Found out MB has been lying to me.
![[Post New]](/nanny-forum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| OP again. It would be like me lying that I took my charge to an educational museum when I would be taking her to the zoo because I feel guilty she won't be having fun or other guilt reasons. I would get fired. It makes me rethink the family I work for and if I can trust her anymore. |
Anonymous
|
I've had dinners (and lunches, and drinks, etc.) with friends that I was able to expense because we talked business for 15 minutes, and we were in compatible industries that might reasonably do business together. So maybe she IS having dinner with friends but also thinking of it as a business meeting at the same time.
It really just strikes me as she feels guilty for not rushing straight home after work. Your time is valuable, OP, SO YOU GET PAID FOR IT. You don't need to know what your MB is doing or who she's with. You only need to know how to reach her in an emergency. That's ALL. |
Anonymous
The point isn't WHAT she is doing with the time. It would have been perfectly acceptable to not tell OP what she was doing at all. The issue is that she LIED about what she was doing. That is the problem. Your MB thinks she can lie to you OP and that is not okay. |
Anonymous
That's a ridiculous analogy. You are required to let a parent know where you take their child. Because it's THEIR CHILD. A parent is not required to tell you where they are! Because they are an adult! Most parents have cell phones so they could be giving blow jobs in a corner alley and as long as they answer their phone when you call, it shouldn't matter to you what they're doing. |
Anonymous
The difference is parents have an absolute right to know where their children are. If your MB knows you'd babysit either way, it doesn't really matter where she is as long as she is reachable. More importantly, though, I am not sure that you have enough info to know that she is lying. I've been to work events multiple times that my mom and grandmother would describe as a "parties" but absolutely fall into the category of work obligation. And I've had business dinners with friends/social acquaintances that are definitely about business. The lines can be blurred sometimes and without knowing more about your MB's work, it's not totally clear she's being dishonest. Nor is she obligated to explain the nuances of the relevant distinctions to anyone (you or her family for that matter). If there is a pattern of her lying to you about things that matter, I'd agree that there are some red flags. But she doesn't really owe you all the details of her whereabouts in the evenings especially since you have indicated you'd babysit either way, as long as she is reachable. (And FWIW, if an MB posted on here that a nanny was lying about why she couldn't babysit outside her regular hours, there would be dozens of posters pointing out that it's none of the MB's business what the nanny does with her off hours, so it's not really a double standard - that is VERY different about lying about something related to the kids which I think is an immediately fireable offense.) |
Anonymous
|
None of the nanny replies have indicated any issue with WHERE/WHAT the MB in question was actually doing, just the fact that she was purposefully untruthful about it (manipulative much?).
Let me try to illustrate: I had an MB who would ask me to stay late about once a month so that she could go out for happy hour with a friend. I was always happy to oblige. Now, had she asked me once a month to stay late because she was "stuck at the office" or needed to meet "clients" for a business drink/dinner AND THEN I found out later that it was actually just a personal engagement, that would be the end of favors on my part. We hear all of the time on these boards about the importance of honesty and trust...why are employers exempt from this concept? A lie is a lie is a lie. Once trust is lost, it's mighty hard to get back... |
Anonymous
|
None of the nanny replies have indicated any issue with WHERE/WHAT the MB in question was actually doing, just the fact that she was purposefully untruthful about it (manipulative much?).
Let me try to illustrate: I had an MB who would ask me to stay late about once a month so that she could go out for happy hour with a friend. I was always happy to oblige. Now, had she asked me once a month to stay late because she was "stuck at the office" or needed to meet "clients" for a business drink/dinner AND THEN I found out later that it was actually just a personal engagement, that would be the end of favors on my part. We hear all of the time on these boards about the importance of honesty and trust...why are employers exempt from this concept? A lie is a lie is a lie. Once trust is lost, it's mighty hard to get back... |
Anonymous
Once again, stop trying to make the issue about what she is doing. Its not. It is about the LYING. Why is that so hard to understand. It doesn't matter what the hell her MB is doing. It matters that she thinks its okay to tell her something that isn't true. Is it okay for a nanny to call in sick, when she actually just wanted to take a long weekend? The backlash on this board against mental health days has been almost unanimous from MBs. Lying is lying, and it has no place in a relationship requiring any level of trust. A nanny trusts you with her paycheck, with her welfare, with her personal information, with her safety in your home, with her reputation, and on and on. Showing that you think its okay to skirt the truth when it suits you will degrade that trust. It leads her to question you. It leads her to question your relationship. And since some of you can only see things from a selfish point of view, it may lead her to think you are okay with white lies and she could start fibbing to you when it benefits her. I'm sure then lying for any reason and with any justification on the part of a nanny would be deemed a high crime. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Let me make this clear to the MB's. It's not about where she goes on her specific time. Although we have had several conversations and the specific friends she is meeting, do not work in the same industry. The fact is that she lied to me. It's never ok to lie to your nanny and it makes me wonder if I can trust what she says to be the truth, any of it now. I don't care if she went and banged a hobo, there is no reason to lie. The fact that she did and so easily without caution, is a HUGE red flag. |
Anonymous
| OP I am a fellow nanny and I have to agree with the other nannies here. I have stayed late because MB wants to go to a movie to unwind or when she wanted to go get her hair dyed. I am happy to be a part of her support system because parenting is the hardest job a person does. Yet, I would be livid if she had lied to me about it. You stated that this is happening fairly often. I think it is the frequency that she is ashamed of. I would not stay late every week so that MB could go lean at the movies, know what I mean? Just like the weekend I overdid it at my anniversary party and had to come in late the next day. That happened once and at most may happen once per year. MB accepted my need for time off with no problem however if I had tried it the next Monday the response would have been different. |
Anonymous
| OP again. Especially since I am super busy and I move things around to accommodate her. I wouldn't have stayed 50+ times in the last 7 months if I knew it wasn't work-related. She tells me it's work-related because I will then feel obligated to. She knows that. Crazy thing is DB doesn't even know she has been lying to me. He thought she had said the actual events. |
Anonymous
| Start banking your hours, use the extra PTO to party like its 1999 and take a long weekend. Birds of a feather.... |
Anonymous
| OP again. I don't mind staying because they or she/he needs a night out. I would do it gladly. It's the lying I don't like. Also god forbid something serious happens to my charge and MB lied to me about her whereabouts. Her work place is 15 away but the friends she visits are over an hour. It's crucial if there is an emergency and I need to know how far MB would be away. |
Anonymous
I am not suggesting that you should mind. The opposite actually. If MB likes to work hard and play hard then why not meet her in her comfort zone? Will she be as liberal about being flexible with you? Maybe she is the type of gal who appreciates a good happy hour. Nothing wrong with that. If so, she may value the flexibility enough to make it a mutual benefit. |
Anonymous
Have you failed to read any of this thread? This MB lost her opportunity for "mutual benefit" when she LIED, repeatidly. |