I need an expectations check on texting during work hours

[Anonymous]

Both my kids have separately told me that our nanny (22 years old) is frequently on her phone. She is attached to it at all times and I have actually come in early sometimes to find her sitting on the couch on her phone. I told her a couple of weeks ago that my expectation is that she is not on her phone during work hours except for a quick text or couple minute call or if both of the kids are sleeping. We pay for her cell phone.

She came with us on a trip this weekend and I witnessed her off-duty behavior - she was pretty much on her iPhone the entire trip. Like I had to ask her to put it away while we were at dinner. So I went ahead and succumbed to the temptation to check her phone records (again, we pay). Indeed, there are probably about 50 texts back and forth throughout the day on the days she has the kids. We have WIFI in the house, so I can't see any Whatsapp or data useage during the day unfortunately.

I'm older, so obviously I feel strongly that you shouldn't be texting at all during the day unless it is seriously quick, or rare, or the kids are both sleeping. I also don't like the idea that it appears that she is having day-long conversations with other people, which I'm assuming would take her focus off my kids because she is thinking about her side conversation. On the flip side, her records don't look like a serious back and forth for a length of time. It's 50 messages throughout the day.

Thoughts on what is reasonable for phone use during work hours?

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's is texting her boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I'm also 22 and notoriously not into electronics (horrible at answering phone calls, checking Facebook ect.) to the point that it annoys my friends and family. That being said, I probably send close to that many text messages throughout the day. At least a quarter of them are simply "ok" "yeah" "no problem". If this is something that is bothering you, you should by all means give her a formal warning and lay out the consequences for if the behavior doesn't change. It also might be fair (and a good deterrent) to let her know that you can and will be checking the phone usage during her work hours.

[Anonymous]

That's one of the negatives of picking a young sitter. Asking some of them not to stop texting all day, is like asking them to stop "thinking". It's just not going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's one of the negatives of picking a young sitter. Asking some of them not to stop texting all day, is like asking them to stop "thinking". It's just not going to happen.

*Asking some of them to not be texting all day...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's is texting her boyfriend?

Why does it matter who she's texting?

[Anonymous]

OP, while it is true that younger sitters and nannies seem to have a harder time of this than those of us who are over 30, I know several au pairs and live-out nannies who are 20-22 who are diligent about not being on their phones while they're with the kids. Please don't let anyone suggest this is an unreasonable expectation or that no young nanny will be able to do it.

The number of texts wouldn't bother me so much as the fact that your children have commented on it. If they're noticing it, it's a problem, and that's how I would frame it when you talk to her.

[Anonymous]

OP, why are you paying her phone bill? Does she earn enough to pay it herself? Should you pay her a little more so she's able to be responsible for own expenses?

Resently heard that young people feel "grown-up" when their parents are no paying their cell bill.

[Anonymous]

I always have my phone on me while working my current position. I communicate with my MB throughout the day and when the children are napping, I am reading the news or playing around on dcurbanmom When the children are awake, my phone is on my person but I am not texting or making phone calls. I've interviewed for positions in the past where I was asked to keep my phone in my purse all day. Not an option. In addition to nannying, I'm a caretaker to my FIL and need to be able to have access to a phone in case of emergencies.

Have a talk with your nanny. Let her know that you expect her to be engaging with your children and not on her phone all day. A simple text or two shouldn't be an issue but to be glued to the phone is unprofessional and unfair to your children who have obviously noticed they aren't getting the attention they deserve. Why are you paying for her cell phone? Is she a live-in? I think if she knew you were looking at her phone records she would be mortified.

[Anonymous]

Just out if curiousity...how would you handle an emergency with your FIL if you are watching children? It isn't like you could leave them. Not being snarky. Just wondering what agreement you reached with the MB and DB.

[Anonymous]

50 text messages per day sounds like way to many to me. It doesn't matter that most of them are one word responses. The point is that she stops engaging with the kids each time she types a one word response, and she is probably distracted all the time by whatever dialogue she is having, not to mention the constant checking for new texts and messages.

Since you are paying for her cell phone, just switch to a plan and phone that does not include data or texts and use the phone when you need to reach her throughout the day. She'll probably find it harder to communicate with her friends by phone all day, so the problem may ease a bit.

I do think this is a bigger problem with nannies under 25-26 than with more mature nannies. It's one of the reasons I won't even consider hiring a nanny under the age of 24.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just out if curiousity...how would you handle an emergency with your FIL if you are watching children? It isn't like you could leave them. Not being snarky. Just wondering what agreement you reached with the MB and DB.

We have him living half a mile away from us in a senior living/assisted living community. If an emergency were to arise, and DH could could not be reached, I could take my charge with me. My bosses are the most laid back and easy going people. I've never had an issue where I've needed to leave work for my FIL, but family comes first and I'd do anything for them. I didn't sense any snark.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here...50 texts during a work day seems like a lot considering she is responsible for children during work hours. If most of those were happening during a nap/rest time I don't think it would be cause for concern, but both your kids have mentioned it which tells me it's likely happening while they are around. While I don't think a nanny has to engage with her charges at every moment (kids need independent play time), I also don't think the phone needs to be used during every moment the kids are occupied.

If she can't figure out on her own that the phone needs to be put away while having dinner with your family on a weekend trip there is a problem. I think it's reasonable to lay forth the expectation that she limit her phone usage while she is with your children. It sounds like she needs it spelled out for her as to when and how much use is acceptable during work hours.

[Anonymous]

50 texts per day is a lot?
I can easy send that in a 2-3 hour nap window. Especially if the phone counts received messages and sent messages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:50 texts per day is a lot?
I can easy send that in a 2-3 hour nap window. Especially if the phone counts received messages and sent messages.

OP here. To clarify, the phone records show time of texts. I seriously don't care what she does during nap time. They are not during nap - they are either throughout the day or clustered around 9-10:30 and 3:30 to 5.