Siblings kids not invited to wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sibling is having a weekday, outdoor, daytime, destination wedding and I was just informed that children under 18 are not invited. I thought I may have a special exception since my toddler ages kids are her nieces and nephews, but I’m now expected not to bring them. My sibling is totally clueless about childcare logistics and separation anxiety, so doesn’t realize what a burden this is. How can I politely ask if my kids can attend either the ceremony or reception?

Do not go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Logistically it seems a lot simpler to leave your kids home with your DH and ILs than to bring your ILs on the trip. Does the baby take a bottle? If not, I would just not go.

Right. As they say on DCUM, it's an invitation, not a command performance. If the invitation requirements make it so that you cannot attend, then you can decline. Send your regrets, have a nice night doing something with your kids, and forget about it.

It is different with a friend or cousin than a sibling. People make more of an effort to go to their siblings' weddings, and it is generally expected, it's not "just an invitation." This is also why the "child-free" rule sometimes has a sibling exception - the couple may prioritize immediate family being able to attend over no kids. I think it would be really bizarre to send regrets without even asking about baby-wearing in this context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Infants in arms are an exception to the “no kids” rule.

I’m sorry though. Both of my siblings did this too. My brother wanted the kids to be in the wedding photos, but not at the wedding. So I had to bring them and get them dressed up, and then send them off to the hotel with the babysitter.

No, they are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Destination weddings are the worst, for all kinds of reasons not even mentioned by the OP. They are the height of selfishness and self absorption. If you want to have a wedding someplace else, just elope.

Again, bullshit. Nobody is forcing anybody to go. And some destinations are pretty cool.

You had a destination wedding huh

Some people would say that my daughter did, but they’d be wrong. She was living abroad at the time of her wedding and married a man from that country. They had their wedding a couple hours drive from the city they were living in.

Family members and friends, who elected to come had an absolute blast. It really was an extraordinary event. Those who elected not to come - mostly because they viewed it as too much of a hassle, not because of money, kids, etc - really missed out. But that’s OK. We certainly were not offended because everyone is an adult and can do it whatever he or she wants. Some people are just more adventurous than others. We get that.

The key is to do what you want and not get all worked up when people decide for whatever reason not to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infants in arms are an exception to the “no kids” rule.

I’m sorry though. Both of my siblings did this too. My brother wanted the kids to be in the wedding photos, but not at the wedding. So I had to bring them and get them dressed up, and then send them off to the hotel with the babysitter.

No, they are not.

+1

[Anonymous]

Did read all the comments, but you can just say something like "I know you said child free, but wondering if there is an exception for your neices and nephews." We also had a child free wedding but made an exception for my 10 year old cousin, who would have been the only cousin left out due to age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Destination weddings are the worst, for all kinds of reasons not even mentioned by the OP. They are the height of selfishness and self absorption. If you want to have a wedding someplace else, just elope.

Again, bullshit. Nobody is forcing anybody to go. And some destinations are pretty cool.

You had a destination wedding huh

Some people would say that my daughter did, but they’d be wrong. She was living abroad at the time of her wedding and married a man from that country. They had their wedding a couple hours drive from the city they were living in.

Family members and friends, who elected to come had an absolute blast. It really was an extraordinary event. Those who elected not to come - mostly because they viewed it as too much of a hassle, not because of money, kids, etc - really missed out. But that’s OK. We certainly were not offended because everyone is an adult and can do it whatever he or she wants. Some people are just more adventurous than others. We get that.

The key is to do what you want and not get all worked up when people decide for whatever reason not to come.

+1

If the wedding is held in a place where either or both the bride and groom was born and raised, where their family and/or parents reside, or where the bride and groom currently reside, it is absolutely not a destination wedding.

If the wedding is held in a place where the bride and or groom thinks "looks pretty", but has no current (or former) connection to the bride and or the groom - or worse yet, a place where none of either family resides, it is a destination wedding. The latter is selfish and usually quite expensive. The former is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did read all the comments, but you can just say something like "I know you said child free, but wondering if there is an exception for your neices and nephews." We also had a child free wedding but made an exception for my 10 year old cousin, who would have been the only cousin left out due to age.

It becomes tricky when the bride and or groom already said no to one side, but the other side becomes abrasive.

[Anonymous]

You can’t ask. Graciously accept the invitation as is or send a nice gift and don’t go. Sister knows that people with young kids most likely won’t attend and is okay with that. Don’t make it an issue or you will look like an a$$. See her at the upcoming holidays instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You go and the other parent stays home with the kids. Simple.

This is a good option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Destination weddings are selfish. Requiring your brother or sister to leave their kids home is doubly so.

It is not about you. Stay home then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infants in arms are an exception to the “no kids” rule.

I’m sorry though. Both of my siblings did this too. My brother wanted the kids to be in the wedding photos, but not at the wedding. So I had to bring them and get them dressed up, and then send them off to the hotel with the babysitter.

No, they are not.

Yes they are.
If you don’t want your sister to bring her infant to your wedding, then don’t invite her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

They don't want your baby there. It might make noise and ruin their ceremony.

This. And yes it is unreasonable to ask. Do you not think your sibling knows you have a baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

They don't want your baby there. It might make noise and ruin their ceremony.

This. And yes it is unreasonable to ask. Do you not think your sibling knows you have a baby?

Why would her sibling even invite her to the wedding if she knows about the baby?
She’s not under any obligation to invite anyone. So why invite a sibling with a baby who might ruin the ceremony?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Destination weddings are the worst, for all kinds of reasons not even mentioned by the OP. They are the height of selfishness and self absorption. If you want to have a wedding someplace else, just elope.

Again, bullshit. Nobody is forcing anybody to go. And some destinations are pretty cool.

You had a destination wedding huh

You had a boring large family wedding with lots of screaming kids huh?