Is au pair babysitting other families too much?
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Anonymous
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My AP has been trying to save up for a trip. She puts up notes on our neighborhood listserve often offering up babysitting services. Now another mom asked her to babysit for a full weekend for a considerable amount of money. She asked my opinion, which puts me in a really awkward spot. I don't feel like I can tell her what she can do with her weekends, but it seems like she won't get a break.
I just said - evenings now and again are fine, but a full weekend at someone else's house seems like a lot. I did remind her that my kids need to be her priority and we don't want her burnt out. Everyone needs a day off. Has anyone had a similar situation. |
Anonymous
| Well, she really came here to experience American culture. Unless you fund her trip, she needs to earn her way somehow, no? |
Anonymous
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I don't think working 7 days a week is experience american culture. And I do already pay her.
Technically we all know they shouldn't be doing any extra work according to the visa, but everyone seems to look the other way. Like I said... I totally understand a night here and there, but a full weekend seemed like a lot when I need her to be "on" when she's watching my kids. |
Anonymous
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If she solicited the weekend job and sought it out on her own, then I feel like she's the one breaking the rules and if it were me, I'd tell her that I can't support her breaking the terms of her visa, but at the same time, I don't track her movements. I'd ask her to keep me out of it, and just bring it up if she seemed too burned out on Monday morning.
Hopefully she'll stop the extra gigs once her trip is paid for? How much does she need? My APs really have no expenses not covered and IMO, $800+/month in social spending is a lot. It's more than most young professionals in DC have to spend on eating out & buying clothes. There's plenty of room to save up for a big trip later in the year. |
Anonymous
| If you are concerned about her burning out, could you not help her out with the money she needs for the trip? It seems kind of messed up to say you want to be her priority, but the reason she needs to do this extra work is because she doesn't get paid enough... |
Anonymous
| She's planning for the travel month and another trip. Between the two, her goal is to save up something like $5000. That's more than I can or will help her save. She definitely experiencing this country and saving up for it (which, hey, good for her), but this just seemed like too much to be honest. |
Anonymous
| And.... she signed a contract to make our kids her priority. 6 weeks of vacation is more than your average family spends vacationing in a year. Good for her for making the most of her time here, but... yes, her priority needs to be work and my children when she is with them. |
Anonymous
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Wow, your AP has expensive vacation taste. What are her plans? My 7 APs were able to save enough to have great vacations, but they involved cheap flights, buses, youth hostels and couch surfing. If your AP looking to travel in 5 star hotels?
Regardless, good for her for having the drive to save the money for her goal, but I agree that it should not come at the expense of your family. When an AP brought up the idea of working for another family a few years ago, I told her that if this family was in a pickle once or twice this year and really needed her help, I would be ok with it, but other than that we did not encourage that behavior. This was the only time this ever came up in our 7 years of hosting. And unfortunately we ended up rematching with this AP for a variety of reasons unrelated to babysitting on the side. In your situation, you might have wanted to say something up front before she put her ad on the listserv (actually, you may want to add this rule to your family handbook, if you want to avoid this situation in the future). Now that she has found some clients, I agree that it makes sense to draw the line where you think you comfort level lies. How many hours per week are you willing to look the other way? Are there specific times in her schedule that are more or less conducive? Will you agree to lend her your car to go babysit other family’s children? One last word of warning… I hope she doesn’t become more interested in other gigs than working with your family. She is getting paid regular rate for other sitting gigs by families who don’t pay 25k and go though all the programs hoops for the privilege of having a live-in sitter (and she may not realize the difference). It’s only normal that some APs might become more interested with side jobs, and may be resentful if their schedule prevents them from making more money. I am not sure how to avoid this situation altogether, unless we prevent APs from working illegally in the first place. But I hope your AP is smart enough to realize that the hourly pay she receives is more than just a dollar figure. |
Anonymous
| To work ONE weekend will be fine. When I was 20-23 I worked 7 days a week. I had Saturday mornings off. It is fine. She's aiming to do this for ONE weekend. |
Anonymous
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I'm a HM. I would let her do it this one time, but say it is an exception. It is not allowed in the program and you don't want to jeopardize either her or you getting in trouble if someone finds out. Plus, working a full weekend after working 45 hours will indeed burn her out, if it becomes even a once a month event.
I just got back from a weeklong trip for work and it took me a full week to recover from that. |
Anonymous
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Your are wise to be concerned. I went down this road and even encouraged it (AP was saving for college back home). It became a problem. She got lots of offers and then it became very difficult for me to use her on weekends. So you really need to set limits. I would say a sat night often is fine, but not whole weekends. And yes they can resent going back to your schedule and the AP rate.
Did she do this without your permission? Do you know the family? If you know them, they should have asked you first. |
Anonymous
+1 id let her to it this one time but make it clear this is a one and only. We've been hosting 6 years and have never had an AP moonlighting. I would not be ok with it in an ongoing basis. |
Anonymous
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I say this in all seriousness, though I'm sure you'll have it deleted, have any of you taken a step back and thought about how incredibly selfish you are toward these young women?
You aren't worried about her burning out for her sake, only for how it will affect you. You claim to be some kind of slave to the rules in this case, but we've all seen you excuse each other when you "need" to work your AP extra hours. It's this duplicity and selfishness that cause people outside of this program to hate it so much. It is modern day indentured servitude, and your attitudes are freaking disgusting. |
Anonymous
'That cause people outside of this program to hate it so much'. Still wondering what drives you to spend your precious time on this board if you despise the program (and mostly us, host parents) so much. Go disrupt a Trump rally or something. That would be more productive. |
Anonymous
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I have no idea why the previous person brought politics into this. Ridiculous and so off base, but was so was the previous post.
And to the other post.... Of course it effects the family. Any employer worries about their employees not only for the individual, but what it an illness or life event will mean to the overall job performance. And anyone who has managed that says otherwise is lying. When your employee gets the flu, you're worried about them, but you're always worried about the impact on the rest of the office. In this case, if the employee is over-tired and run down, it effects not just themselves, but young kids. Rational concern. To say otherwise is not looking at the full picture. |