How important is it to say goodbye

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't need to come back, clean break. Your dd will be fine. If she asks about her tell her the truth.

Worst advice ever. Very 1950's. You don;t have to see the babysitter again if it was really that bad but definitely talk to your DD about the nanny a lot - never wait for the child to ask about her. Parents used to do this with the death, abandonment and divorce ("don;t mention it until they ask) and it was proven to be damaging as the child accepted internal blame and shame.

[Anonymous]

So many insecure moms on this thread. We get it, it's all about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't need to come back, clean break. Your dd will be fine. If she asks about her tell her the truth.

Worst advice ever. Very 1950's. You don;t have to see the babysitter again if it was really that bad but definitely talk to your DD about the nanny a lot - never wait for the child to ask about her. Parents used to do this with the death, abandonment and divorce ("don;t mention it until they ask) and it was proven to be damaging as the child accepted internal blame and shame.

There is a difference between a nanny and parent. A nanny is a caretaker. It is meant to be temporary.

[Anonymous]

My two cents as mom.

Not important at all. My 4 year old and 6 year old actually said bye and dinner and all that to our nanny of 2 years. It's been 4 weeks now. They have not asked about her at all. They really don't care at all.

[Anonymous]

This is OP with an update. DD's caregiver said she wanted to come back to work and I said yes, but don't think it's happening. Her first day back is supposed to be tomorrow (per her request) yet she once again has gone radio silent over text. She is dealing with emotional issues (she's been seeing a therapist) and I think she's not in a good place right now. There's not much more I can do.

As to whether the departure of a caregiver matters to a child and how much, I think it depends on the circumstances as well as on the child. While this caregiver was perfectly nice, she was never loving to DD (the way some caregivers are) and this naturally set the tone of their relationship and affected the bond they have. OTOH, she took care of DD almost every weekday for five months. Aside from DH and me, this caregiver has been the one constant adult figure in DD's life (our family all live out of state). All this counts for something. It's been over a week since the caregiver was last here and DD has asked about her a couple times. She notices the caregiver's absence and I'm sure she will remember her for a while. Since I can't facilitate a 'goodbye,' I will explain to DD caregiver's absence the next time she asks about her and speak of her positively as advised by PPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't need to come back, clean break. Your dd will be fine. If she asks about her tell her the truth.

Worst advice ever. Very 1950's. You don;t have to see the babysitter again if it was really that bad but definitely talk to your DD about the nanny a lot - never wait for the child to ask about her. Parents used to do this with the death, abandonment and divorce ("don;t mention it until they ask) and it was proven to be damaging as the child accepted internal blame and shame.

There is a difference between a nanny and parent. A nanny is a caretaker. It is meant to be temporary.

Every relationship is temporary in real life to an adult and every relationship is permanent to a child.

Just "honor your child's relationship" (as another poster put it). Make things as easy on your child as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP with an update. DD's caregiver said she wanted to come back to work and I said yes, but don't think it's happening. Her first day back is supposed to be tomorrow (per her request) yet she once again has gone radio silent over text. She is dealing with emotional issues (she's been seeing a therapist) and I think she's not in a good place right now. There's not much more I can do.

As to whether the departure of a caregiver matters to a child and how much, I think it depends on the circumstances as well as on the child. While this caregiver was perfectly nice, she was never loving to DD (the way some caregivers are) and this naturally set the tone of their relationship and affected the bond they have. OTOH, she took care of DD almost every weekday for five months. Aside from DH and me, this caregiver has been the one constant adult figure in DD's life (our family all live out of state). All this counts for something. It's been over a week since the caregiver was last here and DD has asked about her a couple times. She notices the caregiver's absence and I'm sure she will remember her for a while. Since I can't facilitate a 'goodbye,' I will explain to DD caregiver's absence the next time she asks about her and speak of her positively as advised by PPs.

Perfect, OP - but please don't wait until she asks. Bring up the babysitter and speak fondly of her. Reassure your child that babysitter wants to be here but she can't and she loved DD. Then let is slowly fade. That is all a child needs - to know that what she felt was real and requited and she has not been left because of something she did.

Your babysitter sounds like a real piece of work, btw. Good riddance.