SIL (age 46) starting to date man who's age 66 -- thoughts?

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[Post New]07/23/2018 19:47
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My Dad is a 68 year old widower with the looks and energy of someone 10-15 years younger. I have a few older single GF's in their late 40's who would go out with him in a second if he wasn't already dating someone. I'm 34 and when I'm out with him alone people think I'm his date!


My dad was exactly like your dad and married a woman in her early 50s. I didn’t work out in part because he was retired and she was still working. And also, she was crazy. He is very happily remarried to a woman six months younger than he.
[Post New]07/26/2018 10:45
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Anonymous
Plus they are just dating not getting married. Let her have some fun. All an old d*** needs is some young stuff to get him up and running.
[Post New]07/26/2018 18:03
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Plus they are just dating not getting married. Let her have some fun. All an old d*** needs is some young stuff to get him up and running.


OP here. Yes, I'm very much hoping that they do not get married. She is shortchanging herself by going with someone 20 years older.
[Post New]07/26/2018 20:40
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Plus they are just dating not getting married. Let her have some fun. All an old d*** needs is some young stuff to get him up and running.


OP here. Yes, I'm very much hoping that they do not get married. She is shortchanging herself by going with someone 20 years older.


She's 46. She's done having kids. She has no need for anyone younger. He's a great guy. How exactly is she shortchanging herself?
[Post New]07/27/2018 10:39
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Plus they are just dating not getting married. Let her have some fun. All an old d*** needs is some young stuff to get him up and running.


OP here. Yes, I'm very much hoping that they do not get married. She is shortchanging herself by going with someone 20 years older.


She's 46. She's done having kids. She has no need for anyone younger. He's a great guy. How exactly is she shortchanging herself?


LOL. What are the demographics of the person making this statement about she's not shortchanging herself?
[Post New]07/27/2018 10:48
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Anonymous
I am 42, single, no kids. I have no problem finding guys in their forties to date as long as I am willing to date divorced dads. I was not willing to date divorced dads in their forties till I turned forty. No way would I date someone 66! My age cut off is 49 and I have plenty of option.

Sure, tons of men may WANT to date women ten to twenty years younger, but most women aren't willing to do that, so this idea that there are tons of men out there spurning women within five or so years of their age to date much younger women is ridiculous. The age men may ideally WANT to date is not necessarily the age range they wind up dating.

But if you have four kids - that's a a lot of baggage - maybe that makes it harder to find men around your age to date?

I dunno. But again I am in my forties and the divorced dads in their forties are defintely interested. ANd I'm nothing special. Thin but not super fit, pretty but not gorgeous.
[Post New]07/27/2018 10:51
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Anonymous
when you go over child bearing age (35), the only people that will take you are 2x-2.5x your age.
[Post New]07/27/2018 12:30
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:when you go over child bearing age (35), the only people that will take you are 2x-2.5x your age.


That is just not accurate -- sounds so cynical and defeated.
[Post New]07/27/2018 12:46
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:We don’t know what life has in store for us. If they have found love together, good for them.


That's my feeling, too. Life is hard. Having a companion you enjoy makes it less hard.

Do you know why your SIL asked for your advice? Is she worried that she's getting too entangled in a relationship she doesn't really want? Or was she just making conversation? I think this 20 year age gap doesn't sound too alarming to me - not even all that noteworthy, actually, now that I think of it. One of my close friends is in a similar relationship - she's in her 40s, he in his 60s - and they have a great life together.

I suppose if she's trying to hedge against being alone in old age she might want to give this some more thoughts.
[Post New]07/27/2018 12:47
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I am 42, single, no kids. I have no problem finding guys in their forties to date as long as I am willing to date divorced dads. I was not willing to date divorced dads in their forties till I turned forty. No way would I date someone 66! My age cut off is 49 and I have plenty of option.

Sure, tons of men may WANT to date women ten to twenty years younger, but most women aren't willing to do that, so this idea that there are tons of men out there spurning women within five or so years of their age to date much younger women is ridiculous. The age men may ideally WANT to date is not necessarily the age range they wind up dating.

But if you have four kids - that's a a lot of baggage - maybe that makes it harder to find men around your age to date?

I dunno. But again I am in my forties and the divorced dads in their forties are defintely interested. ANd I'm nothing special. Thin but not super fit, pretty but not gorgeous.


Where are you finding these guys? online?
[Post New]07/27/2018 12:49
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I am 42, single, no kids. I have no problem finding guys in their forties to date as long as I am willing to date divorced dads. I was not willing to date divorced dads in their forties till I turned forty. No way would I date someone 66! My age cut off is 49 and I have plenty of option.

Sure, tons of men may WANT to date women ten to twenty years younger, but most women aren't willing to do that, so this idea that there are tons of men out there spurning women within five or so years of their age to date much younger women is ridiculous. The age men may ideally WANT to date is not necessarily the age range they wind up dating.

But if you have four kids - that's a a lot of baggage - maybe that makes it harder to find men around your age to date?

I dunno. But again I am in my forties and the divorced dads in their forties are defintely interested. ANd I'm nothing special. Thin but not super fit, pretty but not gorgeous.


If you had kids they wouldn't be dating you.
[Post New]07/27/2018 12:58
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taketothebank
Member Offline
When you go over child bearing age (35), the only people that will take you are 2x-2.5x your age
.

Not sure I agree.

I am a 54 year old man and only want to date within 5 years of present age (up or down.) I had a GF who was 60 who was beautiful, smart, and fun to be around (ended because, at that time, I did not want to date just one person.) I was lucky to have met her.

One other item. My current GF had her youngest at 41, so please PP, make sure you consider that before believing the child bearing ceiling is 35.
[Post New]07/27/2018 13:34
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We don’t know what life has in store for us. If they have found love together, good for them.


That's my feeling, too. Life is hard. Having a companion you enjoy makes it less hard.

Do you know why your SIL asked for your advice? Is she worried that she's getting too entangled in a relationship she doesn't really want? Or was she just making conversation? I think this 20 year age gap doesn't sound too alarming to me - not even all that noteworthy, actually, now that I think of it. One of my close friends is in a similar relationship - she's in her 40s, he in his 60s - and they have a great life together.

I suppose if she's trying to hedge against being alone in old age she might want to give this some more thoughts.


Even that is ridiculous. Suppose she marries some guy who is also 46. There is no guarantee whatsoever that would last another 20 or 30 years. The fact is, she will likely be alone in her old age anyway, so she might as well stick with the guy who makes her happy now for as long as she can.
[Post New]07/27/2018 13:39
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Plus they are just dating not getting married. Let her have some fun. All an old d*** needs is some young stuff to get him up and running.


OP here. Yes, I'm very much hoping that they do not get married. She is shortchanging herself by going with someone 20 years older.


She's 46. She's done having kids. She has no need for anyone younger. He's a great guy. How exactly is she shortchanging herself?


LOL. What are the demographics of the person making this statement about she's not shortchanging herself?


Just answer the question. If there's nothing else problematic about this guy besides his age, how is she getting a raw deal?

If anything, he's shortchanging himself by dating a post-menopausal hag who has four kids.
[Post New]07/27/2018 15:25
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Anonymous
You asked for thoughts so . . .

It won't last. I've seen this before. Much younger woman tires of being married to a dud (in several respects).

But, there's probably nothing you can do about it. Just be there.
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