Got fired over a text message....

[Anonymous]

So I currently work for two families. Family A I work for on Tuesdays from 7-2 and Fridays from 7-3. Family B I work for on Mondays-Thursdays from 2:30-6:00. Family B has a 7 y/o boy and a 11 y/o girl. I've been with them since October and things with them have been fine. The 11 y/o is a typical 11 y/o and tests the boundaries a lot. Over the last 2 weeks, I have had to talk to the mom almost every day about issues with "K" such as lying to me about homework, telling me she's going to call her dad quick (who's in another state for work) and finding her on the ipad, sneaking snacks, etc. Other then those issues, everything has been fine. I've stayed late multiple times, drive the kids to activities every day, etc. When I have talked to MB about the issues, she's always super apologetic and says she is going to talk to "K" about all of it.

Last night, I got a text message from Family B telling me that they weren't going to need me today and that she'd be in touch which I found strange but pushed it aside. Well this morning I was on sitter city looking for a occasional weekend position and I see that Family B posted a ad for a babysitter! I sat here dumbfounded and decided to give her a call. She didn't answer so I left her a voice mail saying that I came across her posting and that I was really confused about what was going on. I jumped in the shower and got out and look at my phone and I have the following text message, "I left you a voice mail but as it turns out, I don't think we are a great match for you. Thanks for all of your help over the last couple of months." THAT'S IT. I checked the voice mail after and it was pretty much the same thing.."you are a great person and have been a great help however, I don't think it's a great match.".

I'm beyond annoyed/confused/angry. I have NEVER been fired in the 7 years that I have been a nanny and I NEVER would have imagined that a family would be so low as to fire me over a TEXT MESSAGE? I think I'm more angry that this came out of NO WHERE and that she didn't even give me a warning about this and just flat out said.."we no longer need you". So now I'm screwed out of a job and my weekly paycheck is going down $250. My roommate thinks that I should call her and tell her that I understand however, I think it was really unprofessional of her to fire me without talking to me first or giving me a warning.

Anyone have any advice?

[Anonymous]

First of all, it's ridiculous.

I always share discipline issues with parents because it's their job to decide if and how they want to deal with it.

I don't think anything positive will come from you contacting the family to lecture them. I do think you should call them and ask why they fired you so abruptly, if they were unhappy with your work, why they didn't tell you about it before now, etc.

Hopefully they'll get the idea that firing someone unexpectedly like this is crazy and unprofessional, unless there is a serious reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, it's ridiculous.

I always share discipline issues with parents because it's their job to decide if and how they want to deal with it.

I don't think anything positive will come from you contacting the family to lecture them. I do think you should call them and ask why they fired you so abruptly, if they were unhappy with your work, why they didn't tell you about it before now, etc.

Hopefully they'll get the idea that firing someone unexpectedly like this is crazy and unprofessional, unless there is a serious reason.

OP here: In the voice mail, she literally said "I wanted to talk to you in person about this but decided that this would be best. We think you are a great person and you have been very reliable and flexible with everything but unfortunately we don't think that we are a good match. If you'd like to talk, I'd be happy to talk with you.".

I really would love to know WHY they didn't have this discussion with me on Thursday when she paid me and was all "see you next week!". It's just odd to me and I'm really frustrated.

[Anonymous]

Request your ref letter, and see what they have to say, in writing. Next have someone call them for a ref on you to see if it agrees with whatever they wrote about you.

[Anonymous]

I am guessing that she misunderstood your telling her often of K's behavior/discipline problems as being that you don't know how to handle them or didn't like having the issues. Especially if she kept apologizing for them and saying it won't happen again. From a parent's perspective, when our kid was in preschool and had a tough time adjusting (for a long time, like 5 months), we got sick and tired of hearing about what he did wrong when we picked him up. We kept apologizing but pulled him out as soon as we could and found another school because we felt like if it was a big enough deal, then call us when it happens to deal with it, but if you dealt with it, why tell us over and over and over again. There was nothing we could do about it after the fact - so it just made us feel awful.

I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but if the mom kept apologizing, she may be feeling what we felt. That she just wants someone that could handle the usual normal bahavior problems without making it a conversation each day and only report to her the big deal stuff.

[Anonymous]

I'm beyond annoyed/confused/angry. I have NEVER been fired in the 7 years that I have been a nanny and I NEVER would have imagined that a family would be so low as to fire me over a TEXT MESSAGE? I think I'm more angry that this came out of NO WHERE and that she didn't even give me a warning about this and just flat out said.."we no longer need you". So now I'm screwed out of a job and my weekly paycheck is going down $250. My roommate thinks that I should call her and tell her that I understand however, I think it was really unprofessional of her to fire me without talking to me first or giving me a warning.

From your post its not hard to pick up that the MB might have been concerned that you would be overly dramatic, volatile, and angry about being fired.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like MB didn't handle this well, probably on a couple of levels. But it also sounds like she simply can't/doesn't know how to handle conversations as a boss around managing children's behavior, what constitutes unacceptable behavior and how she wants that handled, etc... If she's not comfortable handling that level of conversation then one can imagine how afraid she'd feel of a conversation where she intends to fire you. That doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you - it's really hard to have those conversations and if you don't have to deal w/ that in the workplace it could be incredibly difficult to deal with at home.

If you'd like to follow up I'd suggest following her lead and emailing her. Seems like she'd be much more comfortable responding that way - I'm not sure there's anything to be gained by a face to face conversation. But in email, where she'd feel less on the spot, she might tell you more about why, or allow you to confirm that she'll give you a good reference, or something that might give you some closure.

She didn't handle it well, for sure. Maybe you could have communicated differently with her - I would bet that part of the challenge for a nanny is learning how to best navigate the worlds of the families they work for and the individual personalities of their employers. So maybe the difficulty of this will help you better discern some future quirk of an employer and more deftly navigate those waters when possible.

She's avoiding, but if you want/need anything further from her you'll probably have to manage your own anger to get it. (Unless what you want is simply to give her a piece of your mind, and that's a different sort of thing.)

[Anonymous]

What a bitch.

I'm glad you caught her ad. She was probably going to keep you til someone else came along.

She's gonna be sorry when 1. she can't find anyone reliable 2. next nanny isn't "a good fit" 3. when next nanny has same issues with "K"

[Anonymous]

Uhh how do you know that the employer is a "b****", PP? You got all that from the OP? The OP had only been working for this family, part-time for that matter, for a couple months...does the MB not have the right to KINDLy fire her child care provider if she doesn't see her and her family's needs being met?? She doesn't owe her any extra compensation, nor the usual 2-weeks-notice, IMO, due to the factors I previously mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Via text AFTER being caught posting an ad seeking new care............yeah that's a bitch

and a wimp

[Anonymous]

I think the nanny sounds pretty aggressive and bitchy. It also sounds like she wasn't getting along with one of the children. I don't blame the MB for sending a text and avoiding a terminated employee demanding a warning instead of being fired.

[Anonymous]

OP, your MB is probably looking for someone who can handle her DD's behaviors without consulting her daily. It probably stresses her out after a busy workday. Let this one go.

[Anonymous]

You dodged a bullet OP. it sounds like its best for all involved to just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Request your ref letter, and see what they have to say, in writing. Next have someone call them for a ref on you to see if it agrees with whatever they wrote about you.

Why bother with a letter of ref when it didn't work out? Move on and find a better fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm beyond annoyed/confused/angry. I have NEVER been fired in the 7 years that I have been a nanny and I NEVER would have imagined that a family would be so low as to fire me over a TEXT MESSAGE? I think I'm more angry that this came out of NO WHERE and that she didn't even give me a warning about this and just flat out said.."we no longer need you". So now I'm screwed out of a job and my weekly paycheck is going down $250. My roommate thinks that I should call her and tell her that I understand however, I think it was really unprofessional of her to fire me without talking to me first or giving me a warning.

From your post its not hard to pick up that the MB might have been concerned that you would be overly dramatic, volatile, and angry about being fired.

OP here: Trust me, I would not have been "overly dramatic or angry" if she told me in person. It was very unprofessional on her part to do it over a text message IMO. I was only with them for 3 1/2 months but I went above and beyond for them so it would have been nice of her to tell me all of this in person.