Confused About Live-In Nanny Law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are numerous benefits, both to the nanny and the employers. It sounds to me like you want availability for 72 hours per week, but don't actually intend to use all of those hours, and in that case, that might be of interest to the nanny.

According to my employers, there are numerous reasons for a live-in nanny. I'm already in the house if they are called in to work or one of the kids has an emergency. I am never late, and inclement weather doesn't matter. I know where everything is in the house, even after they spent the weekend reorganizing. Kids come find me during the middle of the night, allowing their parents to sleep. I know what needs to be done at any time, without someone leaving me a list. I'm flexible when parents are late, and I'm more convenient than finding someone else as a date night sitter (kids are already in bed, I'm already there, it's just a matter of paying me to not leave and do my own thing for the night). Overnights and weeks that parents travel are a breeze.

On my side, there are just as many benefits. I never worry about what situation I'm going to walk into at the start of the week, because I already know. Kids usually feel off the night before they get sick, and again, I know ahead of time. I'm never in danger of being late, and I never have to call in because my car won't start, the street is a sheet of glass, etc. I get tons of extra work for date nights and nights when kids come to me in the middle of the night. My employers never feel like they need to micromanage me.

However, you have several issues with your situation.

1. You are pregnant and home all day. That means that not only does the nanny have a SAHP to work with/around, you are also hormonal. While understandable, there are many nannies who wouldn't want any part of it.

2. Your child is in school mornings. So, unless your preschooler is off for the day, until you have your new baby, you are paying for hours without having the nanny do anything, unless she's doing your preschooler's laundry or cooking. However, she is available if you child becomes ill or school is closed, which is great.

3. Your parents live with you. Why in the world do you want to add a 5th adult to a household full-time?! This will be the sticking point for most nannies. Having grandparents around is tough; having them live there can be fine, but usually doesn't work well for the nanny.

4. Do you have a set-up that will allow your nanny any privacy? Minimum, she needs a private bedroom, preferably away from where the infant will be in a few months. No nanny wants to listen to an infant cry in the middle of the night when she's supposed to be sleeping so that she can work the next day. Most nannies will want an attached bathroom, or at least a bedroom and bathroom (possibly shared) in your basement.

5. Some nannies work up to 24/7 (I have). But you pay for the privilege of having someone at your beck and call (for those hours, with everything you listed, I agree with a PP that you are looking at 100k or more), and the benefits need to be spectacular. Those nannies need to have vacation when requested (up to the amount allotted for the year, and with at least a month of notice) and sick days (without arguing), or they burn out quickly. If you expect the nanny to "be a part of the family" and yet be working so many hours, you need to be understanding when she feels overwhelmed.

You can find what you need, if your house is set up correctly and your parents are willing to respect that there have to be boundaries. Otherwise, just advertise for one or two live-out mother's helpers with 12 hour shifts. If you split it 3 days and 3 days, you could escape overtime, and if you look for candidates willing to help on Sunday, you will have possible help 7 days per week once the baby is born (with some overtime, but not too much). Just be very, very clear about what you want and need.

I agree with most of what you say--except your suggestion to advertise for "mother's helpers." A mother's helper generally refers to a 10-12 (ish) neighbor girl the comes over a few hours a week to help a mom in exchange for pocket money. The "mother's helper" might read to a toddler so mom can cook dinner, help fold laundry or chop veggies for meal prep, play games with a pre-schooler, etc.
But you (mom) wouldn't actually leave the home with just the mother's helper minding the kids. And at most it would be maybe 2 or 3 hours, not 12 hours a day! A mother's helper is still in elementary school or middle school and also probably still has piano lessons and girl scouts and soccer to go to.

A mother's helper can also be an adult with little to no verifiable childcare experience, but someone who wants to build up references.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Kids come find me during the middle of the night, allowing their parents to sleep."

This is what confuses me about the live-in situation. How can the kids come to you in the middle of the night, if you are not being paid to work those hours? Do the parents then figure out how many hours you were awake with kids and pay you after the fact? That's what I'm looking for, that flexibility but the posters here made it sound like this would be unacceptable.

You sound like a wonderful nanny!

Thank you!

If I can sleep at least 5-6 hours continuously, the parents don't pay me, but if I'm up for an extended time, the parents pay for the hours. Either way, I'm paid after I work, not before, so there's no issue regarding how/when to pay.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you're connecting with the right community. I think you will find someone.
I don't know how old/what kind of shape grandma is in, but one reason to have a live-in without set hours is to have coverage if grandma has a bad day, or needs a day off. If you are there, too, that wouldn't necessarily have to mean nanny works all day, just that you would each take on a little more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you're connecting with the right community. I think you will find someone.
I don't know how old/what kind of shape grandma is in, but one reason to have a live-in without set hours is to have coverage if grandma has a bad day, or needs a day off. If you are there, too, that wouldn't necessarily have to mean nanny works all day, just that you would each take on a little more.

This was me. My mom is 70 and in great shape, and when my husband was gone, she came to help on a weekend I didn't have anyone else. My children (4 of them) were very young, and the baby was still up all night eating. By the end of the weekend, I knew I wouldn't ask her to do it again unless I was desperately ill or something. She was clearly exhausted despite getting a full night's sleep (even though she denied it while shaking slightly and looking like she was going to keel over at any moment).

Now I have 4, and the oldest was 5 at the time, so it was a lot of running around, but I was surprised at how quickly she got tired.

[Anonymous]

"I don't know how old/what kind of shape grandma is in, but one reason to have a live-in without set hours is to have coverage if grandma has a bad day, or needs a day off."

Yes, exactly. My parents are aging (Mom is spry but 73 years old) so I just want someone else there when I can't be there, or to help if Mom is too tired. I work from home (in an office, so not interfering with nanny) 2x a week and in the city 3x a week normally.

I really appreciate all the great responses as I think through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. My aunt was a live-in nanny for a family in her country of origin, and she lived with them for years and was basically available all the time. She wasn't worked to death, it was just more like she was a working member of the family and helped with whatever the family was working on.

She enjoyed it and made a lot of money...but cultural norms are different there. I guess I was envisioning something like that.

I have a friend in dubai who has employees like this. Its not how it works here though.
The main advantage of a live in is that you can pay less as you are incorporating room and board into the salary.
If you do get a live in Nanny I would try and work out what hours you will need the most and advertise that as the schedule.
Ideally give 2 days off a week, you may find someone who is ok with Sun/Mon off for example. Although I wouldnt use a Nanny all day on a Saturday in your situation, maybe just the morning.
Maybe 11-8 Tues through Fri and then 8-12 on Sat mornings would work for you if your 3 yo is in preschool anyway in the mornings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. My aunt was a live-in nanny for a family in her country of origin, and she lived with them for years and was basically available all the time. She wasn't worked to death, it was just more like she was a working member of the family and helped with whatever the family was working on.

She enjoyed it and made a lot of money...but cultural norms are different there. I guess I was envisioning something like that.

I have a friend in dubai who has employees like this. Its not how it works here though.
The main advantage of a live in is that you can pay less as you are incorporating room and board into the salary.
If you do get a live in Nanny I would try and work out what hours you will need the most and advertise that as the schedule.
Ideally give 2 days off a week, you may find someone who is ok with Sun/Mon off for example. Although I wouldnt use a Nanny all day on a Saturday in your situation, maybe just the morning.
Maybe 11-8 Tues through Fri and then 8-12 on Sat mornings would work for you if your 3 yo is in preschool anyway in the mornings.

Or she can advertise for what she actually wants and see who bites.

[Anonymous]

What kind of person would take this job though? It basically would have to be someone with no life, and no hope of ever really having one.
Someone couldn't do this if they had kids, or a spouse. Or if they were still "young" and going to school (with that schedule, no time for classes, even night school!)
It can't be someone that has any friends, no real time to see them. Or that has a hobby, no time for that.

I'm picturing a mid 40's, socially awkward, chubby woman (no time to workout.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. My aunt was a live-in nanny for a family in her country of origin, and she lived with them for years and was basically available all the time. She wasn't worked to death, it was just more like she was a working member of the family and helped with whatever the family was working on.

She enjoyed it and made a lot of money...but cultural norms are different there. I guess I was envisioning something like that.

I have a friend in dubai who has employees like this. Its not how it works here though.
The main advantage of a live in is that you can pay less as you are incorporating room and board into the salary.
If you do get a live in Nanny I would try and work out what hours you will need the most and advertise that as the schedule.
Ideally give 2 days off a week, you may find someone who is ok with Sun/Mon off for example. Although I wouldnt use a Nanny all day on a Saturday in your situation, maybe just the morning.
Maybe 11-8 Tues through Fri and then 8-12 on Sat mornings would work for you if your 3 yo is in preschool anyway in the mornings.

It's not just cultural norms it's the law actually. It's possible in other countries since they don't regulate the nanny industry or protect the nannies in case of abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of person would take this job though? It basically would have to be someone with no life, and no hope of ever really having one.
Someone couldn't do this if they had kids, or a spouse. Or if they were still "young" and going to school (with that schedule, no time for classes, even night school!)
It can't be someone that has any friends, no real time to see them. Or that has a hobby, no time for that.

I'm picturing a mid 40's, socially awkward, chubby woman (no time to workout.)

She said that it is more common in her culture. I don't know if she's part of an immigrant community or a religious one, but I'm guessing that the kind of person who would be interested is someone with few resources, who needs a place to live, and would like to be part of a family.

So, I'm guessing a young woman in her religion (if this is a religious culture), who is ready to move away from home and save some money for college, but whose family (and she) would prefer that she is in a family setting. Or, a recent immigrant (if this is an immigrant culture) who would like the cultural aspects of being part of an American household, feels safer in a family setting than on her own, needs a place to live, and doesn't know a lot of people yet.

If someone is not interested in going to school, or wants to take an online class or two, this might be a perfectly good gig for a year. Not everyone is a professional nanny looking to keep work and home life separate. There still are quite a few women who want to turn their natural affinity for children and their ability to run a home into something they get paid for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of person would take this job though? It basically would have to be someone with no life, and no hope of ever really having one.
Someone couldn't do this if they had kids, or a spouse. Or if they were still "young" and going to school (with that schedule, no time for classes, even night school!)
It can't be someone that has any friends, no real time to see them. Or that has a hobby, no time for that.

I'm picturing a mid 40's, socially awkward, chubby woman (no time to workout.)

Gee, or it could be someone who can't have kids or doesn't have them yet, but who wants to have her days full of kids. Many women can't find a partner or are no longer with their partner, but they want to have a family life. I don't know about you, but I don't go to bed at 8 pm, so there's plenty of time to have an outing in the evening if she wants to see friends, date or just have some alone time. There's plenty of time for classes on Sundays (yes, they exist!), or Internet classes. There's no reason that hobbies can't be done with kids (cooking, writing, needlework, woodworking) or in her spare time. Personally, I envision a woman of any age who loves being part of a family but may not have her own, and loves being around kids, but doesn't have her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. My aunt was a live-in nanny for a family in her country of origin, and she lived with them for years and was basically available all the time. She wasn't worked to death, it was just more like she was a working member of the family and helped with whatever the family was working on.

She enjoyed it and made a lot of money...but cultural norms are different there. I guess I was envisioning something like that.

I have a friend in dubai who has employees like this. Its not how it works here though.
The main advantage of a live in is that you can pay less as you are incorporating room and board into the salary.
If you do get a live in Nanny I would try and work out what hours you will need the most and advertise that as the schedule.
Ideally give 2 days off a week, you may find someone who is ok with Sun/Mon off for example. Although I wouldnt use a Nanny all day on a Saturday in your situation, maybe just the morning.
Maybe 11-8 Tues through Fri and then 8-12 on Sat mornings would work for you if your 3 yo is in preschool anyway in the mornings.

It's not just cultural norms it's the law actually. It's possible in other countries since they don't regulate the nanny industry or protect the nannies in case of abuse.

It's not illegal to have the nanny work as many hours as OP wants, provided that she pays at least minimum wage, applicable overtime and provides room and board 7 days per week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of person would take this job though? It basically would have to be someone with no life, and no hope of ever really having one.
Someone couldn't do this if they had kids, or a spouse. Or if they were still "young" and going to school (with that schedule, no time for classes, even night school!)
It can't be someone that has any friends, no real time to see them. Or that has a hobby, no time for that.

I'm picturing a mid 40's, socially awkward, chubby woman (no time to workout.)

She said that it is more common in her culture. I don't know if she's part of an immigrant community or a religious one, but I'm guessing that the kind of person who would be interested is someone with few resources, who needs a place to live, and would like to be part of a family.

So, I'm guessing a young woman in her religion (if this is a religious culture), who is ready to move away from home and save some money for college, but whose family (and she) would prefer that she is in a family setting. Or, a recent immigrant (if this is an immigrant culture) who would like the cultural aspects of being part of an American household, feels safer in a family setting than on her own, needs a place to live, and doesn't know a lot of people yet.

If someone is not interested in going to school, or wants to take an online class or two, this might be a perfectly good gig for a year. Not everyone is a professional nanny looking to keep work and home life separate. There still are quite a few women who want to turn their natural affinity for children and their ability to run a home into something they get paid for.

There are also professional nannies who prefer to live-in.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like the job from hell. Lazy SAHM, grandparents living at the home with you, 72 hrs, shit pay and no free time or life. Be careful what you wish for, you won't get a goood nanny with this set up.

[Anonymous]

Minimum pay $15/hr x 72 hrs = $1080/week but really no one will want this job unless they're illegal.