Anonymous wrote:I didn’t see this post when it was first written, but stumbled on it today. Thank you, I needed to read it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and the one thing really making me feel down is that 50% of my fellow citizens think it’s great that a racist misogynist who espouses hate is the leader of our country. I was totally okay with having been screwed out of promotions and pay because I’m a woman, especially since I had the pleasure of raising kids. But the fact that I don’t feel like I’ll be left alone to enjoy my hard-earned money in peace when I finally do get to retire . . . well, that makes me want to rip someone’s face off.

I completely get this.

FWIW, I'm coming to a certain peace about doing whatever TF I want because it's not like society values me anyway.

Yes! NP here, and I’m just starting to see what older women have told me about the power of invisibility. Once you go grey and get some wrinkles, people (men, really) honestly don’t even notice you! I’m 44 but I’ve stopped coloring my hair and am starting to embrace the freedom that comes from just not caring. Watch out, world!

I have to say, this is very freeing. Once you get over the fact that you are no longer and will never again be the "hottest" gal in the room . . . you can move on with your life and focus on other things/not worry about the male gaze/attention. It is awesome!

If you depended upon looking hot, that might be the issue.

My grandmother had men coming after her in her 60s and maybe 70s.

She just had a way about her and amazing social skills.

I had bad social skills and worked to improve them and learned from her.

So there is more than hotness to keeping men interested.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and the one thing really making me feel down is that 50% of my fellow citizens think it’s great that a racist misogynist who espouses hate is the leader of our country. I was totally okay with having been screwed out of promotions and pay because I’m a woman, especially since I had the pleasure of raising kids. But the fact that I don’t feel like I’ll be left alone to enjoy my hard-earned money in peace when I finally do get to retire . . . well, that makes me want to rip someone’s face off.

I completely get this.

FWIW, I'm coming to a certain peace about doing whatever TF I want because it's not like society values me anyway.

Yes! NP here, and I’m just starting to see what older women have told me about the power of invisibility. Once you go grey and get some wrinkles, people (men, really) honestly don’t even notice you! I’m 44 but I’ve stopped coloring my hair and am starting to embrace the freedom that comes from just not caring. Watch out, world!

I have to say, this is very freeing. Once you get over the fact that you are no longer and will never again be the "hottest" gal in the room . . . you can move on with your life and focus on other things/not worry about the male gaze/attention. It is awesome!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and the one thing really making me feel down is that 50% of my fellow citizens think it’s great that a racist misogynist who espouses hate is the leader of our country. I was totally okay with having been screwed out of promotions and pay because I’m a woman, especially since I had the pleasure of raising kids. But the fact that I don’t feel like I’ll be left alone to enjoy my hard-earned money in peace when I finally do get to retire . . . well, that makes me want to rip someone’s face off.

I completely get this.

FWIW, I'm coming to a certain peace about doing whatever TF I want because it's not like society values me anyway.

Yes! NP here, and I’m just starting to see what older women have told me about the power of invisibility. Once you go grey and get some wrinkles, people (men, really) honestly don’t even notice you! I’m 44 but I’ve stopped coloring my hair and am starting to embrace the freedom that comes from just not caring. Watch out, world!

I have to say, this is very freeing. Once you get over the fact that you are no longer and will never again be the "hottest" gal in the room . . . you can move on with your life and focus on other things/not worry about the male gaze/attention. It is awesome!

If you depended upon looking hot, that might be the issue.

My grandmother had men coming after her in her 60s and maybe 70s.

She just had a way about her and amazing social skills.

I had bad social skills and worked to improve them and learned from her.

So there is more than hotness to keeping men interested.

I don't want my life to be about whether men find me attractive. As I get older I really couldn't care less if there is a male gaze, it seems so silly. I just want to do things I enjoy and enjoy life, I don't need or want outside validation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This unhappiness is because women have 'drank the Koolaid' instead of doing what makes them happy - regardless of your generation. If someone else is living your best life instead of you, then ask yourself why you built the life you have.

Sorry, but this sounds like a line from an MLM playbook. This whole 21-century concept of “living your best life” just adds to unhappiness I think, and it breeds comparison and insecurity. I feel better living a “good enough under the circumstances” life.

I feel the same way. I don’t care about being hot to men. If DH left me, I doubt I would bother with another relationship.
That is why I wrote if it was important to people.
My grandmother did not seem to care either. She never wanted to remarry because she did not want to become a caretaker to a sick husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and the one thing really making me feel down is that 50% of my fellow citizens think it’s great that a racist misogynist who espouses hate is the leader of our country. I was totally okay with having been screwed out of promotions and pay because I’m a woman, especially since I had the pleasure of raising kids. But the fact that I don’t feel like I’ll be left alone to enjoy my hard-earned money in peace when I finally do get to retire . . . well, that makes me want to rip someone’s face off.

I completely get this.

FWIW, I'm coming to a certain peace about doing whatever TF I want because it's not like society values me anyway.

Yes! NP here, and I’m just starting to see what older women have told me about the power of invisibility. Once you go grey and get some wrinkles, people (men, really) honestly don’t even notice you! I’m 44 but I’ve stopped coloring my hair and am starting to embrace the freedom that comes from just not caring. Watch out, world!

I have to say, this is very freeing. Once you get over the fact that you are no longer and will never again be the "hottest" gal in the room . . . you can move on with your life and focus on other things/not worry about the male gaze/attention. It is awesome!

If you depended upon looking hot, that might be the issue.

My grandmother had men coming after her in her 60s and maybe 70s.

She just had a way about her and amazing social skills.

I had bad social skills and worked to improve them and learned from her.

So there is more than hotness to keeping men interested.

I don't want my life to be about whether men find me attractive. As I get older I really couldn't care less if there is a male gaze, it seems so silly. I just want to do things I enjoy and enjoy life, I don't need or want outside validation.

So there is more than hotness to keeping men interested.

Anonymous wrote:

So there is more than hotness to keeping men interested.

I agree that there is way more to life than keeping men (or women) interested. However, the term "hotness" is normally applied by one sex to the appearance of another (e.g., he is hot in his daddy swimsuit, she is hot in her PTA President uniform).

Anonymous wrote:So does the mindset of a midlife crisis ever go away once you've reached that threshold?
My 72 yr old MIL who has no filter, no boundaries, loves to complain, gets on her soapbox over every little thing, and could care less. But she's 72 yrs old, not 50-ish.