Pregnant nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP, the truth is that women don't tell their bosses until the last minute, and those are women who enjoy legal protection from getting fired.

Unfortunately, nannies are excluded from the same legal protections that their bosses enjoy. So if you need this job right now, don't tell. It's a shame, but that's the way it is.

This is absolutely untrue.

Please explain. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We women like to fight for women's rights, except when that woman is our child's nanny.

The hell with women's rights.

This is the best keep secret among us feminists.
Not all, but most.

[Anonymous]

I would immediately start looking for a position outside of nannying before you start showing. Look for something that would provide you with legal protection. You don't want to be six months and unemployed. I would then get a second job to save extra. Tell your current employers only when u start to show or have another job lined up.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are your hopes for after your baby's birth? If you don't mind sharing personal details, what's your living situation at this time? Do you have any help or support?

[Anonymous]

Nannies need a union.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nannies need a union.

The smart nannies have a union, of sorts. I wish the nanny groups would get on board with this. Most of them don't seem to get it.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations OP!

I'm an MB. Here are my two cents:

- give yourself some time - you don't need to say or do anything right now except get safely into the second trimester
- start thinking about what you want to do. Do you want to stay home with your baby (can you afford to)? Do you want to look for a position where you can bring your baby with you to work? Would you want to provide childcare in your home? etc...
- separately, assess how this current position is turning out - do you like/enjoy working for this family? How is your relationship with the parents? How do your nannying/parenting instincts mesh with theirs? How flexible/relaxed are they as parents and bosses?

Basically give yourself some time to figure out what will be best for you and your growing family. Then, in a few weeks (when it will start becoming obvious anyway) talk with your employers. If you worked for me I would want to know that you didn't take the job under false pretenses (you didn't know you were pregnant when I hired you) and I would want to know what your plans are about how long you can/want to work and what you plan/want to do after the baby is born.

Obviously your employers will need to figure out what to do - and this will be upsetting and disruptive to them. They won't know (nor might you) how you will fare during the pregnancy - will you need bedrest, how well will you be able to care for their kid(s), etc... If they love you they may want to work with you to find a solution to keep you. They may also decide they need to find someone else. I think you should prepare for that possiblity (and try not to take it too personally if they go that route - this will be tough for them, regardless of how fantastic they may think you are.)

So take your time right now is my main advice.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations OP!

I'm an MB. Here are my two cents:

- give yourself some time - you don't need to say or do anything right now except get safely into the second trimester
- start thinking about what you want to do. Do you want to stay home with your baby (can you afford to)? Do you want to look for a position where you can bring your baby with you to work? Would you want to provide childcare in your home? etc...
- separately, assess how this current position is turning out - do you like/enjoy working for this family? How is your relationship with the parents? How do your nannying/parenting instincts mesh with theirs? How flexible/relaxed are they as parents and bosses?

Basically give yourself some time to figure out what will be best for you and your growing family. Then, in a few weeks (when it will start becoming obvious anyway) talk with your employers. If you worked for me I would want to know that you didn't take the job under false pretenses (you didn't know you were pregnant when I hired you) and I would want to know what your plans are about how long you can/want to work and what you plan/want to do after the baby is born.

Obviously your employers will need to figure out what to do - and this will be upsetting and disruptive to them. They won't know (nor might you) how you will fare during the pregnancy - will you need bedrest, how well will you be able to care for their kid(s), etc... If they love you they may want to work with you to find a solution to keep you. They may also decide they need to find someone else. I think you should prepare for that possiblity (and try not to take it too personally if they go that route - this will be tough for them, regardless of how fantastic they may think you are.)

So take your time right now is my main advice.

Good luck!

This is excellent advice. You definitely don't have to tell them right away so take some time to figure out what it is that you want. Once you've figured that out I would discuss it with your nanny family. You certainly can wait until the second trimester but I wouldn't wait too much past that if you want to stay with this family. As an MB myself I'd be happy for my nanny if she was pregnant and if I loved the nanny I'd do whatever I could to try to make it work. If she waited a long time to tell me though I think that might bring up some trust issues on my part and might make it less likely for me to want to make it work. Only you know your nanny family but hopefully if you are open and honest with them they will do the same for you.

For what it's worth, I have 3 children and every time I was pregnant I told my job as soon as I was 12 weeks. Most recently we moved and I was applying for a new job when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd and I told them at 8 weeks that I was pregnant BEFORE I got the job offer. I didn't want to start off on a bad note even though I had no obligation to tell them. They really appreciated my honesty and I got the job.

[Anonymous]

When I told my employers I was pregnant, they did everything they could, to pressure me to get an abortion. The mother was a college professor and the father was a lawyer. Their behavior was traumatizing to me. I never expected that, and regretted telling them before I was ready to resign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations OP!

I'm an MB. Here are my two cents:

- give yourself some time - you don't need to say or do anything right now except get safely into the second trimester
- start thinking about what you want to do. Do you want to stay home with your baby (can you afford to)? Do you want to look for a position where you can bring your baby with you to work? Would you want to provide childcare in your home? etc...
- separately, assess how this current position is turning out - do you like/enjoy working for this family? How is your relationship with the parents? How do your nannying/parenting instincts mesh with theirs? How flexible/relaxed are they as parents and bosses?

Basically give yourself some time to figure out what will be best for you and your growing family. Then, in a few weeks (when it will start becoming obvious anyway) talk with your employers. If you worked for me I would want to know that you didn't take the job under false pretenses (you didn't know you were pregnant when I hired you) and I would want to know what your plans are about how long you can/want to work and what you plan/want to do after the baby is born.

Obviously your employers will need to figure out what to do - and this will be upsetting and disruptive to them. They won't know (nor might you) how you will fare during the pregnancy - will you need bedrest, how well will you be able to care for their kid(s), etc... If they love you they may want to work with you to find a solution to keep you. They may also decide they need to find someone else. I think you should prepare for that possiblity (and try not to take it too personally if they go that route - this will be tough for them, regardless of how fantastic they may think you are.)

So take your time right now is my main advice.

Good luck!

This is excellent advice. You definitely don't have to tell them right away so take some time to figure out what it is that you want. Once you've figured that out I would discuss it with your nanny family. You certainly can wait until the second trimester but I wouldn't wait too much past that if you want to stay with this family. As an MB myself I'd be happy for my nanny if she was pregnant and if I loved the nanny I'd do whatever I could to try to make it work. If she waited a long time to tell me though I think that might bring up some trust issues on my part and might make it less likely for me to want to make it work. Only you know your nanny family but hopefully if you are open and honest with them they will do the same for you.

For what it's worth, I have 3 children and every time I was pregnant I told my job as soon as I was 12 weeks. Most recently we moved and I was applying for a new job when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd and I told them at 8 weeks that I was pregnant BEFORE I got the job offer. I didn't want to start off on a bad note even though I had no obligation to tell them. They really appreciated my honesty and I got the job.

OP here, thank you very much for the replies. Yes, I am planning I work basically til 34-36 weeks if this pregnancy, I don't have a problem with who will take care of my baby after, I have my mom. And planning to only leave about 3wks. And I am also willing to find someone that can replace me when I deliver.

[Anonymous]

*planning to work

[Anonymous]

Seems like you shouldn't have a problem, OP, but you never know for sure. So tell them when it becomes obvious. This is what most of them do at their jobs for good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP, the truth is that women don't tell their bosses until the last minute, and those are women who enjoy legal protection from getting fired.

Unfortunately, nannies are excluded from the same legal protections that their bosses enjoy. So if you need this job right now, don't tell. It's a shame, but that's the way it is.

This is absolutely untrue.

Please explain. Thanks.

No, you explain. What legal protections do you think pregnant working women enjoy? I love to know your views on what you think cannot happen to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations OP!

I'm an MB. Here are my two cents:

- give yourself some time - you don't need to say or do anything right now except get safely into the second trimester
- start thinking about what you want to do. Do you want to stay home with your baby (can you afford to)? Do you want to look for a position where you can bring your baby with you to work? Would you want to provide childcare in your home? etc...
- separately, assess how this current position is turning out - do you like/enjoy working for this family? How is your relationship with the parents? How do your nannying/parenting instincts mesh with theirs? How flexible/relaxed are they as parents and bosses?

Basically give yourself some time to figure out what will be best for you and your growing family. Then, in a few weeks (when it will start becoming obvious anyway) talk with your employers. If you worked for me I would want to know that you didn't take the job under false pretenses (you didn't know you were pregnant when I hired you) and I would want to know what your plans are about how long you can/want to work and what you plan/want to do after the baby is born.

Obviously your employers will need to figure out what to do - and this will be upsetting and disruptive to them. They won't know (nor might you) how you will fare during the pregnancy - will you need bedrest, how well will you be able to care for their kid(s), etc... If they love you they may want to work with you to find a solution to keep you. They may also decide they need to find someone else. I think you should prepare for that possiblity (and try not to take it too personally if they go that route - this will be tough for them, regardless of how fantastic they may think you are.)

So take your time right now is my main advice.

Good luck!

This is excellent advice. You definitely don't have to tell them right away so take some time to figure out what it is that you want. Once you've figured that out I would discuss it with your nanny family. You certainly can wait until the second trimester but I wouldn't wait too much past that if you want to stay with this family. As an MB myself I'd be happy for my nanny if she was pregnant and if I loved the nanny I'd do whatever I could to try to make it work. If she waited a long time to tell me though I think that might bring up some trust issues on my part and might make it less likely for me to want to make it work. Only you know your nanny family but hopefully if you are open and honest with them they will do the same for you.

For what it's worth, I have 3 children and every time I was pregnant I told my job as soon as I was 12 weeks. Most recently we moved and I was applying for a new job when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd and I told them at 8 weeks that I was pregnant BEFORE I got the job offer. I didn't want to start off on a bad note even though I had no obligation to tell them. They really appreciated my honesty and I got the job.

OP here, thank you very much for the replies. Yes, I am planning I work basically til 34-36 weeks if this pregnancy, I don't have a problem with who will take care of my baby after, I have my mom. And planning to only leave about 3wks. And I am also willing to find someone that can replace me when I deliver.

OP - congrats on your pregnancy!

You've gotten some wonderful advice from these two MBs and you have the right attitude about it so I really think you'll be fine. As an MB who recently went through this with our WONDERFUL nanny, I just wanted to echo what the other MBs have said. There is no reason to tell until your first trimester is over, but I'd tell pretty quickly after that and make clear you didn't know you were pregnant when you took the job. You don't and shouldn't have to do any of that, especially not the last part, but if you are willing/able to, I think it would go a long way in building trust with your family. Waiting until you're obviously showing, as some others have recommended, will make it very awkward for your family, who might in turn look for someone else since they won't know what your plans are.

When you tell your MB, present your plan, which it sounds like you've already given some thought to. Include, tentatively, when you propose your last day will be (34-36 weeks as you say vs. going until you go into labor) and how long you'll take off (say you don't deliver until 42 weeks - you'll take off six weeks pre-baby and three weeks after?), and what your plan is for child care when you get back. Offering to help find a temporary (or permanent) replacement as well is huge. The hardest part of this for us while our nanny was out was finding good/reliable interim child care. Hopefully, they will be willing to work with you.

Finally, as hard as I know it is, try not to take it personally if they decide to replace you after the baby. Having gone through this scenario before, I can say it was a really difficult and fairly traumatizing experience for my toddler through absolutely no fault of our nanny's except the circumstance. However much your charges' family wants to work with you, their children will always come first and the jealousy that comes with a caregiver having a baby plus the instability and variability of temporary care can be tough on kids. Keeping open honest lines of communication with them will help smooth and ease the transition for all of you and hopefully will prompt them to help you find a new job if they decide to let you go.

Good luck - I really hope this works out for all of you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations OP!

I'm an MB. Here are my two cents:

- give yourself some time - you don't need to say or do anything right now except get safely into the second trimester
- start thinking about what you want to do. Do you want to stay home with your baby (can you afford to)? Do you want to look for a position where you can bring your baby with you to work? Would you want to provide childcare in your home? etc...
- separately, assess how this current position is turning out - do you like/enjoy working for this family? How is your relationship with the parents? How do your nannying/parenting instincts mesh with theirs? How flexible/relaxed are they as parents and bosses?

Basically give yourself some time to figure out what will be best for you and your growing family. Then, in a few weeks (when it will start becoming obvious anyway) talk with your employers. If you worked for me I would want to know that you didn't take the job under false pretenses (you didn't know you were pregnant when I hired you) and I would want to know what your plans are about how long you can/want to work and what you plan/want to do after the baby is born.

Obviously your employers will need to figure out what to do - and this will be upsetting and disruptive to them. They won't know (nor might you) how you will fare during the pregnancy - will you need bedrest, how well will you be able to care for their kid(s), etc... If they love you they may want to work with you to find a solution to keep you. They may also decide they need to find someone else. I think you should prepare for that possiblity (and try not to take it too personally if they go that route - this will be tough for them, regardless of how fantastic they may think you are.)

So take your time right now is my main advice.

Good luck!

This is excellent advice. You definitely don't have to tell them right away so take some time to figure out what it is that you want. Once you've figured that out I would discuss it with your nanny family. You certainly can wait until the second trimester but I wouldn't wait too much past that if you want to stay with this family. As an MB myself I'd be happy for my nanny if she was pregnant and if I loved the nanny I'd do whatever I could to try to make it work. If she waited a long time to tell me though I think that might bring up some trust issues on my part and might make it less likely for me to want to make it work. Only you know your nanny family but hopefully if you are open and honest with them they will do the same for you.

For what it's worth, I have 3 children and every time I was pregnant I told my job as soon as I was 12 weeks. Most recently we moved and I was applying for a new job when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd and I told them at 8 weeks that I was pregnant BEFORE I got the job offer. I didn't want to start off on a bad note even though I had no obligation to tell them. They really appreciated my honesty and I got the job.

OP here, thank you very much for the replies. Yes, I am planning I work basically til 34-36 weeks if this pregnancy, I don't have a problem with who will take care of my baby after, I have my mom. And planning to only leave about 3wks. And I am also willing to find someone that can replace me when I deliver.

OP - congrats on your pregnancy!

You've gotten some wonderful advice from these two MBs and you have the right attitude about it so I really think you'll be fine. As an MB who recently went through this with our WONDERFUL nanny, I just wanted to echo what the other MBs have said. There is no reason to tell until your first trimester is over, but I'd tell pretty quickly after that and make clear you didn't know you were pregnant when you took the job. You don't and shouldn't have to do any of that, especially not the last part, but if you are willing/able to, I think it would go a long way in building trust with your family. Waiting until you're obviously showing, as some others have recommended, will make it very awkward for your family, who might in turn look for someone else since they won't know what your plans are.

When you tell your MB, present your plan, which it sounds like you've already given some thought to. Include, tentatively, when you propose your last day will be (34-36 weeks as you say vs. going until you go into labor) and how long you'll take off (say you don't deliver until 42 weeks - you'll take off six weeks pre-baby and three weeks after?), and what your plan is for child care when you get back. Offering to help find a temporary (or permanent) replacement as well is huge. The hardest part of this for us while our nanny was out was finding good/reliable interim child care. Hopefully, they will be willing to work with you.

Finally, as hard as I know it is, try not to take it personally if they decide to replace you after the baby. Having gone through this scenario before, I can say it was a really difficult and fairly traumatizing experience for my toddler through absolutely no fault of our nanny's except the circumstance. However much your charges' family wants to work with you, their children will always come first and the jealousy that comes with a caregiver having a baby plus the instability and variability of temporary care can be tough on kids. Keeping open honest lines of communication with them will help smooth and ease the transition for all of you and hopefully will prompt them to help you find a new job if they decide to let you go.

Good luck - I really hope this works out for all of you!

If OP takes your advice, she risks being fired right away and having no job. Not everyone can afford to take that risk. It'd be really nice if that wasn't the case.