Is au pair babysitting other families too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this in all seriousness, though I'm sure you'll have it deleted, have any of you taken a step back and thought about how incredibly selfish you are toward these young women?

You aren't worried about her burning out for her sake, only for how it will affect you. You claim to be some kind of slave to the rules in this case, but we've all seen you excuse each other when you "need" to work your AP extra hours. It's this duplicity and selfishness that cause people outside of this program to hate it so much. It is modern day indentured servitude, and your attitudes are freaking disgusting.

Go pick on the corporations who truly use the J-1 visa to get cheap labor and exploit workers. such as
"He was escorted to a room in the basement of a house owned by family of the McDonald's franchise owner where he worked. He shared the tiny quarters with seven other students. Each of them got $300 deducted from their paychecks every month for rent — far above market rates. "We didn't have any privacy. We slept in bunk beds that were meant for children because they moved and squeaked," he says... they had to remain on-call whenever they weren’t in the restaurant. If they complained, the owner threatened them with deportation, the students claim.

Another- “I would never have come had I known the job was going to be so bad,” said Joom, a Thai student who spent almost all of her “cultural exchange” scrambling to clean 20 hotel rooms a day in Louisiana. “Housekeeping is hard work — my body hurt. This was not the cultural experience that we paid for.”

In 2011, J-1 workers at a Pennsylvania plant that packed Hershey’s chocolates organized with the National Guestworker Alliance (NGA) and went on strike to protest work conditions. “The work is very hard there, and we couldn’t do anything else after — maybe take a shower, eat something and go to sleep, that’s it. It was terrible,” Cosmin Isvoranu, a mechanical engineering student from Romania

Two years later, J-1 workers at a McDonald’s in Harrisburg, Pa., joined with the NGA and protested their work conditions. “All the days it was double shift, double shift,” said Fernando Acosta of Paraguay, whose workday often began at 7 a.m. and didn’t end until 11 p.m.[

So- put your efforts to a real problem. Not towards an Au Pair with her own room and bathroom trying to take an expensive $5000 trip around the U.S. She is not mistreated.

This is classic abuser behavior. Deflect the conversation to something unrelated, deny your own wrong doing, and minimize the issue at hand.

Yes the AP wants to take an expensive trip. That is her right. She is trying to work to save the money. In any situation where a host family needs extra hours for whatever reason, breaking the hour rules is justified as not a big deal. Now we have an AP trying to do the same thing, with an actual justification because she's paid peanuts while being told she would have the opportunity to travel. Now everyone wants to take the moral high ground and hide behind the rules. I'm sure some of you were the same posters on the other threads claiming to go over your hours and pay your AP extra money. Get over yourselves and let the girl make some actual money so she can take a nice trip and not "couch surf" with strangers.

[Anonymous]

Nope, I'm a rule abiding host mom.
My 1st AP was able to take trips to Miami, Vegas, L.A., D.C., and Boston during her AP year simply by using her "meager" $200 weekly stipend. I helped her find cheap airfare and hotels, or she stayed with an AP friend from training school.
She spent almost no money while living with us, because we paid for everything- food, car, cell, etc, so she only had to pay for her weekend nights out.

[Anonymous]

Host mom here, ignoring the trolls who are irrelevant to the conversation.

My last au pair wanted to save up some money, so I put her in touch with one of my friends who needed hours that I knew wouldn't conflict with my hours. I quickly regretted it. My au pair got burned out, working the extra hours. Her needs for cash were seemingly unlimited. When she left here, she donated many black garbage bags full of expensive clothes that she bought while here and didn't want to bring home, so that's where the extra money went. And meanwhile my kids paid the price because she was grumpy when she was with them.

The thing is, as host parents, a lot of what we pay goes to agency fees, room and board, and extras like a car and cell phone. Babysitting clients just pay cash, so although they're ultimately probably spending less, the au pair seeing more of it and is more inclined to take those hours than to want to work for her host family, who pays her the same amount no matter how many hours she works (under the 45 hour limit, of course.) Resentment quickly builds on both sides.

Unfortunately on my side, when I realized this was happening and tried to backtrack, it resulted in a big fight. Yes, she stopped babysitting, but the relationship never recovered. (There were other issues too.)

Bottom line, if you can add some restrictions now without causing too much angst, you should. If it's too late, well, you'll know for next time.

[Anonymous]

Troll doesn't mean what you think it does. Applying it to anyone with a differing point of view makes you look defensive and childish. I'm not posting to get a rise out of you, I'm posting hoping that *someone* reading will question the group think that goes on here. Seriously, how can extra hours be okay by you all in one thread and wrong in another? You're being incredibly self serving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll doesn't mean what you think it does. Applying it to anyone with a differing point of view makes you look defensive and childish. I'm not posting to get a rise out of you, I'm posting hoping that *someone* reading will question the group think that goes on here. Seriously, how can extra hours be okay by you all in one thread and wrong in another? You're being incredibly self serving.

No one what you're referring to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll doesn't mean what you think it does. Applying it to anyone with a differing point of view makes you look defensive and childish. I'm not posting to get a rise out of you, I'm posting hoping that *someone* reading will question the group think that goes on here. Seriously, how can extra hours be okay by you all in one thread and wrong in another? You're being incredibly self serving.

No one what you're referring to.

No one knows...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this in all seriousness, though I'm sure you'll have it deleted, have any of you taken a step back and thought about how incredibly selfish you are toward these young women?

You aren't worried about her burning out for her sake, only for how it will affect you. You claim to be some kind of slave to the rules in this case, but we've all seen you excuse each other when you "need" to work your AP extra hours. It's this duplicity and selfishness that cause people outside of this program to hate it so much. It is modern day indentured servitude, and your attitudes are freaking disgusting.

Go pick on the corporations who truly use the J-1 visa to get cheap labor and exploit workers. such as
"He was escorted to a room in the basement of a house owned by family of the McDonald's franchise owner where he worked. He shared the tiny quarters with seven other students. Each of them got $300 deducted from their paychecks every month for rent — far above market rates. "We didn't have any privacy. We slept in bunk beds that were meant for children because they moved and squeaked," he says... they had to remain on-call whenever they weren’t in the restaurant. If they complained, the owner threatened them with deportation, the students claim.

Another- “I would never have come had I known the job was going to be so bad,” said Joom, a Thai student who spent almost all of her “cultural exchange” scrambling to clean 20 hotel rooms a day in Louisiana. “Housekeeping is hard work — my body hurt. This was not the cultural experience that we paid for.”

In 2011, J-1 workers at a Pennsylvania plant that packed Hershey’s chocolates organized with the National Guestworker Alliance (NGA) and went on strike to protest work conditions. “The work is very hard there, and we couldn’t do anything else after — maybe take a shower, eat something and go to sleep, that’s it. It was terrible,” Cosmin Isvoranu, a mechanical engineering student from Romania

Two years later, J-1 workers at a McDonald’s in Harrisburg, Pa., joined with the NGA and protested their work conditions. “All the days it was double shift, double shift,” said Fernando Acosta of Paraguay, whose workday often began at 7 a.m. and didn’t end until 11 p.m.[

So- put your efforts to a real problem. Not towards an Au Pair with her own room and bathroom trying to take an expensive $5000 trip around the U.S. She is not mistreated.

This is classic abuser behavior. Deflect the conversation to something unrelated, deny your own wrong doing, and minimize the issue at hand.

Yes the AP wants to take an expensive trip. That is her right. She is trying to work to save the money. In any situation where a host family needs extra hours for whatever reason, breaking the hour rules is justified as not a big deal. Now we have an AP trying to do the same thing, with an actual justification because she's paid peanuts while being told she would have the opportunity to travel. Now everyone wants to take the moral high ground and hide behind the rules. I'm sure some of you were the same posters on the other threads claiming to go over your hours and pay your AP extra money. Get over yourselves and let the girl make some actual money so she can take a nice trip and not "couch surf" with strangers.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

My AP did lots of side babysitting jobs and walked our dog (I paid her the same as our former dog walker). She's in her travel month and has been sending me pictures of the Grand Canyon, Yosemite, LA, San Fran, and now Hawaii. I'm happy she could really do up her travel month. She socked away $5000 which is nearly impossible on the stipend alone. It never impacted her work performance. We are very close and "her kids" were always a priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this in all seriousness, though I'm sure you'll have it deleted, have any of you taken a step back and thought about how incredibly selfish you are toward these young women?

You aren't worried about her burning out for her sake, only for how it will affect you. You claim to be some kind of slave to the rules in this case, but we've all seen you excuse each other when you "need" to work your AP extra hours. It's this duplicity and selfishness that cause people outside of this program to hate it so much. It is modern day indentured servitude, and your attitudes are freaking disgusting.

Go pick on the corporations who truly use the J-1 visa to get cheap labor and exploit workers. such as
"He was escorted to a room in the basement of a house owned by family of the McDonald's franchise owner where he worked. He shared the tiny quarters with seven other students. Each of them got $300 deducted from their paychecks every month for rent — far above market rates. "We didn't have any privacy. We slept in bunk beds that were meant for children because they moved and squeaked," he says... they had to remain on-call whenever they weren’t in the restaurant. If they complained, the owner threatened them with deportation, the students claim.

Another- “I would never have come had I known the job was going to be so bad,” said Joom, a Thai student who spent almost all of her “cultural exchange” scrambling to clean 20 hotel rooms a day in Louisiana. “Housekeeping is hard work — my body hurt. This was not the cultural experience that we paid for.”

In 2011, J-1 workers at a Pennsylvania plant that packed Hershey’s chocolates organized with the National Guestworker Alliance (NGA) and went on strike to protest work conditions. “The work is very hard there, and we couldn’t do anything else after — maybe take a shower, eat something and go to sleep, that’s it. It was terrible,” Cosmin Isvoranu, a mechanical engineering student from Romania

Two years later, J-1 workers at a McDonald’s in Harrisburg, Pa., joined with the NGA and protested their work conditions. “All the days it was double shift, double shift,” said Fernando Acosta of Paraguay, whose workday often began at 7 a.m. and didn’t end until 11 p.m.[

So- put your efforts to a real problem. Not towards an Au Pair with her own room and bathroom trying to take an expensive $5000 trip around the U.S. She is not mistreated.

This is classic abuser behavior. Deflect the conversation to something unrelated, deny your own wrong doing, and minimize the issue at hand.

Yes the AP wants to take an expensive trip. That is her right. She is trying to work to save the money. In any situation where a host family needs extra hours for whatever reason, breaking the hour rules is justified as not a big deal. Now we have an AP trying to do the same thing, with an actual justification because she's paid peanuts while being told she would have the opportunity to travel. Now everyone wants to take the moral high ground and hide behind the rules. I'm sure some of you were the same posters on the other threads claiming to go over your hours and pay your AP extra money. Get over yourselves and let the girl make some actual money so she can take a nice trip and not "couch surf" with strangers.

Agreed. I personally find the stipend morally reprehensible. We've had great APs (we're on our 3rd) and tell them 6 months in that if they keep up the good work, they'll get a 3k bonus for their travel month and one round trip ticket using our miles to anywhere in the US.

[Anonymous]

I also find the stipend reprehensible IF you are using the 45 hours max.

However, I use 25 hours a week. When I do you my AP 45 hours a week (some in summer; snow days, etc) I double it.

So before you get APs all hot and bothered, you really need to look at the number of hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll doesn't mean what you think it does. Applying it to anyone with a differing point of view makes you look defensive and childish. I'm not posting to get a rise out of you, I'm posting hoping that *someone* reading will question the group think that goes on here. Seriously, how can extra hours be okay by you all in one thread and wrong in another? You're being incredibly self serving.

In every one of the extra hours threads, there are a bunch of us host moms who say it is never appropriate to break the rules. I know because I'm one of them - I have literally never broken the rules and I expect the same of my au pair. Do some host parents break the rules? Yes, and they admit it on here. That sucks. But don't act like every single one of us is ok with us breaking the rules and then that every single one of us is not ok with an au pair breaking the rules.

[Anonymous]

I find minimum wage far more reprehensible than the AP program, where the AP's housing, food, car, and cell are paid for.
Take a person making $10/hour ($3 above min wage) or about $1300/month. They pay:
$500 for a cheap crappy studio or room.
$100/mo for utilities
$200/mo for car insurance and gas (or more likely public transit),
$100 for cell phone,
$100+ for groceries
$200/mo for mandatory health insurance

A $10/hr worker has $100/month left after bills.
An AP has her full stipend of $850/month to spend on discretionary items, including travel and entertainment.
This is not a "reprehensible" gig, even at 40-45 hrs/week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll doesn't mean what you think it does. Applying it to anyone with a differing point of view makes you look defensive and childish. I'm not posting to get a rise out of you, I'm posting hoping that *someone* reading will question the group think that goes on here. Seriously, how can extra hours be okay by you all in one thread and wrong in another? You're being incredibly self serving.

In every one of the extra hours threads, there are a bunch of us host moms who say it is never appropriate to break the rules. I know because I'm one of them - I have literally never broken the rules and I expect the same of my au pair. Do some host parents break the rules? Yes, and they admit it on here. That sucks. But don't act like every single one of us is ok with us breaking the rules and then that every single one of us is not ok with an au pair breaking the rules.

In those threads there's a couple of posters dissenting. There's no way to know who is who, so you have to look at the general consensus. The consensus on those threads were if the host family needs to go over hours it's not a big deal and APs will work for extra money. Consensus on this thread is that it's against the rules and OP should be wary and possibly forbid it. Surely you can see that this is not about individual posters, it's about the overall double standard. Host parents break the rules and APs can't. It's wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find minimum wage far more reprehensible than the AP program, where the AP's housing, food, car, and cell are paid for.
Take a person making $10/hour ($3 above min wage) or about $1300/month. They pay:
$500 for a cheap crappy studio or room.
$100/mo for utilities
$200/mo for car insurance and gas (or more likely public transit),
$100 for cell phone,
$100+ for groceries
$200/mo for mandatory health insurance

A $10/hr worker has $100/month left after bills.
An AP has her full stipend of $850/month to spend on discretionary items, including travel and entertainment.
This is not a "reprehensible" gig, even at 40-45 hrs/week.

So you could replace her with a native-born American?

No. You couldn't. However you do the math to help yourself sleep at night, the market tells us these girls are taken advantage of.

I'm a HM but I recognize the program is really very exploitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find minimum wage far more reprehensible than the AP program, where the AP's housing, food, car, and cell are paid for.
Take a person making $10/hour ($3 above min wage) or about $1300/month. They pay:
$500 for a cheap crappy studio or room.
$100/mo for utilities
$200/mo for car insurance and gas (or more likely public transit),
$100 for cell phone,
$100+ for groceries
$200/mo for mandatory health insurance

A $10/hr worker has $100/month left after bills.
An AP has her full stipend of $850/month to spend on discretionary items, including travel and entertainment.
This is not a "reprehensible" gig, even at 40-45 hrs/week.

So you could replace her with a native-born American?

No. You couldn't. However you do the math to help yourself sleep at night, the market tells us these girls are taken advantage of.

I'm a HM but I recognize the program is really very exploitive.

I'm curious about how you can continue to participate in an exploitive program and keep a clear conscious? Seems pretty hypocritical.