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If both of YOUR parents worked full-time ...
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Anonymous
my mom SAH with us until i was 12; at that point, she went to nursing school. she would still come to all my games, drive carpool, etc ... only she would be studying while waiting in line to pick us up or in the bleachers when she thought i wasn't looking.  dad always worked FT. i really admired her for going back to school ... and still do.
she often had night classes and my dad was starting a second career too. my brother did a lot of after school sports, so i was home alone a lot after school, starting from age 14. had my first cigarette at 14. had a full-blown cigarette habit by 15, since i could just come home, hang out in the back yard, read and smoke. so that was the downside. i didn't quit until i was 31. |
Anonymous
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"i was home alone a lot after school, starting from age 14. had my first cigarette at 14. had a full-blown cigarette habit by 15, since i could just come home, hang out in the back yard, read and smoke."
What is your point? |
Anonymous
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My parents emigrated from Hungary in the early 70s. My brother was born in 1972 and I was born in 1973. Both my mom and dad worked full-time factory jobs through my entire childhood. They worked Monday through Friday and always had weekends off. My dad always worked first shift and my mom rotated between second and third shifts. It still amazes me that she managed to keep an immaculate house and have home-cooked meals for us every day, even when she had worked all night. I don't feel like I missed out on anything. We were involved in a lot of church and youth group activities, ballet, piano lessons, sports, etc. Evenings and weekends were always busy. We'd take vacations together every summer. We'd go skiing on weekends in the winter. We all pitched in with household chores and yardwork. I helped with cooking when I got old enough. No one worried about being "connected" or "having quality time" or whatever. We just did it.
I work full time and always have. My mom is my role model - she's my proof that it's really possible to balance work and family. My husband, my son, and I eat dinner together every night. I cook most nights, but sometimes we go out or order in. On weekends we do the chores together, go shopping and run errands together, visit friends and family, go on day trips. We also take vacations together every year. My son is thriving, and my husband and I are happy both personally and professionally. I think we have the right balance for our family. That's really what it comes down to - finding what works for you and your family and going with it, whether SAHM, WOHM or some combination of the two. |
Anonymous
Well said. Find out what works for you and your family. |
Anonymous
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"Well said. Find out what works for you and your family. "
Yeah, but did you have to use the word "thriving"? It's sooo..................... |
Anonymous
| I was born in the 70's but most of my memories are from the 80's. My dad worked at a funeral home and my mom worked at a hospital. My older sisters were supposed to watch me and my younger sister but they were usually gone when we got home from school. So I took care of little sister and covered for older sisters when needed with my parents. My mom had varying work hours and my dad worked odd jobs in addition to his job at the funeral home. I didn't get to see them much and when teh time came for my mom to be a SAHM it was because she had developed a lot of illnesses that were diabetes related. I don't look back at my childhood fondly. But those were just my circumstances. Other families could swing it, mine was just dysfunctional. |
Anonymous
OR MTV! ........otherwise known as soft porn. You'd be surprised how young the kids are who watch that trash. |
Anonymous
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Born in 1980, my parents both worked full time - my father was a doctor and my mother a teacher. My dad worked crazy hours (and still does), but I never felt that he wasn't there for us - sure, he wasn't home for dinner on the weekdays, but he was usually there on the weekends and we did family activities then. My mom taught at our school, so we would go to her classroom after we finished and do our homework. She had faculty meetings until 5 or 6 pm, but we had the key to her classroom. From age 8 on it was my job to walk to my younger sister's classroom (about a quarter mile away, but on the same campus) to retrieve her, then get us both back to my mom's classroom. If we finished our homework in time we could play in the hallways or on the school playground, as long as we left her a note. Once I turned 11 I had mandatory after-school sports which usually finished by the time my mom's work concluded, and we'd all head home around 6 or 6:30. My parents never came to my games, but I didn't want them to and it never occurred to me to ask. When my sister eventually asked, they made a point of trying to go once a month.
Looking back, I see that the only way they made it work was because my mom worked at our school (and used day care when we were small), and because the school was a safe and closed environment where we could walk and play by ourselves at 6 or 7 years old. Also, we were pretty obedient children and never wandered off, although we easily could have. My husband and I both work long hours and don't want to use a nanny, so I guess we will be going the day care route too, and probably cutting back on the hours - but I am terrified of how we will make this work when we have kids in a few years. I hope we can do as well as my parents did. |
Anonymous
Interesting how the OP asked for the experiences of those who grew up with working parents, as she ponders structuring the days and memories for her kids, yet you have instead cast a judgment on other families. An outside assumption of what goes on in others' homes is certainly not helpful here, nor is it what was asked for. I had a great childhood with two working parents and credit alot of my own academic and professional success on the example my mom set. You chose what you think is best for you, fine. I'm grateful to live in a world with women in all professions. I'm glad I go to a female physician, that there are women in congress, and that I had great women college professors, etc. In order for this world to happen, some of us have to chose to mother and work. It's a lot more helpful to let us discuss how to do that to the best of our ability than to constantly have to deal with your sweeping judgments. Go pat yourself on the back for "thinking it through" and leave us alone. |
Anonymous
I know -- you babies!! 
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Anonymous
| Poster 13:43 - very well said! |
Anonymous
Well said and ITA. While it is interesting to hear other people's experiences, I don't understand how people are so simplistic to think that one or two anonymous people's experiences make it right to assume so much about everyone. I also find it sad that people aren't owning up to the fact that we ALL have working moms we look up to in some capacity. I'm not buying it. My mentor in grad school, who helped shape my career and helped shape me as person, is a great mom of three kids, in college and high school now, and she did it while getting her PhD and becoming a tenured professor at a well known university. And my pediatrician is a working mom - I have trusted her so much and have asked her about a thousand times, "what did you do with your kids?" My MIL is a WM I admire (obviously kids are grown now but she worked when they were young and clearly I thought she did okay with DH since I chose to marry and spend my life with him). I can think of a ton of a examples. I'm willing to bet everyone can, rather you work or stay home. Not every family situation lends itself to having both parents or the mom work. I get that. And I get that being a WM is not for everyone. But the sweeping generalizations make no sense and are not productive at moving forward for our own kids, be it our daughters, or our sons who may marry and have kids and have to deal with this as well. |
Anonymous
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My family growing up was very much like my family now, and like many DCUM households. Both parents worked as gov't attys - mostly 9-5, and Mom did do a few years on a part-time schedule while my sister and I were young. What I remember is that my father was very involved in the day-to-day routine of raising us. He made us breakfast and packed us lunch; he picked us up from our aftercare arrangements. Aftercare was with a SAHM neighbor, and later, through the school. I don't remember what age we started coming home on our own, but we were still in elementary school (although not as young as 8). We had dinner together every night (no idea how my mom managed to swing a home-cooked meal every night, I know I can't), but on the weekends, we didn't do a whole lot of activities "as a family". Each parent kind of specialized in different sorts of activities with us - dad was good for going to the playground or children's museum; mom would take us to an arts event or shopping. I remember having a lot of fun on the weekends. From my parent's perspective, it probably also helped that we lived in a neighborhood with a ton of kids and we were always going over someone else's house to play or sleep over.
So my take aways from my upbringing have been: 1) both parents have to have the sort of work schedule that allows them to actively participate in the daily routine of the children; 2) family dinner together; 3) good support in the form of good childcare and friendly neighborhood; 4) fun stuff on the weekends that isn't forced. |
Anonymous
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I was born in 1978 and had two teachers for parents. My grandmother took care of me until I was 3 and then I went to pre-school. In elementary school I would get off the bus around 3:30 and go to the next door neighbors house until my Dad got home around 4 - 4:30. Since he was an art teacher he didn't have the grading like my mom did. She stayed at school until 6:00 and was home by 6:30 to serve dinner. She usually had prepared or cooked dinner before she went to work in the morning. Dad would put it in the oven (per her written instructions), if it needed to be cooked, when he got home.
Things that were special... Everyday but Thursday we always ate breakfast and dinner together (Mom did grocery shopping on Thursday so that was Father and daughter night). One of my parents always read to me each evening, all the way through elementary school. My mother was a 4th grade teacher with a masters in reading so this was natural for her. Any time there was a 3 day weekend, and every Saturday in the summer, we did a "family fun day". A one day trip somewhere, our limit was 3 hrs each way. I really got to know where I lived and what was around me because of this. While I think these trips were for me, they weren't centered around me. We would go to museums, antique shows, garden stores, small towns with cute shops, ect... We also always went to church, and I would spend each Sunday afternoon with my grandparents. This was wonderful because I really got to know my mom's parents. Things that bother me looking back as a soon to be mom... My mom really gave herself up for the sack of her jobs (teaching and keeping house) and for me. She loved to read and to sew but would only allow herself the luxury of doing these things in the summer, and then only 1 hour per day. I really wouldn't be me without my handwork and my reading, I would lose my own identity if I were to do what she did. My mother working her tail off every waking hour of the day (she got up at 5 and went to bed at 9) has meant that she has a certain view of what is possible of a mother. She doesn't like the idea of me staying home thinks it is the "easy" way out, if she could do it, I can do it. But she had a lot more support than I will have, and she always had the summers, which only teachers are really able to do. But these weren't things that I even thought about until I was in my 20's, they never affected my life growing up and her work and dedication really made me have a wondeful childhood. |
Anonymous
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Dad full-time; govt civil service job. Worked flex hours gen---6am-2:30pm. To avoid rush hour. I think sometimes 6:30-3pm. He was always home very early.
Mom took off until I (the youngest of 3) was in 5th grade. She was an RN. When she first went back to work--she became a nurse for my older brother and sister's High School--so she kept the exact same school hours. After we were older she dug back in and became a top level Administrator in the health care system. On Monday's (beginning in 5th grade) I got home about 15 min or so before my dad--early dismissal day beginning in 5th grade...my best friend across the St and I would go in with the key and wait for him. Parents were around all of the time. Family dinners at 5:15pm sharp every night. Dad coached all of our sports teams. My mom always wanted her daughters to have careers. My sister has always worked part-time with 3 kids and I work from home full-time. Ironically, we both have spouses with pretty intense work schedules. |