Nanny here in a really bad place with my employer

[Anonymous]

Refusing to tell you why she’s upset and leaving you to stew for 5 days over Christmas is petty and unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

Time to start seeking a new employer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, your employer sucks. She doesn’t understand what it means to be an employer or professional. A good employer handles issues when they arise. They do not let them fester.

As an employee you should never expect to be friends with your boss. You need to view her as your boss and nothing else. That’s how you remain professional.

Based on the information provided I would start looking and applying for another position just in case. Giving the silent treatment like a child and waiting to discuss an issue is a red flag.

This. You have an unprofessional employer who is not now and has never been your friend. Wait for her next move, OP, but start looking for new position. No one should have to put up with such a hostile workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I asked her about it and she said we will discuss it on next Thursday afternoon after a my five day holiday. I asked her if we could discuss it on the phone before that and she said, “No. I just want to enjoy my family”. Remember she and her family don’t celebrate Christmas so it’s just five days off for them.

Okay. Somehow the clarification of where I fall on her scale of who is important to her is pretty clear. Oddly, that makes me feel better. I am just an employee - nothing more. Who cares if your boss is pissed?! Seriously the second she said that, I felt a wave of relief. This is just a boss being pissed - not a friend.

I do love my charge and make great money with full medical and a car. I can handle (and fix) a boss being pissed. I don’t even have to know why!!

Sure you can. That’s why you started this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did something that pissed her off, she is trying not to lose it and say something she regrets and she doesn’t want to spoil her vacation by dealing with it during her time off, especially since they will likely already be sick or recovering during the break. The fact that they don’t celebrate christmas means nothing! Family time is rare for working families! Have some empathy!

I’ll bet they are having financial problems. Not a good reason to take it out on the nanny but I am seeing this more with the recession gaining steam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I asked her about it and she said we will discuss it on next Thursday afternoon after a my five day holiday. I asked her if we could discuss it on the phone before that and she said, “No. I just want to enjoy my family”. Remember she and her family don’t celebrate Christmas so it’s just five days off for them.

Okay. Somehow the clarification of where I fall on her scale of who is important to her is pretty clear. Oddly, that makes me feel better. I am just an employee - nothing more. Who cares if your boss is pissed?! Seriously the second she said that, I felt a wave of relief. This is just a boss being pissed - not a friend.

I do love my charge and make great money with full medical and a car. I can handle (and fix) a boss being pissed. I don’t even have to know why!!

Sure you can. That’s why you started this thread.

OP here. I started this thread asking if I should broach the subject with her. I did.

I have already decided to stick it out for awhile. If she fires me - she fires me. I have a cushion and will be fine.

[Anonymous]

I doubt she’ll fire you and she might very well decide to drop it after having the five days to rest and recuperate. Enjoy your well-deserved time off and Merry Christmas!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I started this thread asking if I should broach the subject with her. I did.

I have already decided to stick it out for awhile. If she fires me - she fires me. I have a cushion and will be fine.

Good for you, OP! Screw her and enjoy your holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think you misunderstand me. I do understand my place now and it’s a relief. We aren’t friends - I understand that now and will no longer act like friends.

I am fine. I do celebrate Christmas and will happily.

Thanks, everyone!

Why did you think you were anything but an employee to begin with? My nanny is a very valued employee, but an employee nonetheless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think you misunderstand me. I do understand my place now and it’s a relief. We aren’t friends - I understand that now and will no longer act like friends.

I am fine. I do celebrate Christmas and will happily.

Thanks, everyone!

Why did you think you were anything but an employee to begin with? My nanny is a very valued employee, but an employee nonetheless.

OP here. I thought I was more than an employee because my employer told me she was closer to me than her own mother, hoped I liked her and loved her, and was “one of my closest friends”.

Based on what she said to me and to other people who told me, I thought I was more to her than just an employee.

I get it now. I was clearly wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think you misunderstand me. I do understand my place now and it’s a relief. We aren’t friends - I understand that now and will no longer act like friends.

I am fine. I do celebrate Christmas and will happily.

Thanks, everyone!

Why did you think you were anything but an employee to begin with? My nanny is a very valued employee, but an employee nonetheless.

I’m pretty sure the thread is done for now until maybe OP comes back with an update. To answer your question, though, being in a nanny position is different than a traditional job. It’s more of a family environment and it can feel like you’ve become close to the people you’re seeing every day. It’s a little more personal than a desk job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think you misunderstand me. I do understand my place now and it’s a relief. We aren’t friends - I understand that now and will no longer act like friends.

I am fine. I do celebrate Christmas and will happily.

Thanks, everyone!

Why did you think you were anything but an employee to begin with? My nanny is a very valued employee, but an employee nonetheless.

OP here. I thought I was more than an employee because my employer told me she was closer to me than her own mother, hoped I liked her and loved her, and was “one of my closest friends”.

Based on what she said to me and to other people who told me, I thought I was more to her than just an employee.

I get it now. I was clearly wrong.

Wow, I’m sorry, OP! That’s ridiculous. You’re doing the right thing. Just distancing yourself from her is the best thing for you. She’ll realize her mistake and probably attempt to rekindle the same level of friendship you two had before, and it’ll be up to you if you let her back in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think you misunderstand me. I do understand my place now and it’s a relief. We aren’t friends - I understand that now and will no longer act like friends.

I am fine. I do celebrate Christmas and will happily.

Thanks, everyone!

Why did you think you were anything but an employee to begin with? My nanny is a very valued employee, but an employee nonetheless.

OP here. I thought I was more than an employee because my employer told me she was closer to me than her own mother, hoped I liked her and loved her, and was “one of my closest friends”.

Based on what she said to me and to other people who told me, I thought I was more to her than just an employee.

I get it now. I was clearly wrong.

I think the lesson for nannies is to never believe the crap employers tell us about our relationship with them, part of the family, affection, etc.

[Anonymous]

It’s so funny on this forum - everyone always assumes that it is the nanny who is desperate to be friends with the employer and it is usually the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Your employer clearly doesn’t value you as a friend or employee. Keep that in mind, OP, as you go forward. It is so passive aggressive to make anyone in any relationship to wait five days to discuss an issue.