Mom of kids says I'm not "engaged" enough. What does that even mean??

[Anonymous]

sorry for errors:


bond that *isn't* maternal

doesn't mean i *don't* give them..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? And how many hours a day are you with them? Aren't they in school all day, and then come home to do homework? When do you play all these fun games, etc.?

The boys are 8 and 12. I pick them up at 2:30 and stay usually until 7:30, sometimes until midnight if the parents have an event. They come home, have a snack, do homework while I make dinner, and after dinner there's usually 2 free hours. They don't have that much homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:by middle school, boys really need a positive male role model/peer. Unfortunately, not many female nannies can relate or develop bond that is maternal on some level with a teen boy. They don't need another mother, they need a guy they can hangout with and toss a football around or talk about girls with. I think the issues you face with them are probably more because your a woman filling in as mom rather than a man filling in as coach/friend.
I think you need to move on and tell the parents to hire a male nanny.

Also, I can relate to the not loving the kids in your care. I care deeply for the children and would do anything to protect them but I do not love them anywhere remotely like their parents. At the end of the day they are not mine or part of my family. I will most likely lose all contact with them after my job is over (even if i try to stay in touch). But this doesn't mean i give them the best care possible or withhold affection. Its more like a teacher's or daycare provider's attachment to their students.

This is a good point. Especially the 12 year old, he is starting to go through puberty and anything I say to him these days just exasperates him. I try to relate to him, but I could see where there would be a wall up because he doesn't think I as a female "get" him.

And YES, I cannot call it love because at the end of the day the family views me as an employee. Part of that is just protecting myself because as you said, most nannies don't stay in the kids' lives forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh - it doesn't make you a bad person but if you were my nanny and you couldn't reflexively say (to yourself and or an anonymous board) "YES! I love them. They charm the bejeezus out of me!" I don't think I'd want you as my kids' nanny.

Seriously? They do "charm the bejeezus out of me". I think they're hilarious and intelligent kids. When they go on vacation, I miss them. If I had to give my life for theirs, I absolutely would. There is a BOND there. It is not my definition of love. But there is an undeniable bond there. Is that not enough?

I agree with you on the bond thing. I care greatly about my charges, but I would not necessarily say I love them as I don't think it goes that far. They are not my kids, I don't think I could love anyone else's kids as much as I might love my own, but I could care GREATLY about them and love to be with them etc. Too many people use the word love to easily, or in the wrong way. I have much affection and will protect them as I might my own children, want to make them happy, will feel sad and upset when they do and so on. But love? No, I can't say that I could totally love them (as in it would break my heart, crying for months if I never saw them again) type of love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? And how many hours a day are you with them? Aren't they in school all day, and then come home to do homework? When do you play all these fun games, etc.?

The boys are 8 and 12. I pick them up at 2:30 and stay usually until 7:30, sometimes until midnight if the parents have an event. They come home, have a snack, do homework while I make dinner, and after dinner there's usually 2 free hours. They don't have that much homework.

An 8 year old should be in third grade, not middle school. Something about your story sounds fishy, Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? And how many hours a day are you with them? Aren't they in school all day, and then come home to do homework? When do you play all these fun games, etc.?

The boys are 8 and 12. I pick them up at 2:30 and stay usually until 7:30, sometimes until midnight if the parents have an event. They come home, have a snack, do homework while I make dinner, and after dinner there's usually 2 free hours. They don't have that much homework.

An 8 year old should be in third grade, not middle school. Something about your story sounds fishy, Op.

Lol, this board is absolutely ridiculous. So many trolls and suspicious people. Forget it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? And how many hours a day are you with them? Aren't they in school all day, and then come home to do homework? When do you play all these fun games, etc.?

The boys are 8 and 12. I pick them up at 2:30 and stay usually until 7:30, sometimes until midnight if the parents have an event. They come home, have a snack, do homework while I make dinner, and after dinner there's usually 2 free hours. They don't have that much homework.

An 8 year old should be in third grade, not middle school. Something about your story sounds fishy, Op.

Lol, this board is absolutely ridiculous. So many trolls and suspicious people. Forget it.

^ OP here that posted that. Some of you are just rude, mean spirited people.

[Anonymous]

Op, did you not get enough attention on isyn and wherever else you posted this?

I bet if you got off the internet once in a while, mb would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:by middle school, boys really need a positive male role model/peer. Unfortunately, not many female nannies can relate or develop bond that is maternal on some level with a teen boy. They don't need another mother, they need a guy they can hangout with and toss a football around or talk about girls with. I think the issues you face with them are probably more because your a woman filling in as mom rather than a man filling in as coach/friend.
I think you need to move on and tell the parents to hire a male nanny.

Also, I can relate to the not loving the kids in your care. I care deeply for the children and would do anything to protect them but I do not love them anywhere remotely like their parents. At the end of the day they are not mine or part of my family. I will most likely lose all contact with them after my job is over (even if i try to stay in touch). But this doesn't mean i give them the best care possible or withhold affection. Its more like a teacher's or daycare provider's attachment to their students.

Same here. I do not LOVE the kids in my care either. I do not miss them when I am off either. I get along with them fine and can have fun with them, but they are not mine. And it irritates teh hell outta me that the preschooler constantly says I Love You to me and every female in his life. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and I can't respond to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:by middle school, boys really need a positive male role model/peer. Unfortunately, not many female nannies can relate or develop bond that is maternal on some level with a teen boy. They don't need another mother, they need a guy they can hangout with and toss a football around or talk about girls with. I think the issues you face with them are probably more because your a woman filling in as mom rather than a man filling in as coach/friend.
I think you need to move on and tell the parents to hire a male nanny.

Also, I can relate to the not loving the kids in your care. I care deeply for the children and would do anything to protect them but I do not love them anywhere remotely like their parents. At the end of the day they are not mine or part of my family. I will most likely lose all contact with them after my job is over (even if i try to stay in touch). But this doesn't mean i give them the best care possible or withhold affection. Its more like a teacher's or daycare provider's attachment to their students.

Same here. I do not LOVE the kids in my care either. I do not miss them when I am off either. I get along with them fine and can have fun with them, but they are not mine. And it irritates teh hell outta me that the preschooler constantly says I Love You to me and every female in his life. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and I can't respond to him.

You suck as a nanny. Find a new line of work, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? And how many hours a day are you with them? Aren't they in school all day, and then come home to do homework? When do you play all these fun games, etc.?

The boys are 8 and 12. I pick them up at 2:30 and stay usually until 7:30, sometimes until midnight if the parents have an event. They come home, have a snack, do homework while I make dinner, and after dinner there's usually 2 free hours. They don't have that much homework.

An 8 year old should be in third grade, not middle school. Something about your story sounds fishy, Op.

Lol, this board is absolutely ridiculous. So many trolls and suspicious people. Forget it.

Not a troll. And since when is suspicion a crime? I'm just wondering how the 8 yr old is in middle school?

[Anonymous]

I'd quit. It's bad parenting to think that kids always deserve an adults undivided attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh - it doesn't make you a bad person but if you were my nanny and you couldn't reflexively say (to yourself and or an anonymous board) "YES! I love them. They charm the bejeezus out of me!" I don't think I'd want you as my kids' nanny.

Seriously? They do "charm the bejeezus out of me". I think they're hilarious and intelligent kids. When they go on vacation, I miss them. If I had to give my life for theirs, I absolutely would. There is a BOND there. It is not my definition of love. But there is an undeniable bond there. Is that not enough?

There is nothing wrong with what you said OP.. That commenter would rather have you pretend to 'love' her kids. Most nannies don't truly love their charges. They care about them and might even have a bond with them but love? Only in certain circumstances. Like a nanny caring for a child since birth til age 10 or something. Again.. There will be grinches on these boards picking at little things. Ignore them.

[Anonymous]

The kids probably told mom that you were talking on the phone,surfing the web, reading a magazine, etc.