The New Midlife Crisis for Women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird. This is me demographically but I don't identify with the article at all. Maybe it'll catch to me in a couple of years. Married, 45, work FT, two kids in ES.

Yeah...come back in 5 years

+1. I felt like things really start to spiral closer to 46.

I'm not feeling it either but have 5 years to hit 47.2

Off to enjoy my Friday afternoon nap, courtesy of flex schedule and DH taking the kids out.

[Anonymous]

Yup, i thought i had it all under control at 42, and 45. I’m 47.4 and want to walk away from it all....

[Anonymous]

I’m 50 and the one thing really making me feel down is that 50% of my fellow citizens think it’s great that a racist misogynist who espouses hate is the leader of our country. I was totally okay with having been screwed out of promotions and pay because I’m a woman, especially since I had the pleasure of raising kids. But the fact that I don’t feel like I’ll be left alone to enjoy my hard-earned money in peace when I finally do get to retire . . . well, that makes me want to rip someone’s face off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, i thought i had it all under control at 42, and 45. I’m 47.4 and want to walk away from it all....

I just turned 45. You guys are making me scared for what’s ahead! Why does it get worse?

[Anonymous]

I'm 41, but have been feeling this way for a couple of years. The article summed it up well.


This part in particular is a thought I have often:

"Possibilities. We still have them in midlife, but they can start to seem so abstract. Yes, I could go get a doctorate, but where would I find the graduate school tuition? I could switch careers—therapist? Zamboni driver?—but at this stage of life, do I really want to start from the bottom, surrounded by 20-year-olds? If I went on an Eat, Pray, Love walkabout, who would pick up the kid from school?"

At work, my boss is a millennial and my other co-worker is a Gen Z. I never really understood the stark differences in generations until this job. Sometimes I feel like I'm in some sort of alternate reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and the one thing really making me feel down is that 50% of my fellow citizens think it’s great that a racist misogynist who espouses hate is the leader of our country. I was totally okay with having been screwed out of promotions and pay because I’m a woman, especially since I had the pleasure of raising kids. But the fact that I don’t feel like I’ll be left alone to enjoy my hard-earned money in peace when I finally do get to retire . . . well, that makes me want to rip someone’s face off.

I completely get this.

FWIW, I'm coming to a certain peace about doing whatever TF I want because it's not like society values me anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and the one thing really making me feel down is that 50% of my fellow citizens think it’s great that a racist misogynist who espouses hate is the leader of our country. I was totally okay with having been screwed out of promotions and pay because I’m a woman, especially since I had the pleasure of raising kids. But the fact that I don’t feel like I’ll be left alone to enjoy my hard-earned money in peace when I finally do get to retire . . . well, that makes me want to rip someone’s face off.

Same. I suddenly feel that I really don’t know people at all. Family and friends that I thought were educated, decent people are really not. It’s not enough for me that my 401K happens to be doing well, because companies have been given free reign to do whatever they want to maximize profit. Who cares about healthcare, the environment, or the deficit as long as the retirement accounts are growing, right? Makes me furious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and the one thing really making me feel down is that 50% of my fellow citizens think it’s great that a racist misogynist who espouses hate is the leader of our country. I was totally okay with having been screwed out of promotions and pay because I’m a woman, especially since I had the pleasure of raising kids. But the fact that I don’t feel like I’ll be left alone to enjoy my hard-earned money in peace when I finally do get to retire . . . well, that makes me want to rip someone’s face off.

I completely get this.

FWIW, I'm coming to a certain peace about doing whatever TF I want because it's not like society values me anyway.

I keep trying to remind myself that this too shall pass and the political pendulum will swing back the other way. It always does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and the one thing really making me feel down is that 50% of my fellow citizens think it’s great that a racist misogynist who espouses hate is the leader of our country. I was totally okay with having been screwed out of promotions and pay because I’m a woman, especially since I had the pleasure of raising kids. But the fact that I don’t feel like I’ll be left alone to enjoy my hard-earned money in peace when I finally do get to retire . . . well, that makes me want to rip someone’s face off.

What does this mean? I'm not disagreeing, but I'm retiring and trying to get a better handle on the landscape. TIA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and the one thing really making me feel down is that 50% of my fellow citizens think it’s great that a racist misogynist who espouses hate is the leader of our country. I was totally okay with having been screwed out of promotions and pay because I’m a woman, especially since I had the pleasure of raising kids. But the fact that I don’t feel like I’ll be left alone to enjoy my hard-earned money in peace when I finally do get to retire . . . well, that makes me want to rip someone’s face off.

Same. I suddenly feel that I really don’t know people at all. Family and friends that I thought were educated, decent people are really not. It’s not enough for me that my 401K happens to be doing well, because companies have been given free reign to do whatever they want to maximize profit. Who cares about healthcare, the environment, or the deficit as long as the retirement accounts are growing, right? Makes me furious.

I should have kept reading the thread. I understand more now. And yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird. This is me demographically but I don't identify with the article at all. Maybe it'll catch to me in a couple of years. Married, 45, work FT, two kids in ES.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the article. I’m 50 and can identity with most of it. I think GenX women were told we could be anything we want to be and have it all, but it’s just not true. We’re expected to be Supermom and CEO and Martha Stewart and a sexy wife. It’s impossible.

Add in the stress we feel about finances, politics, the environment, aging parents, etc. and it shouldn’t be a shock to anyone that we’re all having a mid-life crisis.

+1 Also 50 and identify with most of it. Especially the part about careers being stymied. When I was in college my professors used to tell us how the Boomers were going to retire and there would be workforce shortages all over the place. Instead what happened was that I graduated during a recession in my early 20s, got hit by two more in my early and late 30s, dealt with unrelenting harassment and gender discrimination in the male-dominated field I chose (because we can do anything, right?), getting underpaid all the while, waiting for workforce shortages that never materialized. In my field, Boomers still hold the majority of the senior positions. I don't fault the Boomers for not being able to retire, but I would have made very different career decisions as a 20yo if I had not been told to sit down, shut up, pay your dues, and wait your turn.

I really admire many in the millennial generation who simply refuse to take that horrible advice.

I do fault the boomers. They aren't doing the jobs they are holding and when they leave, finally, they leave a huge mess.

Eff those entitled a$$holes. I too admire the millennials even though they are a PIA to manage. They lead with the conditions under which they will be employed. Sometimes it seems like entitlement but it's not; it's perspective. (not always but still).

As a boomer, FU.

[Anonymous]

I work with amazing women boomers and amazinh women millennials (whom I manage) and I have no idea what the clash is supposed to be about. 41 y o and not feeling in crisis. But I also never expected some special treatment in life. I work hard, I make just enough and I thank whatever power for the health of my family so far. Enjoy every sandwich, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird. This is me demographically but I don't identify with the article at all. Maybe it'll catch to me in a couple of years. Married, 45, work FT, two kids in ES.

+1.

I felt as you do until I turned 47. And then everything changed. Dramatically.

[Anonymous]

50 and most of this resonated with me. I definitely did not feel this way at 40 or 45 or even 47.

What's different?
1. swift and sudden decline in my parents' health requiring a LOT of time and energy
2. Children becoming tweens and teens, which is much more emotionally draining and stressful than the physical demands of young children
3. Job with increasing levels of responsibility and commensurate time and effort (this is my husband, too)
4. Physical changes related to age and menopause, all at a point in my life when I have less time than ever to dedicate to exercise, eating well and self care. New health conditions. Dental work.

On the plus side, I no longer put up with any bullshit and my female friendships are amazing, supportive and a tremendous source of joy. Thank god we are in this together.