 There are a few very insecure mothers out there who want so desperately to believe that the woman caring for their children 40 hours a week has no impact or emotional connection to them. It is very sad. The mother wants to diminish her child's attachment to his/her nanny out of their own insecurity and jealousy. MaKes for a very messed up kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now 13, 10, and 8. We've never invited a nanny to a birthday party (and I certainly can't imagine doing so at these ages, nor, by the way, would I ever dream of asking a nanny to shop for my kids' birthday gifts or wrap them). Our nanny works for us, she's not part of the family or within our close circle of friends; no different than any other day care provider.

The Help is the help and they better not forget it!

Are they or are they not an employee?

No, PP, nannies are NOT an "employee" to the children in their care. They are beloved and you insulted your kids in not including their nanny in their birthday celebrations. You basically told your little ones that their relationship and feelings don't matter to you. I am so sad that you cannot see that.

- signed an MB who grew up with a much loved nanny.

Is this a joke? Insulted the kids? What a crock. A nanny is an employee, and nothing more, like it or not, the same way a teacher who may be beloved is still a teacher and not a family member or close friend.

Wow, PP, you haven't got a clue what is going on in your children's heads or hearts. I truly do feel so sorry for your children.

+1 There are a few very insecure mothers out there who want so desperately to believe that the woman caring for their children 40 hours a week has no impact or emotional connection to them. It is very sad. The mother wants to diminish her child's attachment to his/her nanny out of their own insecurity and jealousy. MaKes for a very messed up kid.

Actually, there are a lot of clingy nannies out there who don't understand their role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now 13, 10, and 8. We've never invited a nanny to a birthday party (and I certainly can't imagine doing so at these ages, nor, by the way, would I ever dream of asking a nanny to shop for my kids' birthday gifts or wrap them). Our nanny works for us, she's not part of the family or within our close circle of friends; no different than any other day care provider.

The Help is the help and they better not forget it!

Are they or are they not an employee?

No, PP, nannies are NOT an "employee" to the children in their care. They are beloved and you insulted your kids in not including their nanny in their birthday celebrations. You basically told your little ones that their relationship and feelings don't matter to you. I am so sad that you cannot see that.

- signed an MB who grew up with a much loved nanny.

Is this a joke? Insulted the kids? What a crock. A nanny is an employee, and nothing more, like it or not, the same way a teacher who may be beloved is still a teacher and not a family member or close friend.

Wow, PP, you haven't got a clue what is going on in your children's heads or hearts. I truly do feel so sorry for your children.

+1 There are a few very insecure mothers out there who want so desperately to believe that the woman caring for their children 40 hours a week has no impact or emotional connection to them. It is very sad. The mother wants to diminish her child's attachment to his/her nanny out of their own insecurity and jealousy. MaKes for a very messed up kid.

Actually, there are a lot of clingy nannies out there who don't understand their role.

MB and NP here. You need to stop now, PP. You are wrong on this and clearly embarrassed by other mothers comments. Stop embarrassing yourself.

[Anonymous]

MB here. Our kids' first nanny was always included in their b'day parties. She was like part of the family and we wouldn't have thought not to invite her. She was with us for 3+ years.

Now we have a different nanny who will have been with us for 5 mths when our kids turn 4.

We want to include their former nanny in the party. The current nanny is different - she is much less part of the family and more just an employee in how she interacts with us. (She's also generationally very different.)

It probably isn't the greatest idea to have both former and current nanny at the party, but we don't want to upset either one.

So we're kind of stumped.

Short of just asking the current nanny whether she would like to come (which I would do, but for the issue of that likely being awkward with the former nanny there) or excluding the former nanny (which I don't want to do as we and the kids would love to see her, and I know it would mean a great deal to her to be invited), I can't think of a good solution.

I guess my only point is that this can be a tough issue for parents to sort out graciously, and not all nannies approach their jobs in the same way (and there's no right or wrong in that - just personal preference.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. Our kids' first nanny was always included in their b'day parties. She was like part of the family and we wouldn't have thought not to invite her. She was with us for 3+ years.

Now we have a different nanny who will have been with us for 5 mths when our kids turn 4.

We want to include their former nanny in the party. The current nanny is different - she is much less part of the family and more just an employee in how she interacts with us. (She's also generationally very different.)

It probably isn't the greatest idea to have both former and current nanny at the party, but we don't want to upset either one.

So we're kind of stumped.

Short of just asking the current nanny whether she would like to come (which I would do, but for the issue of that likely being awkward with the former nanny there) or excluding the former nanny (which I don't want to do as we and the kids would love to see her, and I know it would mean a great deal to her to be invited), I can't think of a good solution.

I guess my only point is that this can be a tough issue for parents to sort out graciously, and not all nannies approach their jobs in the same way (and there's no right or wrong in that - just personal preference.)

Former nannies aren't like ex-husbands, PP. They can happily be in the same room together. I would invite your current nanny telling her that the kids former nanny is going to be there and let the chips (if any) fall where they may.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now 13, 10, and 8. We've never invited a nanny to a birthday party (and I certainly can't imagine doing so at these ages, nor, by the way, would I ever dream of asking a nanny to shop for my kids' birthday gifts or wrap them). Our nanny works for us, she's not part of the family or within our close circle of friends; no different than any other day care provider.

I'm so glad I was never you're nanny. Someone who practically raises your child is not " part of the family"? A nanny is different than a daycare worker. They are in your home, raising the most important thing to you ( or maybe not). This is just sad that you view your nanny that way.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here why are nannies making big deal for not invited in birthdays. Stop interfering in personal choices. Their kids their rule. Anyway who what's to go see their boss in weekend don't you have things to do or just relax at home . Buy big cake and celebrate yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really glad to have read this, because as an employer, I would lean towards inviting, but also feel a bit awkward, because I want the nanny to feel free to decline, since she'd be off-duty. As the employer, if you invite, it's rather close to asking/instructing the nanny to attend, which she might feel obligated to say yes even if she doesn't really want to spend her weekend that way and it should be completely voluntary.

So, glad to have read the consensus that you 100% want to be invited and don't feel put upon to attend.

NP and MB here. I feel similarly. I have chosen to invite and have gone overboard in explaining that she is a guest, not working, and is under no obligation to attend or bring a gift. Her presence is the only gift, if she wants to attend. If she wants to celebrate (or not) with my DD at another time, that is just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. Our kids' first nanny was always included in their b'day parties. She was like part of the family and we wouldn't have thought not to invite her. She was with us for 3+ years.

Now we have a different nanny who will have been with us for 5 mths when our kids turn 4.

We want to include their former nanny in the party. The current nanny is different - she is much less part of the family and more just an employee in how she interacts with us. (She's also generationally very different.)

It probably isn't the greatest idea to have both former and current nanny at the party, but we don't want to upset either one.

So we're kind of stumped.

Short of just asking the current nanny whether she would like to come (which I would do, but for the issue of that likely being awkward with the former nanny there) or excluding the former nanny (which I don't want to do as we and the kids would love to see her, and I know it would mean a great deal to her to be invited), I can't think of a good solution.

I guess my only point is that this can be a tough issue for parents to sort out graciously, and not all nannies approach their jobs in the same way (and there's no right or wrong in that - just personal preference.)

Former nannies aren't like ex-husbands, PP. They can happily be in the same room together. I would invite your current nanny telling her that the kids former nanny is going to be there and let the chips (if any) fall where they may.

I agree - that is the grown-up way to handle it. It's actually our former nanny who will have an issue with sharing the space with her replacement but the same rule applies (let them both know and let them decide how to handle it/attend/etc...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now 13, 10, and 8. We've never invited a nanny to a birthday party (and I certainly can't imagine doing so at these ages, nor, by the way, would I ever dream of asking a nanny to shop for my kids' birthday gifts or wrap them). Our nanny works for us, she's not part of the family or within our close circle of friends; no different than any other day care provider.

I'm so glad I was never you're nanny. Someone who practically raises your child is not " part of the family"? A nanny is different than a daycare worker. They are in your home, raising the most important thing to you ( or maybe not). This is just sad that you view your nanny that way.

Hand that rocks the cradle much? Some of you nannies need to step back and gain some real perspective on the real role you play in your charge's lives. It's actually pretty creepy how important some of you think you are.
-A nanny with a life of her own

[Anonymous]

50 hours a week for over three years? Yeah, I play an important role in their lives. I don't think that's inaccurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now 13, 10, and 8. We've never invited a nanny to a birthday party (and I certainly can't imagine doing so at these ages, nor, by the way, would I ever dream of asking a nanny to shop for my kids' birthday gifts or wrap them). Our nanny works for us, she's not part of the family or within our close circle of friends; no different than any other day care provider.

I'm so glad I was never you're nanny. Someone who practically raises your child is not " part of the family"? A nanny is different than a daycare worker. They are in your home, raising the most important thing to you ( or maybe not). This is just sad that you view your nanny that way. [/quote


We certainly can agree on that. You've got emotionally needy written all over you. You are a nanny and it is a job. You are not a member of my family nor are you a close friend merely because you provide daycare services to my kids in my home. And yes, that is exactly what you do, nothing more and nothing less.

[Anonymous]

Calif nanny here- I am close with my nanny families and am not normally invited to birthday parties. I also have a life outside work, and feel that while I love my charges, I can celebrate with them durning my working hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Calif nanny here- I am close with my nanny families and am not normally invited to birthday parties. I also have a life outside work, and feel that while I love my charges, I can celebrate with them durning my working hours.

Just keep repeating that like it's not snotty at ALL. We all have a life outside of work, and spending one hour of my weekend once a year celebrating at a birthday party is hardly evidence that I don't. You don't have to go, everyone has a different arrangement, but god, could we stop pretending that nannies who see their charges outside of work EVER are lonely lifeless spinsters or something? I haven't always been able to make the parties, sometimes I'm busy, but if I can go, I want to.

[Anonymous]

Cali nanny again-
That's nice you have an extra hour once a year to go to a birthday party, but not all nannies care to be that involved in their NF. Obviously OP's NF would also agree they don't care for their nanny to be that involved in personal time.