Found out MB has been lying to me.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she doesn't want her husband to know that she is out socializing, either because he wouldn't approve of her spending more $$ for childcare or because he is already pressuring her to spend more time with the children. Glossing over the truth is preferable to being straight with you and hoping or asking that you keep the secret from DB.

Also, depending on what she does, there may be a very fine line between business and personal socializing. Many professionals have colleagues or clients with whom they socialize, partly for the sake of networking or client retention and partly because they enjoy each other. Many professionals are also conscious of trying to cultivate business prospects from within their social circle. So maybe her recent plans did have a business dimension to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she doesn't want her husband to know that she is out socializing, either because he wouldn't approve of her spending more $$ for childcare or because he is already pressuring her to spend more time with the children. Glossing over the truth is preferable to being straight with you and hoping or asking that you keep the secret from DB.

Also, depending on what she does, there may be a very fine line between business and personal socializing. Many professionals have colleagues or clients with whom they socialize, partly for the sake of networking or client retention and partly because they enjoy each other. Many professionals are also conscious of trying to cultivate business prospects from within their social circle. So maybe her recent plans did have a business dimension to them.

Again, I don't give a damn what her plans are. Her lying is the problem.

[Anonymous]

It's like all these people posting are failing to miss the big picture. MB lied to OP. That's unacceptable regardless of the lie or issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she doesn't want her husband to know that she is out socializing, either because he wouldn't approve of her spending more $$ for childcare or because he is already pressuring her to spend more time with the children. Glossing over the truth is preferable to being straight with you and hoping or asking that you keep the secret from DB.

Also, depending on what she does, there may be a very fine line between business and personal socializing. Many professionals have colleagues or clients with whom they socialize, partly for the sake of networking or client retention and partly because they enjoy each other. Many professionals are also conscious of trying to cultivate business prospects from within their social circle. So maybe her recent plans did have a business dimension to them.

MB would need to take that up with her husband, not make OP an unwilling accomplice to her deceit. Your explanation actually makes it worse. Now OP has to decide whether she will life to DB! I agree that business and pleasure can overlap, I don't think that is likely in this case though. I used to work in club promotions where I had to entertain clients in the evening. If I were going to see a band that I hoped to book for my clients venue I would bring friends along for the show. I also would have made it clear to a potential nanny what the nature of my work was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. It would be like me lying that I took my charge to an educational museum when I would be taking her to the zoo because I feel guilty she won't be having fun or other guilt reasons. I would get fired. It makes me rethink the family I work for and if I can trust her anymore.

No, it is not one bit like that. It is more like you saying that you can't pick up extra hours on a Saturday morning because you have another babysitting job when really you just want to get drunk Friday night and sleep in with your S/O. It's an unnecessary white lie and does implicate your personal integrity and credibility, but what you do with your personal time is not your MB's business unless it interferes with your ability to properly do your primary job. You have no duty of candor to the MB in that situation, just as the MB owes you no duty of candor with respect to her use of the time she spends away from her child (as long as you know how to reach her should the need arise).

On the other hand, you do owe your boss a duty of candor about how you spend your work hours. Lying to your boss about where you have taken her child is a gross breach of trust and absolutely grounds for termination. She is entitled to full disclosure about how you are spending the time for which she is paying you to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had dinners (and lunches, and drinks, etc.) with friends that I was able to expense because we talked business for 15 minutes, and we were in compatible industries that might reasonably do business together. So maybe she IS having dinner with friends but also thinking of it as a business meeting at the same time.

It really just strikes me as she feels guilty for not rushing straight home after work. Your time is valuable, OP, SO YOU GET PAID FOR IT. You don't need to know what your MB is doing or who she's with. You only need to know how to reach her in an emergency. That's ALL.

The point isn't WHAT she is doing with the time. It would have been perfectly acceptable to not tell OP what she was doing at all. The issue is that she LIED about what she was doing. That is the problem. Your MB thinks she can lie to you OP and that is not okay.

No, actually the point is that you have no way of knowing whether there was a business dimension to her otherwise social evening plans. She may not have been lying at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had dinners (and lunches, and drinks, etc.) with friends that I was able to expense because we talked business for 15 minutes, and we were in compatible industries that might reasonably do business together. So maybe she IS having dinner with friends but also thinking of it as a business meeting at the same time.

It really just strikes me as she feels guilty for not rushing straight home after work. Your time is valuable, OP, SO YOU GET PAID FOR IT. You don't need to know what your MB is doing or who she's with. You only need to know how to reach her in an emergency. That's ALL.

The point isn't WHAT she is doing with the time. It would have been perfectly acceptable to not tell OP what she was doing at all. The issue is that she LIED about what she was doing. That is the problem. Your MB thinks she can lie to you OP and that is not okay.

No, actually the point is that you have no way of knowing whether there was a business dimension to her otherwise social evening plans. She may not have been lying at all.

Bullshit. The simplest answer is usually correct. Is it more likely that MB told a white lie and wasn't actually working, as was indicated by her sister and niece, or was she in some convoluted way mixing business and pleasure making it kind of true but still not really? No. It is most likely that MB told a white lie, for whatever reason, but it was a lie and it speaks to a lack of integrity. Not a reason to quit immediately, but definitely a reason for OP to keep one eye on her and verify the things she is told. If this is symptomatic of a greater character flaw, she's probably not someone you could trust to give an honest reference if you were to quit, for example.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I do know that it isn't business related. My MB is a personal assistant to a CEO. Her friends are not in the same field and it doesn't at all overlap. MB has said that many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had dinners (and lunches, and drinks, etc.) with friends that I was able to expense because we talked business for 15 minutes, and we were in compatible industries that might reasonably do business together. So maybe she IS having dinner with friends but also thinking of it as a business meeting at the same time.

It really just strikes me as she feels guilty for not rushing straight home after work. Your time is valuable, OP, SO YOU GET PAID FOR IT. You don't need to know what your MB is doing or who she's with. You only need to know how to reach her in an emergency. That's ALL.

The point isn't WHAT she is doing with the time. It would have been perfectly acceptable to not tell OP what she was doing at all. The issue is that she LIED about what she was doing. That is the problem. Your MB thinks she can lie to you OP and that is not okay.

No, actually the point is that you have no way of knowing whether there was a business dimension to her otherwise social evening plans. She may not have been lying at all.

Bullshit. The simplest answer is usually correct. Is it more likely that MB told a white lie and wasn't actually working, as was indicated by her sister and niece, or was she in some convoluted way mixing business and pleasure making it kind of true but still not really? No. It is most likely that MB told a white lie, for whatever reason, but it was a lie and it speaks to a lack of integrity. Not a reason to quit immediately, but definitely a reason for OP to keep one eye on her and verify the things she is told. If this is symptomatic of a greater character flaw, she's probably not someone you could trust to give an honest reference if you were to quit, for example.

OP here. This above is what I was getting at. Her lying, for any reason, is lack of integrity. If parents found a nanny lied about things, regardless of how small, they would let her go. They wouldnt be able to trust her. Why is this any different? It isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If an MB was posting that her nanny was declining to stay late claiming one reason when it was really another, most posters would be claiming that the nanny is untrustworthy and should be fired.
How is this any different?
What does it matter WHY this MB is lying, she is, period. Its kind of a big deal.

OP here. This is what I was getting at. If it was reversed, I would be talked to and possibly let go or at least given a warning about honesty and integrity. I expect the same from MB. Yes she may be hard on herself but it doesn't excuse her lying. If she lies about this, I don't know what else she could be or potentially lie about. It's not ok with me. My time is valuable and if I am going to spend it caring for your children, I at least should be given the respect of knowing the truth and where MB is if she is needed.

I no longer believe your post is real. This response clinched it. If it is...

You are an employee. You have an obligation to be honest about where you take her children. You do not have an obligation to tell her what your plans are if you don't want to work, just say you can't. Only an insane MB would fire you for not disclosing WHY you couldn't work, but yes, you are expected to be honest about what you do and where you go when you are on duty.

And why are you telling us that your time is valuable? You're getting paid for your time and you can always say no to working late. Example, "Larla, traffic is terrible so I might be an hour late getting home." You: "I understand, and I'll make sure Larletta has dinner, but I have plans tonight so as soon as you can be home would be great."

You're just here to stir up the drama because this is seriously a non-issue every way you slice it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If an MB was posting that her nanny was declining to stay late claiming one reason when it was really another, most posters would be claiming that the nanny is untrustworthy and should be fired.
How is this any different?
What does it matter WHY this MB is lying, she is, period. Its kind of a big deal.

OP here. This is what I was getting at. If it was reversed, I would be talked to and possibly let go or at least given a warning about honesty and integrity. I expect the same from MB. Yes she may be hard on herself but it doesn't excuse her lying. If she lies about this, I don't know what else she could be or potentially lie about. It's not ok with me. My time is valuable and if I am going to spend it caring for your children, I at least should be given the respect of knowing the truth and where MB is if she is needed.

I no longer believe your post is real. This response clinched it. If it is...

You are an employee. You have an obligation to be honest about where you take her children. You do not have an obligation to tell her what your plans are if you don't want to work, just say you can't. Only an insane MB would fire you for not disclosing WHY you couldn't work, but yes, you are expected to be honest about what you do and where you go when you are on duty.

And why are you telling us that your time is valuable? You're getting paid for your time and you can always say no to working late. Example, "Larla, traffic is terrible so I might be an hour late getting home." You: "I understand, and I'll make sure Larletta has dinner, but I have plans tonight so as soon as you can be home would be great."

You're just here to stir up the drama because this is seriously a non-issue every way you slice it.

The post is real. My MB works for a high-powered CEO. She is obligated to everything for work. I say my time is valuable because I have dropped plans so MB can stay late and work. I do so because I know her job is imperative to me having mine and she can't just say no. Therefore it is a big deal. I wouldn't be dropping my plans for MB if I knew it wasn't work-related. She knows that and I feel that is why she intentionally is lying. When I said DB didn't know, I meant that he knows where she is but he didn't know she lying to me saying it was work when it wasn't. I for need to justify myself. MB is wrong for lying, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If an MB was posting that her nanny was declining to stay late claiming one reason when it was really another, most posters would be claiming that the nanny is untrustworthy and should be fired.
How is this any different?
What does it matter WHY this MB is lying, she is, period. Its kind of a big deal.

OP here. This is what I was getting at. If it was reversed, I would be talked to and possibly let go or at least given a warning about honesty and integrity. I expect the same from MB. Yes she may be hard on herself but it doesn't excuse her lying. If she lies about this, I don't know what else she could be or potentially lie about. It's not ok with me. My time is valuable and if I am going to spend it caring for your children, I at least should be given the respect of knowing the truth and where MB is if she is needed.

I no longer believe your post is real. This response clinched it. If it is...

You are an employee. You have an obligation to be honest about where you take her children. You do not have an obligation to tell her what your plans are if you don't want to work, just say you can't. Only an insane MB would fire you for not disclosing WHY you couldn't work, but yes, you are expected to be honest about what you do and where you go when you are on duty.

And why are you telling us that your time is valuable? You're getting paid for your time and you can always say no to working late. Example, "Larla, traffic is terrible so I might be an hour late getting home." You: "I understand, and I'll make sure Larletta has dinner, but I have plans tonight so as soon as you can be home would be great."

You're just here to stir up the drama because this is seriously a non-issue every way you slice it.

The post is real. My MB works for a high-powered CEO. She is obligated to everything for work. I say my time is valuable because I have dropped plans so MB can stay late and work. I do so because I know her job is imperative to me having mine and she can't just say no. Therefore it is a big deal. I wouldn't be dropping my plans for MB if I knew it wasn't work-related. She knows that and I feel that is why she intentionally is lying. When I said DB didn't know, I meant that he knows where she is but he didn't know she lying to me saying it was work when it wasn't. I for need to justify myself. MB is wrong for lying, period.

You stated in your earlier post that you would not mind covering the hours if MB needed personal time, not business related but that you disagreed with the lying. Because you are inconsistent I am also convinced this post is not genuine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she doesn't want her husband to know that she is out socializing, either because he wouldn't approve of her spending more $$ for childcare or because he is already pressuring her to spend more time with the children. Glossing over the truth is preferable to being straight with you and hoping or asking that you keep the secret from DB.

Also, depending on what she does, there may be a very fine line between business and personal socializing. Many professionals have colleagues or clients with whom they socialize, partly for the sake of networking or client retention and partly because they enjoy each other. Many professionals are also conscious of trying to cultivate business prospects from within their social circle. So maybe her recent plans did have a business dimension to them.

Again, I don't give a damn what her plans are. Her lying is the problem.

Well as the PP suggested, she's not lying if her plans have both a personal and a business dimension to them!

[Anonymous]

Agree with others - OP is a troll or is embellishing with details that are not real. OP seems to know an awful lot about where MB actually is for someone who was lied to ...

[Anonymous]

This thread is a perfect example of how the venom on these boards is fed.

I'm an MB w/ a great nanny. We trust each other. We support each other. We also drive each other crazy sometimes. She's the only nanny we've had, and I hope to ever have, and we're years into the relationship.

But the attitudes, intolerance, and judgment here are horrifying.

If I do ever have to hire another nanny I will endeavor to find someone who has never heard of this board.

It's just so depressing how nasty and unkind everyone is, and how much delight some people take in whipping up false posts just to incite further nastiness.

I'm going to go watch Little Bear with my kids - it's a wonderful antidote to this world.