letting nanny go--how to do it "humanely"

[Anonymous]

We're changing nannies, for a host of reasons. We don't think it's a good idea to let her continue to work for us after we let her know she's being let go (history of being VERY emotional/dramatic, and we don't want the kids' care to be at risk if she's a wreck because she's being let go). Does telling her at the end of her workday on a Friday that she is being let go (with an in-depth conversation as to why, etc), and 2 weeks severance in lieu of 2 weeks "notice" appropriate? Is there anything else we can do to make the parting more "humane?" She's been with us for a significant period of time, since I know that matters.

[Anonymous]

If she has been with you for a significant amount of time, I think more severance may be in order depending on the reasons you are letting her go. If your plan is to do this on a Friday as in TOMORROW, thats pretty crappy. Giving her more notice before the holidays would have been best, so that she didn't spend thinking she had a job to go back to after....

[Anonymous]

Let her say good bye to the kids

[Anonymous]

OP here: not this Friday; probably mid-January (for the very reason that we didn't want to do it over the holidays)

[Anonymous]

Do not have an in-depth conversation as to why she is being let go. Its basic HR 101. No good can come from a drawn out conversation. If she is extremely dramatic, it is an even worse idea.

For the kids, it would honestly depend on how you think she would handle it. She should not say good bye to the kids right after she finds out. If you want to let her say good bye to the kids then you could offer to have her come over for lunch in a few weeks to day good bye. You need for her to get past being upset and angry for being fired and replaced before she gets in front of the kids.

[Anonymous]

You got me thinking OP so I Googled and poked around... this seems like a good cover...
http://www.nannynetwork.com/Library/Parentlib/firenanny.cfm

[Anonymous]

I think telling her at the end of the workday on a Friday is reasonable. If possible I recommend having the children out of the house when she is let go b/c they don't need to witness any potential drama that might ensue.

The 2 weeks severance in lieu of a notice period is very fair since it sounds like you have cause for changing nannies. I'm not sure about the in-depth conversation though. It might draw out an uncomfortable situation. Is there a way to discuss focus on how your needs are different from she is able to offer in a very succinct manner? Less is better in this situation if her reactions tend to be dramatic.

Do you plan to offer a letter of reference confirming her dates of employment and duties? If you're letting her go for cause it obviously is not going to be a glowing reference. Have it ready to go if you plan to offer one.

I think that mentioning one or two things positive things you have appreciated about her work during her employment period may be one way to make things more "humane". (if those things exist)

[Anonymous]

OP here:

12:40 pp--thanks, the link is helpful

13:21 pp and others--thanks for the helpful advice. I may have my husband do the "firing," since I'm a wimp and may start blabbering on as to the reasons, etc. We do have a way to focus on the differing needs. Good idea. I will be (have already written) a letter of reference that I'd be comfortable signing. I'm still unsure about how to have her say goodbye to the kids...will have to noodle on that.

[Anonymous]

We told our children that their nanny is like nanny McPhee when you need her but dont want her she stays, but when you want her and no longer need her (because you have matured so nicely) she has to go and help another family.

Unfortunately in this climate and in the light of what happened in October in NYC, you cannot afford to give too much advanced notice to the Nanny...for your safety and that of your children.

[Anonymous]

Depending on the nanny, she should be able to say goodbye to the children, I would not have her go and come back.

[Anonymous]

MB here - I think you got great advice from 13:21. In general be brief, kind, direct and don't draw it out. Do you have a contract with her? If so, be sure you're in compliance re severance time. If you have a recommendation letter for her give it to her. An actual severance letter might not be a bad idea either - you want to document the severance you're paying, terms (like not returning to the house, returning house keys, other confidential things, contact w/ the children, etc...) How old are your kids? Obviously that comes into consideration re any contact with them right away, and/or long-term.

Have you thought through lock-changing (if applicable), access to car/phone/credit cards or anything else along those lines?

Quick clean and fair is always better. Especially if she's emotional. And having things written down helps also - if she's shocked by this she likely won't have a clear memory of exactly what you said so think about what message you want her to hear. You could write a letter that says something like "dear Jane, As we discussed, today will be your last day of employment with us. Attached is a check for $XX which serves as your severance. Also attached is a letter of reference from me which you can use in seeking future employment. (THink about whether you are willing to be contacted for additional reference info.) We appreciate everything you have done to care for our children and wish you all the best. "

Keep copies of the letter, cancelled check, etc... should you ever need to document severance or terms of the firing.

Think seriously about whether (if you wanted to have her see the kids at some future date) you want her to come to your house again. You could always meet at a coffee shop or playground - somewhere more neutral. You probably won't want her at your house again.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

She's been with you a long time and you're going to give her only 2 weeks pay? That's awful.

You should give her 2 weeks to LOOK for another job PLUS the severance pay. Don't give her a "today is your last day" thing.

It seems like you need her over the holidays and using her to the last second. That's so messed up...honestly.

She is better off having a bunch of interviews lined up and the severance pay in hand.

[Anonymous]

If she's been with you a long time and you're only giving her 2 weeks severance in lieu of work, that's pretty shitty. And you know it op. karmas a bitch, the next nanny could be worse.

[Anonymous]

Agree that 2 weeks is very little if she's been with you a long time and hasn't done something flagrantly WRONG.

Please do figure out a way for the kids to say goodbye for your kids' sake. They probably care about her a great deal - it will be tough to adjust to her leaving but they should at least have the chance to say goodbye.

[Anonymous]

When we fired our nanny for cause we were replacing her with a new nanny. We let her know on a Friday afternoon, after lunch. We had the kids out of the house for it, and exchanged our keys from the nanny for a check, which was her last paycheck, plus 2 weeks severance. We changed our alarm codes but not our locks. The nanny cried, then yelled. We told her if she wanted to say goodbye to the kids to let us know, and then escorted her to the door.

A week later she called, and we all met at a playground. We kept it short and sweet - half hour or so.