I need an expectations check on texting during work hours

[Anonymous]

What got me out of your post was you noticed during her off time (while on your family vacation) she was on her phone. What else was she supposed to do. Talk to you? The kids? It was her off time. Who the hell cares what she does when she's not on the clock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What got me out of your post was you noticed during her off time (while on your family vacation) she was on her phone. What else was she supposed to do. Talk to you? The kids? It was her off time. Who the hell cares what she does when she's not on the clock.

OP here. No no, I really don't care what she does on her off time. That wasn't my point. We were together for a couple days and it was scary to see how much she was on her iPhone. Every second that she wasn't having to do something that absolutely required her attention, she was on her phone. She was compulsively checking it. Wherever we were (including the meals I took her out for), she was totally disengaged because she was on her phone. So for example, we're all five sitting at a nice dinner, and the kids and us are chatting about our day, and she sat there the whole time texting and on Facebook.

It was weird and it looked like a compulsion, an addiction. Made me question whetted you can really cut that kind of behavior off during work hours. My point was that it was an observation to be combined with my other information to point me to the perception that there might be an ignoring my kids issue with the person I'm paying to engage my kids.

[Anonymous]

Most of us understood that, OP, don't worry. A few people on DCUM always seem to exhibit a lack of reading comprehension but you were very clear that her behavior on the vacation was more illuminating than specifically problematic.

A family I babysit for just fired their nanny because she was on her phone alllll the time and the kids, 2 & 4, were complaining about it. You're definitely not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What got me out of your post was you noticed during her off time (while on your family vacation) she was on her phone. What else was she supposed to do. Talk to you? The kids? It was her off time. Who the hell cares what she does when she's not on the clock.

OP here. No no, I really don't care what she does on her off time. That wasn't my point. We were together for a couple days and it was scary to see how much she was on her iPhone. Every second that she wasn't having to do something that absolutely required her attention, she was on her phone. She was compulsively checking it. Wherever we were (including the meals I took her out for), she was totally disengaged because she was on her phone. So for example, we're all five sitting at a nice dinner, and the kids and us are chatting about our day, and she sat there the whole time texting and on Facebook.

It was weird and it looked like a compulsion, an addiction. Made me question whetted you can really cut that kind of behavior off during work hours. My point was that it was an observation to be combined with my other information to point me to the perception that there might be an ignoring my kids issue with the person I'm paying to engage my kids.

She is simply bored with you and your children. Why did you pick her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What got me out of your post was you noticed during her off time (while on your family vacation) she was on her phone. What else was she supposed to do. Talk to you? The kids? It was her off time. Who the hell cares what she does when she's not on the clock.

OP here. No no, I really don't care what she does on her off time. That wasn't my point. We were together for a couple days and it was scary to see how much she was on her iPhone. Every second that she wasn't having to do something that absolutely required her attention, she was on her phone. She was compulsively checking it. Wherever we were (including the meals I took her out for), she was totally disengaged because she was on her phone. So for example, we're all five sitting at a nice dinner, and the kids and us are chatting about our day, and she sat there the whole time texting and on Facebook.

It was weird and it looked like a compulsion, an addiction. Made me question whetted you can really cut that kind of behavior off during work hours. My point was that it was an observation to be combined with my other information to point me to the perception that there might be an ignoring my kids issue with the person I'm paying to engage my kids.

She is simply bored with you and your children. Why did you pick her?

I picked her because she was well-qualified and seemed fun and engaged when we interviewed her. Obviously I made a poor choice We're having a talk this afternoon.

[Anonymous]

Also a MB here, I may be in the minori, but I do not feel that 50 texts in an 8 hour day is outrageous at all. I have a 18 month old and a 4 year old. I know my nanny always has her phone on her. I text her throughout the day and she is generally quick to text back. I know many moms disagree, but I feel technology is in the world my children will grow up in, it is how people communicate. Of course I expect my nanny to be engaging and responsible with my children, but I trust her to make adult decisions and texting is one of them. My children love her, she does a great job, and if she needs to talk to someone, texting is a far better option in my book than talking on the phone all day. I just don't really see it as a problem. I expect my nanny to always have her phone on her. I always want to be able to get ahold of her while she is on duty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What got me out of your post was you noticed during her off time (while on your family vacation) she was on her phone. What else was she supposed to do. Talk to you? The kids? It was her off time. Who the hell cares what she does when she's not on the clock.

OP here. No no, I really don't care what she does on her off time. That wasn't my point. We were together for a couple days and it was scary to see how much she was on her iPhone. Every second that she wasn't having to do something that absolutely required her attention, she was on her phone. She was compulsively checking it. Wherever we were (including the meals I took her out for), she was totally disengaged because she was on her phone. So for example, we're all five sitting at a nice dinner, and the kids and us are chatting about our day, and she sat there the whole time texting and on Facebook.

It was weird and it looked like a compulsion, an addiction. Made me question whetted you can really cut that kind of behavior off during work hours. My point was that it was an observation to be combined with my other information to point me to the perception that there might be an ignoring my kids issue with the person I'm paying to engage my kids.

PP MB here who just wrote that she didn't see 50 texts as being outrageous. THIS I do see as being weird, so I take back my last post... that is just rude. I don't see a problem with texting on and off during the day, but sitting staring at your phone in a social or work setting for lengths of time is not ok... Weird..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also a MB here, I may be in the minori, but I do not feel that 50 texts in an 8 hour day is outrageous at all. I have a 18 month old and a 4 year old. I know my nanny always has her phone on her. I text her throughout the day and she is generally quick to text back. I know many moms disagree, but I feel technology is in the world my children will grow up in, it is how people communicate. Of course I expect my nanny to be engaging and responsible with my children, but I trust her to make adult decisions and texting is one of them. My children love her, she does a great job, and if she needs to talk to someone, texting is a far better option in my book than talking on the phone all day. I just don't really see it as a problem. I expect my nanny to always have her phone on her. I always want to be able to get ahold of her while she is on duty.

I'm the OP and I agree that a certain number of texts during the day isn't an issue if you "trust her to make adult decisions." I think the problem is based on my observations (and what my kids have said), that I don't trust her to make adult decisions. If my kids loved her and she did a great job, I would be totally fine with a few well-timed texts while the kids were otherwise engaged (and like I said, there's a 1.5-2 hour window where they are both napping that she's welcome to do whatever she wants). However, my kids don't love her, they've said she's ignoring them, she doesn't do a great job anyway, she's done other things that make me question her maturity, and my witnessing her phone use compulsion was kind of the last straw. We're talking as soon as I get home from work tonight and I think we may be giving her two weeks' notice. I like her as a person, but for what we're paying, I don't feel like I'm getting the service I want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also a MB here, I may be in the minori, but I do not feel that 50 texts in an 8 hour day is outrageous at all. I have a 18 month old and a 4 year old. I know my nanny always has her phone on her. I text her throughout the day and she is generally quick to text back. I know many moms disagree, but I feel technology is in the world my children will grow up in, it is how people communicate. Of course I expect my nanny to be engaging and responsible with my children, but I trust her to make adult decisions and texting is one of them. My children love her, she does a great job, and if she needs to talk to someone, texting is a far better option in my book than talking on the phone all day. I just don't really see it as a problem. I expect my nanny to always have her phone on her. I always want to be able to get ahold of her while she is on duty.

I'm the OP and I agree that a certain number of texts during the day isn't an issue if you "trust her to make adult decisions." I think the problem is based on my observations (and what my kids have said), that I don't trust her to make adult decisions. If my kids loved her and she did a great job, I would be totally fine with a few well-timed texts while the kids were otherwise engaged (and like I said, there's a 1.5-2 hour window where they are both napping that she's welcome to do whatever she wants). However, my kids don't love her, they've said she's ignoring them, she doesn't do a great job anyway, she's done other things that make me question her maturity, and my witnessing her phone use compulsion was kind of the last straw. We're talking as soon as I get home from work tonight and I think we may be giving her two weeks' notice. I like her as a person, but for what we're paying, I don't feel like I'm getting the service I want.

Pp here, yes, this is totally different. It does sound like it may be time to move on. I know that can be tough all the way around, but sounds like the right thing to do for sure! good luck in a new nanny search. I have been so lucky and have an amazing nanny, I hope you find one too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm the OP and I agree that a certain number of texts during the day isn't an issue if you "trust her to make adult decisions." I think the problem is based on my observations (and what my kids have said), that I don't trust her to make adult decisions. If my kids loved her and she did a great job, I would be totally fine with a few well-timed texts while the kids were otherwise engaged (and like I said, there's a 1.5-2 hour window where they are both napping that she's welcome to do whatever she wants). However, my kids don't love her, they've said she's ignoring them, she doesn't do a great job anyway, she's done other things that make me question her maturity, and my witnessing her phone use compulsion was kind of the last straw. We're talking as soon as I get home from work tonight and I think we may be giving her two weeks' notice. I like her as a person, but for what we're paying, I don't feel like I'm getting the service I want.

Good luck, OP! I'm sure you can find someone to give your kids the attention they deserve (and need) in a mature, responsible nanny you can trust. Kudos for not waffling on your decision and keeping a mediocre nanny around because the thought of changing is so difficult - your kids will absolutely benefit from your attentiveness and decisiveness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also a MB here, I may be in the minori, but I do not feel that 50 texts in an 8 hour day is outrageous at all. I have a 18 month old and a 4 year old. I know my nanny always has her phone on her. I text her throughout the day and she is generally quick to text back. I know many moms disagree, but I feel technology is in the world my children will grow up in, it is how people communicate. Of course I expect my nanny to be engaging and responsible with my children, but I trust her to make adult decisions and texting is one of them. My children love her, she does a great job, and if she needs to talk to someone, texting is a far better option in my book than talking on the phone all day. I just don't really see it as a problem. I expect my nanny to always have her phone on her. I always want to be able to get ahold of her while she is on duty.

I'm the OP and I agree that a certain number of texts during the day isn't an issue if you "trust her to make adult decisions." I think the problem is based on my observations (and what my kids have said), that I don't trust her to make adult decisions. If my kids loved her and she did a great job, I would be totally fine with a few well-timed texts while the kids were otherwise engaged (and like I said, there's a 1.5-2 hour window where they are both napping that she's welcome to do whatever she wants). However, my kids don't love her, they've said she's ignoring them, she doesn't do a great job anyway, she's done other things that make me question her maturity, and my witnessing her phone use compulsion was kind of the last straw. We're talking as soon as I get home from work tonight and I think we may be giving her
two weeks' notice. I like her as a person, but for what we're paying, I don't feel like I'm getting the service I want.

Since you mentioned it, what is this nanny's payrate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also a MB here, I may be in the minori, but I do not feel that 50 texts in an 8 hour day is outrageous at all. I have a 18 month old and a 4 year old. I know my nanny always has her phone on her. I text her throughout the day and she is generally quick to text back. I know many moms disagree, but I feel technology is in the world my children will grow up in, it is how people communicate. Of course I expect my nanny to be engaging and responsible with my children, but I trust her to make adult decisions and texting is one of them. My children love her, she does a great job, and if she needs to talk to someone, texting is a far better option in my book than talking on the phone all day. I just don't really see it as a problem. I expect my nanny to always have her phone on her. I always want to be able to get ahold of her while she is on duty.

I'm the OP and I agree that a certain number of texts during the day isn't an issue if you "trust her to make adult decisions." I think the problem is based on my observations (and what my kids have said), that I don't trust her to make adult decisions. If my kids loved her and she did a great job, I would be totally fine with a few well-timed texts while the kids were otherwise engaged (and like I said, there's a 1.5-2 hour window where they are both napping that she's welcome to do whatever she wants). However, my kids don't love her, they've said she's ignoring them, she doesn't do a great job anyway, she's done other things that make me question her maturity, and my witnessing her phone use compulsion was kind of the last straw. We're talking as soon as I get home from work tonight and I think we may be giving her
two weeks' notice. I like her as a person, but for what we're paying, I don't feel like I'm getting the service I want.

Since you mentioned it, what is this nanny's payrate?

Ha. I've been on this site long enough to know that if I say anything less than $25/hour, a bunch of nannies will come on and say no wonder she's on her phone all the time, she's way underpaid. I'll put it this way - based on our previous experience of hiring where we got so many qualified responses to our ad that we could barely sort through them all, I'm thinking I will have no problem finding a well-qualified replacement that will put my kids' needs first during work hours.

[Anonymous]

Maybe reconsider your definition of "qualified". Of course we don't know what exactly caused you to pick her out of so many "qualified" applicants. Care to share what your bottom line was?

[Anonymous]

My bottom line? I don't get what you're asking. Is there a dollar per hour or a qualification level at which you would be totally fine with your employee not doing her job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bottom line? I don't get what you're asking. Is there a dollar per hour or a qualification level at which you would be totally fine with your employee not doing her job?

Of course not OP, please ignore that poster. She says the same thing in every thread and only rarely is it relevant.