Why am I so triggered by my child's anxious behaviors?

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[Post New]03/05/2021 08:22
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Anonymous
A lot of anxious behavior is learned.

OP you have mentioned that you've been in therapy before, you should consider beginning again. I know it is expensive but think about it this way - therapy for you benefits two people. That makes it a bargain.

If you work, then your employer's EAP program may help you find low cost therapy for yourself. Or the guidance counselor at your child's school may be able to provide you with information about therapeutic resources in your area that are low cost.

Good luck.
[Post New]03/05/2021 08:26
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I have an uncontrollable irritation/anger reaction to certain situations when my 9yo does certain things that I know that logically shouldn't bother me so much. For example - asking me over and again if it's ok to eat something, like a treat, in this high mouse-like voice. I end up snapping at her and say "Why do you keep asking me over and over again, I said YES!" And similar situations where she keeps checking with me if something is ok. And also I have a similar reaction from watching her with her new pet - she is so nervous around her pet, and her voice gets high and nervous, and at the same time she OBSESSES over the pet and is way too overbearing on the pet, and can't leave it alone, and I just want to tell her to CHILL the F OUT. I almost have to leave the room because it irritates me so much.

I want to know - WHY I'm feeling this way, HOW do I stop feeling this way, and also WHAT is the appropriate response to my child when she gets in these anxious states?

My sense is that it must be related to a similar reaction I have to my mom who has had severe anxiety all her life. She's an obsessive worrier and none of it is logical and I especially cannot handle it when that anxiety is focused on something about me or my children.


+1 I am in the same place, trying to juggle between who my mom was (and still is) and nurturing my kids. I don’t have the answers, just wanted you to know that you have company asking the same questions.
[Post New]03/05/2021 13:51
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Anonymous
Post this in the elementary or preschool forum, you will get better replies there. Perhaps you are new to dcum?
Family relationships are more for adult relationships, not about parenting kids. Your issue is parenting a young child issue.
[Post New]03/05/2021 14:00
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did you ever think you are part of the reason your child is anxious?
You can't chill the eff out about this, but your kid should?
Is your kid in therapy and on meds?
If the answer is no, why not?
Why are you not seeking therapy too?

Wow, what a helpful answer for someone who is asking for help!


I actually think all those questions are 100% valid and ultimately helpful.
[Post New]03/05/2021 14:08
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Anonymous
I think if you are feeling really annoyed and your choice is to yell or leave the room, leaving the room is okay. Your kid is nine and doesn't need constant supervision. Answer the question one last time, then say, mommy needs to vacuum (or whatever) and take a breather. My kids have other behaviors that are annoying as hell. I sympathize.
[Post New]03/05/2021 14:13
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Anonymous
You don’t mention whether your child has been diagnosed yet. That behavior (repeatedly asking the same question and seeking reassurance in a 9 year old) sounds a bit like ocd and that is highly treatable (and much easier to treat early than late.) that’s worth an eval, definitely. In the meantime I would reassure/repeat an answer once then kindly say you won’t answer again. Leave the room if you need to.
[Post New]03/05/2021 15:43
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did you ever think you are part of the reason your child is anxious?
You can't chill the eff out about this, but your kid should?
Is your kid in therapy and on meds?
If the answer is no, why not?
Why are you not seeking therapy too?


Yes, of course I have. I know most of the problem must be with me - I want to figure it out and do better.

I don't think my child's anxiety is serious enough to require meds or therapy. I know therapy would help me, and I've had some in the past, but frankly it is expensive, and it is so hard to find a good one. Perhaps I'm just procrastinating and making excuses.


It does sound that way.
[Post New]03/05/2021 15:46
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Did you ever think you are part of the reason your child is anxious?
You can't chill the eff out about this, but your kid should?
Is your kid in therapy and on meds?
If the answer is no, why not?
Why are you not seeking therapy too?


+1 but I would say it nicer.

It seems the anxiety is genetic (it is in my family! Get psyched kids!) and you need to be dealing with yours as well.
[Post New]03/05/2021 15:48
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did you ever think you are part of the reason your child is anxious?
You can't chill the eff out about this, but your kid should?
Is your kid in therapy and on meds?
If the answer is no, why not?
Why are you not seeking therapy too?

Wow, what a helpful answer for someone who is asking for help!


I actually think all those questions are 100% valid and ultimately helpful.

Thank you. I did not aks bcs I am evil, I asked bcs that is what helped my DS(and me and our whole family) and those are the steps that we had to take.
It seems to be that OP wants her kid to be chill, but OP herself doesn't seem to be chill at all.
[Post New]03/05/2021 15:53
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You don’t mention whether your child has been diagnosed yet.

+1 OP therapists who work with children who have anxiety, OCD or related issues spend a good chunk of time with parents: listening to reports from home, training on how to handle certain situations, what to say when... Get an evaluation so your DD can get specialized help and you can receive ongoing advice.
[Post New]03/05/2021 15:57
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't think my child's anxiety is serious enough to require meds or therapy. I know therapy would help me, and I've had some in the past, but frankly it is expensive, and it is so hard to find a good one. Perhaps I'm just procrastinating and making excuses.

Yes OP I think you are. Think of this as an investment in both yourself and your daughter.
[Post New]03/05/2021 23:14
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Anonymous
Op it triggers you because you also suffer from anxiety.

Work on things together with her. Exercise, meditations, self soothing exercises.
[Post New]03/05/2021 23:39
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jsmith123
Member Offline
I've suffered from anxiety in the past, and I can tell you that during that time I was extremely annoying.

The physical feeling of anxiety is horrible.

I wanted more than anything to get rid of that feeling and just feel calm and normal. I would trick myself into thinking that verbal reassurance would help my anxiety go away.

Except that my constant need for reassurance was annoying AF, and it drove away the people I most needed reassurance from.

It was a terrible cycle.

Your daughter is suffering right now. Please get help. Definitely for her, maybe for you too, in terms of learning how to cope.

Something like this does not just go away on its own.
[Post New]03/05/2021 23:51
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Anonymous
You both need therapy. Your daughter doesn't necessarily need meds, but she does need coping mechanisms. She needs to learn how to not act on her brain telling her to keep asking about the snack. She needs to learn some techniques on how to not be overbearing on the pet. You don't suddenly stop having ruminating thoughts (which is what these are) because someone snaps at you and is annoyed by it. A therapist can help her figure out how to manage them.
[Post New]03/05/2021 23:52
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Anonymous
You sound quite anxious in your post OP.
I would first assume it’s coming from the child’s environment.
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