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[quote=Anonymous]I'm a director of a center, so not either a nanny or a parent.  Everyone here seems to assume the younger child is spoiled, the favorite, etc.  It might be that the child really is harder to raise: more difficult, strong willed, determined, very active, needs to eat more often, needs more structure, or whatever and not the kind of child that the nanny can/will/wants to manage and be around.  AND that might be true AND the child isn't spoiled.  Look, there are some children who just are harder to parent/teach/nanny.

When you look quickly, you see a spoiled child, but when you take the time to observe you'll realize the child is just harder to work with.  Not as compliant, needs to be told 3 times to do something, needs to eat often enough so his/her behavior isn't horrible, or is more sensitive and is prone to cry at the drop of  a hat, etc.  So if you're a nanny (or mother or teacher) to really easy kids who can handle that you aren't as regular about snacks, and then you have this child who NEEDS to eat every 3 hours or their blood sugar and their behavior TANKS, then you are in for a surprise. Etc.

So.  Replace your nanny.  And figure out how to interview new nannies to find someone who can work with both children.  Who will enjoy that they are different, who will find the joy and humor in your younger child while knowing how (or be willing to experiment to find) the best way to call forth great behavior, and who will at the same time know how to encourage your older child to take risks, come out of her box and explore, while still reveling in that child's personality and strengths.

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