Advice needed: nanny doesn't like DC2

[Anonymous]

I'm a director of a center, so not either a nanny or a parent. Everyone here seems to assume the younger child is spoiled, the favorite, etc. It might be that the child really is harder to raise: more difficult, strong willed, determined, very active, needs to eat more often, needs more structure, or whatever and not the kind of child that the nanny can/will/wants to manage and be around. AND that might be true AND the child isn't spoiled. Look, there are some children who just are harder to parent/teach/nanny.

When you look quickly, you see a spoiled child, but when you take the time to observe you'll realize the child is just harder to work with. Not as compliant, needs to be told 3 times to do something, needs to eat often enough so his/her behavior isn't horrible, or is more sensitive and is prone to cry at the drop of a hat, etc. So if you're a nanny (or mother or teacher) to really easy kids who can handle that you aren't as regular about snacks, and then you have this child who NEEDS to eat every 3 hours or their blood sugar and their behavior TANKS, then you are in for a surprise. Etc.

So. Replace your nanny. And figure out how to interview new nannies to find someone who can work with both children. Who will enjoy that they are different, who will find the joy and humor in your younger child while knowing how (or be willing to experiment to find) the best way to call forth great behavior, and who will at the same time know how to encourage your older child to take risks, come out of her box and explore, while still reveling in that child's personality and strengths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a director of a center, so not either a nanny or a parent. Everyone here seems to assume the younger child is spoiled, the favorite, etc. It might be that the child really is harder to raise: more difficult, strong willed, determined, very active, needs to eat more often, needs more structure, or whatever and not the kind of child that the nanny can/will/wants to manage and be around. AND that might be true AND the child isn't spoiled. Look, there are some children who just are harder to parent/teach/nanny.

When you look quickly, you see a spoiled child, but when you take the time to observe you'll realize the child is just harder to work with. Not as compliant, needs to be told 3 times to do something, needs to eat often enough so his/her behavior isn't horrible, or is more sensitive and is prone to cry at the drop of a hat, etc. So if you're a nanny (or mother or teacher) to really easy kids who can handle that you aren't as regular about snacks, and then you have this child who NEEDS to eat every 3 hours or their blood sugar and their behavior TANKS, then you are in for a surprise. Etc.

So. Replace your nanny. And figure out how to interview new nannies to find someone who can work with both children. Who will enjoy that they are different, who will find the joy and humor in your younger child while knowing how (or be willing to experiment to find) the best way to call forth great behavior, and who will at the same time know how to encourage your older child to take risks, come out of her box and explore, while still reveling in that child's personality and strengths.

Nicely said. Thank you. Your recommendations take time that few parents want to invest, not to mention the fact that better usually costs more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a director of a center, so not either a nanny or a parent. Everyone here seems to assume the younger child is spoiled, the favorite, etc. It might be that the child really is harder to raise: more difficult, strong willed, determined, very active, needs to eat more often, needs more structure, or whatever and not the kind of child that the nanny can/will/wants to manage and be around. AND that might be true AND the child isn't spoiled. Look, there are some children who just are harder to parent/teach/nanny.

When you look quickly, you see a spoiled child, but when you take the time to observe you'll realize the child is just harder to work with. Not as compliant, needs to be told 3 times to do something, needs to eat often enough so his/her behavior isn't horrible, or is more sensitive and is prone to cry at the drop of a hat, etc. So if you're a nanny (or mother or teacher) to really easy kids who can handle that you aren't as regular about snacks, and then you have this child who NEEDS to eat every 3 hours or their blood sugar and their behavior TANKS, then you are in for a surprise. Etc.

So. Replace your nanny. And figure out how to interview new nannies to find someone who can work with both children. Who will enjoy that they are different, who will find the joy and humor in your younger child while knowing how (or be willing to experiment to find) the best way to call forth great behavior, and who will at the same time know how to encourage your older child to take risks, come out of her box and explore, while still reveling in that child's personality and strengths.

Parent here and this post is terrific, and so true. I have twins - one who is the easy/breezy/flexible kind and one who is the other type - has to eat regularly and sleep well for us to see good behavior, needs a different disciplinary approach than his sibling, struggles more with transitions, etc...

I wish I could send him to your center!

As to the pp with your completely unnecessary snarkiness, please just go away. You sour everything w/ your nastiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a director of a center, so not either a nanny or a parent. Everyone here seems to assume the younger child is spoiled, the favorite, etc. It might be that the child really is harder to raise: more difficult, strong willed, determined, very active, needs to eat more often, needs more structure, or whatever and not the kind of child that the nanny can/will/wants to manage and be around. AND that might be true AND the child isn't spoiled. Look, there are some children who just are harder to parent/teach/nanny.

When you look quickly, you see a spoiled child, but when you take the time to observe you'll realize the child is just harder to work with. Not as compliant, needs to be told 3 times to do something, needs to eat often enough so his/her behavior isn't horrible, or is more sensitive and is prone to cry at the drop of a hat, etc. So if you're a nanny (or mother or teacher) to really easy kids who can handle that you aren't as regular about snacks, and then you have this child who NEEDS to eat every 3 hours or their blood sugar and their behavior TANKS, then you are in for a surprise. Etc.

So. Replace your nanny. And figure out how to interview new nannies to find someone who can work with both children. Who will enjoy that they are different, who will find the joy and humor in your younger child while knowing how (or be willing to experiment to find) the best way to call forth great behavior, and who will at the same time know how to encourage your older child to take risks, come out of her box and explore, while still reveling in that child's personality and strengths.

I don't think the youngest child is spoiled. But I do think there is some favoritism and I am looking strictly at the language OP uses when describing each child and interactions with the child.
I think the nanny picks up on this and in her own misguided way is trying to equalize things.
A new nanny needs to be found, but that is likely not the only are that needs to be revamped.

[Anonymous]

I was in a situation similar to what is described by the OP,.
In my case it was a situation where the younger child truly was favored over the older siblings.
Any attempt I made to discuss legitimate areas of concern with the parent and develop strategies together to manage situations and behavior was treated as me " not liking the younger child."
So I was replace last I heard they are looking for their 10th nanny in 3 years time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a director of a center, so not either a nanny or a parent. Everyone here seems to assume the younger child is spoiled, the favorite, etc. It might be that the child really is harder to raise: more difficult, strong willed, determined, very active, needs to eat more often, needs more structure, or whatever and not the kind of child that the nanny can/will/wants to manage and be around. AND that might be true AND the child isn't spoiled. Look, there are some children who just are harder to parent/teach/nanny.

When you look quickly, you see a spoiled child, but when you take the time to observe you'll realize the child is just harder to work with. Not as compliant, needs to be told 3 times to do something, needs to eat often enough so his/her behavior isn't horrible, or is more sensitive and is prone to cry at the drop of a hat, etc. So if you're a nanny (or mother or teacher) to really easy kids who can handle that you aren't as regular about snacks, and then you have this child who NEEDS to eat every 3 hours or their blood sugar and their behavior TANKS, then you are in for a surprise. Etc.

So. Replace your nanny. And figure out how to interview new nannies to find someone who can work with both children. Who will enjoy that they are different, who will find the joy and humor in your younger child while knowing how (or be willing to experiment to find) the best way to call forth great behavior, and who will at the same time know how to encourage your older child to take risks, come out of her box and explore, while still reveling in that child's personality and strengths.

Parent here and this post is terrific, and so true. I have twins - one who is the easy/breezy/flexible kind and one who is the other type - has to eat regularly and sleep well for us to see good behavior, needs a different disciplinary approach than his sibling, struggles more with transitions, etc...

I wish I could send him to your center!

As to the pp with your completely unnecessary snarkiness, please just go away. You sour everything w/ your nastiness.

Just because someone disagrees with your viewpoint doesn't mean they are being nasty or snarky. This is a forum people will have different viewpoints. If you do not like that perhaps you should have a blog where all the commentary can reflect your personal beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a director of a center, so not either a nanny or a parent. Everyone here seems to assume the younger child is spoiled, the favorite, etc. It might be that the child really is harder to raise: more difficult, strong willed, determined, very active, needs to eat more often, needs more structure, or whatever and not the kind of child that the nanny can/will/wants to manage and be around. AND that might be true AND the child isn't spoiled. Look, there are some children who just are harder to parent/teach/nanny.

When you look quickly, you see a spoiled child, but when you take the time to observe you'll realize the child is just harder to work with. Not as compliant, needs to be told 3 times to do something, needs to eat often enough so his/her behavior isn't horrible, or is more sensitive and is prone to cry at the drop of a hat, etc. So if you're a nanny (or mother or teacher) to really easy kids who can handle that you aren't as regular about snacks, and then you have this child who NEEDS to eat every 3 hours or their blood sugar and their behavior TANKS, then you are in for a surprise. Etc.

So. Replace your nanny. And figure out how to interview new nannies to find someone who can work with both children. Who will enjoy that they are different, who will find the joy and humor in your younger child while knowing how (or be willing to experiment to find) the best way to call forth great behavior, and who will at the same time know how to encourage your older child to take risks, come out of her box and explore, while still reveling in that child's personality and strengths.

I find this offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a director of a center, so not either a nanny or a parent. Everyone here seems to assume the younger child is spoiled, the favorite, etc. It might be that the child really is harder to raise: more difficult, strong willed, determined, very active, needs to eat more often, needs more structure, or whatever and not the kind of child that the nanny can/will/wants to manage and be around. AND that might be true AND the child isn't spoiled. Look, there are some children who just are harder to parent/teach/nanny.

When you look quickly, you see a spoiled child, but when you take the time to observe you'll realize the child is just harder to work with. Not as compliant, needs to be told 3 times to do something, needs to eat often enough so his/her behavior isn't horrible, or is more sensitive and is prone to cry at the drop of a hat, etc. So if you're a nanny (or mother or teacher) to really easy kids who can handle that you aren't as regular about snacks, and then you have this child who NEEDS to eat every 3 hours or their blood sugar and their behavior TANKS, then you are in for a surprise. Etc.

So. Replace your nanny. And figure out how to interview new nannies to find someone who can work with both children. Who will enjoy that they are different, who will find the joy and humor in your younger child while knowing how (or be willing to experiment to find) the best way to call forth great behavior, and who will at the same time know how to encourage your older child to take risks, come out of her box and explore, while still reveling in that child's personality and strengths.

I find this offensive.

Not the PP, but what do you find offensive about it?
I can't find anything offensive about a caregiver encouraging a 3 y/o child to take risks no matter how I look at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a director of a center, so not either a nanny or a parent. Everyone here seems to assume the younger child is spoiled, the favorite, etc. It might be that the child really is harder to raise: more difficult, strong willed, determined, very active, needs to eat more often, needs more structure, or whatever and not the kind of child that the nanny can/will/wants to manage and be around. AND that might be true AND the child isn't spoiled. Look, there are some children who just are harder to parent/teach/nanny.

When you look quickly, you see a spoiled child, but when you take the time to observe you'll realize the child is just harder to work with. Not as compliant, needs to be told 3 times to do something, needs to eat often enough so his/her behavior isn't horrible, or is more sensitive and is prone to cry at the drop of a hat, etc. So if you're a nanny (or mother or teacher) to really easy kids who can handle that you aren't as regular about snacks, and then you have this child who NEEDS to eat every 3 hours or their blood sugar and their behavior TANKS, then you are in for a surprise. Etc.

So. Replace your nanny. And figure out how to interview new nannies to find someone who can work with both children. Who will enjoy that they are different, who will find the joy and humor in your younger child while knowing how (or be willing to experiment to find) the best way to call forth great behavior, and who will at the same time know how to encourage your older child to take risks, come out of her box and explore, while still reveling in that child's personality and strengths.

I find this offensive.

Not the PP, but what do you find offensive about it?
I can't find anything offensive about a caregiver encouraging a 3 y/o child to take risks no matter how I look at it.

Not the pp but the assumption being made is that the quieter personality needs to come out of a box. To me that is backward and outdated thinking. I would expect differently from a director of a childcare center.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has become clear that our nanny of 5 years just doesn't like our 3yo. The 3yo is a very strong willed child with a lot of personality who makes everyone laugh - except nanny. Our older child, 5, is your typical a first born - risk averse, plays quietly to herself, perfectionist. The two kids play great together, are very loving and affectionate, etc. But nanny just does not click with the 3 yo. This results in nanny making comments to me about how difficult the 3yo is, nanny being very flustered and stressed out, and saying things like "if you don't stop crying I'll leave you on the sidewalk all alone" which the 3yo reported back to me. It's so bad that when we had to take the 3yo to the ER for a severe and mysterious allergic reaction last week, nanny didn't even ask about it the next morning, but fawned over the 5 yo who had a much milder reaction to the same mystery allergen ("oh poor baby, are you ok- let me see"...)

Clearly we need a new nanny. But we are not in a position to fire her tomorrow and try to find someone new very quickly. So how do we bandaid the situation until we can transition to someone new? Also, how do I handle reference calls from new families who will likely ask why we are moving in from her?

Thanks!

I'm sorry OP, but I see nothing in this post that makes me think you need to replace your nanny right away.
I think you are putting the cart before the horse a bit.
You have had this nanny for 5 years I think that warrant sitting down and trying to work things out.
Have you once sat down and heard the nanny's concerns as objectively as possible?

[Anonymous]

sometimes it is a sad but necessary occurrence to find a new nanny. I have been with one family for 6 years and started when their DD was only 3 months old. She now has a 1 year old brother and although my interaction with the older DD is limited due to her going to school, it really hurts my heart to see the child she has turned into. I know it is not her fault but she has absolutely no boundaries and has turned into a complete brat. she terrorizes her younger sister, screams at her parents, bites and hits, and has broken four ipads from temper tantrums. she is allowed to dictate when the younger child sits in time out (a 1 year old in time out!!!) and can take any toy away from the baby if she wants it. she has complete run of the house and I find it difficult to watch every single day. for pete's sake, her parents still talk to her in baby talk at 6!!

I have a great relationship with the baby and the parents and used to have an amazing bond with the older child. Unfortunately, that's not the case anymore and I don't see it changing. I've loved my position for the last six years and I still love the family but it's no longer a good fit for me so I must move on.

I'm not saying you have a bratty child, I am just letting you know that sometimes it is in everybody's best interests to part ways, no matter how difficult it is. good luck on your search OP! I think you are doing the right thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a director of a center, so not either a nanny or a parent. Everyone here seems to assume the younger child is spoiled, the favorite, etc. It might be that the child really is harder to raise: more difficult, strong willed, determined, very active, needs to eat more often, needs more structure, or whatever and not the kind of child that the nanny can/will/wants to manage and be around. AND that might be true AND the child isn't spoiled. Look, there are some children who just are harder to parent/teach/nanny.

When you look quickly, you see a spoiled child, but when you take the time to observe you'll realize the child is just harder to work with. Not as compliant, needs to be told 3 times to do something, needs to eat often enough so his/her behavior isn't horrible, or is more sensitive and is prone to cry at the drop of a hat, etc. So if you're a nanny (or mother or teacher) to really easy kids who can handle that you aren't as regular about snacks, and then you have this child who NEEDS to eat every 3 hours or their blood sugar and their behavior TANKS, then you are in for a surprise. Etc.

So. Replace your nanny. And figure out how to interview new nannies to find someone who can work with both children. Who will enjoy that they are different, who will find the joy and humor in your younger child while knowing how (or be willing to experiment to find) the best way to call forth great behavior, and who will at the same time know how to encourage your older child to take risks, come out of her box and explore, while still reveling in that child's personality and strengths.

I don't think the youngest child is spoiled. But I do think there is some favoritism and I am looking strictly at the language OP uses when describing each child and interactions with the child.
I think the nanny picks up on this and in her own misguided way is trying to equalize things.
A new nanny needs to be found, but that is likely not the only are that needs to be revamped.

Agreed OP has boxed her own children into personality traits 5 year old is typical first born and does this. # year old makes everyone laugh and does this. She describes the nany's concern for the 5 year old as fawning over etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sometimes it is a sad but necessary occurrence to find a new nanny. I have been with one family for 6 years and started when their DD was only 3 months old. She now has a 1 year old brother and although my interaction with the older DD is limited due to her going to school, it really hurts my heart to see the child she has turned into. I know it is not her fault but she has absolutely no boundaries and has turned into a complete brat. she terrorizes her younger sister, screams at her parents, bites and hits, and has broken four ipads from temper tantrums. she is allowed to dictate when the younger child sits in time out (a 1 year old in time out!!!) and can take any toy away from the baby if she wants it. she has complete run of the house and I find it difficult to watch every single day. for pete's sake, her parents still talk to her in baby talk at 6!!

I have a great relationship with the baby and the parents and used to have an amazing bond with the older child. Unfortunately, that's not the case anymore and I don't see it changing. I've loved my position for the last six years and I still love the family but it's no longer a good fit for me so I must move on.

I'm not saying you have a bratty child, I am just letting you know that sometimes it is in everybody's best interests to part ways, no matter how difficult it is. good luck on your search OP! I think you are doing the right thing

In your case I would agree.
In the case of the OP I don't think going off to find a nanny is needed right now.

[Anonymous]

I had the child that everyone thought was cute and funny but me.
Everyone else had limited time with the child 3 hours at prek, a few hours with the babysitter or grandparents etc.
I had him all the time and behavior that was cute or funny in small doses was absolutely annoying to me.
But I was the mother and I had no way to get away from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sometimes it is a sad but necessary occurrence to find a new nanny. I have been with one family for 6 years and started when their DD was only 3 months old. She now has a 1 year old brother and although my interaction with the older DD is limited due to her going to school, it really hurts my heart to see the child she has turned into. I know it is not her fault but she has absolutely no boundaries and has turned into a complete brat. she terrorizes her younger sister, screams at her parents, bites and hits, and has broken four ipads from temper tantrums. she is allowed to dictate when the younger child sits in time out (a 1 year old in time out!!!) and can take any toy away from the baby if she wants it. she has complete run of the house and I find it difficult to watch every single day. for pete's sake, her parents still talk to her in baby talk at 6!!

I have a great relationship with the baby and the parents and used to have an amazing bond with the older child. Unfortunately, that's not the case anymore and I don't see it changing. I've loved my position for the last six years and I still love the family but it's no longer a good fit for me so I must move on.

I'm not saying you have a bratty child, I am just letting you know that sometimes it is in everybody's best interests to part ways, no matter how difficult it is. good luck on your search OP! I think you are doing the right thing

In your case I would agree.
In the case of the OP I don't think going off to find a nanny is needed right now.

why not? the nanny is clearly not treating the child the way the mother would like her to. what better reason is there to find a new nanny?