Is au pair babysitting other families too much?

[Anonymous]

How old is she?

[Anonymous]

The way we handle this is to tell before matching that we're not okay with any extra work - for us or for others - that violate the terms of her visa.

We try to be generous with bonuses and extra days off, and we give our AP the choice of traveling with us.

[Anonymous]

You can only go so far with orchestrating her personal activities, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a HM. I would let her do it this one time, but say it is an exception. It is not allowed in the program and you don't want to jeopardize either her or you getting in trouble if someone finds out. Plus, working a full weekend after working 45 hours will indeed burn her out, if it becomes even a once a month event.
I just got back from a weeklong trip for work and it took me a full week to recover from that.

But you're probably 30+ years old. Remember when we could go to a club, dance all night, then go to an all-night diner to eat, then go home, shower, change and roll into work and work a full day? We were in our late teens/early 20's then. We didn't have the stresses of mortgages, spouses, children, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can only go so far with orchestrating her personal activities, no?

I assume you're responding to me, the visa stickler PP. Go after someone else, troll. I abide by the State Department regulations, and I expect my APs to do so too. I'm up front about this in the matching process. I could tell you I'm generous with them (true) and have never had a rematch (also true), but I'm sure you'll have an answer to that, as you do for everything.

Must be exhausting to be you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't feel like I can tell her what she can do [/snip]

True.
But you CAN tell her that it's illegal and against the rules and regulations of her visa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only go so far with orchestrating her personal activities, no?

I assume you're responding to me, the visa stickler PP. Go after someone else, troll. I abide by the State Department regulations, and I expect my APs to do so too. I'm up front about this in the matching process. I could tell you I'm generous with them (true) and have never had a rematch (also true), but I'm sure you'll have an answer to that, as you do for everything.

Must be exhausting to be you.

If only any other family abided by all the rules. Most believe their above the rules. Ha, ha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only go so far with orchestrating her personal activities, no?

I assume you're responding to me, the visa stickler PP. Go after someone else, troll. I abide by the State Department regulations, and I expect my APs to do so too. I'm up front about this in the matching process. I could tell you I'm generous with them (true) and have never had a rematch (also true), but I'm sure you'll have an answer to that, as you do for everything.

Must be exhausting to be you.

If only any other family abided by all the rules. Most believe their above the rules. Ha, ha.

Exactly. How many posts do we see where host parents are discussing the ins and outs of going over their hours, bending this rule or that rule, and everyone talks about how its okay since it doesn't hurt anyone and the AP is happy to work for extra money. What hypocrites you all are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only go so far with orchestrating her personal activities, no?

I assume you're responding to me, the visa stickler PP. Go after someone else, troll. I abide by the State Department regulations, and I expect my APs to do so too. I'm up front about this in the matching process. I could tell you I'm generous with them (true) and have never had a rematch (also true), but I'm sure you'll have an answer to that, as you do for everything.

Must be exhausting to be you.

If only any other family abided by all the rules. Most believe their above the rules. Ha, ha.

Please enlighten us. How do you know 'most' families don't abide by the rules? Because that's not the experience I have had. How many families did you personally au pair for to come to this conclusion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only go so far with orchestrating her personal activities, no?

I assume you're responding to me, the visa stickler PP. Go after someone else, troll. I abide by the State Department regulations, and I expect my APs to do so too. I'm up front about this in the matching process. I could tell you I'm generous with them (true) and have never had a rematch (also true), but I'm sure you'll have an answer to that, as you do for everything.

Must be exhausting to be you.

If only any other family abided by all the rules. Most believe their above the rules. Ha, ha.

Exactly. How many posts do we see where host parents are discussing the ins and outs of going over their hours, bending this rule or that rule, and everyone talks about how its okay since it doesn't hurt anyone and the AP is happy to work for extra money. What hypocrites you all are.

No, most of us say we never go over hours no matter what, because it's against the rules. Clearly you "read" only what you want to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only go so far with orchestrating her personal activities, no?

I assume you're responding to me, the visa stickler PP. Go after someone else, troll. I abide by the State Department regulations, and I expect my APs to do so too. I'm up front about this in the matching process. I could tell you I'm generous with them (true) and have never had a rematch (also true), but I'm sure you'll have an answer to that, as you do for everything.

Must be exhausting to be you.

If only any other family abided by all the rules. Most believe their above the rules. Ha, ha.

Exactly. How many posts do we see where host parents are discussing the ins and outs of going over their hours, bending this rule or that rule, and everyone talks about how its okay since it doesn't hurt anyone and the AP is happy to work for extra money. What hypocrites you all are.

No, most of us say we never go over hours no matter what, because it's against the rules. Clearly you "read" only what you want to read.

You may speak only for yourself, and even then who knows for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only go so far with orchestrating her personal activities, no?

I assume you're responding to me, the visa stickler PP. Go after someone else, troll. I abide by the State Department regulations, and I expect my APs to do so too. I'm up front about this in the matching process. I could tell you I'm generous with them (true) and have never had a rematch (also true), but I'm sure you'll have an answer to that, as you do for everything.

Must be exhausting to be you.

If only any other family abided by all the rules. Most believe their above the rules. Ha, ha.

Just a couple of examples of threads openly discussing breaking the rules by host parents on this very forum. I know I read these threads, and saw a general consensus that it's against the rules but people do it because their APs are happy to make extra money. When it benefits you, it's okay for her to work extra, but not if it doesn't benefit you. Hypocrisy.
Exactly. How many posts do we see where host parents are discussing the ins and outs of going over their hours, bending this rule or that rule, and everyone talks about how its okay since it doesn't hurt anyone and the AP is happy to work for extra money. What hypocrites you all are.

No, most of us say we never go over hours no matter what, because it's against the rules. Clearly you "read" only what you want to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only go so far with orchestrating her personal activities, no?

I assume you're responding to me, the visa stickler PP. Go after someone else, troll. I abide by the State Department regulations, and I expect my APs to do so too. I'm up front about this in the matching process. I could tell you I'm generous with them (true) and have never had a rematch (also true), but I'm sure you'll have an answer to that, as you do for everything.

Must be exhausting to be you.

If only any other family abided by all the rules. Most believe their above the rules. Ha, ha.

Exactly. How many posts do we see where host parents are discussing the ins and outs of going over their hours, bending this rule or that rule, and everyone talks about how its okay since it doesn't hurt anyone and the AP is happy to work for extra money. What hypocrites you all are.

No, most of us say we never go over hours no matter what, because it's against the rules. Clearly you "read" only what you want to read.

Just a couple of examples of threads openly discussing breaking the rules by host parents on this very forum. I know I read these threads, and saw a general consensus that it's against the rules but people do it because their APs are happy to make extra money. When it benefits you, it's okay for her to work extra, but not if it doesn't benefit you. Hypocrisy.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/320023.page

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/316329.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only go so far with orchestrating her personal activities, no?

I assume you're responding to me, the visa stickler PP. Go after someone else, troll. I abide by the State Department regulations, and I expect my APs to do so too. I'm up front about this in the matching process. I could tell you I'm generous with them (true) and have never had a rematch (also true), but I'm sure you'll have an answer to that, as you do for everything.

Must be exhausting to be you.

If only any other family abided by all the rules. Most believe their above the rules. Ha, ha.

Exactly. How many posts do we see where host parents are discussing the ins and outs of going over their hours, bending this rule or that rule, and everyone talks about how its okay since it doesn't hurt anyone and the AP is happy to work for extra money. What hypocrites you all are.

No, most of us say we never go over hours no matter what, because it's against the rules. Clearly you "read" only what you want to read.

Just a couple of examples of threads openly discussing breaking the rules by host parents on this very forum. I know I read these threads, and saw a general consensus that it's against the rules but people do it because their APs are happy to make extra money. When it benefits you, it's okay for her to work extra, but not if it doesn't benefit you. Hypocrisy.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/320023.page

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/316329.page

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this in all seriousness, though I'm sure you'll have it deleted, have any of you taken a step back and thought about how incredibly selfish you are toward these young women?

You aren't worried about her burning out for her sake, only for how it will affect you. You claim to be some kind of slave to the rules in this case, but we've all seen you excuse each other when you "need" to work your AP extra hours. It's this duplicity and selfishness that cause people outside of this program to hate it so much. It is modern day indentured servitude, and your attitudes are freaking disgusting.

Go pick on the corporations who truly use the J-1 visa to get cheap labor and exploit workers. such as
"He was escorted to a room in the basement of a house owned by family of the McDonald's franchise owner where he worked. He shared the tiny quarters with seven other students. Each of them got $300 deducted from their paychecks every month for rent — far above market rates. "We didn't have any privacy. We slept in bunk beds that were meant for children because they moved and squeaked," he says... they had to remain on-call whenever they weren’t in the restaurant. If they complained, the owner threatened them with deportation, the students claim.

Another- “I would never have come had I known the job was going to be so bad,” said Joom, a Thai student who spent almost all of her “cultural exchange” scrambling to clean 20 hotel rooms a day in Louisiana. “Housekeeping is hard work — my body hurt. This was not the cultural experience that we paid for.”

In 2011, J-1 workers at a Pennsylvania plant that packed Hershey’s chocolates organized with the National Guestworker Alliance (NGA) and went on strike to protest work conditions. “The work is very hard there, and we couldn’t do anything else after — maybe take a shower, eat something and go to sleep, that’s it. It was terrible,” Cosmin Isvoranu, a mechanical engineering student from Romania

Two years later, J-1 workers at a McDonald’s in Harrisburg, Pa., joined with the NGA and protested their work conditions. “All the days it was double shift, double shift,” said Fernando Acosta of Paraguay, whose workday often began at 7 a.m. and didn’t end until 11 p.m.[

So- put your efforts to a real problem. Not towards an Au Pair with her own room and bathroom trying to take an expensive $5000 trip around the U.S. She is not mistreated.