Does this make me a horrible employer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

I don’t care that she’s educated.

We wanted someone who is.

What I don’t like is her insecure *need to correct*
everything attitude.

I get that she’s smart, but smart doesn’t have to mean annoying.

I guess I’m not the type to correct people when they say something misinformed and I found it odd she doesn’t waste time trying to show you why you’re wrong?..

Not to say she hasn’t been wrong, I just didn’t go out of my way to point it out

She’s not insecure, you are. She’s confident...confidence can scare ppl who aren’t as confident.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a habitual complainer, OP. You need to count your blessings and get a life! And if you had any real brains, you'd be expressing your gratitude to this nanny every. single. day.

[Anonymous]

I can totally understand your annoyance at a “Ms. Smarty Pants”-type of person.
I personally cannot stand those types of people as well.

But what really matters here is her work, taking care of your child.
From what you have written, she does sound very competent.
Taking the initiative is a great quality to have in a Nanny as well as someone who actively engages w/your child.

Since you likely see the Nanny in passing -
Could you just “suck it up” for a small amount of time every day?

If she + your child get on well, I would count my blessings for that.

Please come back on here & give us an update on how things pan out.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny. I would be annoyed by this person as well.
You need to be comfortable with the person that takes care of your children.

[Anonymous]

You can. But I suspect that the nanny's confidence is part of the reason that she shows so much initiative, is so engaged, etc. Will you be happy with a nanny who doesn't do those things? If you end up with a nanny who doesn't plan things unless you direct her to and who needs a lot more hand-holding, will you feel frustrated?

In my office, there are certainly people who are a bit know-it-all. But we wouldn't treat that as a firing offense unless their performance was inadequate. It doesn't sound like that's a problem with your nanny. If it's just personality, but she's trustworthy, responsible, smart, engaged, and motivated, I'd probably just put up with it. No one's perfect, and you might not be happy with the tradeoffs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can. But I suspect that the nanny's confidence is part of the reason that she shows so much initiative, is so engaged, etc. Will you be happy with a nanny who doesn't do those things? If you end up with a nanny who doesn't plan things unless you direct her to and who needs a lot more hand-holding, will you feel frustrated?

In my office, there are certainly people who are a bit know-it-all. But we wouldn't treat that as a firing offense unless their performance was inadequate. It doesn't sound like that's a problem with your nanny. If it's just personality, but she's trustworthy, responsible, smart, engaged, and motivated, I'd probably just put up with it. No one's perfect, and you might not be happy with the tradeoffs.

Great perspective for op to consider. Doormat nannies who wait to be told everything, aren’t professionals.

[Anonymous]

She sounds lovely, but we don’t all enjoy each other. This is such an intimate relationship and should likely continue for several years to come. Move on sooner than later!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds lovely, but we don’t all enjoy each other. This is such an intimate relationship and should likely continue for several years to come. Move on sooner than later!

FYI, the “intimate” relationship is between the child and the person he spends the most time with, not between the parents and the caregiver. How many times would you willfully break up your child’s intimate relationship with his primary caregiver?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds lovely, but we don’t all enjoy each other. This is such an intimate relationship and should likely continue for several years to come. Move on sooner than later!

FYI, the “intimate” relationship is between the child and the person he spends the most time with, not between the parents and the caregiver. How many times would you willfully break up your child’s intimate relationship with his primary caregiver?

As a career nanny that generally works with WFH parents, I stand behind my statement. I think it is imperative for the nanny and parents to have a strong working relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds lovely, but we don’t all enjoy each other. This is such an intimate relationship and should likely continue for several years to come. Move on sooner than later!

FYI, the “intimate” relationship is between the child and the person he spends the most time with, not between the parents and the caregiver. How many times would you willfully break up your child’s intimate relationship with his primary caregiver?

As a career nanny that generally works with WFH parents, I stand behind my statement. I think it is imperative for the nanny and parents to have a strong working relationship.

Sure, but how many times would you toss a nanny that you just don’t personally like? Shouldn’t the child’s needs be paramount?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds lovely, but we don’t all enjoy each other. This is such an intimate relationship and should likely continue for several years to come. Move on sooner than later!

FYI, the “intimate” relationship is between the child and the person he spends the most time with, not between the parents and the caregiver. How many times would you willfully break up your child’s intimate relationship with his primary caregiver?

As a career nanny that generally works with WFH parents, I stand behind my statement. I think it is imperative for the nanny and parents to have a strong working relationship.

Sure, but how many times would you toss a nanny that you just don’t personally like? Shouldn’t the child’s needs be paramount?

We don’t agree and that’s okay. I do not think you should keep a nanny that you personally don’t like. I don’t have any desire to be best friends with my employers, but I do not like feeling frustrated by the same person on a daily basis. Sounds like OP has an amazing nanny and it may be hard to find that as well as someone you like, but it certainly is possibly. And for the child’s sake, I’d do it sooner than later.

[Anonymous]

I’d let her go and find someone who doesn’t need to one-up you and DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP needs to put her child’s needs before her own in this case. The nanny doesn’t need to be the mother’s favorite person.

Why isn’t this selfish mother just grateful that her child is so well cared for?

I agree completely. OP needs to put her child’s wellbeing above her own comfort. It’s about the kid - not the mother.

She would be great for a family with completely hands-off parents. That is not OP and her spouse.

[Anonymous]

Selfish parents are bad parents.
Op should reevaluate her priorities.

[Anonymous]

You could try to address it OP.

Our first nanny did some things like what you're discussing. There were times when she talked about taking care of our kids in ways that really made it sound like (or made me feel like) she thought she would take better care of them than we would. And she would show scorn for things we did, or whatever...

I talked to her about it directly. She could tell I was upset, she felt badly, she stopped. I also learned not to take things so personally, to not let her little comments bother me so much, etc...

We decided that the challenge of trying to find another nanny who had so many of the wonderful qualities and level of experience we wanted was more daunting than finding a way to work with the nanny we had - who we trusted and who really loved and took great care of our kids.

We have had two nannies since then. Every one of the three nannies has been great, and every one of them has done some things we really loved and some that drove us crazy. So you won't find perfect. The trick is to find someone you trust, who provides the kind of care you want (and will do as you ask), someone with whom you can communicate effective, someone who is reliable, and someone you can afford. If all of those things are generally true w/ your current nanny then I would try to make it work.

It is possible to say to someone "Hey Jane, you know, when you correct me so frequently it makes me feel crummy. I may not do things perfectly, or the way you would do them, but perhaps you could keep those observations to yourself?" Then see what she does. If she's smart she will be chastened and she will rein it in. If you're lucky, she'll apologize, you'll clear the air, and the two of you can move past it.

Good luck.