How to explain to 4 year old nanny isn't coming back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly in denial, it seems to me.

Do you want to explain why or you just like to be argumentative? You are the one who is in denial that not all MBs are bad and not all nannies are good.

On the contrary, I've had the good fortune of having had some of the most amazing MBs, the nanny world has ever seen. I could almost write a book about them, and how you can be one to. And I could easily write a book about some of the so-called nannies I've seen over the years. The fact that they had been actually hired by seemingly educated parents, horrifies me to no end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do the hard work that you don't want to do. Write the last nanny a letter of apology, and ask for forgiveness. Be honest and tell her your child is deeply missing her.

Ask the former nanny to please come and visit your child. Maybe ask new nanny if she'd like to take your child out to lunch to meet up with former nanny. Ask former nanny what she'd feel most comfortable with.

OP, please do this for your OWN child
who is grieving serious loss. PLEASE.

The therapy bills and mental instability down the road,
will be much more costly to you,
if you choose not to.
I guarantee it.

I've been around long enough to see this happen more than once.
You haven't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do the hard work that you don't want to do. Write the last nanny a letter of apology, and ask for forgiveness. Be honest and tell her your child is deeply missing her.

Ask the former nanny to please come and visit your child. Maybe ask new nanny if she'd like to take your child out to lunch to meet up with former nanny. Ask former nanny what she'd feel most comfortable with.

OP, please do this for your OWN child
who is grieving serious loss. PLEASE.

The therapy bills and mental instability down the road,
will be much more costly to you,
if you choose not to.
I guarantee it.

I've been around long enough to see this happen more than once.
You haven't?

How exactly have you been around long enough to see this? You've seen lots of children who had multiple nannies at a young age who you're still in touch with 20 to 30 years later to see signs of mental instability and excessive therapy resulting directly from the fact of having multiple NANNIES at said young age? Read studies (again, specifically about nannies??)? Honestly this beaten to death fallacy is one of the reasons this board has become such an unproductive place. Children in every circumstance have multiple caregivers in addition to their parents - relatives, nannies, day care teachers (who change regularly), etc., and caregivers change in many situations - nannies move on, children graduate day care classes, grandparents find themselves unable to care for the kids anymore, families move. Things happen and kids turn out fine. Attachment disorders and resulting therapy are more closely linked to a lack of love and intimacy for a child from all sources - the situation where a child has stable parents and/or guardians but multiple other caregivers is NOT the same. Nor can you extrapolate that having multiple nannies at a young age means a child is not getting love and intimacy from his or her parents or guardians. But feel free to find an actual scientific study using actual scientific methods to proving me wrong.

All of this is not to say that OP's child is not having legitimate feelings of missing her old nanny. OP - I'd suggest trying to talk to her about what she misses and encouraging her to articulate her feelings. Her sadness will pass and she'll bond with the new nanny and be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do the hard work that you don't want to do. Write the last nanny a letter of apology, and ask for forgiveness. Be honest and tell her your child is deeply missing her.

Ask the former nanny to please come and visit your child. Maybe ask new nanny if she'd like to take your child out to lunch to meet up with former nanny. Ask former nanny what she'd feel most comfortable with.

OP, please do this for your OWN child
who is grieving serious loss. PLEASE.

The therapy bills and mental instability down the road,
will be much more costly to you,
if you choose not to.
I guarantee it.

I've been around long enough to see this happen more than once.
You haven't?

How exactly have you been around long enough to see this? You've seen lots of children who had multiple nannies at a young age who you're still in touch with 20 to 30 years later to see signs of mental instability and excessive therapy resulting directly from the fact of having multiple NANNIES at said young age? Read studies (again, specifically about nannies??)? Honestly this beaten to death fallacy is one of the reasons this board has become such an unproductive place. Children in every circumstance have multiple caregivers in addition to their parents - relatives, nannies, day care teachers (who change regularly), etc., and caregivers change in many situations - nannies move on, children graduate day care classes, grandparents find themselves unable to care for the kids anymore, families move. Things happen and kids turn out fine. Attachment disorders and resulting therapy are more closely linked to a lack of love and intimacy for a child from all sources - the situation where a child has stable parents and/or guardians but multiple other caregivers is NOT the same. Nor can you extrapolate that having multiple nannies at a young age means a child is not getting love and intimacy from his or her parents or guardians. But feel free to find an actual scientific study using actual scientific methods to proving me wrong.

All of this is not to say that OP's child is not having legitimate feelings of missing her old nanny. OP - I'd suggest trying to talk to her about what she misses and encouraging her to articulate her feelings. Her sadness will pass and she'll bond with the new nanny and be fine.

Classic example of parental denial. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and had nannies growing up. I had 4 different ones from when I was born until when I was 5. I can assure you, I was never in therapy and never needed it because of these multiple nannies. I've had very healthy and stable friendships and relationships my whole life, so I really don't think I've suffered mentally due to this. Honestly it just makes you sound ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Stop feeding the troll, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny and had nannies growing up. I had 4 different ones from when I was born until when I was 5. I can assure you, I was never in therapy and never needed it because of these multiple nannies. I've had very healthy and stable friendships and relationships my whole life, so I really don't think I've suffered mentally due to this. Honestly it just makes you sound ridiculous.

Do you have a child? About how old are you?

[Anonymous]

OP, I posted advice earlier, but wanted to say that it might help if DC and new nanny make some special plans for adventures or outings that wi help dc realize that new nanny is fun too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I posted advice earlier, but wanted to say that it might help if DC and new nanny make some special plans for adventures or outings that wi help dc realize that new nanny is fun too.

Do you really just don't get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny and had nannies growing up. I had 4 different ones from when I was born until when I was 5. I can assure you, I was never in therapy and never needed it because of these multiple nannies. I've had very healthy and stable friendships and relationships my whole life, so I really don't think I've suffered mentally due to this. Honestly it just makes you sound ridiculous.

Do you have a child? About how old are you?

Yes, I have an 18 month old and I'm almost 32.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I posted advice earlier, but wanted to say that it might help if DC and new nanny make some special plans for adventures or outings that wi help dc realize that new nanny is fun too.

Do you really just don't get it?

No sweetie, it's you who doesn't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I posted advice earlier, but wanted to say that it might help if DC and new nanny make some special plans for adventures or outings that wi help dc realize that new nanny is fun too.

Do you really just don't get it?

No sweetie, it's you who doesn't get it.

OP here. Thank you, that's a really great idea. As for the troll, can we please just ignore her/him? She doesn't make any sense, has nothing to back up her ludicrous statements and is just looking for attention.

[Anonymous]

Can new nanny have some candy to give your kid? That should make old nanny memories go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly in denial, it seems to me.

Do you want to explain why or you just like to be argumentative? You are the one who is in denial that not all MBs are bad and not all nannies are good.

On the contrary, I've had the good fortune of having had some of the most amazing MBs, the nanny world has ever seen. I could almost write a book about them, and how you can be one to. And I could easily write a book about some of the so-called nannies I've seen over the years. The fact that they had been actually hired by seemingly educated parents, horrifies me to no end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly in denial, it seems to me.

Do you want to explain why or you just like to be argumentative? You are the one who is in denial that not all MBs are bad and not all nannies are good.

On the contrary, I've had the good fortune of having had some of the most amazing MBs, the nanny world has ever seen. I could almost write a book about them, and how you can be one to. And I could easily write a book about some of the so-called nannies I've seen over the years. The fact that they had been actually hired by seemingly educated parents, horrifies me to no end.

Better keep your day job. Your writing is terrible.