Is this ok?
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Anonymous
| MB here, so I asked my nanny to bring my two children, ages three and 17 months, to our town's fair. My three year old told me that her fiancé was there as well. Now, have no problem with him, he actually comes over my house for parties and such and my kids love him. When I asked my nanny about it she told me that he was going there anyways and that he likes spending time with the kids. She said that she also needed an extra set of hands and eyes so she could go on rides with my 3 year old. This bothers me for some reason, but at the same time it is a public place and the kids are always cared for. What do you guys think of the situation? |
Anonymous
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We had a similar situation. I explained that we had done background checks on her, but not her husband, and that our worker's comp covered her, and not her husband. I also was not confident that he had her instincts when it comes to child care about when a game is inappropriate, for example (I know a 4-year-old will call someone a "pooh-pooh head," but the caregiver should model better ways of speaking).
But we also thought he was a good guy, and the children enjoyed spending time with him. So, I made it clear that she had to supervise while he was around (no leaving the children with him while she took a break, or ran an errand, or did anything else), and that she had to enforce our rules. At one point, I did feel it had gotten out of hand, and we had to limit his visits. In the case you describe, I would have expected her to ask ahead of time, and I would consider talking to her about running the same checks on him you ran on her, and also sitting down to talk to him. I would not be comfortable with her choosing to leave the baby with someone I don't know well. |
Anonymous
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MB here. I would be perfectly ok with this (since you know him), had she let you know/asked if you were comfortable with it, in advance.
I can totally understand things being easier with another pair of hands - especially with two toddlers. But I would much rather ok it in advance than feel like I found out about it by surprise. In your scenario I'd tell her that I completely understood and I'm glad they all had fun, but next time just let you know beforehand if you plan to have anyone else join you on outings. |
Anonymous
Would not make a big deal out of it, but would ask the nanny to in the future just give you a heads up first, or at least let you know at the end of the day if they met up with anyone. You shouldn't be hearing it from the 3 year old. I'm a nanny, and if I know we're meeting up with someone I know, I try to let MB know beforehand. On the occasions where I have genuinely bumped in to someone or coordinated last minute plans, I make sure to give the rundown at the end of the day "We bumped in to my friend Jenny and her little girl at the park so we decided to get lunch with them today!" etc. It makes it seem sneaky and deceptive when the child is the one to relay this info, so I try and avoid that. |
Anonymous
| What exactly did you expect she do with 17mo old while she road rides with 3yr old anyways? 17mo is far to little for a lot of stuff. Sounds like she fallowed your orders best she could and needed assistance... Plus you know him and have him in your house. Your kind of being ridiculous. |
Anonymous
| MB here - I am with you OP. She should have asked first and you should not have had to hear about it from a three year-old after the fact. The issue is not that he came but that she didn't have a proper discussion with you about who would be there caring for your children. If she felt like an extra pair of hands was needed, she should have raised that up front! There was another thread on a similar issue recently and there were a lot of MBs that shared your discomfort. I'd let her know that going forward, you need to know in advance if someone is joining your kids for activities. If nothing else, in situations where an "extra pair of hands" is needed, you need a say in who that is, the opportunity to vet them to your comfort, and frankly you should also be paying that person. |
Anonymous
She is hardly being ridiculous. |
Anonymous
| Nanny here, I think she definitely should have told you she was meeting her husband. I would never meet up with anyone without telling my MB about it. I feel like she has a right to approve who her kids are spending time with. Only once did I have my mom meet me at my nanny families home just so she could pick up keys to my place because she came earlier than expected. In that instance I literally met her outside and handed her the keys and she left. I told MB about it after the fact and she told me my mom was welcome to be with us anytime even though she only met her at my bridal shower and wedding. But I've been with the family for almost 5 years now so I know she trusts me completely. |
Anonymous
| She should have asked you if it were ok beforehand. |
Anonymous
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She should have told you beforehand. If she needed help with an activity you requested, she should have presented that to you, not take. It upon herself to outsource part of her job without telling you in advance.
The issue isn't the boyfriend, it's the assumption that what happens during her time with the kids is hers to decide. If there is a judgement call to be made, you deserve a heads-up. --Nanny |
Anonymous
| MB here. don't think it's a big deal but she should have told you PRIOR to going to the fair. She obviously knew she needed a second set of hands prior to arriving. I also respect someone who is willing to admit their limitations, rather than assuming they can handle everything (that's when someone gets hurt). |
Anonymous
I recant... In most other circumstances I would agree with you. But given the fact nanny and boyfriend come over for parties and he was there anyways(assuming that was the truth)... I see no issue. Mb here btw, so I do infact see her perspective. |
Anonymous
You recant? Ever seen the Princess Pride? I do not think that means what you think it means. |
Anonymous
| I'm a nanny and agree that she should have asked first. That being said, she likely did not think she was doing anything wrong seeing as you have a very verbal three year old. It's not like she was trying to hide anything from you either. |
Anonymous
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I think that it is a good idea because it did allow her to go on rides with your oldest, but if it bothers YOU than you need to address it with her.
It wouldn't bother me per say, but I tend to be more laid back in general. If it does bother you, you have every right to let her know how you feel because after all, she does work for YOU. |