New au pair sad & withdrawn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are travelling for work, not your husband.
So HE should be a father and take care of the children himself instead of throwing them to the Au Pair.

Just ignore this person. It is likely the bitter nanny has nothing better to do with their time than harass HFs on this forum. It is perfectly fine for you to have you AP work for a few hours on Sunday (this is one of the reasons you likely hired an AP), and you don't need to justify your needs. The AP is an adult and chose to match with a family that needs occasional weekend help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are travelling for work, not your husband.
So HE should be a father and take care of the children himself instead of throwing them to the Au Pair.

NP. PP, You are crazy, maybe you are the crazy nanny who posts here all the time? Anyway, OP is doing what she needs to do. My AP started like this: very reserved and always in her room, not having dinner with us (I actually posted about that here), 2.5 months later she is much much better (still barely having dinner with us, but I choose my battles). What helped: I talked to her a lot, told her what i expected from her, told her I expected a bit of conversation, told her we will help but she has to help us, had weekly meetings with here where I asked what I could do for her. The difference might be that my AP always said she was NOT homesick but was just adjusting...Good luck, time might help!

[Anonymous]

Do you know what she likes? Try taking her to do something she enjoys and maybe talk to her about the exciting opportunities for the year and maybe share a time you struggled to adjust to new demands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are travelling for work, not your husband.
So HE should be a father and take care of the children himself instead of throwing them to the Au Pair.

Just ignore this person. It is likely the bitter nanny has nothing better to do with their time than harass HFs on this forum. It is perfectly fine for you to have you AP work for a few hours on Sunday (this is one of the reasons you likely hired an AP), and you don't need to justify your needs. The AP is an adult and chose to match with a family that needs occasional weekend help.

THere's a nanny who posts on here????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are travelling for work, not your husband.
So HE should be a father and take care of the children himself instead of throwing them to the Au Pair.

Just ignore this person. It is likely the bitter nanny has nothing better to do with their time than harass HFs on this forum. It is perfectly fine for you to have you AP work for a few hours on Sunday (this is one of the reasons you likely hired an AP), and you don't need to justify your needs. The AP is an adult and chose to match with a family that needs occasional weekend help.

THere's a nanny who posts on here????

The troll has 4 main posts:

1) AP program shouldn't exist
2) AP is cheap childcare and you should pay much more
3) APs are horribly exploited unless they get everything they want and do nothing they don't
4) APs should work the schedule they demand and that should not include anything but 2 hours during weekdays, so long as those hours fit into their schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are travelling for work, not your husband.
So HE should be a father and take care of the children himself instead of throwing them to the Au Pair.

Just ignore this person. It is likely the bitter nanny has nothing better to do with their time than harass HFs on this forum. It is perfectly fine for you to have you AP work for a few hours on Sunday (this is one of the reasons you likely hired an AP), and you don't need to justify your needs. The AP is an adult and chose to match with a family that needs occasional weekend help.

THere's a nanny who posts on here????

Yep, and they post a lot. They have never been an AP or had one, I think they claim to have been friends with one, thus making them an "expert" on the AP program. I suspect that maybe they had an AP as a kid and spent waaaaay too much time with them vs mom and dad, since I've seen a number of post about how they think parents should raise their children, not APs. According to them, one of the parents should just quit their job and stay at home with kids... because you know, all families can afford that Or maybe they lost out on some nanny jobs because families used APs instead, so now they are on a mission to bring down the program by making us all out to be jerks? Anyway, don't waste your time with their post.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this will work out long term. You don't want a depressed person watching your kids. Depressed people have ZERO motivation and only want to wallow in their sorrow. Flame away, but it's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this will work out long term. You don't want a depressed person watching your kids. Depressed people have ZERO motivation and only want to wallow in their sorrow. Flame away, but it's true.

I think it is too soon to know if she depressed or not. My AP started like this but she much more happy now, 2.5 months later.

[Anonymous]

I think there’s a big difference between homesick and melancholy and depressed.
She did tell me last night that she “absolutely loves the kids, when she sees them it makes her super happy”, so that’s a positive...

[Anonymous]

Ok... need some more advice as to how to proceed. DH said AP was not helpful this weekend or this morning, she stands around a lot playing with her hair, waiting to be told what to do rather than being at all proactive. DH's words were "just taking up space and needs instructions for everything".

We have our 2-week check in with LCC tomorrow night. I've already told her about the homesickness but this seems to be more of a personality issue and inability to take initiative which will not work in our family. I want to engage the LCC's help in trying to get her to start working better, if that is possible. Best language to use?

[Anonymous]

My advice to you would be to have a frank discussion with her, and then talk to the LCC about a rematch. We just went through this with our new au pair, we made every excuse for her (homesickness, learning curve, etc.) but in the end she was giving it all she had to offer, which wasn't much. Turns out she was just a quiet, introverted person who had not enough experience with kids to really engage on the level required. Our LCC kept saying wait until the 30 day mark, and after that even she was supportive of us rematching. That said she is a nice person, but needs to be in a family with much older children and basically needs someone to keep them alive and drive them around. To be fair looking back there signals to this when we interviewed her, so its a learning process for everyone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok... need some more advice as to how to proceed. DH said AP was not helpful this weekend or this morning, she stands around a lot playing with her hair, waiting to be told what to do rather than being at all proactive. DH's words were "just taking up space and needs instructions for everything".

We have our 2-week check in with LCC tomorrow night. I've already told her about the homesickness but this seems to be more of a personality issue and inability to take initiative which will not work in our family. I want to engage the LCC's help in trying to get her to start working better, if that is possible. Best language to use?

This sounds pretty bad, OP. I hate to say this, but it looks like you are heading into a rematch.

[Anonymous]

Thanks... dh’s Biggest pet peeve is hair playing, so of course he doesn’t want our daughters to catch the habit!

[Anonymous]

You are heading into rematch. Communicate with the LCC now about what your issues are. They may view tonight's meeting as a mediation/support meeting. Be clear that you if you don't see X, within 2 days, you will initiate a rematch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks... dh’s Biggest pet peeve is hair playing, so of course he doesn’t want our daughters to catch the habit!

Your husband sounds sexist.