Rules for nanny hosting play dates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Insecure control freak parents can be very problematic all around. If it's not one thing, it's another. Maybe it's the guilt factor. I generally try to stay away from them.

Yes, only a control freak would want to know who is coming into their house.
I seriously do not understand some nannies’ need to never, evwr be questioned about anything ever! And you know what? I am guessing that the people who talk this big game (“I would NEVER let a family disrespect me!”) on DCUM are not so tough IRL. I have worked in this field for 10 years and being flexible and cooperative will get you much further than deciding you are the infallible expert. Every family has a right to be picky about certain things because THEY ARE THE PARENTS!!!

[Anonymous]

Calm yourself down, 8:15. Parents must be upfront with their issues, or they end up with lots of replacements. Not every professional wants to be a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the crazy bitchy nannies on this forum. It is perfectly reasonable to wonder what the perameters are for something new. There is no real normal here—it all depends on what works for you and for your nanny. If these are families you have no other connection with, I would probably try to contact the parents beforehand. And other limits might be in order depending on your style, such as area of the house (are bedrooms okay or would you prefer playroom/LR), number of kids, frequency and whether drop-off playdates are allowed should all be considered.

Wow. So if I had to make sure that my employer has contact info before any kids or adults come to the house, I would not set up play dates. I don’t do that dance of “Oh, having a play date would be great! So, my employer won’t be there, but she needs your contact info, oh and the baby’s and parents’ info too, even though she’s never going to meet you and likely won’t ever talk to or meet the other parents. Oh, you’re not interested anymore? I understand.”

My employers trust my judgement and supervision, and I text beforehand if it’s someone that is coming over for the time in an unplanned manner. “Okay, plans changed for the day. Calendar had been changed to reflect that there’s a sudden downpour, can’t stay at the park. Nanny abc has two kids, x and y, ages m and n, and due to kids living in an apartment, play dates will be at your house or the park. Kids like each other, I’ll be adding this group to the google calendar going forward.”

Sometimes I send something like “Kids met a new group of kids at the park today, kids seem great, nanny seems a bit off, only play dates at the park for now.”

We keep a google calendar. It has location, time and participants, that way the parents feel connected without needing to spend a ton of time on things that don’t impact them. I color code for different types of events/participants, so it’s easy to see repeat play dates and know who the kids play with over time. It’s all things that I started to keep the parents connected, but I’m happy to suggest it to later families. I’ll do an initial play date that a parent sets up, to evaluate whether it will continue as a regular event while I’m there. But I’m not a fan of being micromanaged. I know how to politely set up play dates at the park with my employers’ friends, that way I’m not uncomfortable when they’re snobbish and sit on their phone ignoring me (and kids) the entire time, or worse, drop off an infant or toddler for half a day for free babysitting. I don’t need or want an employer to set up play dates with other nannies, as I can handle that myself, and I know what times are free in the schedule.

Overall, if I can’t be trusted to use my common sense and good judgement, I’m not a fit for a family.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. I had one employer who wanted to know the child and parent or nanny before I invited them for a play date. I knew this young mother had other issues centered around anxiety and OCD so I understood it was hard for her to let go of control. I made a point of meeting our play dates in the park or library to make my employer more comfortable. I am still very close to this former employer and certainly don’t blame her for her anxiety. She has sought treatment and medication and it just takes the edge off.

With my current employer, I could throw a party and she would be fine with it! I had parents/nannies over all the time when my charge was young and even hosted a weekly playgroup with six to eight toddlers. Now that my charge is in morning preschool, I volunteer at her school and know all the parents of her friends and often have them over in the afternoons.

As a nanny, I believe you have to adjust your methods for the parent as much as you do for the child.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing good about enabling sick behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing good about enabling sick behavior.

What are you referring to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the weather is getting colder, the nannies who get together at playgrounds are starting to coordinate play dates. My nanny asked if she could host another nanny and baby at our house and I’m fine with it, but what should the rules be? I was thinking that I’d need the baby’s parents name and contact information and I’d reach out and introduce myself. Is that weird? Whats normal?

Why do you sound like a control freak?

[Anonymous]

Have any of you oh-so-wise nannies considered the fact that a homeowner may be liable/sued for any injury sustained at their home? It may have nothing to do with not trusting the nanny they hired. Many of you want to be acknowledged for your judgment/skills, yet you lack the judgment/skills to appreciate/acknowledge the liability your employers undertake as hosting parents/homeowners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you oh-so-wise nannies considered the fact that a homeowner may be liable/sued for any injury sustained at their home? It may have nothing to do with not trusting the nanny they hired. Many of you want to be acknowledged for your judgment/skills, yet you lack the judgment/skills to appreciate/acknowledge the liability your employers undertake as hosting parents/homeowners.

I'm a homeowner with homeowners liability insurance. Don't you have any?

And our home is a safe place for children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you oh-so-wise nannies considered the fact that a homeowner may be liable/sued for any injury sustained at their home? It may have nothing to do with not trusting the nanny they hired. Many of you want to be acknowledged for your judgment/skills, yet you lack the judgment/skills to appreciate/acknowledge the liability your employers undertake as hosting parents/homeowners.

Seriously, as a nanny who owns a home, I understand liability insurance well. Do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you oh-so-wise nannies considered the fact that a homeowner may be liable/sued for any injury sustained at their home? It may have nothing to do with not trusting the nanny they hired. Many of you want to be acknowledged for your judgment/skills, yet you lack the judgment/skills to appreciate/acknowledge the liability your employers undertake as hosting parents/homeowners.

You are an idiot, OP.

- signed, a mother who employs a nanny and a homeowner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you oh-so-wise nannies considered the fact that a homeowner may be liable/sued for any injury sustained at their home? It may have nothing to do with not trusting the nanny they hired. Many of you want to be acknowledged for your judgment/skills, yet you lack the judgment/skills to appreciate/acknowledge the liability your employers undertake as hosting parents/homeowners.

Since I’m the one who brings up unemployment insurance, workers comp and vehicle/house insurance in the interview? Yes, I not only consider it, I understand the policy thoroughly. I also notify the parent (if they check the calendar), but I don’t have to get permission, because my employers trust my judgement.

[Anonymous]

OP, this post really brought out the haters. Yours was a perfectly reasonable question. Neither of our nannies arranged playdates at our house or took my DS and his nanny share partner to other kids' houses. They met at the park or, on days when the weather was bad, at places like museums, the library, or the neighborhood rec center. I did not want people I did not know in my house.

Both of the nannies my family employed were very kid-focused. For a lot of nannies I see around the neighborhood, the work day is also social hour---the nannies talk on the phone while pushing the stroller or get together with their nanny friends. Sure, it's good for kids to interact with other neighborhood kids, but it is also perfectly reasonable to say no if your nanny wants to invite a friend over and you're not comfortable with it for whatever reason. It's not like they are homebound every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this post really brought out the haters. Yours was a perfectly reasonable question. Neither of our nannies arranged playdates at our house or took my DS and his nanny share partner to other kids' houses. They met at the park or, on days when the weather was bad, at places like museums, the library, or the neighborhood rec center. I did not want people I did not know in my house.

Both of the nannies my family employed were very kid-focused. For a lot of nannies I see around the neighborhood, the work day is also social hour---the nannies talk on the phone while pushing the stroller or get together with their nanny friends. Sure, it's good for kids to interact with other neighborhood kids, but it is also perfectly reasonable to say no if your nanny wants to invite a friend over and you're not comfortable with it for whatever reason. It's not like they are homebound every day.

It’s different with a share, there are already two similar aged kids. However, if I can’t schedule play dates without prior permission, I know I’m not going to ever be fully trusted, so I pass on those positions. Some nannies may be okay with that, but I’m not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you oh-so-wise nannies considered the fact that a homeowner may be liable/sued for any injury sustained at their home? It may have nothing to do with not trusting the nanny they hired. Many of you want to be acknowledged for your judgment/skills, yet you lack the judgment/skills to appreciate/acknowledge the liability your employers undertake as hosting parents/homeowners.

You are an idiot, OP.

- signed, a mother who employs a nanny and a homeowner.

Sure...