How to explain to 4 year old nanny isn't coming back

[Anonymous]

Our previous nanny was with us for about 9 months and we recently parted ways. It was a mutual decision and we parted on good terms. I offered for her to babysit sometimes if she wanted to stay in touch and see the children occasionally but I got the sense she wanted a clean break. We had a gradual transition to the new nanny. Ie the new nanny started filling in here and there before the old one left for good. At first my oldest 3.5 yo DC didn't say anything but now 3 weeks later she's been asking when old nanny is coming back. I don't think it's because she doesn't like new nanny, I think she just misses the old one but I'm not sure what to say. I've been saying we have new nanny now instead and she seems satisfied with that answer and when I say old nanny isn't coming back but then a day later she'll ask again. She also asks in front of new nanny which feels awkward to me. Any suggestions for what to say or do I just keep going like this until she eventually forgets.

[Anonymous]

This kind of shit is SO unfair to little children. It happens more than most parents are willing to admit, so kudos to OP for her honesty, and for being concerned about her child.

The best thing you can do at this point forward, is to make sure this nanny stays a VERY long time. Do whatever it takes. If you hired a good one, she'll do what it takes, to. GL.

Children require stability.

[Anonymous]

I think she's big enough to answer more fully. Talk about what she's feeling ("are you missing Nanny X? She was a fun nanny. I liked how she always blank."). Let her talk too. Then wrap it hp by talking about how some people (Mommy and Daddy) will be in our lives forever, but others will be close for a while and then have to go away and it's okay to miss them.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you tell you daughter that "first nanny" loved her and was so happy to be her nanny - and then tell her whatever reason you gave her why why nanny left. I hate the thought that any child might think it is his/her fault that nanny left or that nanny didn't love them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This kind of shit is SO unfair to little children. It happens more than most parents are willing to admit, so kudos to OP for her honesty, and for being concerned about her child.

The best thing you can do at this point forward, is to make sure this nanny stays a VERY long time. Do whatever it takes. If you hired a good one, she'll do what it takes, to. GL.

Children require stability.

Yes, and often the nanny has things happen in HER life that necessitate her leaving early. Even the good ones.

[Anonymous]

It is so natural that your daughter would ask about her old nanny even if she truly likes the new nanny - and don't worry about it being awkward - I think most nannies understand how attached little ones get to their nannies and we're generally not the jealous types!

Talk to your daughter about her old nanny and, as PP suggested, do tell her that her nanny will always love her and how much nanny enjoyed being with her.

This kind of thing breaks my heart a little - it's why I prefer to work with babies. Babies will always know that someone (me) took care of them very well and was devoted to them when they were small - but they won't miss me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is so natural that your daughter would ask about her old nanny even if she truly likes the new nanny - and don't worry about it being awkward - I think most nannies understand how attached little ones get to their nannies and we're generally not the jealous types!

Talk to your daughter about her old nanny and, as PP suggested, do tell her that her nanny will always love her and how much nanny enjoyed being with her.

This kind of thing breaks my heart a little - it's why I prefer to work with babies. Babies will always know that someone (me) took care of them very well and was devoted to them when they were small - but they won't miss me.

How many hours a week are you working with the babies?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone for the good ideas of what to say to DD. That will help the next time she brings it up. I hope the new nanny is here to stay. She was with her last family for 10 years and we did several trial days to make sure it was a good fit before officially hiring her. So far she has been working out very well with us and I hope it continues. I thought our last nanny would be with us forever though, but it just wasn't working out for many reasons I had no way of knowing before she started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for the good ideas of what to say to DD. That will help the next time she brings it up. I hope the new nanny is here to stay. She was with her last family for 10 years and we did several trial days to make sure it was a good fit before officially hiring her. So far she has been working out very well with us and I hope it continues. I thought our last nanny would be with us forever though, but it just wasn't working out for many reasons I had no way of knowing before she started.

If you treat her well, and compensate her as well as you're able, she'll most likely stay as long as you want.
But I must admit, OP, something doesn't smell quite right about the last nanny. Sounds like you carry part of the blame. Any lessons learned for next time?

[Anonymous]

The way I explained it to my kids is just like you only have teachers for a year, sometimes you only have a nanny for a year or so before moving on to another one. Because just like some teachers are great at teaching preschool while others are great at teaching first grade, some nannies are great with babies while some are great with school-age kids.

[Anonymous]

I sure hope these revolving-door nannies don't have your kids for that many hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for the good ideas of what to say to DD. That will help the next time she brings it up. I hope the new nanny is here to stay. She was with her last family for 10 years and we did several trial days to make sure it was a good fit before officially hiring her. So far she has been working out very well with us and I hope it continues. I thought our last nanny would be with us forever though, but it just wasn't working out for many reasons I had no way of knowing before she started.

If you treat her well, and compensate her as well as you're able, she'll most likely stay as long as you want.
But I must admit, OP, something doesn't smell quite right about the last nanny. Sounds like you carry part of the blame. Any lessons learned for next time?

How judgy you are!

[Anonymous]

If everything was so chunky dory, OP, how come the former nanny wants nothing more to do with you? You are not telling the whole story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If everything was so chunky dory, OP, how come the former nanny wants nothing more to do with you? You are not telling the whole story.

"chunky dory" LOL!

[Anonymous]

I think she's big enough to answer more fully. Talk about what she's feeling ("are you missing Nanny X? She was a fun nanny. I liked how she always blank."). Let her talk too. Then wrap it hp by talking about how some people (Mommy and Daddy) will be in our lives forever, but others will be close for a while and then have to go away and it's okay to miss them.

This is a great response.