How has being a nanny changed your ideals of parenting?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it has made me not want kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've always wanted 2-3 kids and I still do so that hasn't changed. If I've learned anything from being a nanny, it's with my current family. They have twins that are 20 months old now and they STILL wake up multiple times a night and the parent's bring them into bed with them because it's "easier then having to sleep train them". It's absolutely ridiculous and makes nap times a nightmare for me when I'm with them. I know that when I become a parent, I will not take the lazy way out of sleep training.

If the parents choose not to do cry it out, so called sleep training, that is their choice. It tells me that they would suffer through the hard nights and naps rather than risk the cry it out. Cave men did not do sleep training. The eastern hemisphere of the world has not heard of sleep training. We may or may not be looking back 200 years ago and think "that was dumb to let all those kids cry it out." It is a risk and it is up to the parents to decide. The fact that it makes 2 hours of your life a little bit harder to get these twins to sleep should not be a factor on how to raise these kids. You are paid enough, if you decide that you are not, you need to quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If anything being a nanny has made me want children even more. It has given me a chance to see and test out different parenting styles, taught me what baby products i really need/want and how to eliminate bad habits from early on. sleep training, potty training, healthy eating habits, and age appropriate activities are some of the major things i've learned over the years to address immediately and have figured out how i will handle them. I will surprisingly be a very earthly crunchy mother with clear age appropriate expectations (no attachment parenting for me). I also want to raise humble, respectful children who don't take what is given to them for granted. They won't be getting every toy they want and will be expected to donate their toys and time to charity or volunteer when they are old enough.
Hopefully i will have a spouse that will support my parenting style and will be actively involved. Honestly if i take one thing away from this field, its that i want a husband that is going to be an active involved father, who will be as excited about our children as i will. Unfortunately, I've worked with families where the father has no interest in the children and its quite depressing.

Wow, did I write this and forget? Agree 100% with everything you said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anything being a nanny has made me want children even more. It has given me a chance to see and test out different parenting styles, taught me what baby products i really need/want and how to eliminate bad habits from early on. sleep training, potty training, healthy eating habits, and age appropriate activities are some of the major things i've learned over the years to address immediately and have figured out how i will handle them. I will surprisingly be a very earthly crunchy mother with clear age appropriate expectations (no attachment parenting for me). I also want to raise humble, respectful children who don't take what is given to them for granted. They won't be getting every toy they want and will be expected to donate their toys and time to charity or volunteer when they are old enough.
Hopefully i will have a spouse that will support my parenting style and will be actively involved. Honestly if i take one thing away from this field, its that i want a husband that is going to be an active involved father, who will be as excited about our children as i will. Unfortunately, I've worked with families where the father has no interest in the children and its quite depressing.

Wow, did I write this and forget? Agree 100% with everything you said.

I would not assume by your observations that the dad does not what children or is not enthusiastic about them. You never know what is going on in couples. My nanny met my husband on her interview and never again. He is gone before she arrives and arrives after she leaves. I also never talk about him because it just never comes up. But, I consult him throughout the day on text and he is very caring and responsive.

The reason why my nanny never sees my husband is because he is so busy working to pay for the house, the groceries, the nanny, and everything that costs money so the family can live comfortably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anything being a nanny has made me want children even more. It has given me a chance to see and test out different parenting styles, taught me what baby products i really need/want and how to eliminate bad habits from early on. sleep training, potty training, healthy eating habits, and age appropriate activities are some of the major things i've learned over the years to address immediately and have figured out how i will handle them. I will surprisingly be a very earthly crunchy mother with clear age appropriate expectations (no attachment parenting for me). I also want to raise humble, respectful children who don't take what is given to them for granted. They won't be getting every toy they want and will be expected to donate their toys and time to charity or volunteer when they are old enough.
Hopefully i will have a spouse that will support my parenting style and will be actively involved. Honestly if i take one thing away from this field, its that i want a husband that is going to be an active involved father, who will be as excited about our children as i will. Unfortunately, I've worked with families where the father has no interest in the children and its quite depressing.

Wow, did I write this and forget? Agree 100% with everything you said.

I would not assume by your observations that the dad does not what children or is not enthusiastic about them. You never know what is going on in couples. My nanny met my husband on her interview and never again. He is gone before she arrives and arrives after she leaves. I also never talk about him because it just never comes up. But, I consult him throughout the day on text and he is very caring and responsive.

The reason why my nanny never sees my husband is because he is so busy working to pay for the house, the groceries, the nanny, and everything that costs money so the family can live comfortably.

First, why so defensive?

Second, you are not the kind of family we are talking about. I have worked for (multiple) families where I basically worked all hours when MB or another sitter weren't there because the dad couldn't (wouldn't) care for his child/ren alone. Sure, lots of people have the nanny in every so often on a day when they just want a sitter so that they can relax or run errands, but if it's openly discussed that Dad has NEVER left the house with his child, that he has NEVER handled bedtime or a meal, if I am working while he is in the living room watching reruns multiple times per month, then that is a dad who is clearly checked out. I wouldn't have realized that it was even possible to be physically living in the same house as your own child and be THAT detached unless I had seenit happen multiple times as a nanny, and it's made me much more attuned to that in potential partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anything being a nanny has made me want children even more. It has given me a chance to see and test out different parenting styles, taught me what baby products i really need/want and how to eliminate bad habits from early on. sleep training, potty training, healthy eating habits, and age appropriate activities are some of the major things i've learned over the years to address immediately and have figured out how i will handle them. I will surprisingly be a very earthly crunchy mother with clear age appropriate expectations (no attachment parenting for me). I also want to raise humble, respectful children who don't take what is given to them for granted. They won't be getting every toy they want and will be expected to donate their toys and time to charity or volunteer when they are old enough.
Hopefully i will have a spouse that will support my parenting style and will be actively involved. Honestly if i take one thing away from this field, its that i want a husband that is going to be an active involved father, who will be as excited about our children as i will. Unfortunately, I've worked with families where the father has no interest in the children and its quite depressing.

Wow, did I write this and forget? Agree 100% with everything you said.

I would not assume by your observations that the dad does not what children or is not enthusiastic about them. You never know what is going on in couples. My nanny met my husband on her interview and never again. He is gone before she arrives and arrives after she leaves. I also never talk about him because it just never comes up. But, I consult him throughout the day on text and he is very caring and responsive.

The reason why my nanny never sees my husband is because he is so busy working to pay for the house, the groceries, the nanny, and everything that costs money so the family can live comfortably.

First, why so defensive?

Second, you are not the kind of family we are talking about. I have worked for (multiple) families where I basically worked all hours when MB or another sitter weren't there because the dad couldn't (wouldn't) care for his child/ren alone. Sure, lots of people have the nanny in every so often on a day when they just want a sitter so that they can relax or run errands, but if it's openly discussed that Dad has NEVER left the house with his child, that he has NEVER handled bedtime or a meal, if I am working while he is in the living room watching reruns multiple times per month, then that is a dad who is clearly checked out. I wouldn't have realized that it was even possible to be physically living in the same house as your own child and be THAT detached unless I had seenit happen multiple times as a nanny, and it's made me much more attuned to that in potential partners.

I've also seen the same thing. With the last set of parents, the twins had spent 4 months in NICU, so he was still very uncomfortable handling both twins at once or feeding either one, but he was willing to do short spans of time with just one. On the other hand, I worked with a single dad whose wife walked and left him with all the kids, periodically threw a fit because she didn't have the money to come see them so he paid for them to go to her, yet she wanted them gone again within hours. It's not always dads, but whether it's mom or dad, it's heartbreaking and the kids know something is wrong.

[Anonymous]

To 1:45, I agree that it's not just dads! I am a straight female, so I think I focus more on dads when I think of traits I would seek or avoid in a future spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To 1:45, I agree that it's not just dads! I am a straight female, so I think I focus more on dads when I think of traits I would seek or avoid in a future spouse.

I've seen the same behaviors in moms and dads, so I don't bother categorizing who did it, I simply add it to my list of behavior I wouldn't tolerate with my child.

[Anonymous]

I haven't been on in a few weeks and I'm sad I missed this post!

I always thought I wanted to be a mom, but then I nannied for an amazing family in college (7 years ago) and they really changed my mind. It has absolutely nothing to do with the kids or amount of stuff that comes along with kids, but the toll kids can take on a relationship. I see it in them still (haven't worked for them in 4 years but still keep in contact) as well as my brother and sister in law, and no matter how much you say "we will still be the same people after kids" you never are. I see how much having kids has changed the relationship between spouses and that is what scares me the most. I want to enjoy my husband, and like him and really appreciate him and our relationship, and I also really think I'm too selfish to have kids of my own.

That said, right now I'm in a relationship and I have no doubt in my mind that I will spend the rest of my life with this man, and for whatever reason I have such a strong desire to share a baby with him. Not anytime soon, but someday. I imagine our life together and it's hard to imagine without a small human on the couch with us. Scares the shit out of me!!!!

[Anonymous]

It burned me out! I had to quit nannying for a year before trying to have my own. Best decision ever . Being a nanny is so exhausting!!

[Anonymous]

I so agree with those saying "No children!".
I used to want 2-3 but now I want none. I feel ashamed to admit this to anyone. Anytime I tell someone, they always say,"You'll feel different about your own children." But I don't think I will.

This job, to me, is rather lonely, boring, and calls for faking so much happiness.
I'm so sad that I feel this way. I want to want children.... perhaps the long winter is just giving me the blues!
Such an interesting topic. I love how open and honest everyone is on this thread

[Anonymous]

Being a nanny definitely makes me never want to hire a nanny, but to stay home with my own kids. Not that having a nanny isn't great or helpful, just not what I would want.

Also I would definitely take a minimalist approach to toys, absolutely.

I want to raise a well-rounded child. Not a spoiled, entitled, demanding kid. I think that means setting boundaries and having expectations. I want to be a gentle but firm parent.

Granted, once I have kids and get zero sleep all night this could all fly out the window.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It burned me out! I had to quit nannying for a year before trying to have my own. Best decision ever . Being a nanny is so exhausting!!

+1 and the nannies who are adamant about breastfeeding are so clueless. It's not always possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I so agree with those saying "No children!".
I used to want 2-3 but now I want none. I feel ashamed to admit this to anyone. Anytime I tell someone, they always say,"You'll feel different about your own children." But I don't think I will.

This job, to me, is rather lonely, boring, and calls for faking so much happiness.
I'm so sad that I feel this way. I want to want children.... perhaps the long winter is just giving me the blues!
Such an interesting topic. I love how open and honest everyone is on this thread

For all those saying you don't want children...do you not want kids at all, ever? Or just not want to have your day job involve taking care of them?

I'm a WOHM knows I would not enjoy having my identity be bound up with being a SAHM or nanny. For me it would be isolating and repetitive, especially because although I love my babies I don't want to rock and shush 24/7 or even 9-5. I do plenty of 2 hour shifts around the clock, including nursing at least 10+ hours a day (WAH for much of their first year of life), but I wouldn't enjoy doing it straight through or not having other activities to think about if that makes sense. The way I see it is that this phase is temporary and I am ok with sharing their care. I think it is overall healthier for me and them not to have someone burn out, which is why I also prefer two PT nannies or PT nanny/preschool once they get to that age. Is it normal to like kids, just not want to be solely responsible for caring for them 24/7? I think it is.

Of course being a parent means being ultimately responsible 24/7 and loving them impossibly and all that. It just seems possible to find some balance between that and exposing them to different caregivers. In other societies kids are still being brought up in large extended family settings, which seems healthier for all. It's only here that we have this ideal of nuclear family/intense mother-child bond to the exclusivity of other relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I so agree with those saying "No children!".
I used to want 2-3 but now I want none. I feel ashamed to admit this to anyone. Anytime I tell someone, they always say,"You'll feel different about your own children." But I don't think I will.

This job, to me, is rather lonely, boring, and calls for faking so much happiness.
I'm so sad that I feel this way. I want to want children.... perhaps the long winter is just giving me the blues!
Such an interesting topic. I love how open and honest everyone is on this thread

For all those saying you don't want children...do you not want kids at all, ever? Or just not want to have your day job involve taking care of them?

I'm a WOHM knows I would not enjoy having my identity be bound up with being a SAHM or nanny. For me it would be isolating and repetitive, especially because although I love my babies I don't want to rock and shush 24/7 or even 9-5. I do plenty of 2 hour shifts around the clock, including nursing at least 10+ hours a day (WAH for much of their first year of life), but I wouldn't enjoy doing it straight through or not having other activities to think about if that makes sense. The way I see it is that this phase is temporary and I am ok with sharing their care. I think it is overall healthier for me and them not to have someone burn out, which is why I also prefer two PT nannies or PT nanny/preschool once they get to that age. Is it normal to like kids, just not want to be solely responsible for caring for them 24/7? I think it is.

Of course being a parent means being ultimately responsible 24/7 and loving them impossibly and all that. It just seems possible to find some balance between that and exposing them to different caregivers. In other societies kids are still being brought up in large extended family settings, which seems healthier for all. It's only here that we have this ideal of nuclear family/intense mother-child bond to the exclusivity of other relationships.

I'm a nanny and I've known for over a decade that I can't have my own children, so eventually I will foster, maybe adopt. Oh, and I have worked 24/7 twice, and I loved it. Some find fulfillment in being with kids, some don't, it's that simple.