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If both of YOUR parents worked full-time ...
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Anonymous
This is my experience too. My mom worked full-time and cannot imagine why anyone would stay at home. I just lost my job and plan to stay home for a while and my mother couldn't be more dismissive. What she really doesn't get is that we have no support here - no family, lots of friends but no one really close. She had a housekeeper (I'm the pp poster with the $200/week housekeeper) who was there full-time, we had au pairs as well and my grandmother lived 5 minutes away. We have managed for the last 5 years with 2 kids but only because DH and I have flexible jobs and we have not had a major crisis. That being said, as a child I loved that my parents worked. Now that I am a mom I have a lot of issues with how we were raised and my parents' level of involvement. I think a lot of that has to do with me viewing things through the lens of today i.e. we now expect so much more involvement of parents and I am disappointed with what they didn't do for us. But, back in the 70s it was all about benign neglect. I survived and I am a big proponent of women working but most of all I think you need to do what works best for your family. |
Anonymous
| My siblings and I were lucky to have a great childhood (I was born in the 60's). Our parents worked, and my father often had to go out on call (he was a surgoen), but we had dinner together most nights. My parents were fortunate in that they always had a live-in nanny/housekeeper, so we could all go out and play tennis or swim or something and come home to a hot meal. So there wasn't any stress about household tasks. While we spent a lot of time with our parents traveling, playing sports and just having fun, I don't recall my parents EVER being at our schools other than for pickup/dropoff and graduation. And that was fine with us. We had a really great time growing up and we're all very close today. I never considered not working, which is probably a good thing, since my husband recently mentioned that he didn't respect SAHM's (I don't share his opinion, so no flames please). |
Anonymous
my point is that after my mom went back to working full-time, i had a lot of time on my hands at age 14, so i started doing what teenagers do best, which is doing stupid things. jackass. |
Anonymous
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When I was 13 and my brother was 11, my mom went back to work as a teacher and took classes at night to get a Masters in school administration. She later became an assistant principal.
I remember thinking it was a great thing for the family. When we were younger, my mother was an incredibly engaged SAHM -- creative, fun, social, educational, you name it. But I think she had a rough time of it once we started school full time and needed something of her own to be proud of. So she re-launched her career. It worked really well for us. I remember thinking we were old enough to handle the independence when she wasn't home after school, but truthfully we were both really active in sports and other after-school activities, so we weren't home alone much to get into trouble. Nor were we inclined to do so. We were "good" kids, and our mom knew it, which I'm sure was a factor in her return to the workplace. We did have family dinners together every night (except when sports or evening club activities interfered), and I always felt like my parents were on top of our lives -- classes, teachers, friends, sports etc. I'm not sure how I would have felt if she had gone back to work earlier and forced a transition at a younger age. But at 12 or 13 it was just fine. |
Anonymous
Why the name-calling?? And why the assumption that all teenagers were like you at age 14? It never would have occurred to me to smoke, even though my mother worked and I was sometimes home alone in the afternoons. More generally, it's silly to generalize about "what teenagers do best." You described your experience. Here was mine: academics, sports, activities, books, friends, and maybe a little too much MTV and Oprah in the afternoons. Nothing stupid there. |
Anonymous
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A lot of teens do stupid things. In fact it is essentially hard-wired into their brains - they don't have the capacity for a lot of mature decision making which is why we raise them with limits.
Teens will do stupid things, and some will have parents who work and some won't. |
Anonymous
I am PP quoted above--I was born in the 70s...married a guy that was the product of a single mom that worked 2 jobs. He pretty much has an expectation that women will work. It's much different than alot of our friends in the same age range whose mothers all were SAH---all of them are married to SAH wives. My DH can't even fathom me going PT--and we could afford it. But I have great job flexibility and hours...and it's from home. It's funny how these things come into play in a marriage---people's perceptions on how family life 'should be'. I also grew up in a house where a huge deal is made out of every single Holiday and birthdays...and family dinners were a big deal---he did not have the same experiences. It was a challenge at first for him to see how important they are to me and my family and now he embraces it as well. |
Anonymous
This implies that kids of SAHPs don't sneak and smoke, which is ridiculous. I was a latch-key kid at 7-8. Never had any desire to smoke or drink because my parents didn't and instilled in me that they were dirty, unhealthy habits. Of my buddies who eventually smoked, some had SAHMs, some had WOHMs. |
Anonymous
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I think a common thread among many of these posts is that if both parents WOHM, then you have to have loving, supporting child care you really trust and expands your child's horizons...
In the end, it will take more than two working parents to raise a child comfortably. I don't like being at work and wondering if my child is OK. I want to have a grown up t call who I know can serve as a trusted supervisor (and more!). And I have no quallms with "hiring out" child care. So long as it's good. And I emphathize with the working poor or the working not-quite-poor. It is STRESSFUL, especially if you don't have trusworthy family to help. |
Anonymous
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Born early 1970s, both parents worked full time. My mom intentionally chose a job that was only an easy 15 minute commute from home, and both parents picked jobs that allowed them to get home by 5:30. Neither of them ever worked nights or weekends. I think, for me, that was the thing that made it all work.
(Signed, mom who has to work all weekend.) |
Anonymous
Not true. I'm a SAHM, and I know many SAHMs. Trust me, SAHMs don't let their kids watch TV all day. Speaking for myself, I left work to stay home and take care of my kid. So of course I'm not going to have the TV on all day, I care too much about them, and that would make me feel bad about myself. And that is how a lot of the SAHMs I know feel as well. Plus once you get past the first year of life, a lot of SAHMs spend a lot of time with their kids out of the house. Do they watch some TV? Yes, but it's limited. I'm sure there must be some SAHMs that let their kids watch TV all day, but I haven't met them, so they would be in the minority. I don't knock WMs for working, but I do mind when others put down SAHMs. It's silly to put down "the other side". Each family does what works for them. |
zumbamama
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Both my parents worked FT, but we managed to have a very strong connection in so many ways. Breakfast and dinner together everyday. Scrabble night and freehand drawing night, where we'd set up a still life on the dining table and everyone would draw a different persepective of it. Lots of family road trips, family bbqs, and nature hikes. I remember us all cuddling on the sofa together and watching the Cosby Show and Amazing Stories every week. When I came home from school, there would be a note or a call from my mom to do my chores.
On top of work, they were always very involved with the community outside of their jobs, and so I spent a lot of time at their meetings, events and even protests on the weekends. Even though their attention was not always on me, I was involved in their cause and felt a strong connection to them. They still managed to help me with my hmwk, go to all my recitals, read to me, take us to museums, parks, shows, etc. I admired their ability to do it all and never felt unguided. |
Anonymous
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Thanks, OP, for this thread. I've learned some things from this:
1. How much women have sacrificed over the years to provide for their families. Reading about some of these schedules, I can barely grasp how these moms managed with demanding jobs and still being loving caregivers. How remarkable is their energy, self-sacrifice and devotion to their families! I am such a whiner by comparison. 2. How blessed we are that women today have more options for childcare and flexible schedules, as well as more support from society and husbands. It seems like there is more flexibility and balance, of course by our daughter's generation I hope there will be even more. 3. Hos the sacrifices of women before us have helped our generation. My mom worked a lot as a kid and always wanted us to enjoy our childhood more. She told us we deserved to be happy and have "me" time, whereas previous generations were expected to martyr themselves. I am so grateful for this. And 4). Family is what you make of it. Even while working hard and long, you can connect and build special relationships with your kids. I truly feel every family adapts to their lives and kids just need to feel loved to be happy. Kudos to all working families, and Sahm too. My mom was a hybrid and stayed home and worked parttime when we were young then went back to school and taught at the same scool we attended--- so we all went together and had the same schedule. It worked great for us. |
Anonymous
Ok, this is hilarious!! PP, you say you haven't met any SAHMs who [admit to you that they] let their kids watch TV all day. Therefore your conclusion is such moms are "in the minority." Hmmmm . . . . . Think about that for a moment. Based on your limited sample (not to mention possible sample bias), do you really feel comfortable drawing a conclusion about all SAHMs?? Really?? I can tell you based on MY experience, I know a bunch of SAHMs who let their children watch tons of TV. They're all former professional women with advanced degrees etc. who chose the SAHM path willingly. They say it's really hard to be a SAHM, and they find themselves relying on TV far more than they ever would have imagined, especially once the second child comes along. |
Anonymous
This is a great post! Very sweet. I bet in 20 years your kids will be reflecting on a similar connectedness. |