Pregnant nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations OP!

I'm an MB. Here are my two cents:

- give yourself some time - you don't need to say or do anything right now except get safely into the second trimester
- start thinking about what you want to do. Do you want to stay home with your baby (can you afford to)? Do you want to look for a position where you can bring your baby with you to work? Would you want to provide childcare in your home? etc...
- separately, assess how this current position is turning out - do you like/enjoy working for this family? How is your relationship with the parents? How do your nannying/parenting instincts mesh with theirs? How flexible/relaxed are they as parents and bosses?

Basically give yourself some time to figure out what will be best for you and your growing family. Then, in a few weeks (when it will start becoming obvious anyway) talk with your employers. If you worked for me I would want to know that you didn't take the job under false pretenses (you didn't know you were pregnant when I hired you) and I would want to know what your plans are about how long you can/want to work and what you plan/want to do after the baby is born.

Obviously your employers will need to figure out what to do - and this will be upsetting and disruptive to them. They won't know (nor might you) how you will fare during the pregnancy - will you need bedrest, how well will you be able to care for their kid(s), etc... If they love you they may want to work with you to find a solution to keep you. They may also decide they need to find someone else. I think you should prepare for that possiblity (and try not to take it too personally if they go that route - this will be tough for them, regardless of how fantastic they may think you are.)

So take your time right now is my main advice.

Good luck!

This is excellent advice. You definitely don't have to tell them right away so take some time to figure out what it is that you want. Once you've figured that out I would discuss it with your nanny family. You certainly can wait until the second trimester but I wouldn't wait too much past that if you want to stay with this family. As an MB myself I'd be happy for my nanny if she was pregnant and if I loved the nanny I'd do whatever I could to try to make it work. If she waited a long time to tell me though I think that might bring up some trust issues on my part and might make it less likely for me to want to make it work. Only you know your nanny family but hopefully if you are open and honest with them they will do the same for you.

For what it's worth, I have 3 children and every time I was pregnant I told my job as soon as I was 12 weeks. Most recently we moved and I was applying for a new job when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd and I told them at 8 weeks that I was pregnant BEFORE I got the job offer. I didn't want to start off on a bad note even though I had no obligation to tell them. They really appreciated my honesty and I got the job.

OP here, thank you very much for the replies. Yes, I am planning I work basically til 34-36 weeks if this pregnancy, I don't have a problem with who will take care of my baby after, I have my mom. And planning to only leave about 3wks. And I am also willing to find someone that can replace me when I deliver.

OP - congrats on your pregnancy!

You've gotten some wonderful advice from these two MBs and you have the right attitude about it so I really think you'll be fine. As an MB who recently went through this with our WONDERFUL nanny, I just wanted to echo what the other MBs have said. There is no reason to tell until your first trimester is over, but I'd tell pretty quickly after that and make clear you didn't know you were pregnant when you took the job. You don't and shouldn't have to do any of that, especially not the last part, but if you are willing/able to, I think it would go a long way in building trust with your family. Waiting until you're obviously showing, as some others have recommended, will make it very awkward for your family, who might in turn look for someone else since they won't know what your plans are.

When you tell your MB, present your plan, which it sounds like you've already given some thought to. Include, tentatively, when you propose your last day will be (34-36 weeks as you say vs. going until you go into labor) and how long you'll take off (say you don't deliver until 42 weeks - you'll take off six weeks pre-baby and three weeks after?), and what your plan is for child care when you get back. Offering to help find a temporary (or permanent) replacement as well is huge. The hardest part of this for us while our nanny was out was finding good/reliable interim child care. Hopefully, they will be willing to work with you.

Finally, as hard as I know it is, try not to take it personally if they decide to replace you after the baby. Having gone through this scenario before, I can say it was a really difficult and fairly traumatizing experience for my toddler through absolutely no fault of our nanny's except the circumstance. However much your charges' family wants to work with you, their children will always come first and the jealousy that comes with a caregiver having a baby plus the instability and variability of temporary care can be tough on kids. Keeping open honest lines of communication with them will help smooth and ease the transition for all of you and hopefully will prompt them to help you find a new job if they decide to let you go.

Good luck - I really hope this works out for all of you!

If OP takes your advice, she risks being fired right away and having no job. Not everyone can afford to take that risk. It'd be really nice if that wasn't the case.

I don't disagree. But if the family is going to do that, then she risks being fired once the family realizes she's pregnant anyway. By contrast, approaching this like a professional and presenting a plan up front strikes me as the best way to demonstrate to the family that her pregnancy does not affect either her ability or her commitment to work, and will make her appear more trustworthy and reliable, which I think will go a long way to keeping her job through her pregnancy and hopefully afterwards as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations OP!

I'm an MB. Here are my two cents:

- give yourself some time - you don't need to say or do anything right now except get safely into the second trimester
- start thinking about what you want to do. Do you want to stay home with your baby (can you afford to)? Do you want to look for a position where you can bring your baby with you to work? Would you want to provide childcare in your home? etc...
- separately, assess how this current position is turning out - do you like/enjoy working for this family? How is your relationship with the parents? How do your nannying/parenting instincts mesh with theirs? How flexible/relaxed are they as parents and bosses?

Basically give yourself some time to figure out what will be best for you and your growing family. Then, in a few weeks (when it will start becoming obvious anyway) talk with your employers. If you worked for me I would want to know that you didn't take the job under false pretenses (you didn't know you were pregnant when I hired you) and I would want to know what your plans are about how long you can/want to work and what you plan/want to do after the baby is born.

Obviously your employers will need to figure out what to do - and this will be upsetting and disruptive to them. They won't know (nor might you) how you will fare during the pregnancy - will you need bedrest, how well will you be able to care for their kid(s), etc... If they love you they may want to work with you to find a solution to keep you. They may also decide they need to find someone else. I think you should prepare for that possiblity (and try not to take it too personally if they go that route - this will be tough for them, regardless of how fantastic they may think you are.)

So take your time right now is my main advice.

Good luck!

This is excellent advice. You definitely don't have to tell them right away so take some time to figure out what it is that you want. Once you've figured that out I would discuss it with your nanny family. You certainly can wait until the second trimester but I wouldn't wait too much past that if you want to stay with this family. As an MB myself I'd be happy for my nanny if she was pregnant and if I loved the nanny I'd do whatever I could to try to make it work. If she waited a long time to tell me though I think that might bring up some trust issues on my part and might make it less likely for me to want to make it work. Only you know your nanny family but hopefully if you are open and honest with them they will do the same for you.

For what it's worth, I have 3 children and every time I was pregnant I told my job as soon as I was 12 weeks. Most recently we moved and I was applying for a new job when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd and I told them at 8 weeks that I was pregnant BEFORE I got the job offer. I didn't want to start off on a bad note even though I had no obligation to tell them. They really appreciated my honesty and I got the job.

OP here, thank you very much for the replies. Yes, I am planning I work basically til 34-36 weeks if this pregnancy, I don't have a problem with who will take care of my baby after, I have my mom. And planning to only leave about 3wks. And I am also willing to find someone that can replace me when I deliver.

OP - congrats on your pregnancy!

You've gotten some wonderful advice from these two MBs and you have the right attitude about it so I really think you'll be fine. As an MB who recently went through this with our WONDERFUL nanny, I just wanted to echo what the other MBs have said. There is no reason to tell until your first trimester is over, but I'd tell pretty quickly after that and make clear you didn't know you were pregnant when you took the job. You don't and shouldn't have to do any of that, especially not the last part, but if you are willing/able to, I think it would go a long way in building trust with your family. Waiting until you're obviously showing, as some others have recommended, will make it very awkward for your family, who might in turn look for someone else since they won't know what your plans are.

When you tell your MB, present your plan, which it sounds like you've already given some thought to. Include, tentatively, when you propose your last day will be (34-36 weeks as you say vs. going until you go into labor) and how long you'll take off (say you don't deliver until 42 weeks - you'll take off six weeks pre-baby and three weeks after?), and what your plan is for child care when you get back. Offering to help find a temporary (or permanent) replacement as well is huge. The hardest part of this for us while our nanny was out was finding good/reliable interim child care. Hopefully, they will be willing to work with you.

Finally, as hard as I know it is, try not to take it personally if they decide to replace you after the baby. Having gone through this scenario before, I can say it was a really difficult and fairly traumatizing experience for my toddler through absolutely no fault of our nanny's except the circumstance. However much your charges' family wants to work with you, their children will always come first and the jealousy that comes with a caregiver having a baby plus the instability and variability of temporary care can be tough on kids. Keeping open honest lines of communication with them will help smooth and ease the transition for all of you and hopefully will prompt them to help you find a new job if they decide to let you go.

Good luck - I really hope this works out for all of you!

If OP takes your advice, she risks being fired right away and having no job. Not everyone can afford to take that risk. It'd be really nice if that wasn't the case.

I don't disagree. But if the family is going to do that, then she risks being fired once the family realizes she's pregnant anyway. By contrast, approaching this like a professional and presenting a plan up front strikes me as the best way to demonstrate to the family that her pregnancy does not affect either her ability or her commitment to work, and will make her appear more trustworthy and reliable, which I think will go a long way to keeping her job through her pregnancy and hopefully afterwards as well.

I agree with you only in theory. In reality, however, you must know that most "professional" women do not do that. They are doing what they know is best for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations OP!

I'm an MB. Here are my two cents:

- give yourself some time - you don't need to say or do anything right now except get safely into the second trimester
- start thinking about what you want to do. Do you want to stay home with your baby (can you afford to)? Do you want to look for a position where you can bring your baby with you to work? Would you want to provide childcare in your home? etc...
- separately, assess how this current position is turning out - do you like/enjoy working for this family? How is your relationship with the parents? How do your nannying/parenting instincts mesh with theirs? How flexible/relaxed are they as parents and bosses?

Basically give yourself some time to figure out what will be best for you and your growing family. Then, in a few weeks (when it will start becoming obvious anyway) talk with your employers. If you worked for me I would want to know that you didn't take the job under false pretenses (you didn't know you were pregnant when I hired you) and I would want to know what your plans are about how long you can/want to work and what you plan/want to do after the baby is born.

Obviously your employers will need to figure out what to do - and this will be upsetting and disruptive to them. They won't know (nor might you) how you will fare during the pregnancy - will you need bedrest, how well will you be able to care for their kid(s), etc... If they love you they may want to work with you to find a solution to keep you. They may also decide they need to find someone else. I think you should prepare for that possiblity (and try not to take it too personally if they go that route - this will be tough for them, regardless of how fantastic they may think you are.)

So take your time right now is my main advice.

Good luck!

This is excellent advice. You definitely don't have to tell them right away so take some time to figure out what it is that you want. Once you've figured that out I would discuss it with your nanny family. You certainly can wait until the second trimester but I wouldn't wait too much past that if you want to stay with this family. As an MB myself I'd be happy for my nanny if she was pregnant and if I loved the nanny I'd do whatever I could to try to make it work. If she waited a long time to tell me though I think that might bring up some trust issues on my part and might make it less likely for me to want to make it work. Only you know your nanny family but hopefully if you are open and honest with them they will do the same for you.

For what it's worth, I have 3 children and every time I was pregnant I told my job as soon as I was 12 weeks. Most recently we moved and I was applying for a new job when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd and I told them at 8 weeks that I was pregnant BEFORE I got the job offer. I didn't want to start off on a bad note even though I had no obligation to tell them. They really appreciated my honesty and I got the job.

OP here, thank you very much for the replies. Yes, I am planning I work basically til 34-36 weeks if this pregnancy, I don't have a problem with who will take care of my baby after, I have my mom. And planning to only leave about 3wks. And I am also willing to find someone that can replace me when I deliver.

OP - congrats on your pregnancy!

You've gotten some wonderful advice from these two MBs and you have the right attitude about it so I really think you'll be fine. As an MB who recently went through this with our WONDERFUL nanny, I just wanted to echo what the other MBs have said. There is no reason to tell until your first trimester is over, but I'd tell pretty quickly after that and make clear you didn't know you were pregnant when you took the job. You don't and shouldn't have to do any of that, especially not the last part, but if you are willing/able to, I think it would go a long way in building trust with your family. Waiting until you're obviously showing, as some others have recommended, will make it very awkward for your family, who might in turn look for someone else since they won't know what your plans are.

When you tell your MB, present your plan, which it sounds like you've already given some thought to. Include, tentatively, when you propose your last day will be (34-36 weeks as you say vs. going until you go into labor) and how long you'll take off (say you don't deliver until 42 weeks - you'll take off six weeks pre-baby and three weeks after?), and what your plan is for child care when you get back. Offering to help find a temporary (or permanent) replacement as well is huge. The hardest part of this for us while our nanny was out was finding good/reliable interim child care. Hopefully, they will be willing to work with you.

Finally, as hard as I know it is, try not to take it personally if they decide to replace you after the baby. Having gone through this scenario before, I can say it was a really difficult and fairly traumatizing experience for my toddler through absolutely no fault of our nanny's except the circumstance. However much your charges' family wants to work with you, their children will always come first and the jealousy that comes with a caregiver having a baby plus the instability and variability of temporary care can be tough on kids. Keeping open honest lines of communication with them will help smooth and ease the transition for all of you and hopefully will prompt them to help you find a new job if they decide to let you go.

Good luck - I really hope this works out for all of you!

If OP takes your advice, she risks being fired right away and having no job. Not everyone can afford to take that risk. It'd be really nice if that wasn't the case.

I don't disagree. But if the family is going to do that, then she risks being fired once the family realizes she's pregnant anyway. By contrast, approaching this like a professional and presenting a plan up front strikes me as the best way to demonstrate to the family that her pregnancy does not affect either her ability or her commitment to work, and will make her appear more trustworthy and reliable, which I think will go a long way to keeping her job through her pregnancy and hopefully afterwards as well.

I agree with you only in theory. In reality, however, you must know that most "professional" women do not do that. They are doing what they know is best for them.

My point is that I think approaching it in a professional, up front way is most likely to have the best result for her long term. At the very least, it will demonstrate to her family that she's committed to working through her pregnancy, and will give the best foundation of trustworthiness and reliability for them to want her to come back after the baby is born. Obviously she is free to take or leave the advice, and she knows her situation better than any of us do, so at the end of the day she's in the best position to gauge what will work best for her. All families and all employers are different so there are some risks with any approach. But as an MB whose been there, and whose nanny took the approach I described, I can tell you that letting her go never crossed my mind, partly because she had clearly thought through exactly how *we* as a team were going to make it work.

Also, FWIW, all the "professional" women I know, including myself, basically did something similar when announcing our pregnancies at our own jobs. Taking maternity leave in any workplace is disruptive, and most bosses want the comfort of knowing up front how you'll handle your absence and what your plan is for your return.

[Anonymous]

14:42, At what point did your nanny tell you and how has everything worked out since then?

[Anonymous]

She told us right at the start of the second trimester, I think. She presented a full plan when she told me and was extremely professional and thoughtful about the whole thing. She made clear she had already thought through child care arrangements for afterwards. She also made clear that she cared about my child and wanted to come back afterwards but would respect whatever we needed to do.

The only part that was really tough on us was when she was actually on leave and was not her fault at all. It was pretty traumatic for my toddler who had a lot of baby jealousy issues (with babies generally), and we had a very difficult time with inconsistent interim care, which is why I added the caveat that I could see why families might let nannies go. I do feel like those few months were definitely not in my child's best interest.

But beyond that, it's been good. There were some inconveniences when she was pregnant, in terms of scheduling, etc., and some inconveniences when she returned because life with kids is like that. But all in all, she's a terrific nanny and she's worth some inconveniences here and there.

Also, she's always approached her job in a thoughtful and professional way, so it was easy to believe she'd continue to do so after the baby arrived (as she has).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She told us right at the start of the second trimester, I think. She presented a full plan when she told me and was extremely professional and thoughtful about the whole thing. She made clear she had already thought through child care arrangements for afterwards. She also made clear that she cared about my child and wanted to come back afterwards but would respect whatever we needed to do.

The only part that was really tough on us was when she was actually on leave and was not her fault at all. It was pretty traumatic for my toddler who had a lot of baby jealousy issues (with babies generally), and we had a very difficult time with inconsistent interim care, which is why I added the caveat that I could see why families might let nannies go. I do feel like those few months were definitely not in my child's best interest.

But beyond that, it's been good. There were some inconveniences when she was pregnant, in terms of scheduling, etc., and some inconveniences when she returned because life with kids is like that. But all in all, she's a terrific nanny and she's worth some inconveniences here and there.

Also, she's always approached her job in a thoughtful and professional way, so it was easy to believe she'd continue to do so after the baby arrived (as she has).

So she came back after 8 weeks leave? Paid, not paid? She's still with your child? Who does her childcare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She told us right at the start of the second trimester, I think. She presented a full plan when she told me and was extremely professional and thoughtful about the whole thing. She made clear she had already thought through child care arrangements for afterwards. She also made clear that she cared about my child and wanted to come back afterwards but would respect whatever we needed to do.

The only part that was really tough on us was when she was actually on leave and was not her fault at all. It was pretty traumatic for my toddler who had a lot of baby jealousy issues (with babies generally), and we had a very difficult time with inconsistent interim care, which is why I added the caveat that I could see why families might let nannies go. I do feel like those few months were definitely not in my child's best interest.

But beyond that, it's been good. There were some inconveniences when she was pregnant, in terms of scheduling, etc., and some inconveniences when she returned because life with kids is like that. But all in all, she's a terrific nanny and she's worth some inconveniences here and there.

Also, she's always approached her job in a thoughtful and professional way, so it was easy to believe she'd continue to do so after the baby arrived (as she has).

So she came back after 8 weeks leave? Paid, not paid? She's still with your child? Who does her childcare?

She is still with my child. I don't feel comfortable discussing the other details on a public forum but as I have said before, she's a wonderful nanny who we care very much about, and we worked with her as best we could (and she worked with us as best she could too).

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She told us right at the start of the second trimester, I think. She presented a full plan when she told me and was extremely professional and thoughtful about the whole thing. She made clear she had already thought through child care arrangements for afterwards. She also made clear that she cared about my child and wanted to come back afterwards but would respect whatever we needed to do.

The only part that was really tough on us was when she was actually on leave and was not her fault at all. It was pretty traumatic for my toddler who had a lot of baby jealousy issues (with babies generally), and we had a very difficult time with inconsistent interim care, which is why I added the caveat that I could see why families might let nannies go. I do feel like those few months were definitely not in my child's best interest.

But beyond that, it's been good. There were some inconveniences when she was pregnant, in terms of scheduling, etc., and some inconveniences when she returned because life with kids is like that. But all in all, she's a terrific nanny and she's worth some inconveniences here and there.

Also, she's always approached her job in a thoughtf
ul and professional way, so it was easy to believe she'd continue to do so after the baby arrived (as she has).

Am curious about nannies who leave behind their own newborns in order to care for child of a more wealthy woman. Presumably she's a nanny because she loves to care for children. Perhaps she feels lucky to at least have her child with her in the US, unlike many other domestic workers here.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny with young kids my own. Honestly, it does hurt to leave your kids and take care of other kids, but this is reality! I'm doin this job so I can feed, dress and put a roof under my precious kids head, and I will do anything I can to secure their future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny with young kids my own. Honestly, it does hurt to leave your kids and take care of other kids, but this is reality! I'm doin this job so I can feed, dress and put a roof under my precious kids head, and I will do anything I can to secure their future.

Are a single parent? How old are your children? At what age did you leave them? Who takes care of them? How do you "secure their future"?

I think you're a mb troll, but maybe you can make your story more believable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny with young kids my own. Honestly, it does hurt to leave your kids and take care of other kids, but this is reality! I'm doin this job so I can feed, dress and put a roof under my precious kids head, and I will do anything I can to secure their future.

Are a single parent? How old are your children? At what age did you leave them? Who takes care of them? How do you "secure their future"?

I think you're a mb troll, but maybe you can make your story more believable.

Seriously? Why would you think she's a troll. You can't believe anyone would work to feed their children instead of staying home with them? I'm not the PP, I'm an MB and our nanny has 3 young children of her own. She's a single mother and she is working to support her children. Her mother watches the children during the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny with young kids my own. Honestly, it does hurt to leave your kids and take care of other kids, but this is reality! I'm doin this job so I can feed, dress and put a roof under my precious kids head, and I will do anything I can to secure their future.

Are a single parent? How old are your children? At what age did you leave them? Who takes care of them? How do you "secure their future"?

I think you're a mb troll, but maybe you can make your story more believable.

Seriously? Why would you think she's a troll. You can't believe anyone would work to feed their children instead of staying home with them? I'm not the PP, I'm an MB and our nanny has 3 young children of her own. She's a single mother and she is working to support her children. Her mother watches the children during the day.

How old are her children and how much maternity leave did she take?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny with young kids my own. Honestly, it does hurt to leave your kids and take care of other kids, but this is reality! I'm doin this job so I can feed, dress and put a roof under my precious kids head, and I will do anything I can to secure their future.

Are a single parent? How old are your children? At what age did you leave them? Who takes care of them? How do you "secure their future"?

I think you're a mb troll, but maybe you can make your story more believable.

Seriously? Why would you think she's a troll. You can't believe anyone would work to feed their children instead of staying home with them? I'm not the PP, I'm an MB and our nanny has 3 young children of her own. She's a single mother and she is working to support her children. Her mother watches the children during the day.

How old are her children and how much maternity leave did she take?

She just started working for us 2 months ago. Her youngest is 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny with young kids my own. Honestly, it does hurt to leave your kids and take care of other kids, but this is reality! I'm doin this job so I can feed, dress and put a roof under my precious kids head, and I will do anything I can to secure their future.

Are a single parent? How old are your children? At what age did you leave them? Who takes care of them? How do you "secure their future"?

I think you're a mb troll, but maybe you can make your story more believable.

Why didn't you think she's a real nanny? I know a lot of nanny who have small kids, I know 2 single mom/nanny they both take their kids to a close friend for much cheaper daycare, and couple of nanny/mom also with young kids and husbands too who happens to make only minimum wage so the mom/nanny needs to work too.

I'm just startled that you actually didn't believed the PP poster to be real..