Vent. Calling out sick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI OP there are a number of nannies out there that don't get sick constantly and won't take sick day after sick day (I'm one, never taken a sick day.)

Do you need a medal for your superior martyrdom? Better yet, how is your personal experience relevant here? OP was talking about her nanny apologizing for being sick...clearly something you would NEVER need to do.

You are correct, I would never call out sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI OP there are a number of nannies out there that don't get sick constantly and won't take sick day after sick day (I'm one, never taken a sick day.)

Do you need a medal for your superior martyrdom? Better yet, how is your personal experience relevant here? OP was talking about her nanny apologizing for being sick...clearly something you would NEVER need to do.

You are correct, I would never call out sick.

Never say never. I was like you. Then I got the shingles, no fault of my own, and missed three weeks of work. Life happens and it's messy sometimes. If you ever get an odd illness, or get in a car accident , you'll be eating your attitude with much humble pie.

[Anonymous]

Op here- she has sick days and I'm not sick day shaming. Take the leave and get better. I'm also not mad because I don't have a backup plan. And yes- she is not responsible for my backup plan.
However- as a mom, as soon as a nanny calls out sick my mind starts racing. I need to call the sitters, MIL, boss ect. I don't have time to spend on the phone talking about your guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- she has sick days and I'm not sick day shaming. Take the leave and get better. I'm also not mad because I don't have a backup plan. And yes- she is not responsible for my backup plan.
However- as a mom, as soon as a nanny calls out sick my mind starts racing. I need to call the sitters, MIL, boss ect. I don't have time to spend on the phone talking about your guilt.

If you adjust your attitude even slightly, to show a small amount of genuine concern for your nanny, I'm sure she'll feel less guilty and stop "wasting" your time. Consider all of the evenings when you walk in right at her end time but still want to hear about your kid's day. Or in the mornings when you're having a hard time with something and she listens to you complain. Your nanny isn't telling you she doesn't have time to care about you and your family is she? Try some damn compassion and you might just solve your problem. But you probably can't be bothered to actually give a shit about the woman caring for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- she has sick days and I'm not sick day shaming. Take the leave and get better. I'm also not mad because I don't have a backup plan. And yes- she is not responsible for my backup plan.
However- as a mom, as soon as a nanny calls out sick my mind starts racing. I need to call the sitters, MIL, boss ect. I don't have time to spend on the phone talking about your guilt.

I totally agree. "Ok. Hope you feel better soon." That's pretty much what I say when our nanny calls in sick an hour before she's scheduled to arrive. I immediately need to start triaging the day and figure out a plan.

THere's no shaming of the nanny - we are all human. But there is an immediate, and potentially significant, impact on my house and everyone else depending on us.

And one day, versus 3-5 consecutive days straddling a weekend, when each day is a question mark in terms of the nanny coming to work, is a pretty diffierent scenario in terms of stress, planning and strain on everyone involved.

So I totally get it OP.

[Anonymous]

I get OP as well. She isn't saying she doesn't care about the nanny. When her nanny calls to say she is sick, she switches into emergency mode with a list of 20 urgent things she needs to do NOW (calling all back up care options, calling her office, looking at her work load to see if she or DH can best take the day off, etc.). When a nanny comes in the morning and hears MB or DB complain, the nanny is "on the clock," not needing to immediately jump on a list urgent things to take care of. Staying late to tell MB and DB about the day cloud be similar, though, if the nanny is staying late to talk to the family and this is cutting into her own personal time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get OP as well. She isn't saying she doesn't care about the nanny. When her nanny calls to say she is sick, she switches into emergency mode with a list of 20 urgent things she needs to do NOW (calling all back up care options, calling her office, looking at her work load to see if she or DH can best take the day off, etc.). When a nanny comes in the morning and hears MB or DB complain, the nanny is "on the clock," not needing to immediately jump on a list urgent things to take care of. Staying late to tell MB and DB about the day cloud be similar, though, if the nanny is staying late to talk to the family and this is cutting into her own personal time.

Nannies aren't on the clock to listen to you bitch and moan about your rich person problems, but we all do. Staying late is not our job, but most of us end up doing it because parents rarely respect the time this process takes and think those daily 10 minutes don't matter. If you can't manage to squeak out some compassion for your nanny when she calls in sick, you have a real empathy problem. No one is saying talk for 20 minutes, but don't act like she's done something wrong, which its so clear every time each of you post that you do actually think she's wronged you. On this thread alone we've seen "she calls an hour before she's supposed to arrive" "truly sick people don't apologize" "stop trying to make me say its okay when it isn't". THIS attitude is why you get a nanny begging for your approval eating up your precious time. Don't treat her like shit and she won't feel like it. Its really not hard. Neither is arranging backup care if you have an actual thought out plan, not just a list of possibilities.

[Anonymous]

Oh good grief people. It would be annoying to constantly keep apologizing. How about "sorry, but I need to take a sick day."? Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get OP as well. She isn't saying she doesn't care about the nanny. When her nanny calls to say she is sick, she switches into emergency mode with a list of 20 urgent things she needs to do NOW (calling all back up care options, calling her office, looking at her work load to see if she or DH can best take the day off, etc.). When a nanny comes in the morning and hears MB or DB complain, the nanny is "on the clock," not needing to immediately jump on a list urgent things to take care of. Staying late to tell MB and DB about the day cloud be similar, though, if the nanny is staying late to talk to the family and this is cutting into her own personal time.

Nannies aren't on the clock to listen to you bitch and moan about your rich person problems, but we all do. Staying late is not our job, but most of us end up doing it because parents rarely respect the time this process takes and think those daily 10 minutes don't matter. If you can't manage to squeak out some compassion for your nanny when she calls in sick, you have a real empathy problem. No one is saying talk for 20 minutes, but don't act like she's done something wrong, which its so clear every time each of you post that you do actually think she's wronged you. On this thread alone we've seen "she calls an hour before she's supposed to arrive" "truly sick people don't apologize" "stop trying to make me say its okay when it isn't". THIS attitude is why you get a nanny begging for your approval eating up your precious time. Don't treat her like shit and she won't feel like it. Its really not hard. Neither is arranging backup care if you have an actual thought out plan, not just a list of possibilities.

Not the OP, but What is "an actual thought out plan" for back-up care, and not just a list of possibilities?

Lets say you have three kids ages 6 mos, 2, and 5. Your husband is already in the middle of surgery, and you are supposed to teach a class in an hour. Give me some examples where you wouldn't feel anything but sorry for your nanny and her cold.

[Anonymous]

If she didn't apologize you would come and complain that she calls out and never even feels bad for your predicament.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get OP as well. She isn't saying she doesn't care about the nanny. When her nanny calls to say she is sick, she switches into emergency mode with a list of 20 urgent things she needs to do NOW (calling all back up care options, calling her office, looking at her work load to see if she or DH can best take the day off, etc.). When a nanny comes in the morning and hears MB or DB complain, the nanny is "on the clock," not needing to immediately jump on a list urgent things to take care of. Staying late to tell MB and DB about the day cloud be similar, though, if the nanny is staying late to talk to the family and this is cutting into her own personal time.

Nannies aren't on the clock to listen to you bitch and moan about your rich person problems, but we all do. Staying late is not our job, but most of us end up doing it because parents rarely respect the time this process takes and think those daily 10 minutes don't matter. If you can't manage to squeak out some compassion for your nanny when she calls in sick, you have a real empathy problem. No one is saying talk for 20 minutes, but don't act like she's done something wrong, which its so clear every time each of you post that you do actually think she's wronged you. On this thread alone we've seen "she calls an hour before she's supposed to arrive" "truly sick people don't apologize" "stop trying to make me say its okay when it isn't". THIS attitude is why you get a nanny begging for your approval eating up your precious time. Don't treat her like shit and she won't feel like it. Its really not hard. Neither is arranging backup care if you have an actual thought out plan, not just a list of possibilities.

Not the OP, but What is "an actual thought out plan" for back-up care, and not just a list of possibilities?

Lets say you have three kids ages 6 mos, 2, and 5. Your husband is already in the middle of surgery, and you are supposed to teach a class in an hour. Give me some examples where you wouldn't feel anything but sorry for your nanny and her cold.

If your husband is a surgeon you're loaded and can afford a back up agency. Zero sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get OP as well. She isn't saying she doesn't care about the nanny. When her nanny calls to say she is sick, she switches into emergency mode with a list of 20 urgent things she needs to do NOW (calling all back up care options, calling her office, looking at her work load to see if she or DH can best take the day off, etc.). When a nanny comes in the morning and hears MB or DB complain, the nanny is "on the clock," not needing to immediately jump on a list urgent things to take care of. Staying late to tell MB and DB about the day cloud be similar, though, if the nanny is staying late to talk to the family and this is cutting into her own personal time.

Nannies aren't on the clock to listen to you bitch and moan about your rich person problems, but we all do. Staying late is not our job, but most of us end up doing it because parents rarely respect the time this process takes and think those daily 10 minutes don't matter. If you can't manage to squeak out some compassion for your nanny when she calls in sick, you have a real empathy problem. No one is saying talk for 20 minutes, but don't act like she's done something wrong, which its so clear every time each of you post that you do actually think she's wronged you. On this thread alone we've seen "she calls an hour before she's supposed to arrive" "truly sick people don't apologize" "stop trying to make me say its okay when it isn't". THIS attitude is why you get a nanny begging for your approval eating up your precious time. Don't treat her like shit and she won't feel like it. Its really not hard. Neither is arranging backup care if you have an actual thought out plan, not just a list of possibilities.

Not the OP, but What is "an actual thought out plan" for back-up care, and not just a list of possibilities?

Lets say you have three kids ages 6 mos, 2, and 5. Your husband is already in the middle of surgery, and you are supposed to teach a class in an hour. Give me some examples where you wouldn't feel anything but sorry for your nanny and her cold.

Okay, for your situation first thing I'd say is you need to give yourself more time when it comes to these things. I can't imagine why you'd set yourself up to have your nanny call, not an hour before you need to leave but an hour before you start teaching? Clearly her start time should be earlier, and you should set a deadline for calling out. I start work at 8:30 and my contract says I must call by 6:30, but preferably give them a heads up the evening before. The only reason they'd have an hour to work with is because I came down violently ill as I was headed out the door, and well there's just nothing you can do about that.

Next, say you've fixed that issue and you now have 2 hours to work with, not 1. First step in my plan would be family that can cover me for the day or at least for the morning. This doesn't mean calling around frantically asking everyone, it means you have members in your family that are close, and free typically, and know they are your backup. At the same time, I'd send off a text to my backup sitters. Sitters that know the kids, and have said they would like to be your backup. You should have at least one sitter preferably 2 like this in your rotation. Next would be a backup care service through an agency or daycare. Many home daycares have drop-in slots. Contact some and get to know the providers.

I'm sure you will discount all of my suggestions, but the difference between a list of possibilities, and an actual plan, is that you aren't just cold calling people hoping for the best. You should have a roster of people who are often available, know your kids, and can get to you quickly or you can get the kids to them. It takes some planning ahead of time, but if you have a list of 6 options, all of whom know they are in your roster, someone will be able to step in. Ideally, if you aren't a shit about her calling out, your nanny will let you know the night before if she's feeling sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get OP as well. She isn't saying she doesn't care about the nanny. When her nanny calls to say she is sick, she switches into emergency mode with a list of 20 urgent things she needs to do NOW (calling all back up care options, calling her office, looking at her work load to see if she or DH can best take the day off, etc.). When a nanny comes in the morning and hears MB or DB complain, the nanny is "on the clock," not needing to immediately jump on a list urgent things to take care of. Staying late to tell MB and DB about the day cloud be similar, though, if the nanny is staying late to talk to the family and this is cutting into her own personal time.

Nannies aren't on the clock to listen to you bitch and moan about your rich person problems, but we all do. Staying late is not our job, but most of us end up doing it because parents rarely respect the time this process takes and think those daily 10 minutes don't matter. If you can't manage to squeak out some compassion for your nanny when she calls in sick, you have a real empathy problem. No one is saying talk for 20 minutes, but don't act like she's done something wrong, which its so clear every time each of you post that you do actually think she's wronged you. On this thread alone we've seen "she calls an hour before she's supposed to arrive" "truly sick people don't apologize" "stop trying to make me say its okay when it isn't". THIS attitude is why you get a nanny begging for your approval eating up your precious time. Don't treat her like shit and she won't feel like it. Its really not hard. Neither is arranging backup care if you have an actual thought out plan, not just a list of possibilities.

Not the OP, but What is "an actual thought out plan" for back-up care, and not just a list of possibilities?

Lets say you have three kids ages 6 mos, 2, and 5. Your husband is already in the middle of surgery, and you are supposed to teach a class in an hour. Give me some examples where you wouldn't feel anything but sorry for your nanny and her cold.

Okay, for your situation first thing I'd say is you need to give yourself more time when it comes to these things. I can't imagine why you'd set yourself up to have your nanny call, not an hour before you need to leave but an hour before you start teaching? Clearly her start time should be earlier, and you should set a deadline for calling out. I start work at 8:30 and my contract says I must call by 6:30, but preferably give them a heads up the evening before. The only reason they'd have an hour to work with is because I came down violently ill as I was headed out the door, and well there's just nothing you can do about that.

Next, say you've fixed that issue and you now have 2 hours to work with, not 1. First step in my plan would be family that can cover me for the day or at least for the morning. This doesn't mean calling around frantically asking everyone, it means you have members in your family that are close, and free typically, and know they are your backup. At the same time, I'd send off a text to my backup sitters. Sitters that know the kids, and have said they would like to be your backup. You should have at least one sitter preferably 2 like this in your rotation. Next would be a backup care service through an agency or daycare. Many home daycares have drop-in slots. Contact some and get to know the providers.

I'm sure you will discount all of my suggestions, but the difference between a list of possibilities, and an actual plan, is that you aren't just cold calling people hoping for the best. You should have a roster of people who are often available, know your kids, and can get to you quickly or you can get the kids to them. It takes some planning ahead of time, but if you have a list of 6 options, all of whom know they are in your roster, someone will be able to step in. Ideally, if you aren't a shit about her calling out, your nanny will let you know the night before if she's feeling sick.

I am not discounting your suggestions. They are good. I don't actually have any family in the area, but that is a good suggestion. We do have several sitters, and that was one of the first things we did when we moved here. This is actually my list of people I am frantically calling. And it is cold calling more or less. Yes, they know my kids, but they aren't expecting a 7am call from me.

I am actually very sorry that I posted the first time. I really can and do regularly solve this problem. But it is always a little stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get OP as well. She isn't saying she doesn't care about the nanny. When her nanny calls to say she is sick, she switches into emergency mode with a list of 20 urgent things she needs to do NOW (calling all back up care options, calling her office, looking at her work load to see if she or DH can best take the day off, etc.). When a nanny comes in the morning and hears MB or DB complain, the nanny is "on the clock," not needing to immediately jump on a list urgent things to take care of. Staying late to tell MB and DB about the day cloud be similar, though, if the nanny is staying late to talk to the family and this is cutting into her own personal time.

Nannies aren't on the clock to listen to you bitch and moan about your rich person problems, but we all do. Staying late is not our job, but most of us end up doing it because parents rarely respect the time this process takes and think those daily 10 minutes don't matter. If you can't manage to squeak out some compassion for your nanny when she calls in sick, you have a real empathy problem. No one is saying talk for 20 minutes, but don't act like she's done something wrong, which its so clear every time each of you post that you do actually think she's wronged you. On this thread alone we've seen "she calls an hour before she's supposed to arrive" "truly sick people don't apologize" "stop trying to make me say its okay when it isn't". THIS attitude is why you get a nanny begging for your approval eating up your precious time. Don't treat her like shit and she won't feel like it. Its really not hard. Neither is arranging backup care if you have an actual thought out plan, not just a list of possibilities.

Not the OP, but What is "an actual thought out plan" for back-up care, and not just a list of possibilities?

Lets say you have three kids ages 6 mos, 2, and 5. Your husband is already in the middle of surgery, and you are supposed to teach a class in an hour. Give me some examples where you wouldn't feel anything but sorry for your nanny and her cold.

Okay, for your situation first thing I'd say is you need to give yourself more time when it comes to these things. I can't imagine why you'd set yourself up to have your nanny call, not an hour before you need to leave but an hour before you start teaching? Clearly her start time should be earlier, and you should set a deadline for calling out. I start work at 8:30 and my contract says I must call by 6:30, but preferably give them a heads up the evening before. The only reason they'd have an hour to work with is because I came down violently ill as I was headed out the door, and well there's just nothing you can do about that.

Next, say you've fixed that issue and you now have 2 hours to work with, not 1. First step in my plan would be family that can cover me for the day or at least for the morning. This doesn't mean calling around frantically asking everyone, it means you have members in your family that are close, and free typically, and know they are your backup. At the same time, I'd send off a text to my backup sitters. Sitters that know the kids, and have said they would like to be your backup. You should have at least one sitter preferably 2 like this in your rotation. Next would be a backup care service through an agency or daycare. Many home daycares have drop-in slots. Contact some and get to know the providers.

I'm sure you will discount all of my suggestions, but the difference between a list of possibilities, and an actual plan, is that you aren't just cold calling people hoping for the best. You should have a roster of people who are often available, know your kids, and can get to you quickly or you can get the kids to them. It takes some planning ahead of time, but if you have a list of 6 options, all of whom know they are in your roster, someone will be able to step in. Ideally, if you aren't a shit about her calling out, your nanny will let you know the night before if she's feeling sick.

I am not discounting your suggestions. They are good. I don't actually have any family in the area, but that is a good suggestion. We do have several sitters, and that was one of the first things we did when we moved here. This is actually my list of people I am frantically calling. And it is cold calling more or less. Yes, they know my kids, but they aren't expecting a 7am call from me.

I am actually very sorry that I posted the first time. I really can and do regularly solve this problem. But it is always a little stressful.

I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to make you feel bad, I was trying to actually answer your question if it was in earnest. I understand that even with the best planning, having to jump into action can be stressful. I'm just not of the opinion that stress makes it okay to be mean to people. Op's nanny feels bad for calling out, and knows it stresses her out. Her actions are the result of caring. It sucks that she gets attitude from OP, both for calling out, and for trying to make sure that her boss isn't angry with her. As a nanny, calling out is stressful for us too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI OP there are a number of nannies out there that don't get sick constantly and won't take sick day after sick day (I'm one, never taken a sick day.)

Do you need a medal for your superior martyrdom? Better yet, how is your personal experience relevant here? OP was talking about her nanny apologizing for being sick...clearly something you would NEVER need to do.

You are correct, I would never call out sick.

Never say never. I was like you. Then I got the shingles, no fault of my own, and missed three weeks of work. Life happens and it's messy sometimes. If you ever get an odd illness, or get in a car accident , you'll be eating your attitude with much humble pie.

[b]

Yeah but then when I do take the time off, my bosses will be less annoyed since I didn't take 5 day long weekends for a cold!! Ridiculous.