SIL (age 46) starting to date man who's age 66 -- thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 42, single, no kids. I have no problem finding guys in their forties to date as long as I am willing to date divorced dads. I was not willing to date divorced dads in their forties till I turned forty. No way would I date someone 66! My age cut off is 49 and I have plenty of option.

Sure, tons of men may WANT to date women ten to twenty years younger, but most women aren't willing to do that, so this idea that there are tons of men out there spurning women within five or so years of their age to date much younger women is ridiculous. The age men may ideally WANT to date is not necessarily the age range they wind up dating.

But if you have four kids - that's a a lot of baggage - maybe that makes it harder to find men around your age to date?

I dunno. But again I am in my forties and the divorced dads in their forties are defintely interested. ANd I'm nothing special. Thin but not super fit, pretty but not gorgeous.

If you had kids they wouldn't be dating you.

Interesting. You think the fact I don't have kids ups my dating marketability?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 42, single, no kids. I have no problem finding guys in their forties to date as long as I am willing to date divorced dads. I was not willing to date divorced dads in their forties till I turned forty. No way would I date someone 66! My age cut off is 49 and I have plenty of option.

Sure, tons of men may WANT to date women ten to twenty years younger, but most women aren't willing to do that, so this idea that there are tons of men out there spurning women within five or so years of their age to date much younger women is ridiculous. The age men may ideally WANT to date is not necessarily the age range they wind up dating.

But if you have four kids - that's a a lot of baggage - maybe that makes it harder to find men around your age to date?

I dunno. But again I am in my forties and the divorced dads in their forties are defintely interested. ANd I'm nothing special. Thin but not super fit, pretty but not gorgeous.

If you had kids they wouldn't be dating you.

Interesting. You think the fact I don't have kids ups my dating marketability?

LOL, of course it does. Note to single moms - only the father of your demon-spawn wants to deal with them, no other man does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plus they are just dating not getting married. Let her have some fun. All an old d*** needs is some young stuff to get him up and running.

OP here. Yes, I'm very much hoping that they do not get married. She is shortchanging herself by going with someone 20 years older.

She's 46. She's done having kids. She has no need for anyone younger. He's a great guy. How exactly is she shortchanging herself?

LOL. What are the demographics of the person making this statement about she's not shortchanging herself?

Just answer the question. If there's nothing else problematic about this guy besides his age, how is she getting a raw deal?

If anything, he's shortchanging himself by dating a post-menopausal hag who has four kids.

She is not a "hag." She is really pretty, fit, and smart.

[Anonymous]

I say gross OP. My dad was 17 years older than my mom. He didn't get married until he was 42 and my mom was 25. What happens is that the older person ends up "killing the other person" because the younger person will need to take care of them. Avoid at all costs!

[Anonymous]

What does she charge per hour ... I may be interested

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say gross OP. My dad was 17 years older than my mom. He didn't get married until he was 42 and my mom was 25. What happens is that the older person ends up "killing the other person" because the younger person will need to take care of them. Avoid at all costs!

So you regard it as "gross" that you exist? Your mom chose poorly? Oh-kay then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad was around that age when he married my stepmom who was around your SIL’s age. Fast forward 20 years or so and dad has years of health problems. Stepmom starts worrying he may end up in nursing home and she could be on the hook. They didn’t plan well and it’s a whole other thread (which we don’t need to go into). So I’d advise not to marry or do lots of planning before hand.

Another concern is that women live longer than men. Being a widow for 40 years is a long long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:when you go over child bearing age (35), the only people that will take you are 2x-2.5x your age.

No way. None of my divorced girlfriends want to date any body 5 year older than them. Who wants to be a nurse to an old man? They would rather being single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:when you go over child bearing age (35), the only people that will take you are 2x-2.5x your age.

No way. None of my divorced girlfriends want to date any body 5 year older than them. Who wants to be a nurse to an old man? They would rather being single.

If they marry a man who is their own age, do they not plan to nurse him when he gets old?

If they have some plan to avoid nursing their elderly husband, why wouldn't that work if he was 20 years older instead of 5 years older?

Your husband is going to get old no matter how old you are when you marry him.

But you have once again highlighted the vicious, ruthless self-centeredness of the female. All men take note - what you may have done in the past for a woman is irrelevant, you are only valuable for what you can do for her right now.

[Anonymous]

I am 49. I'd be willing to date Richard Gere who turns 69 this month. I'd also date Jeff Bridges, Liam Neeson and Denzel Washington.

If I were single and they were single, of course.

Who is to say there is not a guy out there who in their 60s is as charismatic and attractive as these men, for your friend or whatever, to date?

Who is saying "gross"??? What are you, in middle school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL (age 46) is pretty, smart, funny, and has a good professional job. She has 4 children, and has been divorced for 3 years.

She has recently started to date a great guy (whom she met through her professional circles). Everything about him is great except his age -- 66 years old.

I'm sure the guy absolutely loves having a girlfriend who's 20 years younger. I'm not sure what the advantage is for my SIL (other than not being alone, which didn't really bother her). She asked my advice, and I let her know I'm just happy if she'd happy, but that a guy so much older might be starting to slow down pretty soon, and that they are just at different stages in life. I also reminded her that she has so much to offer, and that tons of guys in their 40's and 50's would be interested in her. (At her age, she could perhaps do something like eHarmony.)

Any thoughts or input welcome.

She is a gold digger

No other reason makes sense. She is suc’ing him for money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL (age 46) is pretty, smart, funny, and has a good professional job. She has 4 children, and has been divorced for 3 years.

She has recently started to date a great guy (whom she met through her professional circles). Everything about him is great except his age -- 66 years old.

I'm sure the guy absolutely loves having a girlfriend who's 20 years younger. I'm not sure what the advantage is for my SIL (other than not being alone, which didn't really bother her). She asked my advice, and I let her know I'm just happy if she'd happy, but that a guy so much older might be starting to slow down pretty soon, and that they are just at different stages in life. I also reminded her that she has so much to offer, and that tons of guys in their 40's and 50's would be interested in her. (At her age, she could perhaps do something like eHarmony.)

Any thoughts or input welcome.

She is a gold digger

No other reason makes sense. She is suc’ing him for money

OP here. I am disappointed in myself for responding to this absurd post above, but here goes ---

My SIL is absolutely not a gold digger. This guy (the 66-year-old) is not wealthy, but does OK. She already does OK on her own. They are both in the same profession. (It's a prestigious profession that does not pay particularly well.)

The reason she is with him is that, despite her great looks and personality, she thinks she cannot do better. He's a great guy -- but for a woman in his age range.

[Anonymous]

The older you are, the more variance there is in how you have aged.

There’s a big difference between a fit, 66 year old Patrick Stewart (he’s almost 80 now, and still pretty spry) and a 66 year old long-term type 2, obese diabetic guy who is already basically elderly.

Some people are lucky and blessed with good health, or are benefiting from making healthy lifestyle decisions when they had the chance.

[Anonymous]

OP you don’t know what the future holds but you can make some predictions. Both people are at a turning/ ending point in their lives. She is getting ready to empty nest ( and still middle aged at 46). He is enjoying the last years of his 60s. 70 is not young for anyone.
It’s a moment in time for them. But it will likely pass. Better keep looking SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The advent of Viagra has exacerbated the trend. They call it "hotness delusion syndrome." So men, who don't live as long as women, are the ones who are young for their age, fitter, and all that good stuff. I wouldn't waste my time at 46 with a person who I'm guaranteed to end up as a caregiver and widow, living on my own. So when I am 66 I would be alone. Works out really well for men.

I don't know where people live that they can't find men their own age. It sounds like Hollywood. Where I am I see 50 and 60+ women, the ones who want a partner, finding one that's around their same age. Maybe it's a location thing. My 55 year old neighbour looked after her husband with ALS for 15 years. She remarried 2 years after he died to a man her own age.

This is a good point. Not all or even most men outside of Hollywood are looking to rob the cradle