The New Midlife Crisis for Women

[Anonymous]

47 here. This is one of the few times I'm glad I was a complete mess in my 20's and part of my 30's. My 40s are so much better in comparison.

[Anonymous]

This article has been around for a while - I think I read it at least a year ago on another website or in a magazine.

But yes, totally relatable - early-40s with two young children and seriously panicked about money!!! And wish I'd married a guy who made more money so I could quit my job and open an etsy shop, lol!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It gets better. Truly. I am now in the upswing of that U curve.

One thing I think might be missing, despite all our technology, is connecting with women (non-relatives) who are older. And wiser. Where is that community?

We've become too peer-focused IMO. There is so much we can all gain from women who are on the path ahead of us.

They may be a different generation and have lived through different trials but they still can help guide us.

OP here. How old are you? (I'm 48.) What are the things improving in your life that point to an upswing? I need hope!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The author of this article actually just published a book ("Why We Can't Sleep") based on this article from a couple of years ago. Looking forward to reading it soon.

OP here again -- thanks for mentioning this. I added it to the Amazon wishlist. The author also wrote a book called Wedding Toasts I'll Never Give, which also sounds interesting (and maybe similarly bleak? lol).

[Anonymous]

I just read the article. I’m 50 and can identity with most of it. I think GenX women were told we could be anything we want to be and have it all, but it’s just not true. We’re expected to be Supermom and CEO and Martha Stewart and a sexy wife. It’s impossible.

Add in the stress we feel about finances, politics, the environment, aging parents, etc. and it shouldn’t be a shock to anyone that we’re all having a mid-life crisis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I related to the woman on the conference call dreaming of getting goats and making cheese, and then trying to come up with names for her cheese company....ahhh the zone out during meetings.

+1. Only part of the article that really resonated with me. I just don't feel old at 42.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I related to the woman on the conference call dreaming of getting goats and making cheese, and then trying to come up with names for her cheese company....ahhh the zone out during meetings.

Yup, we dream of buying a farm before we buy The Farm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I related to the woman on the conference call dreaming of getting goats and making cheese, and then trying to come up with names for her cheese company....ahhh the zone out during meetings.

+1. Only part of the article that really resonated with me. I just don't feel old at 42.

Neither did I (I had a 2 year old then). Give it 10 years, then come back and read it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just read the article. I’m 50 and can identity with most of it. I think GenX women were told we could be anything we want to be and have it all, but it’s just not true. We’re expected to be Supermom and CEO and Martha Stewart and a sexy wife. It’s impossible.

Add in the stress we feel about finances, politics, the environment, aging parents, etc. and it shouldn’t be a shock to anyone that we’re all having a mid-life crisis.

+1 Also 50 and identify with most of it. Especially the part about careers being stymied. When I was in college my professors used to tell us how the Boomers were going to retire and there would be workforce shortages all over the place. Instead what happened was that I graduated during a recession in my early 20s, got hit by two more in my early and late 30s, dealt with unrelenting harassment and gender discrimination in the male-dominated field I chose (because we can do anything, right?), getting underpaid all the while, waiting for workforce shortages that never materialized. In my field, Boomers still hold the majority of the senior positions. I don't fault the Boomers for not being able to retire, but I would have made very different career decisions as a 20yo if I had not been told to sit down, shut up, pay your dues, and wait your turn.

I really admire many in the millennial generation who simply refuse to take that horrible advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the article. I’m 50 and can identity with most of it. I think GenX women were told we could be anything we want to be and have it all, but it’s just not true. We’re expected to be Supermom and CEO and Martha Stewart and a sexy wife. It’s impossible.

Add in the stress we feel about finances, politics, the environment, aging parents, etc. and it shouldn’t be a shock to anyone that we’re all having a mid-life crisis.

+1 Also 50 and identify with most of it. Especially the part about careers being stymied. When I was in college my professors used to tell us how the Boomers were going to retire and there would be workforce shortages all over the place. Instead what happened was that I graduated during a recession in my early 20s, got hit by two more in my early and late 30s, dealt with unrelenting harassment and gender discrimination in the male-dominated field I chose (because we can do anything, right?), getting underpaid all the while, waiting for workforce shortages that never materialized. In my field, Boomers still hold the majority of the senior positions. I don't fault the Boomers for not being able to retire, but I would have made very different career decisions as a 20yo if I had not been told to sit down, shut up, pay your dues, and wait your turn.

I really admire many in the millennial generation who simply refuse to take that horrible advice.

I do fault the boomers. They aren't doing the jobs they are holding and when they leave, finally, they leave a huge mess.

Eff those entitled a$$holes. I too admire the millennials even though they are a PIA to manage. They lead with the conditions under which they will be employed. Sometimes it seems like entitlement but it's not; it's perspective. (not always but still).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, that describes my life.

I was such a strong, competent capable woman...worked hard, rose up through the ranks, made a good salary and then in my early 40s, just started hating life and everything about it, was disillusioned. Everyone around me annoyed me. I quit my executive job 6 months ago but no epiphany ... still just as restless and irritable and unmotivated. and now i am eating through savings.

It isn't depression, it isn't my thyroid. It is just dis contentedness with myself and with life. Most of my friends feel more or less the same. Hoping to soon start seeing the upward swing of the U.

I wish I had the courage to quite my executive job. I am sorry to hear that you are still restless and irritable an unmotivated. I thought this job was the cause of my general pissed off ness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the article. I’m 50 and can identity with most of it. I think GenX women were told we could be anything we want to be and have it all, but it’s just not true. We’re expected to be Supermom and CEO and Martha Stewart and a sexy wife. It’s impossible.

Add in the stress we feel about finances, politics, the environment, aging parents, etc. and it shouldn’t be a shock to anyone that we’re all having a mid-life crisis.

+1 Also 50 and identify with most of it. Especially the part about careers being stymied. When I was in college my professors used to tell us how the Boomers were going to retire and there would be workforce shortages all over the place. Instead what happened was that I graduated during a recession in my early 20s, got hit by two more in my early and late 30s, dealt with unrelenting harassment and gender discrimination in the male-dominated field I chose (because we can do anything, right?), getting underpaid all the while, waiting for workforce shortages that never materialized. In my field, Boomers still hold the majority of the senior positions. I don't fault the Boomers for not being able to retire, but I would have made very different career decisions as a 20yo if I had not been told to sit down, shut up, pay your dues, and wait your turn.

I really admire many in the millennial generation who simply refuse to take that horrible advice.

I do fault the boomers. They aren't doing the jobs they are holding and when they leave, finally, they leave a huge mess.

Eff those entitled a$$holes. I too admire the millennials even though they are a PIA to manage. They lead with the conditions under which they will be employed. Sometimes it seems like entitlement but it's not; it's perspective. (not always but still).

I’m GenX, but I feel sorry for millennials who have no financial safety net and who face years of student loan payments. GenXers are the very last to have employer-sponsored pensions (if they’re lucky) and graduated before college costs skyrocketed.

No wonder millennials switch jobs often and don’t show much loyalty - it’s because they know employers will screw them over in a heartbeat. There’s no such thing as company loyalty anymore because workers are viewed as a replaceable commodity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird. This is me demographically but I don't identify with the article at all. Maybe it'll catch to me in a couple of years. Married, 45, work FT, two kids in ES.

Yeah...come back in 5 years

It didn’t hit me until 49.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It gets better. Truly. I am now in the upswing of that U curve.

One thing I think might be missing, despite all our technology, is connecting with women (non-relatives) who are older. And wiser. Where is that community?

We've become too peer-focused IMO. There is so much we can all gain from women who are on the path ahead of us.

They may be a different generation and have lived through different trials but they still can help guide us.

+1000 This is very important! I found these ladies by volunteering - lots of older women are volunteering in your community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird. This is me demographically but I don't identify with the article at all. Maybe it'll catch to me in a couple of years. Married, 45, work FT, two kids in ES.

Yeah...come back in 5 years

+1. I felt like things really start to spiral closer to 46.